A/N: Um...well, if you've read this far, you pretty much know what's going on. R/R, but please remember.... "If you can't say sumpthin' nice...don't say nothin' at all!"
The Little Princess - 3
(Mandy finishes off her Pepsi One just as most of the cats return from their break, with the exception of Jennyanydots…and Bustopher Jones.)
Skimble: *wrings his paws* Surely you don't think….
Mandy: *sighs* Of course not, Skimble. Jenny's not that kind of a queen. However, I WOULD like to know where she is….she's supposed to be in this scene!
Jelly: Why don't we just skip it? It's not really that big of a scene….you can just narrate it.
Mandy: Well….okay….we can just skip to the bedroom scene…
Tugger: *excitedly* Bedroom scene?? What bedroom scene?
Mandy: Not THAT kind of a scene, sheesh! This is a G-rated parody! *hits Tugger with her script* Now go get into costume, you've got a scene coming up before too long…all right, everyone, PLACES!
(Jemima is up in her room with Electra, Tantomile, Bombalurina, Cassandra, and Exotica. She's telling them the rest of the story about Prince Ramastrap and Princess Demtra. Rumpelteazer is listening outside the bedroom door, unnoticed by the other girls.)
Exotica: Wait a sec, how can I be Maya AND a schoolgirl?
Mandy: There are a lot of female parts in this movie, and we don't have enough cats to go around! Maya only has one line, so don't' worry about it!
Exotica: *mutters* I hate double casting…
Jemima: The evil demon Macvana locked the Princess Demtra up in a thorny tower, where she sat night and day, missing her prince terribly…
Victoria: There she weaves, by night and day, a magic web of colors gay…she has heard a whisper say, a curse is on her if she stays….down in Camelot….
Several cats: Hush!
Mandy: Hey, that's what Anne recites at the beginning of…..Vicky! You just gave me a great idea! We can parody Anne of Green Gables next!
(Several cats glare at Vicky, who groans and looks rather sheepish.)
Jemima: CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS??
Mandy: Yikes, okay, okay!
(At the edge of the stage, Demeter is sitting in the window of what's supposed to be a tower covered in thorns. Macavity is standing nearby, keeping guard over her.)
Mac: I hate type-casting…
Demeter: Y'know, this IS awfully cliché…
Mandy: Well, I'm SORRY, but I couldn't think of anyone else to play the bad guy! Oy….okay….scene change here…Everyone except Asparagus, Gus, Tugger, and Rumpelteazer on stage for this one, we need all the extras we can get for this scene.
Pouncival: Hey, wait, did anyone ever find Jenny and Bustopher?
(As soon as this is said, the aforementioned cats enter the theatre together, chatting amiably. Skimbleshanks looks completely heartbroken.)
Mandy: All right, where have you two been and what have you been doing?
Several kittens: Ooooooo, Jenny and Busto, sittin' in a tree..
Jenny: *looks shocked* What?? No! I had gone out for a walk, Bustopher had gone out for an early lunch, and we just happened to run into each other on the way back here!
Skimble: So….are you still mad at me?
(Jenny thinks for a moment, then walks over to Skimble and puts her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately.)
Mandy: Um, heLLO, people, this is SUPPOSED to be G-rated! Go get a room! No, wait, don't go get a room, you're supposed to be onstage! Can we get on with this now??
(Jemima and Electra are standing at the top of some stairs.--)
Jemima: MORE stairs?
(--while Jemima ties a green bow in Electra's tail. Electra is holding the doll while Jemima teaches her to greet her father in French.)
Jemima: There, perfect. You look just like Emily.
Electra: *quickly hands the doll back to Jemima* My father hates dolls….he hates coming here. Says he doesn't belong..
Jemima: Then why does he send you here?
Electra: *shrugs* Because he wants ME to belong…
(They both go downstairs to what is apparently a sort of "visiting day" at the school. There is a lot of chattering and hugging going on…)
Cats onstage: *stand there looking bored*
Mandy: You heard me! Chatter! Hug! Act like you want to be up there!
(Reluctantly, a lot of chattering and hugging starts going on. Electra whispers something in Old D's ear, and he promptly hugs her.)
Old D: My little girl! She spoke French! *mutters* This is so stupid…
(Jemima stands at the foot of the stairs, holding her doll and looking lonely. She catches sight of a tom in an army uniform, and runs towards him. She grabs him by the arm, crying out, "Papa!" only to discover it's not her father.)
Mandy: Okay, everyone who's supposed to be dead, onstage!
(Scene changes to a muddy ditch, with dead toms lying around and planes being flown overhead.)
Pouncival: *makes plane sound effects*
Mandy: Oy….
(Asparagus is picking his way through the bodies, shouldering his pack. Behind him, Tugger groans and moves slightly, causing Asparagus to turn around, drop the pack, and run to him.)
Asparagus: John!
Tugger: Great, now I get to DIE…
Mandy: Shush!
(Asparagus hoists Tugger up onto his shoulder, staggering all over the stage.)
Asparagus: Help….
Mandy: Don't worry, your scene ends here for now.
Asparagus: Oh good. *drops Tugger*
Tugger: Owwie….
(Scene changes to Jemima's bedroom, with several queens crowded around on her bed. She's narrating the story of Ramastrap and Demtra.)
Jemima: Ramastrap made his way down the thorny path, unaware that Macvana was waiting for him!
Queens: Oh no!
(Scene changes again to Victoria's bedroom, where Demeter and Grizabella (both as schoolgirls, not their other parts) sit watching Cassandra brush Victoria's fur.)
Griz: This makes ABSOLUTELY no sense…..I'm supposed to be a beggar woman in this movie….
Mandy: Look, I said I was sorry about all the double casting! I can't help it there aren't enough queens in the Junkyard!
Demeter: *standing up* That's IT. I don't care what you say about Jemrah's stories, Valinia, they've got to be more interesting than sitting here watching your fur be groomed! *she storms out of the room*
Victoria: *watches her calmly, then regards the other queens* If anyone else feels the same way, I think she should leave too.
(Griz and Cass both get up and leave, while Victoria stares silently at them, horrified that she, formerly the most popular queen in school, was being left alone. Griz and Cass both go to Jemima's room, shutting the door behind them. Rumpel puts her ear to the door, listening quietly.)
Jemima: The evil Macvana was not through yet! This time he took a bow that could hold not one, but TEN arrows, each filled with a deadly poison.
(At the side of the stage, the narration is being acted out..)
Jemima: The arrows sped through the air!
Munkustrap: Um…Mac…those aren't real arrows, are they…
Macavity: *sly grin* Of course not, my dear Munkustrap….whatever gave you that idea?
Jemima: They hit the ground surrounding Ramastrap, releasing their poison in a thick, yellow smoke.
(The arrows hit the ground in a circle around Munkustrap, but instead of releasing smoke, they catch on fire.)
Munkustrap: AAAH! GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Mandy: ACK! Somebody do something! I could get sued for this!
Macavity: *calmly walks over and picks up the arrows, still burning* I used to juggle these things….
Munkustrap: *faints*
Mandy: *looks at Munku, then shrugs* Well, seeing as how he was supposed to die from the poison smoke, let's just leave him there for now…
(On…..yet another part of the stage, Asparagus is trying to pull Tugger out of the ditch to fresh air, away from the death surrounding them. Unable to go on, Asparagus falls to the ground near Tugger.)
Jelly: *sighs and sniffles* Oh, how heroic he is….
Etcetera: *in the same tone as Jelly* Oh, my poor Tugger…
Asparagus: *sighs and shakes his head* She is her mother's daughter….
(Scene changes to Jemima blowing out candles on an elaborate birthday cake, surrounded by her schoolmates and Jelly. Balloons and streamers are scattered about randomly.)
Etcetera: *hopping up and down* I want a big piece!
Victoria: Oh hush up, Ettie, I'm sure PRINCESS Jemrah will give everyone a fair share. *sweetly* Isn't that right, PRINCESS?
Etcetera: *hesitantly* I told her that's what you were…
Jemima: Not just me, Ettie, all girls are. Even snotty two-faced bullies like you, Valinia!
(All the girls laugh, except Victoria. Jelly looks as if she's about to say something, but the doorbell rings before she can, and she goes to answer it. The girls start serving each other cake, amid much laughter. Jenny is sitting at a piano in the corner, playing a classical, dull piece and singing to it softly.)
Jenny: I don't know HOW to play the piano…
Mandy: Fake it.
Jelly: *opens the door* *disdainfully* Yes, may I help you?
Mistoffelees: I'm Mr. Barrow. Captain Crewe's solicitor.
Jelly: *lights up at the thought of money* Oh! Oh yes, do come in! We're just celebrating little Jemrah's birthday.
Mistoffelees: *cutting her off* May I speak to you in private?
Jelly: Oh…yes, yes of course…*she leads him to her office*
(Electra is sitting beside Jenny on the piano stool, watching her play. She reaches down and starts to play a much livlier tune. Laughing, Jenny joins in on it, and the other girls start to dance around, laughing wildly. Jemima sees Rumpelteazer standing in the doorway, watching, and they wave to each other. Meanwhile, Jelly storms out of her office, slamming the lid on the piano shut roughly.)
Jenny: YOW!!! Jelly, my paw was still in there!!
Jelly: Sorry, dear….*gets back into character* The party's over! Everyone, upstairs!
Jemima: But Miss Minchin…
Jelly: Jemrah, you still stay behind. I have something to tell you.
(Everyone exits except Jelly, Jemima, and Jenny.)
Jelly: Amelia, I want you to go up to Jemrah's room and find a simple black dress. If she hasn't any, borrow one from one of the other girls.
Jenny: *meekly* But sister, I-
Jelly: *cutting her off* Do as I say!
Jenny: *exits hurriedly, rubbing her mashed paws*
Jelly: Y'know, I'm beginning to like being powerful…
Mandy: I've created a monster…
Jemima: But…..why do I need a black dress, Miss Minchin?
Jelly: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Jemrah…….your father has…..well….your father….
Jemima: *shaking her head slowly in disbelief*
Jelly: *takes a deep breath* It's been discovered that your father…..has died…..he was killed in battle several weeks ago. I'm sorry, but that is the reality of the situation. What's more, the British government has seized all of his assets, leaving you penniless. Since you have no relatives, this leaves me in a terrible position….
(She trails off, noticing that Jemima is staring fixedly to her left, at a black balloon floating slowly towards her.)
Pouncival: Which really doesn't make sense that there's ONE black helium balloon when all the other balloons didn't have helium in them…
Jelly: *ignoring Pounce* What are you staring at? Look at me, Jemrah! Do you understand me? You are ALONE in the world!
(The balloon pops, and Jemima looks back at Jelly in a daze.)
Jelly: *snidely* I've decided to keep you here, out of charity.
(Scene fades to Jemima following Jellylorum up the attic stairs. Jemi is wearing a plain black dress, clutching her doll and a book she was allowed to keep in her paws.)
Pouncival: *holding a partially deflated balloon* *squeaky voice* Hey look! I found another helium one!
Mandy: *sighs* Why me?
Jelly: Everything you own now belongs to me, though it will hardly make up for the financial losses I've suffered. From now on, you will earn your room and board here. You will move to the attic with Recky and work as a servant.
(They enter a cold, very leaky attic room.)
Jelly: You will report to Mabel in the kitchens at promptly five AM.
Mandy: Uh, Jelly, the cook's name is now Mark….we had to make the cook a guy because we're COMPLETELY out of actresses, even with double casting.
Tumble: *grumbling* WHY did you make me the cook….WHY?
(Jelly blinks, shrugging. Getting back into character, she spots the locket around Jemima's neck, then snatches it away, outraged.)
Jelly: How DARE you keep this? You're lucky I let you keep the doll….you can have the book. But another incident like THIS, and I shall call the authorities! *starts to leave* Remember, Jemrah Crewe, you're not a princess any longer! *she exits, slamming the door behind her*
(Jemima stands there for a moment, her eyes filled with tears. Slowly, she sets her candle down, picks up a soggy piece of chalk, and draws a circle around herself in the damp floor. She lays down inside the circle, clutching her doll tightly.)
Jemima: Papa?………..Papa?…..*begins crying* Papa….Papa…Papa……*her cries lengthen into anguished sobs* Papa please! Papa! Papa! Papa….
(By now, nearly everyone in the theatre is either in tears or very close to being so.)
Mandy: *sniffles* Okay, guys…I think we should break until everyone calms down a bit….that WAS a pretty sad scene…
The Little Princess - 3
(Mandy finishes off her Pepsi One just as most of the cats return from their break, with the exception of Jennyanydots…and Bustopher Jones.)
Skimble: *wrings his paws* Surely you don't think….
Mandy: *sighs* Of course not, Skimble. Jenny's not that kind of a queen. However, I WOULD like to know where she is….she's supposed to be in this scene!
Jelly: Why don't we just skip it? It's not really that big of a scene….you can just narrate it.
Mandy: Well….okay….we can just skip to the bedroom scene…
Tugger: *excitedly* Bedroom scene?? What bedroom scene?
Mandy: Not THAT kind of a scene, sheesh! This is a G-rated parody! *hits Tugger with her script* Now go get into costume, you've got a scene coming up before too long…all right, everyone, PLACES!
(Jemima is up in her room with Electra, Tantomile, Bombalurina, Cassandra, and Exotica. She's telling them the rest of the story about Prince Ramastrap and Princess Demtra. Rumpelteazer is listening outside the bedroom door, unnoticed by the other girls.)
Exotica: Wait a sec, how can I be Maya AND a schoolgirl?
Mandy: There are a lot of female parts in this movie, and we don't have enough cats to go around! Maya only has one line, so don't' worry about it!
Exotica: *mutters* I hate double casting…
Jemima: The evil demon Macvana locked the Princess Demtra up in a thorny tower, where she sat night and day, missing her prince terribly…
Victoria: There she weaves, by night and day, a magic web of colors gay…she has heard a whisper say, a curse is on her if she stays….down in Camelot….
Several cats: Hush!
Mandy: Hey, that's what Anne recites at the beginning of…..Vicky! You just gave me a great idea! We can parody Anne of Green Gables next!
(Several cats glare at Vicky, who groans and looks rather sheepish.)
Jemima: CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS??
Mandy: Yikes, okay, okay!
(At the edge of the stage, Demeter is sitting in the window of what's supposed to be a tower covered in thorns. Macavity is standing nearby, keeping guard over her.)
Mac: I hate type-casting…
Demeter: Y'know, this IS awfully cliché…
Mandy: Well, I'm SORRY, but I couldn't think of anyone else to play the bad guy! Oy….okay….scene change here…Everyone except Asparagus, Gus, Tugger, and Rumpelteazer on stage for this one, we need all the extras we can get for this scene.
Pouncival: Hey, wait, did anyone ever find Jenny and Bustopher?
(As soon as this is said, the aforementioned cats enter the theatre together, chatting amiably. Skimbleshanks looks completely heartbroken.)
Mandy: All right, where have you two been and what have you been doing?
Several kittens: Ooooooo, Jenny and Busto, sittin' in a tree..
Jenny: *looks shocked* What?? No! I had gone out for a walk, Bustopher had gone out for an early lunch, and we just happened to run into each other on the way back here!
Skimble: So….are you still mad at me?
(Jenny thinks for a moment, then walks over to Skimble and puts her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately.)
Mandy: Um, heLLO, people, this is SUPPOSED to be G-rated! Go get a room! No, wait, don't go get a room, you're supposed to be onstage! Can we get on with this now??
(Jemima and Electra are standing at the top of some stairs.--)
Jemima: MORE stairs?
(--while Jemima ties a green bow in Electra's tail. Electra is holding the doll while Jemima teaches her to greet her father in French.)
Jemima: There, perfect. You look just like Emily.
Electra: *quickly hands the doll back to Jemima* My father hates dolls….he hates coming here. Says he doesn't belong..
Jemima: Then why does he send you here?
Electra: *shrugs* Because he wants ME to belong…
(They both go downstairs to what is apparently a sort of "visiting day" at the school. There is a lot of chattering and hugging going on…)
Cats onstage: *stand there looking bored*
Mandy: You heard me! Chatter! Hug! Act like you want to be up there!
(Reluctantly, a lot of chattering and hugging starts going on. Electra whispers something in Old D's ear, and he promptly hugs her.)
Old D: My little girl! She spoke French! *mutters* This is so stupid…
(Jemima stands at the foot of the stairs, holding her doll and looking lonely. She catches sight of a tom in an army uniform, and runs towards him. She grabs him by the arm, crying out, "Papa!" only to discover it's not her father.)
Mandy: Okay, everyone who's supposed to be dead, onstage!
(Scene changes to a muddy ditch, with dead toms lying around and planes being flown overhead.)
Pouncival: *makes plane sound effects*
Mandy: Oy….
(Asparagus is picking his way through the bodies, shouldering his pack. Behind him, Tugger groans and moves slightly, causing Asparagus to turn around, drop the pack, and run to him.)
Asparagus: John!
Tugger: Great, now I get to DIE…
Mandy: Shush!
(Asparagus hoists Tugger up onto his shoulder, staggering all over the stage.)
Asparagus: Help….
Mandy: Don't worry, your scene ends here for now.
Asparagus: Oh good. *drops Tugger*
Tugger: Owwie….
(Scene changes to Jemima's bedroom, with several queens crowded around on her bed. She's narrating the story of Ramastrap and Demtra.)
Jemima: Ramastrap made his way down the thorny path, unaware that Macvana was waiting for him!
Queens: Oh no!
(Scene changes again to Victoria's bedroom, where Demeter and Grizabella (both as schoolgirls, not their other parts) sit watching Cassandra brush Victoria's fur.)
Griz: This makes ABSOLUTELY no sense…..I'm supposed to be a beggar woman in this movie….
Mandy: Look, I said I was sorry about all the double casting! I can't help it there aren't enough queens in the Junkyard!
Demeter: *standing up* That's IT. I don't care what you say about Jemrah's stories, Valinia, they've got to be more interesting than sitting here watching your fur be groomed! *she storms out of the room*
Victoria: *watches her calmly, then regards the other queens* If anyone else feels the same way, I think she should leave too.
(Griz and Cass both get up and leave, while Victoria stares silently at them, horrified that she, formerly the most popular queen in school, was being left alone. Griz and Cass both go to Jemima's room, shutting the door behind them. Rumpel puts her ear to the door, listening quietly.)
Jemima: The evil Macvana was not through yet! This time he took a bow that could hold not one, but TEN arrows, each filled with a deadly poison.
(At the side of the stage, the narration is being acted out..)
Jemima: The arrows sped through the air!
Munkustrap: Um…Mac…those aren't real arrows, are they…
Macavity: *sly grin* Of course not, my dear Munkustrap….whatever gave you that idea?
Jemima: They hit the ground surrounding Ramastrap, releasing their poison in a thick, yellow smoke.
(The arrows hit the ground in a circle around Munkustrap, but instead of releasing smoke, they catch on fire.)
Munkustrap: AAAH! GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Mandy: ACK! Somebody do something! I could get sued for this!
Macavity: *calmly walks over and picks up the arrows, still burning* I used to juggle these things….
Munkustrap: *faints*
Mandy: *looks at Munku, then shrugs* Well, seeing as how he was supposed to die from the poison smoke, let's just leave him there for now…
(On…..yet another part of the stage, Asparagus is trying to pull Tugger out of the ditch to fresh air, away from the death surrounding them. Unable to go on, Asparagus falls to the ground near Tugger.)
Jelly: *sighs and sniffles* Oh, how heroic he is….
Etcetera: *in the same tone as Jelly* Oh, my poor Tugger…
Asparagus: *sighs and shakes his head* She is her mother's daughter….
(Scene changes to Jemima blowing out candles on an elaborate birthday cake, surrounded by her schoolmates and Jelly. Balloons and streamers are scattered about randomly.)
Etcetera: *hopping up and down* I want a big piece!
Victoria: Oh hush up, Ettie, I'm sure PRINCESS Jemrah will give everyone a fair share. *sweetly* Isn't that right, PRINCESS?
Etcetera: *hesitantly* I told her that's what you were…
Jemima: Not just me, Ettie, all girls are. Even snotty two-faced bullies like you, Valinia!
(All the girls laugh, except Victoria. Jelly looks as if she's about to say something, but the doorbell rings before she can, and she goes to answer it. The girls start serving each other cake, amid much laughter. Jenny is sitting at a piano in the corner, playing a classical, dull piece and singing to it softly.)
Jenny: I don't know HOW to play the piano…
Mandy: Fake it.
Jelly: *opens the door* *disdainfully* Yes, may I help you?
Mistoffelees: I'm Mr. Barrow. Captain Crewe's solicitor.
Jelly: *lights up at the thought of money* Oh! Oh yes, do come in! We're just celebrating little Jemrah's birthday.
Mistoffelees: *cutting her off* May I speak to you in private?
Jelly: Oh…yes, yes of course…*she leads him to her office*
(Electra is sitting beside Jenny on the piano stool, watching her play. She reaches down and starts to play a much livlier tune. Laughing, Jenny joins in on it, and the other girls start to dance around, laughing wildly. Jemima sees Rumpelteazer standing in the doorway, watching, and they wave to each other. Meanwhile, Jelly storms out of her office, slamming the lid on the piano shut roughly.)
Jenny: YOW!!! Jelly, my paw was still in there!!
Jelly: Sorry, dear….*gets back into character* The party's over! Everyone, upstairs!
Jemima: But Miss Minchin…
Jelly: Jemrah, you still stay behind. I have something to tell you.
(Everyone exits except Jelly, Jemima, and Jenny.)
Jelly: Amelia, I want you to go up to Jemrah's room and find a simple black dress. If she hasn't any, borrow one from one of the other girls.
Jenny: *meekly* But sister, I-
Jelly: *cutting her off* Do as I say!
Jenny: *exits hurriedly, rubbing her mashed paws*
Jelly: Y'know, I'm beginning to like being powerful…
Mandy: I've created a monster…
Jemima: But…..why do I need a black dress, Miss Minchin?
Jelly: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Jemrah…….your father has…..well….your father….
Jemima: *shaking her head slowly in disbelief*
Jelly: *takes a deep breath* It's been discovered that your father…..has died…..he was killed in battle several weeks ago. I'm sorry, but that is the reality of the situation. What's more, the British government has seized all of his assets, leaving you penniless. Since you have no relatives, this leaves me in a terrible position….
(She trails off, noticing that Jemima is staring fixedly to her left, at a black balloon floating slowly towards her.)
Pouncival: Which really doesn't make sense that there's ONE black helium balloon when all the other balloons didn't have helium in them…
Jelly: *ignoring Pounce* What are you staring at? Look at me, Jemrah! Do you understand me? You are ALONE in the world!
(The balloon pops, and Jemima looks back at Jelly in a daze.)
Jelly: *snidely* I've decided to keep you here, out of charity.
(Scene fades to Jemima following Jellylorum up the attic stairs. Jemi is wearing a plain black dress, clutching her doll and a book she was allowed to keep in her paws.)
Pouncival: *holding a partially deflated balloon* *squeaky voice* Hey look! I found another helium one!
Mandy: *sighs* Why me?
Jelly: Everything you own now belongs to me, though it will hardly make up for the financial losses I've suffered. From now on, you will earn your room and board here. You will move to the attic with Recky and work as a servant.
(They enter a cold, very leaky attic room.)
Jelly: You will report to Mabel in the kitchens at promptly five AM.
Mandy: Uh, Jelly, the cook's name is now Mark….we had to make the cook a guy because we're COMPLETELY out of actresses, even with double casting.
Tumble: *grumbling* WHY did you make me the cook….WHY?
(Jelly blinks, shrugging. Getting back into character, she spots the locket around Jemima's neck, then snatches it away, outraged.)
Jelly: How DARE you keep this? You're lucky I let you keep the doll….you can have the book. But another incident like THIS, and I shall call the authorities! *starts to leave* Remember, Jemrah Crewe, you're not a princess any longer! *she exits, slamming the door behind her*
(Jemima stands there for a moment, her eyes filled with tears. Slowly, she sets her candle down, picks up a soggy piece of chalk, and draws a circle around herself in the damp floor. She lays down inside the circle, clutching her doll tightly.)
Jemima: Papa?………..Papa?…..*begins crying* Papa….Papa…Papa……*her cries lengthen into anguished sobs* Papa please! Papa! Papa! Papa….
(By now, nearly everyone in the theatre is either in tears or very close to being so.)
Mandy: *sniffles* Okay, guys…I think we should break until everyone calms down a bit….that WAS a pretty sad scene…