Nightmares of the Soul
A fanfic by Iridal & Kaitou
The Death of Innocence
Vincent and his newfound charge made the night ferry bound for Junon with minutes to spare. He had just enough time to pay for their tickets in Costa del Sol and stow the Chocobo and their gear before the crew cast the ropes to depart. From there, he led the wide-eyed mage up the gangplank and to the room they were given, intent on waiting out the nightlong sea voyage.
Their room was tiny, with two small rickety cots along the one wall, and a round little porthole that gave them a view of the calm moonlit seas. Neither one was particularly tired, so they settled in to wait out the evening voyage, Vincent in a darkened corner by the door polishing his gun and Gwyn beside the porthole staring captivated at the wind-ruffled waters.
Vincent chuckled softly at his companion's enthralled expression, his silent amusement not unnoticed by the mage. She turned to see him watching her, his lips turned up ever so slightly in a tiny grin. "I take it you've never seen much of the ocean before," he stated, a trace of mirth in his tone.
"No, I've been land bound for all of my life," Gwyn said a bit sheepishly. "I know I must've seen the ocean once or twice before, but I don't think I've ever had the opportunity to cross it."
"You must have been to many interesting places, despite never crossing the ocean." It was a leading statement, he knew - designed to gauge how much of her past she really did recall - but he was curious about the life this mysterious woman once led over four centuries ago.
The silver-haired maiden shook her head ruefully. "Yes, destiny has seen fit to make me a bit of a wanderer...if my life had turned out differently, I might have been a housewife raising a brood of children rather than a mage and mercenary."
Vincent leaned forward, his intense gaze visible from the dim light of the porthole. "Somehow, I can't imagine someone with such inherent power like you being a domestic."
She sighed. "I was anything but extraordinary before my teens...my father was a simple hunter, and my mother the village herbalist. After I hit my teens...well, that was when destiny stepped in, I suppose..."
The dark-clothed man nodded, his gun temporarily forgotten. "What happened?"
"I don't remember...exactly." The mage frowned, her forehead creased slightly with thought as she tried to cast her memory back to that day so long ago. A vision floated up in her mind's eye, so startlingly vivid that it was like she was reliving it. She was swept up in the vision that she failed to notice Vincent's soft gasp of surprise as her memory intruded upon his mind...
The interior of the cabin faded to reveal the lush greenery of a healthy forest. A young maiden stepped into view, her lovely face a promise to great beauty in years to come. She held a handmade basket in her arms, filled with plump, juicy raspberries freshly plucked. Her silvery curls, cut to just above the collar of her azure dress, swept back as she turned to call to her companion.
She was so young then...young and carefree. Her step was light and her lavender eyes held a joyful sparkle that looked as if it could never be dimmed. It was as if she was the living embodiment of laughter and joy. Her companion joined her, a girl with hair the color of living flame and green eyes lit with radiant happiness. Though she looked to be only on the threshold of womanhood, she was tall...already taller than her friend. She too carried a basket - this one filled with ripe strawberries - which she leisurely swung in her free hand, the other delicately lifting the hem of her emerald dress above the groundcover.
The younger girl stopped, the dress falling back down as she paused to sniff the air. "Do you smell that? It's...smoke!!" The two exchanged a fearful look, their bright eyes dimming slightly before they took off in a dead run. They sprinted with the quickness of frightened does, baskets forgotten and dresses ripped in their haste. As they came to the edge of the forest, both girls stopped suddenly, as if a wall was thrown up in front of them. They could only stare in shocked incredulity at the smoking devastation that was left of the village they grew up in...
The sheltered innocence of youth gone, the girls' dream selves changed, maturing to grown women. Gone were the images of winsome country maidens...in its place were a hardened warrior, her green eyes lit with fire instead of happiness, and a powerful mage, her faced lined with infinite sadness...
Vincent shook his head to clear it, the vision dissipating like smoke from his mind. That girl...it was obviously Gwyn when she was younger and happier. He frowned slightly. But how did I see into her vision in the first place? Looking up, he finally noticed the mage. Still lost in her memories, she had tears streaming down her face.
"I was about sixteen or seventeen at the time and I was picking berries with a neighbor...with Charis." She sniffled and made a futile attempt to wipe at her still falling tears. "When we left the forest to return to our homes, it was gone...GONE...nothing was left but charred ruins...we were alone..." Covering her face with her hands, she dissolved into heart-wrenching sobs of pure loss.
Lost in her own sorrow, she didn't notice Vincent rise from his seat and approach her. Kneeling beside her, he hesitated only a second before wrapping his arms around her. The mage stiffened for a moment before relaxing into his embrace. He just held her, gently as if she was made of fragile glass, until her sobbing slowed to hiccuping sniffles. Even then, he continued to hold her.
In a very soft voice, hardly above a whisper, he haltingly told her of his past - of his love for Lucrecia, of Hojo's diabolical evil, of the birth of Sephiroth, of his failure to stop the course of events. He told her of the price he was forced to pay for his hesitancy. Vincent knew what he was saying wasn't some happy story to cheer Gwyn up. He didn't mean for it to comfort her like that. No, he shared his tortuous past with her in the hopes that she would realize that their lives were similar in the pain and heartbreak they experienced. She could take comfort in that she wasn't alone.
His calmly spoken words seemed to have an effect. After a few moments, the young mage's breathing slowed as she slipped into an exhausted slumber in his arms. Moving carefully, he shifted her body deeper into his arms and carried her to the wobbly little cot in the corner.
Vincent laid the young woman down and covered her, his gaze lingering for a moment. Although her face was smooth and unlined, it looked so much more careworn than it did in the vision, a testament to the hardships she had endured. She looks so sad...as if she can never find happiness again, he thought, as his fingers strayed to the loose silver curls that escaped from her braid. A kindred spirit...
Moving slowly, so as not to disturb her rest, he gently pressed his lips to hers, the action as tender and soft as a falling snowflake. Pulling away, he almost smiled as her painful look of limitless sorrow smoothed away for an instant. "We are more alike than it seems..." he whispered. Retreating to his own corner of the room, he sat in the shadows by the door, gazing thoughtfully at the slumbering woman.
Charis quietly walked back into the camp, trying not to wake Sephiroth. Silently, she laid her sword by the side of her pallet, within easy reach, and then climbed into bed.
"Welcome back."
Groaning inwardly, Charis rolled over to be face to face with a rather tired-looking Sephiroth. "Why aren't you ASLEEP?" She controlled her voice, keeping it flat despite the fact that this man mesmerized her. Everything intrigued her - his eyes, how they glowed like her own...his hair - gods, she loved his hair; it was like moonlight - ...his...body...she blushed furiously, and was thankful for the darkness.
Softly, as if he were speaking in a church, he asked her, "Where did you go?"
"None of your business. Where did YOU go?"
"That is private!"
Mumbling and muttering, they each turned their backs to one another. A few minutes later, when he hadn't heard her breathing fall into a rhythmic pattern indicating sleep, he spoke once again. "Charis, I...I have to tell you. I was watching you train tonight."
The breathing on the other pallet stopped, then Charis spoke in a voice he had not heard her ever use. It was a voice filled with pure rage. "You WHAT?"
"It's not like it's that big of a deal. I mean, I've seen lots of women practice; it isn't like you are the most attractive body I've seen. You are the best fighter though. Maybe you should have been born a man, been a true warrior, what do you...think..." He quieted as he realized what he was saying.
"Just shut up will you? I think you have said enough." There was not another word from his companion.
Sephiroth sighed. I am NEVER going to get the hang of this good guy thing... Finally, he spoke. "Look, Charis, sorry about that...I guess I just don't think of you really as a girl. You're the best fighter I've seen...besides myself of course." A derisive snort came from the other pallet. "And it's not like I saw much anyway. Just that scar...how DID you survive that wound? It was right over your heart!"
Chris sighed. "I didn't survive it. Let's just go to sleep, okay?"
Sephiroth did not sleep well that night. A certain ex-flower girl kept yelling in his ear.
He had dozed off about midnight or so, but was jerked awake by the now-familiar flood of images into his mind. He spared a quick glance at Charis - she tossing fitfully on her pallet - and then he let the images come to him.
Charis looked scornfully down at the body of the girl she had just murdered. It had been so simple - the girl really hadn't even put up a fight. Suddenly she shook her head, as if clearing it of a fog...and looked again. Horrified, she dropped to one knee. "Gwyn...GWYN!!!" She pulled her friend's lifeless body into her arms, feeling the still-warm blood flowing over her gloved hands, her red hair reddened further by dropping lock by lock into the growing pool of Gwyn's lifeblood. "Oh God...please wake up...I..." It hit her. "I did this...I...how..."
She shook her head as a wave of pain hit her, and put one bloodied hand to her temple, leaving a garish red streak across her pale skin. "Jen...o...va...oh no...ohnononono..." She covered her friend's body with her own, then slowly, set Gwyn down and stood. "I will not let this happen again..."
You have no choice.
The words rang in her skull, and she grimaced at the pain, then a bitter smile took over. Picking up her sword, she studied it for a moment before turning it blade first against her skin, barely touching the skin just above her heart. Her eyes took on a determined gleam as she uttered her last words. "Wanna bet?"
With this, she drove the entire length of the broadsword through her body, and against the dying moon, her silhouette was ghastly, the sword's blade entering her heart and protruding from her back. As she died, she watched her blood pool together with her friend's on the ground, and smiled as her spirit left her...
Sephiroth pulled out of the dream quickly as his senses told him something was wrong. He heard Charis' breathing become ragged, and the undeniable, slightly screeching noise of a blade being pulled from its sheath.
He pinned her down just before she managed to make the dream real. Her dagger, not her broadsword, was in her hand, so he knelt with one knee on either side of her, his one hand holding her wrists pinned down, the other disarming her and throwing the dagger away. Charis whimpered and writhed under Sephiroth's strong hold, trying to break free. Her hair had come undone and was falling over her face as she struggled, both with Sephiroth and with her memories. It took quite a bit to hold her down, even for Sephiroth - she was very strong, and her adrenalin was making her stronger. He didn't know what to do to get her out of it, short of slapping her, and that he WOULDN'T do. A thought crept into his mind... No, she'd KILL me... He looked down at the tortured girl and suppressed his doubt. She needed to be woken up...
Leaning over, he used his free hand to gently brush the stray hair out of her face...and kissed her softly. It had been many years since Sephiroth had kissed a woman...and even then it was some woman in a brothel that his SOLDIER buddies took him to to celebrate the end of the war with Wutai. For some reason, he had a need, a want to kiss Charis further, more deeply...but that was when he felt her hit him.
Dazed slightly, leaned back and rested his full weight on his knees, looking at Charis, who looked odd - like she was trying to decide whether to be furious, embarrassed, or flattered. He was willing to bet that was the first time she had been kissed. Rubbing his jaw, he spoke in a rueful tone. "Well, nice to see you are feeling better." He moved away from her slightly, grabbing and hiding her dagger in one fluid movement that Charis didn't see.
"What the HELL did you think you were doing?" Her eyes were blazing with all the Mako energy that she held.
"You were having a nightmare of some kind. You didn't look very happy, and I couldn't get you to wake up. I figured if I kissed you...well, then, you'd wake up." Sephiroth smirked. He dodged her punch easily and slid back onto his pallet. "Get some sleep. We'll be in Midgar tomorrow." He laid down and was asleep in a few minutes.
Fuming, Charis curled up under her covers, and then shivered as she remembered her dream. Did he see...? She shuddered, and held her knees to her chest as she forced her tears back. After she had regained control of herself, she opened her eyes...they had a new, gentle look to them as she put her fingers to her lips and smiled softly. Unlike Sephiroth, however, she did not sleep for many hours still...
Gwyn awoke to the booming horn of the ferry as it docked in Junon. Blinking away the last vestiges of sleep, she glanced over at the other cot. The bed hasn't been slept in, she thought; taking in the still neatly folded blankets and unrumpled sheets.
"It seems we have arrived."
She shot a glance over at Vincent where he had been dozing in the corner. He sat there the entire night? Peeking at him from the corner of her eye, she ran her fingers through her hair before methodically rebraiding her long silver locks. "Didn't you sleep?"
He hesitated for a moment, his hand paused in the act of holstering the revolver at his belt. "No, I wasn't tired," he said as he resumed arming himself. "I had some...thinking to do..." He couldn't suppress the nagging little voice at the back of his mind - the one that was smugly reminding him that he spent the entire night thinking about certain young mages and what might have been...
"Oh." She apparently seemed satisfied with his vague answer, for she shrugged before fastening her clip on the tail of her braid. "So, where are we now, and where are we going from here?"
"We're in Junon, a harbor town on the coast of the eastern continent." Vincent stood, patiently waiting as she vainly tried to smooth the wrinkles from her shirt. "There's not much here...unless you're into shipping or military installations." He looked up to see her frown in distaste.
"Uh, no...armies and such are not my style."
"Very well." He smiled softly in answer, then continued. "Once we disembark, we'll ride the Chocobo east, then cut north through the mountains. We should reach Midgar by mid-afternoon."
She stood and followed him to the door, her hand absently fiddling with the amulet at her throat. "Midgar, eh? That should be an...interesting city..."
Sephiroth stretched and called to Charis. "Time to get up!" The only response he got was an evil sounding mumble and the covers being pulled over her head. Stifling a laugh, he walked over and knelt by her pallet, shaking her shoulder slightly and dodging the fist that flew at him. "Come on, we have to get moving."
Charis rolled onto her back, groaning at the light filtering through the ceiling. "I hate the morning..." The morning was her least favorite time of day...it reminded her that she was still alive. Sighing, she rolled out of bed and walked to the lakeshore.
Splashing her face with the clear water felt so good. It wasn't too cold...in fact...Charis would KILL for a bath...
"CHARIS! LET'S GET GOING!"
Grumbling, Charis strapped her sword to her back and ran to join Sephiroth.
They had been riding for about an hour when Sephiroth noticed Charis searching for something - at first casually, then frantically. He signaled to her to stop, and pulled his own Chocobo to a halt as well. "What's wrong, Charis?
"My dagger...where the HELL is my dagger?!" She kept searching her bags. "That was a gift from Gwyn...where is it!?"
Sephiroth absentmindedly touched his waist, where Charis' dagger rested inside of his coat. "I don't know...did you leave it at the camp?"
Charis ran a hand through her hair. "I don't think so..."
"Well, we have a lot of space to cover today. We can look when we get to Midgar. We don't have the time to stop now." And the last thing YOU need is another weapon... Besides, he kind of liked the feel and weight of the crystal-hilted dagger against his skin. Tugging on the reins of his Chocobo, he stepped a few paces ahead of her, then looked back. "Well, what are you waiting for? Lets go!" He took off in the direction of Midgar at a fast trot.
Charis growled, then spurred her Chocobo up to speed behind him. She felt hot tears spring to her eyes as she thought of losing that dagger...it was the only thing she had left besides her necklace to connect her to her lost friend. Cursing herself, she rode after the man in black.
They rode in silence for the next three or so hours, until finally Sephiroth signaled that it was time to stop for the midday meal. Still sullen, Charis removed the cloth from her saddlebags and placed it on the ground as Sephiroth removed the food from his own bags and set it down. Charis removed her sword from her back and placed it on the cloth as well, then she sat down, refusing to meet the eyes of the man sitting across from her.
She reached for the bread, and as she pulled her hand back, Sephiroth caught her around her wrist. She struggled slightly, but she knew that he was stronger than her. Finally looking up and meeting his gaze, she saw not amusement, not dislike, but a deep kind of sympathy. Something in them held her eyes locked to his as he slowly reached his other hand into his jacket...and removed her crystal-hilted dagger. Gently, almost reverently, he placed it in her hand. Fury sprang up in her quickly, but something pushed it back, and she carefully wrapped her hand around the hilt, but Sephiroth did not remove his hand. After a moment of this, he released her wrist and she laid the dagger in front of her, the bread forgotten. She looked down for a brief moment, then quietly asked, "You know, don't you?" She looked up, hoping for a negative answer, but knowing that it would not be so.
Sephiroth was silent for a moment before he spoke. Finally, he sighed, then replied. "I can see your dreams." He didn't miss the pained look on Charis' face, but he continued. "I do not know if it is perhaps the Mako...JENOVA...connection between us, or if it is...something else. But I can see into your dreams. I will readily admit I do not like what I have seen." His eyes connected with hers once more. "You killed your best friend, didn't you? Under the possession of JENOVA?"
Charis bit her lower lip and nodded. "Last night..."
"I took that dagger from you because you were trying to re-enact the dream upon yourself. I can't keep it from you. It means too much to you." His half-smiled, and said rather awkwardly, "Although I'll admit waking you up was fun."
Charis stared at him incredulously, then burst into laughter, true unadulterated or bitter laughter. After her giggles had subsided, she looked back up at the man across from her, and once again felt like she was being pulled into the green pools that were his eyes. "You are wondering how I survived, aren't you?"
Sephiroth nodded slightly. "I mean, when you were...I mean when I was watching you train last night, I saw the scar on your chest. And when you dreamt last night, I saw..." Sephiroth stopped. He didn't want her reliving it anymore than she had to. "Anyway, how could one survive such an injury?"
With a bittersweet smile, Charis simply said, "I didn't." Sephiroth opened his mouth to speak again, but was stopped by the sight of Charis shrugging her vest off and untying the strings that held the front of her shirt closed. When it was open, she pulled it off as well, revealing her bindings and the scar. She took a deep breath and pulled down the bandages over her chest a little to reveal the scar. "This is the reminder I have of what I did. I killed the only person who had cared about me, and killing myself came...too late." She looked down at the ground until she had suppressed the tears in her eyes.
Wordlessly, Sephiroth stood, and walked around behind Charis. He remembered the silhouette from her dream, and winced as he saw the matching exit wound just to the side of her left shoulderblade. Charis hadn't even realized he was there until she felt her shirt being pulled back on her. She tied the strings, and put her vest back on. She turned to face him, and opened her mouth to speak, but something intruded upon her senses.
She whipped her head around and scanned the forest, as Sephiroth did the same. Bending her knees slightly, she retrieved her sword and drew it from its sheath. Sephiroth picked up Masamune. "It probably is just a bunch of wolves, Charis. They'll be fairly easy to get rid..." He was silenced as he saw the look on her face. She looked so alive, grinning fiercely and assuming a battle stance.
All of a sudden, from the undergrowth, a huge Vlakadoros appeared, it's eyes flashing murderously and muscles tensed for battle. Before Sephiroth could tell her to wait, that that was a VERY dangerous creature, Charis was gone.
Sword cocked to one side, both hands griping the hilt, Charis ran towards the creature, HER eyes flashing absolute fierce enjoyment. All Sephiroth could do was watch in amazement as she challenged the beast alone - and won. By the time the battle was over, Charis was very bloodied, but most of it was not her own. She wiped the sweat from her forehead with her gauntlet, and kicked the carcass of the Vlakadoros. "THAT is what you get for interrupting my lunch!!"
Knowing not what else to do, Sephiroth stared at her, and she met his gaze evenly. "Well..." He said, clearing his throat and sheathing Masamune. "Guess there's no compromising with monsters when it comes to you, huh?"
Charis grinned. "Nope. Now how about that lunch?"