How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I'm sorry for the things I've done
But when I start to tell you
That's when you have to tell me
Hey...this kind of trouble's only just begun
I tell myself too many times
Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Tell me...
Why
Why
Ginny let the tears flow, listening to herself, wondering when it would stop, wondering if she'd lived her life for this moment on the bathroom floor with a deadly dagger in her heart. She sobbed, sobbed, sobbed, asking the world to lift her up, asking Harry to at least understand, asking Fred and George to stop turning it into a joke, asking herself to stop being this way.
Being what way? Was it wrong to love someone? Was it wrong for her to love Harry and "annoy" him like that? And Ginny realized what he must think...and she swore never to love again.
She swore on her life, pitiful as it was, swore never to love anyone, never to make a fool out of herself in front of him and watch him tear her apart without even knowing it. Her love could never be broken, but now she was twisting it morosely into hate, fear, anger. She swore never to talk kindly, never tell anyone of her feelings, never let it out again. Never show anybody how she really was, so she could never be rejected again.
I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you're thinking
And I've heard it said too many times
That you'd be better off
Besides...
Why can't you see this boat is sinking
(This boat is sinking this boat is sinking)
Let's go down to the water's edge
We can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out turning inside out
Tell me...
Why
Tell me...
Why
Ginny forced herself to sit up, look in the mirror. There she was, the stringy red hair that never looked right, the red, puffy eyes, so used to crying now, the tiny nose, the awkward mouth, the mouth that told Harry....
She steeled herself, clenching her teeth, determined to never love him. The hate and anger welled up inside of her, and she promised herself again to never tell anybody anything...not even Mummy, not even her friends, not even her brothers. She told herself that Harry was a jerk, over and over, she wasn't going to let him destroy her...she wasn't going to let anyone do this to her...she felt like she was spinning out into space, and her mind spun, and her eyes spun, and she dropped again to the floor like all her joints had been cut in one split second.
She let herself listen to her heart again...Harry didn't mean to hurt her...Harry would love her soon enough...Harry was so good...and dashed her dreams apart in rage again. That's what they were, they were dreams. Only dreams. Dreams, dreams, dreams, unreachable dreams that would never come true. Harry would let her rot in here...
This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears...
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel?
'Cause I don't think you know how I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
You don't know what I feel
Ginny stared miserably at the floor. He didn't know, he didn't have any idea that she was sitting in here crying her heart out, he didn't have the slightest idea how she felt...
Harry didn't know how she felt...but she could tell him.
Ginny suddenly felt something she hadn't felt in a long time, a twinge of joy...she suddenly remembered what it was like to be happy...she had a family...she had friends...she had people all around her who loved her...they could only understand if she told them. Harry didn't understand...but she had to tell him. She took a deep breath. She shuddered, and the tears welled up again, but she wiped them off.
She took gigantic, shuddering breaths, and she knew who she was again. She was Ginny Angelica Weasley, and nobody could stop her.
She loved Harry.
She loved life.
She loved herself. She remembered that now, and she knew she loved herself. She loved who she had been, she loved who she had become, she loved who she was becoming.
Harry didn't know how she felt...but she could tell him. She could tell him. She could tell him, in a strong voice, that she needed to talk to him. She could tell him how she felt, how she'd felt all these years, she could tell him from her heart, she could tell him like she'd never told anybody, not in the girlish way she'd told people before. And something unknown told her that it would work out wonderfully.