Harry Potter and the Year of Darkness
Part Five: Leaving Yourself Behind
Harry spent the rest of the day trying to comfert Ron and Hermione, who, in his opinion, were more effected by the death of Percy then he was, which made it his resonsibility to be responsible. Gretchen helped too. She did all the cooking and cleaning that day, including the laundry of eleven people. By the end of the day they were both exhausted.
"My feet hurt," Gretchen complained as she plopped down on the coutch in the Weasley's sitting room were Harry was finishing his school homework before bed.
"You didn't have to do the laundry," Harry muttered.
"I know. But Mrs.Weasley was just sitting in here all day crying, I couldn't ask her to, so I just did," Gretchen responded. "How are you doing, Harry?"
"Fine," he said quickly.
"No your not. You knew Percy, too." Harry put his books down and looked at Grtechen.
"I never really liked him much," Harry said, suddenly feeling guilty. "He was always so uptight....." Gretchen put her arm around Harry's shoulders. "I kinda feel bed about not respecting him. I never really listened to him when he was a perfect, and now..." Gretchen pulled Harry into a tight embrace. Harry felt odd. He wasn't use to being hugged. Mrs.Weasley had hugged him once, but this was different some how.
Harry had the sudden urge to tell Grtechen he loved her. To tell her that life was too short and they should spent whatever time they had together, but he didn't want her to let go of him. He could feel hot tears falling from his cheaks and burning his fragile flesh. He didn't want Gretchne to let go of him, ever. He flung his arms around her. He wouldn't let go.
"Bleeding-The crimson liquid surround my being-The blood of the innocent-The blood of my soul-It stabs me in it's red glory-Choking me for love-I bleed-Bleeding-From this wound in my heart," she whispered.
"Did Kate write that?" Harry asked.
"No," Gretchen responded. "I did." Surprised, Harry pulled away, just so that he could see her eyes. His arms were still around her.
"You? When? Why?" Harry asked. "That's such a sad poem."
"I wrote it when Neville died," Gretchen said. "That's how I get stuff out, I guess. I mean, Iussually don't want people to know when I'm scared. It makes me feel vulnerible. So I just pretend nothings wrong. When I'm alone, I write about it."
"You never seem to be afreid of telling me when you're scared," Harry observed.
Gretchen shrugged. "I just know that you won't hurt me, I guess," she said. Harry nearly blushed. He felt....honored. Proud, that she considered him trustworthy. He want to tell her this but all he could do was nod.
"I turst you, too." Gretchen smiled a bit. It wasn't a happy smile, but it wasn't a strained smile. It was real. Harry thought about kissing her. It would be so easy, and no one would know, because they were all in bed. He was going to do it. He would. He just needed to count to three. One....Two.....
Gretchen stood up, shattering what was left of their embrace and yawned. "I think 'm going to bed," she decided.
"Yes, that sounds good," Harry agreed. The two started climbing the stairs, Harry heading for Ron's room, Gretchen for Ginny's. "Good night," he said as Gretchen reached her destination.
"Night, Harry."
The next few week at school just weren't the same. Ron was different now. He wouldn't talk the way he use to. People at school were different, too. None of them were used to being scared like that. The Gryffindors espiecally were changed, for it was a Gryffindor's brother who was dead.
Only school itslef seemed the same. The lessons, the homework, the Quiddich practice. All of those things still happened. Even though, sometimes, while he was doing all these things, Harry felt a sudden emptiness. He didn't know why he felt this way. His brother hadn't died. But still, his life was different now.
Harry sat in the middle of an advanced transfiguration lesson. Today they were going to use a Transmophelous Potion to help them transform into animagi for the first time. "Remeber, this won't work for everyone," Professor McGonagall warned, "only those who are sure and ready can make the change." She started handing out flasks filled with dazzeling blue potion.
Harry looked at his for a moment. He was starting to feel empty agien. Why does this keep happening? he wondered as he started to gulp down the potion. Harry felt and tingeling sensationin his arms and legs. He felt as if his toes were becoming thinner and sharper and merging together. He could feel himslef grow small. He had little neck, and almost no legs. He moved his arms to reach a mirrior that was sitting on the table, but found that hedidn't have fingers.......He had feathers!
Harry flapped over to the small mirror. He was an eagel. A golden eagel, if he had his speices right. He was covered with brown plumage. His beak was gray and short. His claws were sharp. He felt powerful.
Suddenly, Harry felt like he was walking on air. He heard a faint pop and he was human agien. Harry thought of his father. Would he be proud of Harry now? He had been an Animagius. James Potter had taken the shift of a stag. So why wasn't Harry a stag? Should he not have a aquired the same shift as his father?
A bird flapped towards Harry, it's long neck fully extended in flight. It had some of the oddest markings Harry had ever seen. For the most part, the bird was white. It's haed was covered in the characteristic black feathers with white around the eyes. Extending all the way to it's back to the tip of it's tail feathers was a stripe of black feathers. There were five more black feathers in the shapr of a star were the human's left hip would be. These markings, for some reason, seemed oddly fimiliur to Harry, though he said nothing.
The bird landed on the seat bext to Harry's. With a small pop it turned back into a girl. "It's the neat Harry," she said, "I'm a crane! Perhaps we can fly together sometime!"
"Maybe, Gretchen," Harry said, half-heartedly.
"Oh, look, Hermione's just drank her potion. I wonder what she's gonna be?" Harry looked over at his freind Hermione, who was now a bown owl with frizzy feathers in the place of her hair. She flied over towards them and then poped back to normal.
"I shift into a hairless animal and it's still bushy," she muttered threw the grin on her face. She put a hand threw her hair. The way the light hit her face, Hermione was beautiful. "I can't believe we're all birds. We'll have to go flying together. Though, I really wish Ron were here. He's the only one of us who won't be an animagius."
"He can always start next year," Gretchen said lazily. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"We're talking about Ron," she said. "He'd never, ever do that." Gretchen shrugged and left the table. Hermione rerolled her eyes. "If Hogwarts ever has a debate tean, remind her not to join."
"Why?" Harry asked.
"Gretchen never, ever, defends her beliefs. She shrugs and walks away everytime, like she's somehow above us all and doesn't need to tell us anything that she think with her superior mind," Hermione answered.
"What if she simply does't want to fight with you?" Harry asked.
"Doubtful." With that Hermione left. Harry followed her. They walked threw the hall way in silence, scaring a black and silver cat along the way.
"Bad news," said Ron as soon as they entered the commen room. "Fred and George are bank rupt. They can;'r afford to keep the shop open."
"Oh, that's horrible!" Hermioen exclaimed. "What are they going to do?"
"Well, Fred's got a job working at the Leaky Culdron. George is getting and job at the quiddich store. Meanwhile, they're living with my parents," Ron said. "Not that that's anything new."
Harry told ROn how sorry he felt, though he really didn't feel anything at all. He was detatched, different, from his schoolmates. Completely different. He couldn't help not talking to them much the rest of the day, or going to bed early that night.
Harry lay awake for a little while, staring at the curtiens that covered his four-post bed. They weren't very interesting, but they were something to look at. The longer he stared at them, the closer they seemed to be. Suddenly, Harry didn't want to look at them anymore. He turned over and saw himself underneath him.
"You had an O.B.E.," Gretchen said as she walked down the him trew the halls.
"A what?" Harry asked.
"An Out of Body Experience," Gretchen said. "You could ask Professor Wington about itif you wanted. I think he would call it astral projection."
"How do you know that that's what happened to me?" Harry asked.
"Well, you said that there was a silver cord conecting you to your body, one. You said hat you saw balls of white light all around you, two. And you said that you felt as if time was nonexisent, three."
"Have you ever had an O.B.E. before?" Harry asked her.
"No," she said quickly. "I....I suppose that I've read about them though."
"Oh," Harry said. He was feeling more empty then ever. Just a few days ago he would have been loving this moment. All alone with Gretchen. Now, she was just someone who he was walking with. She wasn't speical anymore. "Why is this happening?"
"I don't know," she said. "Ussually this sort of thing happens after long periods of training." The, in a lower voice she added. "They say that when a persn has been through a difficult time When a person just wants to escape their life for a while."
"Is there something about you that I don't know?" Harry asked.
"There are a million things about me that you don't know," Gretchen said. She sighed. "We don't have transfiguration today. Professor McGonagall's sick."
"Yeah, I heard. That has to be some sort of record for her. Three sickdays in two weeks," Ron said from behind them as he and Hermione ran up to them. Gretchen suddenly smiled.
"You were making out, weren't you?" Hermione's jaw dropped, as did Ron's. "It's your hair. Come on, Hermione. We can fix your hair in no time. But we'd better hurry before our favorite Slytherin sees." Teh two girls went off, giggeling like first years on the Hogwarts Express.
Ron turned to Harry. "Hermione's braking up with Terry for me," he said. Harry nodded. Ron smiled. "I never knew I liked her," he said, "but I think I loved her all along."