Note: Hi again! Ready for more angsty fun? I sure hope so, cause this one
gets weird- dark and fun, but weird.
No, I don't own Gundam (duh) but I do have the entire series on VHS! Yay!!!
"Ahem" Anyway… Have you read the prologue for this yet? If not, you'd better go
do that now. This won't make any sense if you don't. Okay… um, you're still
here, aren't you? Look, I already told you- if you haven't read the prologue go
read that NOW. "Sigh" And you're still reading. Okay, well, if you get confused
that's not my problem. Hey, Jen, this one's for you! You too, Kai! I need to
write for someone, and you two are my all-time favorite readers. ^-^ Okay, one
last thing… this part DOES have shonen-ai and Yoai. My last part didn't (well,
unless you really read into it) but this does! Don't like guyXguy pairings then
DON'T read this. Okay… ENJOY!
Love always, Tsuki
But It's Just One Life- The Journey
By Tsuki-Moon
Behave, little boy, You'd better put that down…
I winced as I opened my eyes, light
streaming in, attacking me and forcing me awake. I looked at the clock and
groaned. 9:42. Damn… Heero was going to chew my ear off for sleeping this late.
I pushed myself out of the warm bed. Well, time to face the music.
"Morning." Heero murmured as I walked in the
kitchen.
"Hey." I replied with a yawn. I waited a bit in
silence, expecting a snap or a harsh comment.
"Do you want some coffee?" Heero simply asked, his
eyes not as cold as they usually were.
"Um, yeah, that'd be cool. Thanks." He nodded and
poured the dark liquid into a mug and reached for the milk. "Oh, I'll have it
black this morning." I piped up.
Heero's eyes flashed. "How many drinks did you have
last night?" I winced at Heero's cold glare, remembering the reason why I had
binged in the first place.
"Oh… I dunno. Eleven, maybe?"
Heero shook his head. "The last thing you need is a
clouded head, Duo, or an early grave. Take better care of yourself."
"Yeah, whatever." Heero's eyes flashed again and he
shook his head. He didn't say another word as he walked out of the kitchen to
sit down at his computer. I sighed. The war was over and still Heero was glued to that screen! I let out a ragged sigh and
rubbed my head wearily. My head pounded and a song-like phrase repeated over
and over, ad nausium…
Behave, little boy, You'd better put that down, 'till you hold your ground…
S S S S S
"I'm going out." Heero muttered. "Are you going to
be okay, here?"
"I'm not a damned baby." I laughed. "Go on out!
Jeeze, you're so irritating."
Heero nodded. "Say, if you are going to be here…"
"Eh?" I looked up curiously.
"Think you could clean up your side of the
apartment? It's a mess."
"Well, sure, Hee-chan!" I laughed aloud, flashing
him one of the biggest smiles I could. Heero smirked back and left me alone in
the cold apartment. As soon as he was gone, I felt the tears well up in my
eyes. Heero…
Heero was the reason that I had been depressed that night. Well, he was mostly the reason. I don't really need a reason to be depressed… but one does make it easier to feel sorry for myself. In this case, it was a question of love. But as much as I tried to make the feelings go away, I couldn't keep my heart from aching every time I saw Heero. But I knew what he would say if I told him. He'd call me a baka and punch me, probably. That's always how it is with Heero.
I pushed myself out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I turned on the light, noticing a few cockroaches scurrying for cover from the dreaded brightness. I cursed and splashed my face with cold water, trying to stop my head from spinning again. Fuck… I hate hangovers.
I tramped back into the bedroom and stopped
abruptly. Sitting on Heero's bed was the same woman whom I had seen at the bar
last night. She tossed her short, brown hair to the side and stared over at me
with lustrous, deep black eyes. "Hello."
She whispered.
"Awe shit…" I muttered. "I thought that you were
just a hallucination and that I was done with you."
"Nope."
She smiled at me sweetly- like Hilde often did- and shrugged her small
shoulders.
"Well, who the hell are you then?" I sneered.
"Who do you
think I am, boy?"
I hesitated. The easiest thing to say would have
been that she was a nutcase, but I didn't really believe that. There was
definitely something supernatural about this girl. Not to mention that she
still had two distinct black wings protruding from her back. She giggled, as if
hearing my thoughts, and drew her wings around her shoulders like a cape.
"Come now… you
know who I am. Who else would answer
your silent prayers than the one who you pray to even more than you would ever
pray to God?" I gasped and stepped back.
"Sh- Shingami?" She clapped her hands and smiled in knowing. "But… you can't be!"
"Why? Isn't
this the image that you had of the God of Death?"
"Well… sort of. Except for some minor changes…" I
looked at her chest briefly, then at her waist… then below.
"You expected
a male."
I shrugged. "I never expected anything. I was never
sure whether I believed in Shingami or God, or any of it."
"If you didn't
believe, then I wouldn't be here."
I frowned. "Why are you here, eh? I never asked you
to come. That is, unless you're here to take my life like I've been trying to
do."
"You don't
want to die. If you really did, you would already have shot yourself or
something else to that measure. You wouldn't be courting a bottle. No, not you
dear child."
"Okay," I snapped, "that's the second time you've called me a child and I hate it. Stop it!" Shingami shrugged with a girlish smile.
"Sorry."
I paused and tried to clear my head. This was all happening far too fast! I should have been screaming or railing or convinced that I was crazy (which I probably was) yet this just felt so real and so true. I looked at the figure again, this time with a strange question on the tip of my tongue. "Can everyone see you?"
"When I'm in
this shape, yes."
"Then why am I then only one who notices how strange
those wings are?"
She laughed. "You're
the only one who can see the wings, dear ch… um, Duo." She blushed and
shook her head. "To everyone else I'm
just another teenager who slipped through he cracks- as lost as any of them are."
"I see…"
"Also, Duo,
you must know that Death has no shape. I picked this form so it would be easier
on your mind, all around."
"I figured as much." I shook my head again, wondering if this really was a hallucination and that she would disappear soon. She didn't. "So, why are you here anyway, huh?"
"I already said. I am here to ask you what you really want. You don't want to be dead, as you've already admitted. What do you want, Duo?"
I shuttered with a small sob. "I want to disappear."
"Why?" Her
face didn't change; there was no sign of emotion. "With all you have, why would you want that?"
"With all I have!" I snapped. "What do I have, huh? A cockroach and ant infested apartment and a roommate who hates me! Oh, yeah, that makes life worth living."
"Not here,
Duo. Look at what you have overall. What about your friends?"
"My friends?" I chuckled darkly. "I don't talk to
anyone anymore except Quatre. Hilde I see a lot, but ever since we sold the
scrap-yard, things just aren't the same with her either. She wants to really
get into politics and stuff, you know? Anyway…"
"What about
Quatre, Duo? You said that you talk to him."
"Well, yeah, but…" I paused. "Oh God, I'm having a
conversation with a figment of my goddamned imagination." I stood up and
stormed out of the room. I walked over to the fridge and hunted through it.
"Fuck… where…"
"Heero threw
away all of the alcohol last night when you were asleep."
"Bastard!" I slammed the door shut and ran past the girl into the bedroom again. I slid under my cot-like bed and found the bottle of scotch that I had been searching for. I took a large gulp, the liquor burning my throat something horrid. I slammed the bottle down, then, with a sob. My head ached, my throat hurt and I felt that need again. I felt like I wanted to die. No, Shingami and I had already decided that wasn't the case. "I wish I had never been born." I decided with a whisper.
"What?" I
looked up to see Shingami staring at me with her clear, black eyes. "What did you say, Duo?"
"I said I wish I had never been born. It would have
been a whole lot easier. It's not like I did anything great. It was Heero and
Quatre that saved the earth and shit. I just got in the way. There's no point
to my life at all…"
"Well, then," Shingami smiled. "Perhaps you would give me the liberty to show you how wrong you are."
"Eh?" I looked up at her again, clutching my head and trying and make the room stop spinning. The skotch had gone to my head faster than I had expected it to.
"Take my hand,
Duo."
"What? Why?"
"I'm going to
grant your wish."
"What? You're going to kill me?"
"No… you're
going to never have been born." The sincerity in her voice scared me. I
felt a chill come over the entire room, as if radiating from her large, black
wings. I took a deep breath and shuttered. It was as if nothing existed for
awhile. Not Heero, not the damned apartment, not the long gone war… nothing
existed at all. Finally, after a long moment of silence, I took her hand.
S S S S S
Light was all around and it was really nice. I felt
pretty good, you know? I stretched my arms out, trying to catch the slight
breeze that was in the air, when a hundred or so monarch butterflies flew up to
me. They fluttered about, landing on my arms and dancing in my hair, laughing
and singing a bit. I smiled, and a butterfly landed on my bottom lip, as if
kissing me. I chuckled and the butterfly flew away. They all did, and I was
left in darkness. Serves me right for opening my big mouth. You would have
thought that I'd have learned.
S S S S S
"Do you recognize this place, Duo?" Shingami asked
me. She was dressed in jeans and a snug, black tee shirt now, with an Egyptian
symbol hanging on a chain around her neck. The wings were gone and she looked
pretty normal. Well, except for the whole black lipstick thing.
"Um…" I looked around. We were at an army base.
Smoke flooded out of buildings as water lapped up onto the steel walls. "Yeah,
this is where I first met Heero. He was about to blow up his Gundam, but then
Relena came up and tried to stop him, then he pulled a gun on her, so I shot
him twice and…"
"I know, Duo. You don't have to tell me." I noticed
that her voice didn't sound quite as supernatural now. In fact, it sounded kind
of sweet. She smiled at me. "Right now, no one can see us or hear us. You can't
change the events that I'm going to show you. Yes, this is where you met Heero,
and this is just a few minutes before the event that you just described. Only
with one change, Duo… you were never
born."
I nodded. I saw where this was going. "Okay, so what happened?" Shingami just shrugged and pointed to a platform that was rising up from one of the landings. Heero stood on it, clad in his usual, old wardrobe of green tank top and black bike shorts. He looked as serious as ever. He stared right through me, out at the horizon. He clicked a few keys on a torpedo command pad, his expression never changing.
"Heero!" Walking gracefully up the landing ramp was
a young, blond girl. Her hair was fastened back royally and she wore an elegant
blue dress. She looked like the rich little idealist that she was. She also
looked like a complete brat, but I won't comment on that one. Ahem… "No, Heero,
don't do it." She continued, walking excruciatingly slowly toward him. "Heero,
what do you think you are doing?" Heero didn't respond. "Those are torpedoes,
aren't they? I can tell! I want to know who you are!" her voice strained a bit,
almost hitting a whining tone. I winced.
Heero's face showed just a glimmer of emotion as he
turned to look at her. "Relena…" he stood there for a moment, studying her.
Then his eyes narrowed and he pulled out a handgun, leveling it to her head.
"You're in way over your head. Say goodbye, Relena." Relena gasped and didn't
even have time to cry out as he pulled the trigger. Blood splattered all over
the back of the steel wall. I screamed. Heero turned back to the control pad
and clicked a few more keys. The he paused, noticing a band of Alliance soldiers
on the cove's end. They were dragging a large mobile suit out of the water.
"Damn it!" he cursed. He dashed away from the platform, running in the cove's
direction. It wasn't long before I lost sight of him.
"Heero destroyed the band that found his Gundam and
the Gundam called 'Wing' was his once more. However, Relena Dorlain was dead,
and she never became the Peacecraft that you knew her as."
"Yeah…" My eyes grew a bit fuzzy and I shook my
head. "But the Gundams are still around. The war can still end and peace
restored. Right?" I looked at Shingami hopefully.
"In a way." She whispered. I frowned as I looked at
her down cast head. She looked so fragile and small. She didn't seem like an
all-powerful Goddess of Death. "But the number of Gundams dwindled shamefully.
The rebellion all but died. You weren't there for Professor G to pick. History
is changed by that, Duo."
"What! No! Professor G could have picked anyone to
be a Gundam pilot! I wasn't the only one. That is such bullshit!"
Shingami looked sad again. "No… he picked someone
else. But it wasn't you, so history is changed." She lifted her hand in the air
and a butterfly landed on it. The light came again and I was happy.
S S S S S
We stood in a large ballroom. Shingami and I leaned
against a wall, staring at the guests. Treize Kushrenada stood in the center of
a colossal social group, talking about politics non-stop. "Why are we here?" I
whispered.
"Look over to your left." I did and immediately saw
who she was referring to- a tall boy about my age, with sharp, green eyes and
brown hair that partially covered his cold glare. Trowa. "When you were a
pilot, Trowa became a double-agent in the middle of the war. The only reason he
did not take such drastic measures sooner was because someone else kept his
heart in tow."
I nodded. It was no secret that Trowa and Quatre
were sweethearts. "So?"
"This is barely a month after that scene which we
just saw, Duo. Here, Trowa has sped up his plans dramatically."
"Why?" Shingami paused and shook her head.
"Go ask him yourself." I blinked, and Shingami
suddenly stood in a rich looking evening gown and shawl. "You can be seen as
well, Duo." I looked down and, sure enough, I was dressed in a fine, gray suit.
"However, I must warn you that your braid is gone and your eyes are
yellow-green. I wanted this to be easy on you. Your fellow pilots will not
recognize you here. This, at least, gives your mind an excuse to deal with."
"I can tell that you have a lot of faith in my
mind." I joked. She smiled and slipped away into the crowd. I walked calmly the
opposite way, finally standing next to Trowa's tall frame. I was silent for a
bit.
"Who are you?" Trowa finally whispered. I smirked.
"Someone who's interested in Gundams." Trowa started
at my monotone statement. Ah, it's great the little tricks I picked up from
Heero. Trowa put back up his emotionless mask quickly.
"What do you want?"
"Nothing. I just want to know what's going on with
all of you."
"I wouldn't know. The three of us are trying to
break through OZ's main…"
"Three?!" I looked up, shocked. "I… I thought there
were supposed to be five!"
Trowa winced. "There were, but one was never fit to
be a Gundam pilot. He killed two of the others. Myself and him and one other is
all that is left."
"Is Quatre all right?" I asked. Surely Trowa would
grant me that peace of mind. I knew how much he cared for Quatre.
Trowa looked at me coolly. "Who's Quatre? Should I
know him?"
Oh, dear God… I had to use all my willpower to keep
from crying. "H-he's small, blond hair, with blue eyes. H-he's Arabian. He…"
"Oh, him." Trowa shook his head. "He was one of the
ones who were killed. That fucking pilot. I wish I could rip that scythe out of
his…"
"Scythe?!" I gulped. "S-so the murdering pilot was
the one who runs the Gundam Deathscythe- the Shingami Mobile Suit?!"
"Yes." Once again, Trowa's tone was cold.
"W-well… what about the other pilot? Who else died?"
Trowa shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know anything
about the other Gundams. It doesn't matter, anyhow." Trowa walked away from me,
then paused. "If you will excuse me, I have a mission to finish." I nodded
slowly, watching as he disappeared into the crowd again.
"I'm going to make you invisible again, Duo."
Shingami sighed. "I can't have you screaming here."
"Why would I scream, Shingami?" I asked. "What is
going to happen?" She didn't answer. She simply laid her hand on my shoulder,
running her fingers along my braid, which was now back.
I could see Trowa again, now. His eyes were narrowed
into cold slits, all of their energy focused on Treize Kushrenada. I saw a
glint of metal in his hand, and he sprung. The clamp-weapon lashed out; a wire
attached to it, wrapping around the OZ leader's neck as Trowa did a triple
somersault over the guests. Treize didn't make any sound as he died… well,
except for an all but silent gasping. Trowa landed easily, and fell to the ground. Blood seeped from
his chest in puddles. I gasped, seeing Zechs Marquise standing over him, a gun
and silencer smoking menacingly. "Stupid, even in the end." He whispered,
tossing the weapon to the side. I collapsed to my knees, sobbing harshly. No,
this could not be right. This couldn't
be!
I felt Shingami's hand on my shoulder. "Come on,
Duo. There is much more to see."
"What? What else is there? What could be worse than
this, eh?"
Shingami's eyes glazed, as if she were going to cry.
She didn't, though. I doubt that the Goddess of Death has any tears to shed for
anyone. "Do you want to know why Quatre is dead? Do you want to see what
happens to Wufei? And Hilde?" She paused. "What about Heero? After all, you
said you wanted to disappear because
of him." Tears spilled from my eyes and I nodded.
"Fine… show me what else there is. I need to know."
Shingami held out her hand again and pulled my to me feet. This time, she just
held me in her arms, rocking me like a small child, as the butterflies came.
This time, I didn't even notice they were there. All I could think about was
Heero's cold eyes and Trowa's cold words.
"Who's Quatre? Should I know him?"