the extended version.
The third and last posting of my oddly successful "A Cue"s.
(Brave the bad, tasteless humor to give me a decent review.)
(We can see two boys sneaking around a store of some kind when they suddenly run into each other.)
Both: GAH!
(We come to see it our two favorite friends, Heero Yuy and Wufei Chang.)
Heero: (Visible shocked) Wufei?
Wufei: (Really shunned.) Heero?
Heero: What are you doing here?
Wufei: (Cocks in eyebrow) Maybe *I* shouldn't be the only one answering questions.
What's in the bag?
(He quickly hides it behind his back.)
Heero: Ohhh nothing . . . (Then with suspicion) What's behind yours?
Wufei: Umm, something not important.
Heero: So then you know. (Eyes narrow.)
Wufei: Yeah well, *you* know about me.
Heero: Hmmmm . . . Good point.
Wufei: (Suddenly says) You never saw me and we've never met.
Heero: Agreed.
Wufei. (Pause.) Wait-you wouldn't tell . . . would you?
Heero: Would you?
(He considers this as they separate, they walk away s-l-o-w-l-y. We come to find that the boys were actually at a Pokemón trading card store.)
[Author's note: Die Pokemón, die!]
***** (After much procrastination and doubt, Heero finally decides to kill Relena.)
Relena: (All perky like) Hi Heero!
(He puts a bullet in her and she falls dead.)
Duo: (Runs out of nowhere.) OHMIGOD! HE KILLED RELENA!
Quatre: (Screams) You bastard!!!
*****
(After self-destruction, we can see Heero just lying whimpering)
Heero: (In a tiny voice, like from the "The Fly.") Help me. Help meeeee.
*****
(While the fab five are walking one day a stray dog runs up to Wufei.)
Wufei: (In a high-pitched) AWWWWWWWWW, look at the cute puppy-wuppy!
(The other four stop and give him a weird look.)
Ummm . . . I mean, scam you little weakling!
*****
Jobs They Could Never Have.
Heero: Motivational speaker
Heero: (Walks out to the platform and begins speaking in his cold monotone.)
If you life sucked before we got here, then maybe you just wasted your money listening to me tell
you it sucks again. Maybe you should at on those suicidal tendencies, you're worthless anyway. Why should I be wasting my time?
Do you people actually expect me to be "happy?"
I think you should read the fine print next time cause this is non-refundable.
If you need it for drugs and booze, you might as well rob the convenience store down the street.
The idea that I'm suppose to motivate you doesn't exactly brighten my day.
(The audience exchange confused glances as this deadly quiet hangs in the air. Their "motivation speaker" walks off.)
***
Wufei: RN in a maternity ward
(In a deliver room in a hospital somewhere all we can hear is yelling)
Wufei: Push, *push* you infantum woman! Just like one to take her time!
Lady: (Grinding her teeth cause of the pain.) Infantum! I'll SHOW YOU INFANTUM!
(Grabbing the boy by his short ponytail, she does things to him that are too brutish to describe.)
Doctor: (Walks in and sees.) Nurse, how is the-whoa. (Motions for assistant.) Nasty sight there.
Umm nurse, get that kid some pain killers and a neck brace-looks like he's gonna need it.
***
Trowa: Therapist
(A rather talktive patient is going on and on and on about their life, while Trowa Barton PhD is trying to stay awake.)
Patient: . . . So that's basically it doc, what do you think?
(No respone.)
Patient: Helllloo, are you there?
(Trowa nly cocks an eyebrow at the patient.
The patient suddenly screams madly tearing out all of his hair, runs the closest window and jumps out.)
Patient: ARE LISTENING TO ME! I'M TALKING TO MYSELF AGAIN!
(Trowa blinks, grabs his pad, and calmly writes down.)
Trowa: Patient still remains unresponsive.
*****
You Really Gotta Wonder When . . .
1. When you see Heero-actually happy. Like perky happy. Like *high* happy.
2. The day Trowa starts rambling on and on and on and on . . .
3. When Duo just sits there, sitting there staring ahead, saying nothing. When given food, he screams "Get it away from me!"
4. The day Quatre actually doesn't apologize for anyhting and tells everyone to "shove it!" (Gasp! Shock!)
5. When Wufei runs out of women insults, stops talking about justice, and asks "Who in the hell is Natuka?"
6. When asked about Treize, Une blinks and asks, "Why would I need him? That jerk."
7. Dorothy promptly states, "War is sooooo stupid. *I like peace* thank you."
8. Relena wonders to herself, "Heero? Heero who? Who's that guy?"
9. The day Treize actually makes sense.
10. Noin starts yelling at Zechs to "take it off, take it all off!"
11. Zechs slaps a barber and whines like Marcia Bradey, "Cut my hair?!!"
*****
The Children of Gundam Wing
Relena & Heero's daughter: "I am the Perfect Student, I will eliminate all homework before me."
The son of Sally & Wufei: "No weak woman should be babysitting me!"
Catherine & Trowa's kid: " . . . . ."
Dorothy & Quatre's son: "Man, I'm grounded from my Gundam again!"
Dou & Hilde's child: "Awww man! Homework is sooooo uncool."
(And the last deal) The Wedding of Heero & Relena [Highlights]
* The bride walking down the aisle and the four other guys busting into tears.
* The bride ripping out a beam canon and taken an objectors to her and gettin' married.
* The groom daring any guy to get near his woman's girdle.
* The cat fight between Une, Noin, Hilde, and Sally for the bouquet.