A Cue That Will Do As No. 6
She's doing again, she's making another Cue . . .
Will the insanity last? Will she outdo herself? Will angry torch-carrying mobs come for her?
Or will somebody please get her committed? This female is talking to herself again . . . .
*****
(We can see Relena doing one of her melodramatic, kill-me-now-Heero bits)
Relena: (in a overly dramatic tone)
I don't care if you do shoot me; Kill me now, Heero, let me die!
(He shrugs.)
Heero: (Nonchalantly) Ok.
(Takes a gun and shoots her.)
Relena: (Really peeved) I DIDN'T SAY DO IT FOR REAL!
*****
(While doing their act, Catherine misses and accidently hits Trowa with the knife.)
Catherine: (Shocked & scared) Ohmigod! Did I hit you? Are you hurt?
Trowa: OUCH! THAT WAS MY FREAKIN' EYE!
*****
(Pilots 3 and 4 are in space. Trowa flying around when suddenly there's this big pretty explosion.)
Trowa: (Shocked) What the fu- . . . wait a minute.
(Trowa comes on the view monitor and starts chewing Quatre out.)
Trowa: You DID NOT just blow up another colony!?!
Quatre: (Sheepishly shrugs) Oops?
*****
(We can see mobs of blood-sucking media hounds coming for Heero, wanting to get all up into his business.)
Reporter: Mr. Heero Yuy, now that you saved the world, earned the respect of millions, and won the affection of the Queen of the World, what are you going to do next?
(For a moment he's in deep thought, leaving the world to hold their breath for his answer . . .)
Heero: (Yells in the cameras) I'M GOING TO DISNEY LAND!
*****
(We can see that Lady Une and Mister Treize in deep conversation . . .)
Une: (Wondering like Pinky) So what are we gonna do tonight, Mister Treize?"
Treize: (In maniacal tone, like Brain)
Same thing we do every night, Lady . . . TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD."
*****
Heero: (To Quatre) Well it looks like it's your turn to self-destruct.
Quatre: But-but I'm too cute to die!
(Heero merely rolls his eyes.)
*****
(We all have nightmares. We really do, but do you wonder about theirs . . .)
Dream Sequences: The Dark Side
In Relena's:
(Heero walks up to Relena one day and shoves a piece of paper in her face. The ominous piece of paper: a restraining order.)
Heero: Look, this says you can't come within 500 feet of me.
(She drops to her knees and screams to the sky.)
Relena: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(She walks up in a cold sweat.)
Relena: Don't let it be real, for the love of humanity, DON'T LET IT BEE REEAAAAALLL.
In Wufei's:
(He walks into a large convention center were there's a rally of some sorts going on . . .)
Speaker: . . . And women, we will NOT be oppressed by these pigs called MEN any longer!
We will show MAN that the WOMAN is strong enough for her own two feet. No staying at home bare-foot and pregnant, no aprons and baking cookies for us! Women's lib, women's lib!
(Suddenly they here the wonder sound of Wufei's voice.)
Wufei: You weak woman, get off the stage!!!
(A hush falls across the room as the room turns to see him leaning against the wall.)
Audience member: (Points at him) Oh my god, a MAN!
Another one: A chauvinist I tell you, a CHAUVINIST!
Third member: He's one of them!
Speaker: (Jumps off the stage) Don't let him out alive sisters, GET HIM!
(A mob of high heels, nails, and purses come for him, something tells him to run, but when he tries the doors they can't open . . . The realization hits him . . . He's trapped in a feminist convention.)
(He jerks awake, cringing.)
Wufei: (Clutches his teddy bear, whispering) Mommy . . .
In Trowa's:
(Quatre and Duo are talking at a random party somewhere.)
Duo: So what happen to his job at the circus? I thought he was the best.
Quatre: I don't know, something about the lions getting loose every night.
Duo: He isn't late is he? I mean, he asked us to check out his new gig.
Quatre: I don't think so . . .and wait, that could be him now.
(A clown runs into the place, throwing confetti and doing back flips. It's Trowa, much to the amazement of his two friends, they didn't know it was some kid's birthday party.)
Trowa: (Really hyped) H-E-Y KIDS!!!
Kid: (Yelling back) Hey everybody, it's TROWA!
Kids: YAY!!!!!!
Trowa: IS EVERYBODY HAPPY?!? Who wants a hug?!?
Kids: I DO! I DO!
(The kids start running toward him in a stampede.)
Duo: (Shocked, starting choking on punch) Oh . . .
Quatre: (Equally shocked) . . . my . . .
Duo & Quatre: . . . Godddddd . . .
Trowa: (Jumps in front of their faces and hugs them tight) HEY, HEY, HEY!
(Suddenly he wakes up screaming.)
Trowa: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
In Duo's:
(While dragging himself into the bathroom one morning, all groggy and sleep-eyed, Duo hits the lights. He suppresses a yawn and looks into the mirror, only to find . . .)
Duo: (Eyes pop open.) There's nothing there . . .
(His lovely braid, matter the fact all of his beautiful hair is gone, Duo is straight bald.)
Duo: (Madly screaming) THERE'S NOTHING THERE!!!!
(In the cut, we can see Hilde holidng a ginat bottle of nair in her hand, laughing evilly.)
Hilde: Is there something missing love?
BUWHAHAHAHAHA!
(He screams)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(He flies up in the bed, breathing heavily, feeling his head madly. Seeing that his lovely locks
are all intact, he gives a sigh of relief.)
Duo: It was just a dream.
(Then with doubt.)
(Nervously) Right?
(No answer, getting scared by the minute.)
(Searching for an answer) RIGHT?
In Noin's
(On a lovely beach somewhere, Noin and Zechz are walking. Her heart's all a flutter over being with him. Suddenly he stops and takes her hand.
She can't speak cause she's glazing into his eyes.)
Zechz: You know Lucrezia, I've been meaning to tell you something, something that I should said for a long time.
Noin: (Leans in closer, in a sweet voice) Yes, Millardo?
Zechz: (Passionately) But I can't stand it anything longer, you gotta know! I must tell you!
Noin: (Leaning even more closer) Yes, Millardo? What is it?
(And then she tells her the one thing she wanted to hear . . .)
Zechz: Lucrezia, I'm gay.
Noin: (Waking up in bed) WHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?!?
In Heero's
(He's fighting the big, bad OZ solders one day when suddenly the sound of something breaking.)
Heero: STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
(Everybody stops fighting and shooting for the moment, wonder what the heck's up.)
(Then suddenly it changes . . . His voice . . . . Into something we CAN'T even imagine.)
Heero: Like, ohmigod, I just broke a nail. I JUST BROKE MY BEAUTIFUL NAIL!
Do you have any idea how much a French manicure cost? My hair is a mess, that is so not CUTE, do you know how much it cost to get that type of stuff done!
You guys are like sooooooo insensitive to MY needs, what about my needs!
And . . ohmigod, I JUST LOST MY CONTACT!
I need my CONTACT!
(He has the voice . . . of a valley girl.)
(Wakes up with a disgusted look on his face.)
Heero: (Cringes) Oh god . . .
*****