Draceth 4
The Victim
_______________
Note: Ronethdragon (no space) wrote parts 2 and 3. ^_^
Disclaimer: The 'square foot of earth' theory is from the book "Crime and Punishment" by Fyodor Dostoevsky.
_______________
DRACO
~~~
I pace up and down the stone cave floor for the thousandth time. For the past few weeks, I have just wanted to die, to collapse, to cease to exist. My body is covered with wounds, all self-inflicted. How could I?
Why? Why had I attempted suicide so long ago when I was still a full-fledged human? Why did I fail to see my parents did love me? My dragon family loves me. But I feel I am a burden to them. They were forced to rescue me. Forced. Why did I cause my parents sorrow and inflict such pain on my dragon family? Why did I fail to appreciate what I had?
I did not because I have no heart. I am weak. Even as a dragon, I am weak. Then I must die.
Unlike the first time I sank so low I wanted to die, I didn't choose a place close to home. Instead, my life would end on a cliff some five miles away, where only the bravest or the darkest creatures dared to venture.
It is interesting how some doomed to die would rather spend the rest of eternity on a square foot of earth, never resting, never moving, never living...but never dying. I, personally, would far rather die.
"Father," I think, in dragon or human language I know not. In feelings, not words. "Father...Mother...forgive me. Silketh, Baraneth, Sereneth, Lilieth...forgive..."
I edge off to the end of the cliff. The sea is below me, a dark and angry sea. It crashes over and over against the rocks, ever so slowly turning them into sand. Will my bones one day join those rocks? Perhaps. My spirit will soar above the tide, tearing at the winds in vain and crying to the Draco so far up in the stars. The constellation Draco. Remember it?
I slide one paw off the rock, my right front paw. Then the left front. Then both hind legs. I fold my wings in close and turn into a human, a dragon, and a human again. I keep switching between transformations, not ready to die in either form...
Life is left behind. My soul is leaving, to be with the Draco, with the heavens, in death.
Tod, der ewige Bruderbund.
Death, the eternal brotherhood.
LUCIUS
~~~
Someday, when I am going to die, if I had a choice, I would pick standing right here on this square foot of cliff overlooking the sea. It would be better than death, even though I would be without companionship or distractions. Confinement is better than nothing.
Draco is gone. He has left me forever, another one to reject my attempts to love. It is all my fault. I have felt this way my entire life; nobody loves me and serve me right. Narcissa...she and I are forced to love. It's infatuation, and at some times mere indifference, that is between us, not love.
Love has forsaken me, as everyone and everything else has.
Why go on living? I am not capable of true love. Such a human being is broken, incomplete, not worth keeping on this earth. Why?
I leap off the cliff, not caring that it will hurt. Just punishment for me, really, after all the pain I've inflicted on everyone when all I wanted for them was good...
Ach, ich liebe dich wie ein Kind, du süße Tod.
Ah, I love you like a child, you sweet death.
DRACO
~~~
As I fall to my doom, I see another form, a human one, also streak down to the sea to die. My heart stops as I recognize it.
Father.
He's come to kill himself. How could he? How could he leave me...after all the things he's done to me, after everything I have suffered because of him, he's just leaving? Won't he apologize?
No.
It's my fault. He doesn't love me, and serve me right. How could even the most loving person ever feel anything for someone as heartless as I? How? I should die, not him. No...
No...
Time slows down, it not stops altogether. I quickly spread my wings and hurtle down to try and save him, my last futile attempt to do a good deed.
Allein umsonst.
But in vain.
LUCIUS
~~~
Must I suffer this torture? Why have I gone through it? It's my fault. Suicide is like that...I should have been strong, not taken a coward's way out. The damage is done. The rocks are stained red with my blood, only to be washed away by the waves.
Is this how I will depart? Will I be discovered tomorrow, dead on a desolate shore, my life taken by my own hands? No...no...
I have no foresight. At the very least, Draco is happy. As a dragon, he can feel love, he can have a purpose. How I long for what he has...I could have gotten it had I been worthy, but it will not happen. Humans are so futile. We try to bring nature under our power, we try to explain the supernatural, we dismiss everything we do not understand as insanity, not ingenuity.
There is now only one thing I understand, as every last drop of energy is mercilessly torn from me with each passing second. I remain conscious until the hour of my death. Death is soft and painless, you simply relax and give your spirit up, and then...you die.
As my short and pointless life ends, I feel nothing. Nothing but a faint link between two things:
Mein Leben war verloren und schrecken, darum mein Sohn ist frei am Ende.
My life was wasted and miserable, therfore my son is finally liberated.
DRACO
~~~
I drop into the sea, the shallow part of it, not daring to move. How could I have not known? My own father...he assumed it was I who did not love him. How true. I was wrong. But too late, he is dead, he will never be here again. I cannot beg forgiveness from him.
Emotions have effects on us dragons. Our minds are psychologically different from those of humans. Even I felt it when Silketh had first taken me in. This deep and horrid sorrow has taken me over. I feel myself turning back into a human. Slowly, each nerve racked with guilt, I cautiously step towards my father.
"Father..." I whisper. "Why...?"
He has left me forever. Father has punished me. He did love me, I did not appreciate him for who he was or for what he felt. And now I never will get a second chance. My mortal tears are shed in vain. Exhausted from pain and heartache, I fall onto my father and cry myself into a disturbed, poisonous sleep.
Ich liebe dich, Vater. Vergebe.
I love you, Father. Forgive.
The Victim
_______________
Note: Ronethdragon (no space) wrote parts 2 and 3. ^_^
Disclaimer: The 'square foot of earth' theory is from the book "Crime and Punishment" by Fyodor Dostoevsky.
_______________
DRACO
~~~
I pace up and down the stone cave floor for the thousandth time. For the past few weeks, I have just wanted to die, to collapse, to cease to exist. My body is covered with wounds, all self-inflicted. How could I?
Why? Why had I attempted suicide so long ago when I was still a full-fledged human? Why did I fail to see my parents did love me? My dragon family loves me. But I feel I am a burden to them. They were forced to rescue me. Forced. Why did I cause my parents sorrow and inflict such pain on my dragon family? Why did I fail to appreciate what I had?
I did not because I have no heart. I am weak. Even as a dragon, I am weak. Then I must die.
Unlike the first time I sank so low I wanted to die, I didn't choose a place close to home. Instead, my life would end on a cliff some five miles away, where only the bravest or the darkest creatures dared to venture.
It is interesting how some doomed to die would rather spend the rest of eternity on a square foot of earth, never resting, never moving, never living...but never dying. I, personally, would far rather die.
"Father," I think, in dragon or human language I know not. In feelings, not words. "Father...Mother...forgive me. Silketh, Baraneth, Sereneth, Lilieth...forgive..."
I edge off to the end of the cliff. The sea is below me, a dark and angry sea. It crashes over and over against the rocks, ever so slowly turning them into sand. Will my bones one day join those rocks? Perhaps. My spirit will soar above the tide, tearing at the winds in vain and crying to the Draco so far up in the stars. The constellation Draco. Remember it?
I slide one paw off the rock, my right front paw. Then the left front. Then both hind legs. I fold my wings in close and turn into a human, a dragon, and a human again. I keep switching between transformations, not ready to die in either form...
Life is left behind. My soul is leaving, to be with the Draco, with the heavens, in death.
Tod, der ewige Bruderbund.
Death, the eternal brotherhood.
LUCIUS
~~~
Someday, when I am going to die, if I had a choice, I would pick standing right here on this square foot of cliff overlooking the sea. It would be better than death, even though I would be without companionship or distractions. Confinement is better than nothing.
Draco is gone. He has left me forever, another one to reject my attempts to love. It is all my fault. I have felt this way my entire life; nobody loves me and serve me right. Narcissa...she and I are forced to love. It's infatuation, and at some times mere indifference, that is between us, not love.
Love has forsaken me, as everyone and everything else has.
Why go on living? I am not capable of true love. Such a human being is broken, incomplete, not worth keeping on this earth. Why?
I leap off the cliff, not caring that it will hurt. Just punishment for me, really, after all the pain I've inflicted on everyone when all I wanted for them was good...
Ach, ich liebe dich wie ein Kind, du süße Tod.
Ah, I love you like a child, you sweet death.
DRACO
~~~
As I fall to my doom, I see another form, a human one, also streak down to the sea to die. My heart stops as I recognize it.
Father.
He's come to kill himself. How could he? How could he leave me...after all the things he's done to me, after everything I have suffered because of him, he's just leaving? Won't he apologize?
No.
It's my fault. He doesn't love me, and serve me right. How could even the most loving person ever feel anything for someone as heartless as I? How? I should die, not him. No...
No...
Time slows down, it not stops altogether. I quickly spread my wings and hurtle down to try and save him, my last futile attempt to do a good deed.
Allein umsonst.
But in vain.
LUCIUS
~~~
Must I suffer this torture? Why have I gone through it? It's my fault. Suicide is like that...I should have been strong, not taken a coward's way out. The damage is done. The rocks are stained red with my blood, only to be washed away by the waves.
Is this how I will depart? Will I be discovered tomorrow, dead on a desolate shore, my life taken by my own hands? No...no...
I have no foresight. At the very least, Draco is happy. As a dragon, he can feel love, he can have a purpose. How I long for what he has...I could have gotten it had I been worthy, but it will not happen. Humans are so futile. We try to bring nature under our power, we try to explain the supernatural, we dismiss everything we do not understand as insanity, not ingenuity.
There is now only one thing I understand, as every last drop of energy is mercilessly torn from me with each passing second. I remain conscious until the hour of my death. Death is soft and painless, you simply relax and give your spirit up, and then...you die.
As my short and pointless life ends, I feel nothing. Nothing but a faint link between two things:
Mein Leben war verloren und schrecken, darum mein Sohn ist frei am Ende.
My life was wasted and miserable, therfore my son is finally liberated.
DRACO
~~~
I drop into the sea, the shallow part of it, not daring to move. How could I have not known? My own father...he assumed it was I who did not love him. How true. I was wrong. But too late, he is dead, he will never be here again. I cannot beg forgiveness from him.
Emotions have effects on us dragons. Our minds are psychologically different from those of humans. Even I felt it when Silketh had first taken me in. This deep and horrid sorrow has taken me over. I feel myself turning back into a human. Slowly, each nerve racked with guilt, I cautiously step towards my father.
"Father..." I whisper. "Why...?"
He has left me forever. Father has punished me. He did love me, I did not appreciate him for who he was or for what he felt. And now I never will get a second chance. My mortal tears are shed in vain. Exhausted from pain and heartache, I fall onto my father and cry myself into a disturbed, poisonous sleep.
Ich liebe dich, Vater. Vergebe.
I love you, Father. Forgive.