Hazy Shade of Winter - 2
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Perhaps it all will smooth along easier now that I've changed some of my ideas around. I just don't have that same flow of creative energy that I used to. ~.~;
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Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
Is a hazy shade of winter
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They are off the plane and at the resort, breathing in the cold air deeply as it penetrates his lungs, tingling inside. This was much colder than Japan had been, or so it seemed, for they were in the throes of the mountains, far away.
They continued to walk, snow underneath their feet, crunching only slightly. It was even the tiniest bit beautiful, Mimi admitted to herself, but felt a beach would have been more appropriate, but after all it was the winter, and she hadn't booked the trip. 'And I rather be on a beach with Yamato anyway.'
She wrapped her coat tighter about her.
'Nadare Berugu'
Read the sign leading to one of the routes. They stopped walking, as they were outside their cabin, looking up at the mountain, as it seemed to tower in the not-too-far distance.
"Why would they name it that?" her voice lifted, yet in puzzlement, as she asked, her amber eyes traveling the path of the rickety ski lift. She shuddered, at the name and the mountain, as it seemed to imply something more ominous, and yet the name seemed familiar to her. Not that it was in her own native tongue, but the fact that she had hear something about it that would suggest this. Or perhaps it was her over-reactive imagination, which sometimes could get out of hand.
Tai merely shrugged next to her, his brown hair in its usual disarray, clutching only his carry-on bag in his left hand. "Don't ask me."
"I guess that it's one of those expert courses. 'Ski at your own risk.'"
He laughed. "We'll get there."
I can guarantee it.
She rolled her eyes, and they turned to go inside.
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The sky I find is clear today. I rarely ever find it clear, anymore.
Except for a few feathery clouds. An outstretched hand, more or less. We are pretty far north. And we can see the snow already, soft and powdery fine.
Powdery.
She's standing next to me, silent. Rigid are her shoulders and her hair. I won't deny that I feel some force of attraction.
I have to stop the haze.
But I can't survive without it.
They say I can die from it, even though the sensation I get is real. And sometimes I find myself wondering what is real, and what isn't. But whatever is real to me when I see it, I will take. And sometimes I wonder if the things that I think are really mine, or if it's someone else supplanting the words into my mind.
I hear the voices calling to me again.
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"Hey now, don't look so miserable."
Matt looked up in surprise; he hadn't really been paying attention to everything that was going on around him; they were all at his apartment, he, Takeru, Miyako and Hikari. Miyako was giving them quite a show, and only he was not paying attention.
She was right, he did look miserable. He felt it.
There was no reason for it. Then again, perhaps he wasn't good at masking it. He could imagine if Takeru and Hikari were separated, they wouldn't either.
Miyako was miserable, but she put herself in her comedy, let herself get sucked into it while the world played around her.
Daisuke stood her up again.
Now her focus was on Matt alone, as Kari and Takeru were in their own world. They would do that often, slip off into their own world. If they were separated they probably could communicate telepathically. That was one of Yolei's theories, and they just blushed slightly, in a secret way.
One on one. This was what Miyako liked. She sat in the chair across from him, making little tut-tut noises as she looked at his cast, sitting with her legs crossed, and then folded her hands under her chin as she looked up at him, a sparkle in her light brown eyes.
"We know you're feeling pretty much like crap lately. I'm only trying to get a laugh out of you. You weren't even paying attention, and that's what made me hurt a little."
He arched an eyebrow. This coming from the acclaimed queen of comedy who believed, not only believed, but knew that she had that ability to turn a knob in somebody's brain with her sometimes very insightful, and sometimes off-kilter theories. Her objective not to be hurt, but to help cure other's hurts by making them laugh.
Yes, being apart did make the longing more realistic. And he had just proved it scientifically, but automatically assuming that she was next to him, expecting to feel the warmth of her hand but finding nothing. Miyako smiled at him, and then she swore that this week, her job was to make Matt feel good and laugh.
"That's Mimi's job." He said, but he did give in to a smile. After all, all she said and did usually reflected what was in her heart. And she felt in her heart that it wasn't mutual between her and the one that she adored. She who vowed never to let herself fall for anyone, but she couldn't help feeling hurt when those times came.
She shrugged in response to this. "I look at it in a form of bonding. For example, look at Takeru and Hikari." She turned her head to emphasize this, and he looked as well. Hikari blushed and smiled, her rose-colored lips turning upward, yet she usually was smiling, especially when she was with Takeru. They were no longer in the conversation, but the subjects. Miyako and Matt were talking as friends, as people who at the moment were missing their respective halves. Miyako turned back to face him, smiling, continuing in her little speech.
"Bonding. Perhaps those of us who are alone have to learn to be strong first, before sharing our strength, and that's why those who love lose a lot." She would often go out of her way to prove her statement. Miyako is strong, he thought. And these bonds, perhaps we are the weak ones, who depend on others for love.
She has a lot of those; Matt mused to himself: Theories. She could just sit and tell you about everything she had on her mind, and turn it around to make you laugh, but yet these were no laughing matters.
Debatable, yes. The truth? Most probably. But laughing matters? Not likely.
And yet they were.
He watched as her gaze found Takeru, and laughed to himself, knowing what it meant.
That's silly.
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[Yamato]
I felt bad a little, after Takeru, Hikari and Miyako left. Takeru was going to drive them home or something or other. What they do is their business. Right now I have none. I feel like a jerk.
I'm in the living room, propped up on the couch. Nothing's on television. How dull it is to sit and stare at the screen, expecting something, but getting nothing in return. When I was younger I loved to watch the television. I was alone then too.
Since I can't really do anything else, I sit and insult myself. Jerk. This is your fault. Not that it matters. It's the things I need to be told, for no one wants to hurt my feelings. But I know what I am.
If I had half a brain I would find out the name of the resort from Kari, because I _know_ that she knows, if there's anyone who's connected to Tai it's her, or Daisuke, not my favorite person in the world. It felt strange to talk to Kari, and Davis was another story. I recall a time when his sister was particularly enthralled with me, and quite frankly, she was scary. But she met an unfortunate end when she drove her car off a cliff, quite melodramatic of her.
Anyway, I said if I had half a brain. My other half would pointedly remind me that I have a broken leg and not that that amounted to anything would remain useless.
That is if I have any brains that amount to anything, which I obviously don't. How long will this trip be… a week, two weeks? Feels like a week already, and that it was months ago when Mimi last came to this house and left her warmness.
It's cold now.
And at this rate it will be a year before they come back. It will be a year of winter and coldness. But I suppose I am being a bit selfish. I don't know what's right. I just hope that everything can get back to normal soon.
And is she missing me as much as I miss her.
[/Yamato]
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"I hope you enjoy the accommodations, madam." Taichi said slyly, in his 'gentlemanly voice' after they inspected their cabin. They were in the small living room, which had a fireplace, as well as a television. "I'm sure I can throw together a fire and we could rent a movie or something. Later on, that is."
She shrugged, her chestnut brown hair spilling onto and around her shoulders, not realizing that her being sparked up a hunger inside Tai, for he was alone. Not noticing the underlying skepticism or if he actually were lonely. Despite his handsome-ness, scarcely after he had gotten a woman's charm they would leave him.
Of course, he wouldn't refer to it as that. The other girls at the Hangout loved him and perhaps the one girl who could have tamed his heart was long gone because she caught him kissing someone else because he couldn't keep his gentlemanly urges to himself.
"Whatever. This is your trip. I'm only a guest." She folded her arms across her chest.
"Now, first we unpack, change into proper attire, then we hit the slopes." He rubbed his palms together gleefully. "And I know just the perfect-"
He laughs as Mimi glares at him, her amber eyes holding him with an impenetrable stare. "Hey, watch it! I saw some nice easy courses on the other side. That's what I meant."
She relaxed. Their cabin was closer to the expert slopes, and it would be so very like Tai, she hypothesized, to want to do something reckless like that. Look at him when he rode motorcycles.
Mimi found herself cringing. Motorcycles. Matt.
Hypothesizing. Inwardly she smiled a moment, for even using such a word, which was rare to be found in her vocabulary. Those were the good old days, when going to "The Hangout" was all in fun, and not this dark tournament of who was the best came about.
Tai whistled to get her attention.
"Sorry, I spaced off a bit. I'm not in the mood for the slopes today, jet lag probably."
"Oh," he said, unconcernedly. "Tomorrow then. In the meantime, we'll unpack."
She nodded then, and disappeared down the small corridor to where her room was. Tai watched after her, then smiling, disappeared into his room and closed the door. He went through most of his clothes before finding what he was looking for, and then he breathed in an excited moment.
"I refuse to be miserable."
Even to start. Feel free and be one with the wind.
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Skating. The simple act of being free for her. It seemed a ritual now, for it seemed that most of the time that winter, especially after Matt's accident, they spent more time on the ice than at the club. She seemed to set herself free from her thoughts. It would be the only place she could be free…and yet not so.
Looking into Takeru's eyes she saw the blueness, ready to swallow her up whole. She also saw the bitter rejection that they would have for her if it ever came out…
No, she stopped herself. He can never know the things that…
She couldn't bear to see him cry. And Takeru was good. The goodness was his heart, his soul. Nothing could ever be done to damage it. He was never distant, always did his best to help their own perfect world.
He's good, and better than you will ever be, so shut up.
We say this only for your own good, dear.
Yet she skated away from him, in a moment of being free. Glided smoothly on the ice. Not showing off, she thought. It was natural.
Beauty is natural, and if you don't open your mouth it will stay that way.
The ice was too thin, and with a sick scraping sound she found herself falling. She screams in terror, her eyelids quickly closing. Never had she lost control like that… she extends her arms in front of her. Devastating.
Skate on this ice, and that's what you get.
Mommy!
Inside her mind, Kari heard a loud wail as she began to fall. The wailing wasn't just inside her. it was coming from her chest and throat and mouth. Yet even as she's in mid fall Takeru is skating up to her, but she's on the ice, sprawled out for a moment. The wailing ceases, her eyes closed.
"Hikari…." he breathes as he helps lift her onto her feet. She keeps her eyes closed.
"It's ruined." She chokes on her words, water running out of the corners of her eyes. "It's all bitter. Gone. None of it is perfect. It isn't." and she collapses into his arms. Confusion reflected in his clear blue eyes. He keeps them balanced, and slowly maneuvers her over to the bench. The mood was shattered, like glass.
"Don't cry, Kari." He says, not knowing why she is crying. She is distant again. In her own world and refusing to let him in, for she knew that once she opened her eyes she would be lost in his, and she didn't want that. He touches her face gently, wiping away the trickling water. And they sit there, already the sun is setting, the day is lost, the darkness will envelope.
"You are perfect, Takeru. Why can't I be like you? Why can't I see myself?"
She stops herself from breaking down, while he is lost in his own thoughts, confused.
Why can't you tell me what's wrong?
And her thoughts wrap around her mind when all she could hear are the meaningless words and voices for what are words, really?
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[Hikari]
Sometimes I wonder if it's wrong to wish for a perfect world when it's obvious that there isn't one.
But I can strive to be happy and be myself as best as I can. As long as I can still represent the strong person to all that need me. If I am weak, I am nothing. If I fall, we all will fail.
I cry sometimes, when I hear the shattering of ice. The distilling coldness, which halts the springtime of my life in it's crystalline beauty and I sit and stare. Frozen. We all are frozen in a moving place.
But never frozen in time. If our lives stopped now there would still be a continuum of time and no one would notice the difference. And if the perfection of the world is to melt there will be nothing left to savor.
[/Hikari]
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[A few days later]
The ski lift was the worst part of it. Rising higher and higher up the mountainside. They had found a simple beginner's route, which looked much safer than the expert slopes located near their cabin. It felt strange, being up in the air, with what seemed to be next to no support, but she didn't have that same chill that she had before.
This was pure nervousness, and she hated it. She adjusted her pale blue earmuffs and coat, the wind whipped around her, only a moment, and still, it wasn't as eerie.
Finally it was over with. She hopped out of the seat and went over to where Taichi was waiting, and nearly fell. But he smiled, and helped her keep her balance, steadying her by the waist.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah." She replied uncomfortably.
"Ready?" he let go of her then, and stared earnestly into her face. Her eyes traveled away from his, out to where the whiteness spread and the trees were green against the towering blue sky.
Endless blue, like Matt's eyes, she thought with a smile, as she held onto the poles used to support her self on the skis.
"You go first, Tai."
Nodding he's already started, moving slowly at first, but quicker eventually. This is no challenge for him. Goggles on his head catch the glint of the sunlight, and she laughs and starts down herself. The spray of snow is in their wake as they continue the decent, scarves flying, laughing now, under the stretch of endless blue and over the whiteness.
'I'll be home soon.'
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"Yo, Takashi."
The blonde-haired boy lifted his head up from his book to see who was standing over him. A boy about the same age, only with brown hair that was wild, falling into his face, wearing a black leather jacket and holding a black helmet with the insignia 'Blade' written across it in a orange script.
"A book?" he asks incredulously. But Takeru is used to this, and only raises an eyebrow, "What's up?" he replied. Hikari had gone off a few minutes before, and he had been alone, finishing his drink in a booth. Reading a book. He was probably the only one in The Hangout to do that, sit alone reading a book when there was much going on around.
"When was the last time you actually rode with us, man?"
Takeru forced a grin. "Why? When did it matter before? I'm not as good as you, obviously, and Fire Warrior, am I?"
Fire Warrior was the name that Taichi commonly used when the gangs would meet. Though they rarely used the names outside, even at the Hangout. Takeru was being a bit sarcastic. He just didn't prefer to ride with the 'risk takers'. In fact, lately, he didn't prefer to ride at all.
He smiled when he saw confusion steal over Daisuke's features. "Oh come on. We all know you claim to be as good as Ice Archer is, and besides, we _have_ to train. This is our winter break, after all. You know about those new groups, right? When they found out about us losing Ice, and now Tai's gone off on vacation, we're left somewhat in the lurch, and I don't want them claiming takeover."
Miyako put a hand on his shoulder, startling him. "Hey Yolei."
She was clutching her own black helmet, with the name 'Samurai' engraved in flowing green script. 'It's getting to the point when everyone's riding again,' Takeru noted mentally. It had been a while before they all got back into their riding gear. He himself was wearing it, and had his helmet on the table near him (the insignia 'Flying Hope'. He smiled remembering his old friend.)
Well, not everyone was back riding. In the beginning, they had Sora, Joe, Koushiro, and Iori, but they left early on, the last one to leave being Sora, for personal reasons, not to explore academics. And of course, Matt would eventually ride again, but not with the group. Takeru often wondered if he should split away from the group while he could, but he was already too deeply drawn in. He frowned at Tai's choice for a replacement. 'Figures.'
He watched the pair interact.
She smiled. "Well at least you've finally acknowledged me," but her eyes were drawn to Takeru unbeknownst to the two men, and she sighed inwardly.
Daisuke put an arm around her, yet said no more to her, returning his attention to Takeru. "You will do it for the sake of the place, right Takashi?"
"Yeah, whatever," Takeru smirked. "I'll consider it Davis, but, I'm warning you, pull a stunt like Tai did, and you're dead."
"Don't worry. This is all in the books. I'm gonna go hit the ramps. Later!" with that, he and Miyako disappeared into the hazy crowd, and Takeru shook his head, smiling, and went back to reading.
"Flying Hope?" he could barely hear the voice. He turned around to face a figure dressed in the usual gold and black, wearing a similar helmet with 'Kitten' glazed across the top in pink lettering.
"Where have you been?" he smiled, yet thinking of the name that he had chosen. Sometimes, it could sound a bit childish, but he was still proud of it, and he would wait for the day when he got his wings.
"Oh you know, the usual. We've been having some… difficulties." She took off her helmet, letting her light brown hair drop down around her face. "It's all so different. Tai put so much effort into this place, and ever since Matt left I notice the unity is gone."
"There was never any unity to begin with." Takeru shrugged.
Hikari sighed. "I suppose you're right. Everyone's changing around us, Takeru. Are we blind to see that we are too?"
"What do you mean?" he asked. She shrugged as she slid into the seat next to him. "I don't know. It's just, well, you know that I believe in the perfect world and all of that, and it's shattering around me, around us. Secrets and everything."
"Secrets?" Takeru asked, a little surprised. "What secrets?"
"I was just using that as an example." She said quickly.
'Careful there. You don't want to hurt Taichi and all those other people do you? Of course not, right? Shut up now, girl, or there will be nothing left, not even shards.'
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"See now, that wasn't so bad." He says, smiling his old smile. He was king of the slopes, naturally. All lowly servants had to bow to him, Mimi thought with a laugh, how they complained about her when she was in her mode of being a snobby princess. Those days were long gone and she had striven to become the exact opposite. Now she tugged her scarf firmly about her neck before speaking.
"I never knew that you were an experienced skier, Tai," She replied; yet her eyes traveled to the grey skies and gave a little sigh. "It is all rather pretty, though, don't you think?"
"Hazy." He replied after a moment, confusing her. It wasn't hazy at all, pretty clear, or just cloudy most of the day. Tai then reached for her hand. "It will get dark soon. Let's go back to the cabin and change, then come back to look at the sunset or something."
"If you'd like." She replied with a shrug. Sunsets were nice, she supposed, at any rate, and if he tried to pull a number on her she'd tell him where to go.
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