I'm So Wasted
Disclaimer: I don't own digimon. I think Toei does. I also don't own the I'm So Wasted sketch. Adam Sandler does.
Scene: Takeru and Ken were walking from Hikari's party. Takeru was sober and Ken was wasted. Or was he?
Ken: I'm so wasted man.
Takeru: Yeah you are man. Good acid huh?
Ken: Yeah man. It was killer. Thanks man. I've never been higher in my whole life man.
Takeru: My pleasure. You must be freaking out man.
Ken: Yeah. It's great man. Acid's great. Every time I do acid I get so freaking high man.
Takeru: You must be flipping out huh?
Ken: This is the greatest acid ever Takeru.
Takeru: What do you see?
Ken: That cloud up there. It's got a vein and it's bleeding on me man.
Takeru: Holy cow.
Ken: Oh man. Look at my hand. It's moving but it's not moving.
Takeru: It's not huh?
Ken: It's still there but it looks like it's moving.
Takeru: Hey, to you it looks like it is. You must be flipping out.
Ken: I'm flipping out dude.
Takeru: Hallucinations. Hey I got some news for you.
Ken: I'm seeing stuff man.
Takeru: Yeah you're seeing stuff. Yeah that's what happens when you take acid but you know what? That wasn't acid. It was a little piece of paper I ripped off my notebook.
Ken: It's, it's this weed I'm smoking.
Takeru: Oh, that weed.
Ken: Yeah. That Tai Bud. Everything's hilarious! Hahaha!
Takeru: Funny huh. Look at that guy's hat man.
Ken: Hahahaha! Everything's funny to me.
Takeru: How many did you smoke? A few joints man?
Ken: I had about four.
Takeru: Woah. That's a lot of bones to be smoking man.
Ken: I smoked the whole things man.
Takeru: Yeah, you sucked them down yourself.
Ken: Isn't that hilarious?
Takeru: You didn't want to share did you?
Ken: It was great stuff.
Takeru: I got some news on that stuff too. That's the stuff I sold you right?
Ken: Yeah man. That's so funny. Hahahaha. I'm wasted off it.
Takeru: Yeah that's 'cause you smoked it but that wasn't really weed. No it wasn't. It was pencil shavings in a bag.
Ken: Yeah, well. This beer, this beer I'm drinking man. I must be drunk of it or something. I had about eight…teen man.
Takeru: Oh really. That's a lot of beer for one guy to be drinking.
Ken: I' boosted. Man, I gotta pee pretty soon.
Takeru: You didn't dump 'em out in the woods did ya?
Ken: No, no, no, I drank 'em all.
Takeru: Yeah, right. I saw ya. That's good. Did you eat at all today?
Ken: No, I drank on an empty stomach man.
Takeru: Extra buzz for you eh?
Ken: That's why I'm so wasted off it man. It's like I'm seeing things.
Takeru: You can hardly stand.
Ken: You should take my car keys because I can't drive. I can barely walk dude.
Takeru: Buddy you should open up those eyelids they're half shut.
Ken: There are two of you man. I can't see anymore.
Takeru: You know that beer? I got the beers man. I'm the man.
Ken: You the man.
Takeru: Yeah, well there wasn't any alcohol in that beer. It was non-alcoholic. I'm going to have to bust you on that one.
*Ken goes into the bushes and a loud bang is heard.*
Takeru: Oh my god. He killed himself. You killed yourself man.
Ken: Yeah, I'm dead man.
Takeru: Yeah you're dead man. That's awful.
Ken: There's a white light and everything man.
Takeru: Yeah, well you showed us all man.
Ken: Oh, yeah, I'm so peaceful here man.
Takeru: D'you se anything weird?
Ken: My relatives man. And the big white light. I can see my grandfather man.
Takeru: I remember him. He's a good guy.
Ken: And he's wearing the same clothes and everything man.
Takeru: Can you say hi to him for me?
Ken: Hey grandpa, Takeru says hi.
Takeru: Hey I got some news for you. Man, this is so funny. Before you go up to heaven. The gun you killed yourself with, that's the one I sold you right?
Ken: Yeah.
Takeru: Well that was a cap gun so there's no way you could've killed yourself. I'm going back to the party.
Ken: *Sob* I'm moving to another town man.
Four weeks later
Ken: Oh, this beer's great man. And this tequila's really strong man. It's got a worm in it and everything man.
Daisuke: Fucking shit.
Ken: In the sun you're even more wasted man. Fucking shit is right man. I am totally wasted now man. I should probably get an umbrella and go in the shade.
Daisuke: I know a guy who can suck his own dick.
Ken: Yeah, I know a guy who can do that too. He's the drummer for Molly Hatchet man. And one night we had two cases of Southern Comfort man. And we were so wasted off it man. I'm serious.