It had been three years since Chandler left Monica in the hospital room, and she hadn't seen or heard from him since. She had been absolutely devastated and heartbroken without him. But she was also so angry with him for walking out on her and Matthew. She felt the alcoholism was mostly to blame for his actions, and even though she knew it was a poor excuse, it had literally taken over his life after her rape.
She had also been devastated that Matthew was not Chandler's son. She loved her child more than life itself and couldn't imagine her life without him, but sadly he also symbolized what she had lost in life. She thought about that a lot in the beginning, but these days she was finally happy again. None of their friends had heard or seen from Chandler since he'd left either, and they were all sure he'd left New York. Even though Monica was upset with him, she still wished she knew where he was; a part of her would always love him - at least the Chandler she had fallen in love with, and she wanted to know that he was safe. She was still living in the same apartment and still working at the same restaurant as she had been three years earlier, so it wouldn't be impossible for Chandler to track her down. Part of her wished he would contact her, but the other part wanted him to remain in her past. She had Matthew to focus on now and that was the most important part of her life.
Chandler was sitting in his office, wondering what he was going to have for lunch. He'd transferred to California after the hospital incident with Monica. And he'd been sober for the last two years. He had been going to therapy and dealing with his guilt over Monica's rape. He'd finally been able to forgive himself for what she had endured. He had thought about her everyday, but after he'd gotten sober again, he felt so guilty about the way he had treated her, there was no way he could face her again. He couldn't take the chance of totally screwing up her life now even though he was better. He was still upset that he hadn't been the baby's father, but what he regretted more than anything was not giving Monica the chance to explain her side of things. He was getting bored at his desk, so he decided to listen to the radio for awhile until he left for lunch. He scrambled for the first station he could find and a strange feeling came over him when he began to listen to the words in the song.
If I was down
Would your arms lift me up to higher ground
With just the strength of your love
If I was lost
Would I find something in your eyes to lead me home
And after all that long
Would you be there to hold
It's easy to be there through the good times
But when the times get hard
Would you stay or walk away?
Are you gonna be there when the rain comes
Are you gonna be there with a warm touch
Can you say you'll be there with a real love
Are you gonna be there
Will you stand by my side through the bad times
Through whatever will be, will you still be mine
Will you stay in my life for a lifetime
Are you gonna be there
When I need someone to hold
Someone there for me
Are you gonna be...
In my world
If it should all fall down
Will you be there, be there to turn it around
Will you still care
Can I depend on you to see me through this life
And if it all goes wrong, will you still make it right
It's easy to be there through the good times
But when the times get hard
Will you still be on my side
Are you gonna be there when the rain comes
Are you gonna be there with a warm touch
Can you swear you'll be there with a real love
Are you gonna be there
Will you stand by my side through the bad times
Through whatever will be, will you still be mine
Will you stay in my life for a lifetime
Are you gonna be there
When I need someone beside me
Someone there for me
Are you gonna be...
There with the arms to hold me
There with the love I need
Will you be there
Will you be there
Heart and soul I need to know
Are you gonna be there
Are you gonna still care
Are you gonna be there
Will you stand by my side
Are you gonna be mine
Are you gonna be there
Are you gonna be there
Are you gonna be there when the rain comes
Are you gonna be there with a warm touch
Can you say you'll be there with a real love
Are you gonna be there
Will you stand by my side through the bad times
Through whatever will be, will you still be mine
Will you stay in my life for a lifetime
Are you gonna be there
Chandler felt the tears rolling down his cheeks. Once they started, they wouldn't stop coming. He immediately began to think about Monica and how much he had let her down. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a framed photo of her that he'd taken with him from his old office. He traced her facial features in the photo with his fingers and softly whispered, "Is it too late for us?"
Monica was having a small get together at her apartment for her thirty-fourth birthday. She had invited Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe. It felt kind of weird with there just being five in the group now. Monica sometimes wondered what it would have been like if she and Chandler had never gotten together, and she knew that there would still be that sixth member if they had just remained friends. She smiled to herself thinking about their first night together in London, and then she begin to think about their engagement night, and other milestones in their relationship. It saddened her deeply that he had been so traumatized by the rape. It changed their lives in so many ways neither could have ever predicted. Deep down she wished that Chandler had just been able to deal with it and they could have lived happily ever after, but then she snapped back into reality. Matthew was trying to eat a frosted flower from the birthday cake, and Monica sneaked up from behind and grabbed her son and tickled him. They were both laughing as Ross and Rachel walked into the apartment and began to join in tickling Matthew.
The party turned out to be a lot of fun and kind of seemed like old times. After putting Matthew to bed, they watched a movie and then played a game of poker. Monica hadn't been this happy in a long time, and it made the others feel good to know she had been able to move on after what happened with Chandler. Ross especially had a lot of animosity toward Chandler and always told his sister that she was too good for him. Joey and Phoebe never had much to say on the subject, and Rachel felt pretty much the same as Ross. She thought Monica deserved so much better and was constantly trying to set Monica up on dates, but she had always refused.
A few weeks after the party, Monica was walking through Central Park on her way to pick up Matthew. Joey had taken him to a children's theater show that his girlfriend was performing in, and Monica had agreed to meet them in the park. She checked her watch and realized she was a little early, so she made herself comfortable on a bench. A few minutes later she saw Matthew running up to her, followed by Joey who was chasing after him. "Hey sweetie!" Monica said to her son as she gave him a hug. "Did you and Joey have a good day?" Matthew nodded as he smiled up at his mother.
"We had a great time." Joey told her. "Listen, I have to meet Jennifer back at her place, but I'll see you later tonight at dinner."
"Great. It's at 7:00, don't forget." Monica told him as he ran off.
"Now," Monica said to Matthew, "Why don't you tell me all about the play and we'll even stop for ice cream on the way home!"
"Yay, ice cream!" Matthew exclaimed. "Can I get chocolate?"
"Of course. You can get whatever you want." Monica told him, as she took hold of his hand.
Monica was so interested in what her son was telling her, she hadn't even noticed that Chandler had been standing a few away from them. He'd been watching her since she sat down on the bench. He'd only been in Central Park by coincidence, and was shocked when he saw Monica there. He had been tempted to approach her, but when he saw Joey and Matthew running up, he didn't want to bother her. She looked so happy with her son, and that had made Chandler smile. He wanted her to be happy more than anything else. But he had come to New York for a reason, and that reason was Monica. He knew he was going to have to talk to her eventually, and soon.
The gang has just finished dinner and were about to watch a movie. Ever since Monica's birthday, they all decided they should get together once a week for dinner and a movie. It reminded them of old times and they had all been so busy with their own lives, they hadn't been spending as much time together as they once had. Rachel and Phoebe were finishing with the dishes, while Monica was putting Matthew to bed. When there was on unexpected knock on the door, Ross offered to answer it. He opened to the door and to his dismay found Chandler on the other side. He was speechless for a moment, but managed to form the words seconds later.
"Well look what the cat dragged in…" Ross said as he angrily stared at Chandler.
"Hello Ross." Chandler said.
Rachel, Joey, and Phoebe had all gathered around Ross and were just as shocked to see Chandler standing on the other side. None of them knew what to say.
"What do you want?" Ross asked him.
"I'd like to talk to Monica." Chandler started.
"She's busy." Ross told him, as he began to close the door.
"Ross, please - I know you're angry and you have every right to be. All of you do. But I would really like to speak to Monica."
"No. Now just get out of here. I don't need you upsetting her tonight." Ross replied.
"Rachel…Pheebs? Joey? Would you please tell Monica I'm here?" They just blankly stared at Chandler, offering no response.
As he turned to leave, he heard Monica's voice.
"Who's at the door?" She asked the group.
"No one…" Ross started to say, but Monica quickly walked over toward the door. When she noticed it was Chandler, she practically ran.
"Chandler?" she asked, surprised that it was really him. "What are you doing here?"
"Look, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to disturb you."
"Could you guys excuse us for a second?" Monica asked the others as she walked into the hall with Chandler, closing the door behind her.
"Mon, I'm sorry." Chandler said. He couldn't get much else out. He couldn't believe he was really with her again. All of the love he had for her came rushing back. But he could tell by the look in her eyes, that she no longer had the same feelings for him. Or if she did, they were buried very deeply now.
"Chandler, what the hell is going on? I don't see you for three years and all you have to say is that you're sorry? Is there a reason you're here?" She asked him as she crossed her arms.
"I'm better now, Mon. I got help after I left."
"Well congratulations." Monica told him sarcastically.
Chandler looked down at his feet. He couldn't look her in the eyes. Not after he could see all the pain he had caused her.
"Look seriously," Monica said, "I'm glad you got help. I was really worried you were dead or something."
Chandler looked back up at her. "You..you were?"
"What do you think? Of course I was worried."
"I thought you probably hated me."
"I could never hate you, Chandler. But I am angry as hell with you. I don't even know why I am out here talking to you right now. I guess I just wanted to see for myself that you are actually okay. But now I can go back into my apartment and get on with my life." Monica turned to walk in, then looked at him again. "Actually, could you come in for a sec? There is something I need to give you."
"Okay." He told her, as he followed her in.
He waited in the kitchen area as Monica went into her bedroom. Ross and the others were all standing around looking at Chandler. He felt really uncomfortable.
"So what'd you do? Give her some sob story?" Ross asked. "What, now you want her back or something? I will have you know that will never happen as long as I'm alive."
"Yeah and that goes for me too." Rachel chimed in.
"We're never going to let you hurt Monica again." Phoebe said. Chandler was stunned. He couldn't believe the words coming out of the mouths of the people who had once been his best friends.
He turned to look at Joey, who hadn't said anything.
"They're right, Chandler." Joey said, shrugging his shoulders. "You hurt her."
"I am really sorry, you guys. I was sick, but I'm better now."
"We don't care." Rachel replied. "You leave without a peep for three years and you expect to walk back into our lives and us be best friends again? I lost all respect I had for you after you walked out on Monica."
"Rach, I wasn't thinking clearly when I did that. I would never do that now."
"Well, its too late to change what's happened now, isn't it?" Phoebe said to him. "Don't you get it Chandler? When you left Mon, you left all of us."
"Yeah, we don't need you. We've done just fine without you!" Ross yelled.
"Yes we have." Monica said from the doorway to her room. She walked toward Chandler and handed him an envelope. "Here, I wanted to give these to you two years ago."
"What is it?"
"Divorce papers. So please sign them and that'll be it." Monica walked over to the door and opened it. "Good-bye, Chandler."
Chandler had tears in his eyes and looked at Monica for a moment. He stood in the same spot for a few seconds before Ross yelled at him again.
"Get the hell out of here, Chandler! And don't come back this time."
Chandler looked at the gang one last time and then at Monica as he walked out of the apartment. Monica knew that Chandler was hurting, but after everything she had gone through because of his leaving she couldn't let herself feel sorry for him.
A couple of hours later, Monica was getting ready for bed when the phone rang. She signed wondering who would be calling her so late.
"Hello?" She asked, slightly annoyed.
"Hi, Mon." Chandler said from the other end.
"Chandler? What the hell are you doing calling me so late? It's after eleven."
"I'm sorry, I was just calling to say good-bye."
"Well that isn't necessary." Monica replied. "Did you sign the papers yet?"
"No, but I'm getting ready to. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am, Mon. I know its a little late, but you have to know that I am so so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
"Chandler, are you…are you crying?" Monica asked him.
"I loved you more than anything in the world. I still love you. I would never do anything to hurt you, Mon."
"Chandler? Are you okay? You sound weird." She said, as she started to get a little nervous.
"I just wanted you to know. I'm always going to love you, Mon. Please know that." Chandler said before hanging up.
Monica was on the verge of tears. "Chandler! Where are you?" She yelled into the phone as she had hung up. "Damn it!" She pulled on her robe and ran over to Joey's door and knocked on it until he answered a moment later.
"Monica, what's going on?" He asked her, noticing she was in tears.
"Chandler just called and he sounded weird."
"So? He's weird now, remember?"
"No, Joey. I'm serious. I'm afraid he's going to something drastic."
"You mean like….?"
"I don't know, but we have to find him!"
"Well you said he called you, right? Can't you just *69 back to the hotel?"
"Oh you're right." Monica replied as she ran back into her apartment and grabbed the phone. After getting the number, she dialed up the hotel and asked them to please have someone go up to Chandler's room to see if he was okay. A few moments later, someone came back to the phone and told Monica that everything was fine. She breathed a sigh of relief as she hung up the phone.
"I can't believe you." Joey said to her.
"What do you mean?" She asked him, a little confused.
"After everything he's put you through, and you still care so much about him."
"I'm not in love with him, if that's what you mean. But I don't want him to harm himself. I mean we were pretty harsh on him tonight and I don't know how fragile is still is."
"Yeah and plus everything Ross said to him the night he left probably still haunts him." Joey said.
"What are you talking about?" Monica asked. "Ross talked to him the night he left me?"
"Yeah, I thought you knew."
"Joey. What happened that night?"
"Ross totally told Chandler off. He told him that you'd be better off without him and that he hated him. After Ross left, I came over here and Chandler was totally freaking out. I have never seen him like that."
"What was wrong with him?"
"He couldn't stop crying. I stayed here the whole time trying to talk to him, but he wouldn't answer. And then he left, I assume to see you."
"But he was fine when I saw him."
"I don't know." Joey replied. "I have to go. But come over in case anything else happens. Good night." Joey told her as he left the apartment.
Monica got into bed and couldn't stop thinking about the night Chandler had left her at the hospital. She was upset that no one had ever mentioned what happened with Ross, and was wondered what had been said. She closed her eyes and decided she would talk to Ross about it the next day and hopefully get all of the answers she needed.
A few hours later, she woke up to the sound of her phone ringing. She looked at the clock before answering and saw that it was a little after 4 am.
"Hello?" She said, half asleep.
"Hello, is this Monica Bing?"
"Yes, Monica Geller Bing."
"Mrs. Bing, my name is Sharon Willis. I'm calling from NYU Medical Center."
Monica sat straight up in bed. "Oh my God. Who is it?"
"Your husband, Chandler Bing has just been brought in, unconscious. Are you able to come to the hospital?"
Monica couldn't believe her ears. She dropped the phone and got dressed as fast as she could. She called Rachel over to stay with Matthew, and she and Joey headed to the hospital. She hoped she'd be able to get to Chandler before it was too late.