I'd just like to give a special thanks to Bonnie and Sally for their help with this chapter!! You two really motivated me!!
It was a little after 5am by the time Joey and Monica arrived at the emergency. Monica ran to the front desk frantically asking about Chandler. Joey wasn't quite as concerned. He couldn't understand why Monica was so upset after everything Chandler had put her through. He had felt betrayed by Chandler as well, after all, they had been best friends and then Chandler left and Joey never heard from him again.
Joey walked over to the waiting area and sat down as Monica continued to pace, hoping she would hear something soon regarding Chandler's condition. A short while later, a doctor approached her.
"Mrs. Bing?"
"Yes. Monica. How's Chandler?"
"He was unconscious when they brought him in. He just woke up a few minutes ago and his vitals look good. It was a very close call though. We're going to want to keep him here for a few days."
"Do you know what happened?" Monica asked.
The doctor stepped a little closer to her and spoke in a softer voice. "Mrs. Bing, does your husband, by any chance suffer from emotional problems?"
"Why?"
"He took a lethal amount of sleeping pills mixed with vodka tonight. Could it be possible he was trying to commit suicide?"
"I can't believe he would do something like this." Monica replied, on the verge of tears.
"I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this. You weren't aware of your husband's problems?"
"It's a long story." Monica said. "Can I see him, please?"
"Of course. His room is right down the hall." The doctor started toward the hall but Monica stopped him.
"I'll just be a minute." She turned to Joey. "Can you call Chandler's mom? She needs to be here. He's going to need her."
"Yeah, I guess." Joey replied. Monica wrote down the number and handed it to him.
"I'm going to be with Chandler, okay?"
Monica walked into his hospital room and saw that his eyes were closed. She went over to his bed and sat down on the stool that was already there. She just watched him for a minute debating on whether or not to bother him. She couldn't believe he had tried to kill himself - what could he have been thinking? She felt a little guilty about the way everyone had treated him the previous night, but didn't think it was any reason to want to end your life. She didn't know how she felt about Chandler at this moment. Did she feel sorry for him or was she even more angry with him than before?
He turned his head in her direction and looked up at her. He looked so helpless. He looked like an innocent little child, and Monica's mothering instincts got the better of her. She moved a little closer to him and placed her hand on his forehead and brushed her fingers through his hair a few times. Neither one said anything for a long time.
"Why did you do this?" Monica asked him.
Chandler looked at her with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"I can't believe you tried to end your own life. How could you do that?"
"All of the pain came back tonight. Everything I did to you three years ago. I just didn't think I could take it anymore."
"Is that why you called to tell me good-bye?"
"I wanted you to know that I loved you."
"Chandler none of this makes any sense. Maybe that's because its five o'clock in the morning, though."
Chandler smiled slightly. He was still feeling very weak, even though most of the sleeping pills had been pumped out of his stomach. But the trauma of the night had exhausted him. He wanted to sleep, but he was afraid that when he woke up Monica would have left and he had so much he wanted to tell her.
Chandler's eye lids were getting more and more heavy. He grabbed hold of Monica's hand.
"Please don't go." He said to her.
A few sarcastic comments entered her mind, but she couldn't bring herself to be mean to him, even though a small part of her wanted to. "Okay, I won't leave. Joey is calling your mom so she should be here soon." Monica said. "Just go to sleep." Chandler closed his eyes and a few minutes later he had fallen asleep. Monica went back into the waiting room and found Joey still sitting there.
"Did you reach Nora?" Monica asked him.
"Yes, she said she would be here within the hour." Joey replied, as he stood up.
"Great. Chandler is really going to need her."
"Better her than you."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Monica asked defensively.
"You don't owe Chandler a damn thing."
"Joey, he could have died last night."
"So what? He's been dead to me for three years. Listen, I gotta get out of here. Are you coming?"
"No. I am going to wait for Nora to get here."
"Fine, I'll see you later." Joey told her as he left the hospital.
Monica couldn't believe how much hate she heard in Joey's voice. Sure, she was angry at Chandler, and even though he had hurt her, she never once wished him any harm. She walked back down the hall toward his room, hoping his mother would soon be there so she could get home to her own son.
When Nora finally arrived two hours later, Chandler was still sleeping. Monica had been waiting outside of his hospital room. Nora quickly walked up to Monica and gave her a hug.
"Oh, Monica. What has happened?"
"Well, Chandler tried to commit suicide last night." Monica told her, trying to break the news as mildly as she could.
"Oh dear." Nora replied, sitting down. "This is a shock."
"I think I probably drove him to it." Monica said, as she took a seat next to Nora.
"Oh sweetheart, I'm sure you didn't."
"No, Chandler came to the apartment last night. And everyone was there and we were all so mean to him. I mean I had no idea he was still so fragile. He told us he was better. But we all just totally laid into him. I was so stupid." Monica said, as she began to cry. The guilt was killing her.
Nora just looked at her confused. "Monica, what are you talking about? Chandler being 'all better'? Was he sick?"
"You mean, you didn't know?"
"No, I haven't talked to Chandler since the two of you got married."
"What? I figured you two were in touch."
"Monica, please tell me what has happened."
"About four years ago, I was raped." Monica started. As she began her story, Nora gasped. "Well Chandler walked in on it, and saved my life. But unfortunately, what he witnessed pretty much took over his life. And after we got married, he started drinking heavily. And then I found out I was pregnant."
"Oh, you and Chandler have a child? I can't believe he never called to tell me!"
"Well, I thought it was Chandler's child. I mean I was so sure it had to be."
"Oh, no." Nora sadly replied. "It wasn't his baby?"
Monica began to cry more remembering what had happened. "No. And when he found out that Matthew wasn't his, he left. And I didn't see him again. Until last night."
Nora pulled Monica into a hug and let her cry. "Oh, Monica, I am so sorry. What a difficult four years this must have been for you. I wish I had known."
"I thought if you knew where Chandler was you wouldn't tell me anyway." Monica sobbed. "And everyone said I was better off without him."
After Monica calmed down a bit, Nora held onto her hand. Monica could tell that Nora had something important she wanted to tell her.
"Sweetheart, I think there is something you should know." Nora seriously said.
"What?" Monica asked, concerned.
"When I was eighteen…I was raped."
"Oh my God, I am so sorry."
"And as a result of it, I got pregnant." She continued.
"It happened to you too? Nora, thank you so much for telling me this. There aren't many people who can understand this…"
"No, Monica I don't think you understand. I got pregnant with Chandler."
Monica was speechless. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You mean…..Does Chandler know this?"
"Yes, I told him when he was younger. I thought he handled it quite well. But maybe the attack on you, maybe it triggered something in him?"
Monica stood up and walked over toward Chandler's room. She looked through the window in the door and watched him sleep. Everything made a little bit more sense now. But she couldn't understand how Chandler could keep this from her. They weren't supposed to have any secrets from one another. And even if there were small secrets, this was something so big and important, that it upset her even more that he hadn't told her. Monica wasn't feeling well, so she turned to Nora and told her she had to get home to Matthew.
"Tell Chandler I will try to be back later to see him." She said before rushing down the hall as quickly as her legs would carry her.
Not long after Monica left, Chandler woke up. He was glad to see his mother, but wondered where Monica had gone. Nora explained that she had to get home to Matthew, and Chandler just nodded. He had hoped to see Monica, but knew under the circumstances he was lucky she had come to the hospital at all. He was feeling really depressed and was disappointed in himself for taking a drink the night before. He'd been doing so well for the past two years, and couldn't figure out what had come over him the night before.
A few hours later, Monica returned to the hospital. She decided this was the last time she was going to see Chandler. She felt strangely responsible for what he had done the night before and did not want to cause him anymore pain and vice versa. She wanted their final good-byes to be pleasant and on good terms. When she went into his room, he looked a lot better than he had that morning. He had most of his color back and was eating lunch. She smiled at him from the door and walked over toward the bed.
"Hi. You look better." She said, as she took a seat on the stool.
"Thanks. And thanks for coming back."
Monica just nodded. "Where's your mom?"
"Oh she had to cancel her flight to wherever."
"I'm glad you are okay, Chandler. And I'm sorry for being so mean to you last night."
"I deserved it. And I'm sorry too."
"Just promise me you'll never do anything like this again."
"I promise." Chandler said, slightly smiling.
"What could you have been thinking?" Monica asked him trying not to sound too harsh.
"I wasn't. I was just stupid."
"I mean how did they even find you? Because I called the hotel…."
"You did?" Chandler asked, surprised.
"Yeah, after you called me. I was really upset so I called the hotel and they sent someone to check on you. They said you were fine, so I went to bed."
"No one ever came to my room."
"What? I can't believe they would lie to me."
"Mon, I can't believe you called the hotel."
"I was worried you were going to do exactly what you did. How did you end up here?"
"My mom said that the people in the room next to me called the front desk and complained my TV was too loud. When they got in my room, they found me."
"Wow, you were really lucky."
"Yeah, I was." Chandler said, looking down. He was lucky to have his life, yes, but that was about it. The only thing he really wanted was Monica and he knew that would never happen.
A few minutes later, Chandler's mom and the doctor came into the room. Monica had been preparing to start her good bye to Chandler, but figured she'd have would wait until the doctor and Nora left.
"We'd like to keep you for a few more days and then you will be released, but we strongly suggest that you not be alone and in the care of someone you trust." The doctor said to him.
"Well, mom…." Chandler said as he looked up at her. "I guess that's you."
"Oh, Chandler. I would love to help out. But I've got a huge book tour. And I'm already going to be a few days behind now as it is."
Monica couldn't believe that Chandler's own mother was not willing to support him. She could see how hurt he was when his mother turned him down and told him she was too busy to help him get well. Even though Monica knew it was against her better judgement, she couldn't let Chandler be alone in a time of need. As Nora continued to explain why she couldn't care for her son, Monica spoke up.
"Listen, doctor, he can stay with me. I've got an extra bedroom he can stay in. And my work hours are really flexible." Monica couldn't even believe her own ears, and she wasn't the only one who was shocked. Chandler had practically bolted up right in his bed, trying to comprehend what she had just said.