"You what?" Ross yelled at Monica.
"Don't yell at me." She replied. "Matthew is right in the next room."
"How could you agree to let Chandler stay here?"
"He needs to stay somewhere, okay?"
"No, it's not okay. He is not your responsibility. He was not there when you needed him, why should he get your help now?"
"It's not your decision." Monica replied, hoping Ross would shut up.
"Monica, you are nuts. If you are even considering getting back together with him…."
"It has nothing to do with that. This is not about me and Chandler. This is about helping him to get well. And I do owe him that. If he hadn't seen me get raped then this never would have happened to him."
"You don't know that. If it wasn't the rape, something else could have pushed him into drinking."
"Yeah, well you don't know that either, Ross. You don't know everything. I'm sorry to disappoint you."
"Monica, I'm just trying to help you. And you are making a huge mistake. I can't even believe you would trust him around Matthew."
Monica stopped dead in her tracks and looked at her brother. "Now you listen to me. I know you think Chandler is some crazy wacko, but he would never hurt Matthew. And I don't ever want you to imply that he would."
"None of us know Chandler anymore. And I can't believe you are falling for this whole 'poor me' thing he is doing."
"Ross, he has a serious illness. Now if I want to help him, then that is my prerogative."
"Well just don't expect us to be here for you again when he breaks your heart into a million pieces." Ross said as he grabbed his jacket.
"For the last time, we are not going to get back together. But I could not live with myself if I knew I had turned my back on him."
"He did just fine after he did it to you."
"How can you be so cruel?"
"How can you be so damn stupid?" Ross quipped back.
"Get out of here. When you can have a normal conversation, then you can come back."
"Oh well, if Mr. Bing is here, you won't have to worry about me coming over. And I think its safe to say the same goes for the others." He said as he walked over to the door.
"Fine, then when you all grow hearts then maybe you'll want to stop by." Monica replied as she slammed the door behind him.
She turned and saw Matthew standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He looked confused, and didn't understand why his mommy was so upset.
"Mommy?" He asked as he walked over to her.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Uncle Ross was just being difficult again." She told him as she walked over to him. She smiled as she picked him up and carried him back into his bedroom. She placed him in his bed and covered him up. She sat on the bed next to him and ran her fingers through his hair.
"Why is Uncle Ross mad at you?" Matthew asked her.
Monica looked down at her son. He was the cutest little boy she'd ever seen, and even though she knew every mother thought that of their child, she really meant it. Whenever he smiled, his baby blue eyes would light up and he had two little dimples that would always appear. He only slightly resembled Monica, but she had convinced herself that he looked more like her than he actually did. She tried as hard as she could to erase out of her mind what her attacker looked like and tried to create an image in her head of a more suitable father for Matthew. But every time she did, that image was of Chandler. And when she would look down at Matthew, she would imagine him as a little version of Chandler; which is the way it should have been.
"Mommy?" Matthew asked again.
"Let's not worry about Ross. There is something else I want to talk to you about."
"Okay."
"Well, a friend of mine is going to be staying with us for awhile. And he is going to be staying in your room, so you can sleep with me."
"Who is it?" Matthew curiously asked.
"Well his name is Chandler. And you will like him." Monica told him.
"Okay."
Monica smiled, thinking how easy that was. She wished it could have been that easy telling Ross. She stayed with Matthew until he fell asleep and then gently kissed his forehead before going into her own room.
A few days later, Monica brought Chandler back to the apartment after his release from the hospital. Things were a little weird between them and the conversation was limited.
"Mon, thanks again for letting me stay here. You know, it really isn't necessary. If you want me to find another place…"
"Its no problem, okay? I just want you well." Monica told him as she walked toward Matthew's bedroom. "You can stay in here."
Chandler followed her. "Where is the little guy?" He asked her, feeling a little awkward. It was so strange to think of Monica having a child. And Chandler hadn't had much experience with kids, so he hoped there wouldn't be any problems getting along with the boy.
"He should be here any minute, actually. A friend from the restaurant is watching him for me."
"That is nice." Chandler replied, not really knowing what else to say. A silence ensued for a few minutes and they were both a bit uncomfortable. It had been a long time since they'd been alone together in the apartment and a million memories came flooding into Chandler's head. He gazed at Monica, who was also obviously taking a stroll down memory lane.
"Mon.." Chandler started.
"So, you want something to eat? I know Matty's gonna be hungry when he gets here. How about some ravioli? He loves that." She said as she headed toward the kitchen.
"Yeah, ravioli…that sounds great." He took a seat on the couch, sensing Monica's uneasiness. Living together in the apartment wasn't going to be easy. He still couldn't figure out why she had completely changed her attitude toward him, but decided that he would ask her about it once things settled down a bit.
A few minutes later Matthew got home.
"Mommy!" He yelled as he ran through the front door. He greeted his mother with a hug and kiss, and she helped him take off his jacket. Chandler watched them together and remembered seeing them in the park. He could tell they were crazy about each other, and a part of him wondered what their lives would have been like if he hadn't left. Matthew noticed Chandler sitting on the couch and looked up at his mother.
"Matthew, this is my friend Chandler." Monica started. Matthew smiled, but quickly became shy and latched onto his mother and buried his face in her side. Monica laughed a bit. "He gets shy sometimes." She explained to Chandler.
"No, its okay. We were all like that once." He smiled. "Hi Matthew."
Matthew looked up at him and smiled. "Hi." He replied, but then buried his face again. Monica wrapped her arms around her son and hugged him. She informed him that his lunch was ready and asked Chandler to join them. During lunch, Matthew seemed to get a little more used to the new person in his life. He would occasionally look over at Chandler, but if Chandler would look back, he would get shy again and look away.
While Monica washed the dishes, Chandler went back and sat down on the couch. A few moments later, Matthew sat down beside him. He looked at Chandler curiously. Chandler smiled at him.
"You're gonna sleep in my room." Matthew told Chandler.
"I know. Thanks for letting me borrow it for awhile."
"It's okay." Matthew replied. "I don't use it much."
Chandler laughed. He had been nervous, but now he realized he was going to able to get along just fine with Monica's son.
For the rest of the week, things went by pretty smoothly. Chandler soon realized that the rest of the gang was furious with Monica for letting Chandler stay with her. He told Monica it would probably be best if he were to leave, but she told him that she wanted him to stay and it was none of anyone's business. She wanted to talk to him about the conversation she'd had with Nora at the hospital, but wanted to wait until he was a little stronger and also until a time when Matthew wasn't around. She had a feeling it wasn't going to be a happy discussion, so she decided she'd have him spend the weekend with her parents so she could finally have her talk with Chandler. On Friday afternoon, Chandler came into the apartment after his counseling session. Monica was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for him.
"Hi." He said when he saw her.
"Hey. How was the session?"
"It was good, thanks. Where's Matthew? I got this cool game for him."
Monica smiled. It made her happy that Chandler and Matthew had hit it off. She'd began thinking that maybe she and Chandler could somehow mend their friendship. It had only been a week, but they were getting along and she was feeling so much better that Chandler was doing well and didn't show any signs of wanting to drink.
"Oh, he's with my parents for the weekend. They've been wanting to see him, and I thought you know it would be a nice break for you. You know you might want a quiet weekend."
"No, he's great, Mon. Please don't feel like he bothers me. He's a blast."
"Thanks. Actually, there was another reason he's with them this weekend."
"What?" Chandler asked.
"Well, I wanted to talk to you."
"About what? Do you want me to leave? I totally understand if you're uncomfortable with me here."
"No, its not that. Please sit down."
Chandler sat at the table next to her. "Sounds serious."
"It is. And I don't want us to fight, okay? I just hate fighting."
"I know what you mean. Go ahead."
"Well, when you were in the hospital, I was talking to your mom. And well, she filled me in on a few things that I didn't know before."
He looked down. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. "You mean…."
"Chandler, she told me you are the result of a rape."
Chandler stood up from the table and walked over toward the window. Monica followed him. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked him.
"I just…I didn't think it was relevant." He said, not ready to face her just yet.
"Not relevant? Of course it is! The same thing happened to me, Chandler. I mean the same exact thing. But I want to know why you never told me this before I was ever raped?"
"It's not the kind of thing you tell someone over dinner, Monica."
"I know that, but Chandler, we told each other everything. Did you not trust me enough to tell me this?"
Chandler turned and looked at her. "Of course I trusted you. I was just, I was embarrassed. I'd rather have people think my father was gay than some pervert rapist."
Monica's eyes filled with tears. "Chandler, if you had just told me, so many of our problems could have been solved! I would have understood why my rape affected you the way it did. And I could have gotten you the help you needed instead of letting it get out of control."
"Monica, please don't blame yourself. I should have told you."
"Yes, you should have. Everything makes sense now. Three years later, when it doesn't even matter."
"I'm sorry. I was so screwed up. I wanted to tell you, and then you were pregnant. And I totally couldn't deal with it."
"That's when you should have told me! I could have understood your point of view so much more clearly!" Monica exclaimed, as she started to cry. "At the time it made no sense at all."
"I couldn't stand the thought of a kid growing up the way I did, knowing what kind of father they had."
"Chandler, then why didn't you stay? You could have been the father you never had. Even if he's not your's by blood, he still could have been your son."
"It wasn't fair, Mon. He should have been our son."
"Fair? You want to talk about fair? How fair was you just leaving me a few hours after I gave birth? How fair is it that I didn't see you for three years not knowing what the hell happened to you. Knowing deep down that everything you saw that night totally fucked you up! And I couldn't even deal with losing you because I had a newborn to take care of. All alone. Do you know how hard that was? Do you know how much I needed you?" Monica sobbed.
Chandler began to cry as well. "I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't mean a damn thing now. I was so stupid to leave. But I wasn't thinking straight that night. Ross had just told me how much of a loser I was and I thought he was right. And when I found out the baby wasn't mine, I just lost it. And I am so sorry, but we both lost that night, Mon. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me."
"God, I just wish you had stayed and we could have tried to work it out. I hated you so much when you left, yet I loved you more than anything. And everyday I just waited for that phone to ring and you to tell me you were okay, or that you were coming home. And the sad part is that I wanted you to come home. I cried myself to sleep so many nights."
"Monica, I can't tell you how sorry I am. If I could go back and change what happened, I swear I would. I don't even know what I was thinking. I was stupid." Chandler cried.
"Yes, you were!" Monica cried back.
"Maybe I should leave for awhile." Chandler replied as he walked toward the door. As he grabbed for the knob, he felt Monica's hand on his shoulder.
"Chandler, wait." She said.
He turned to face her, the tears still rolling down his cheeks. Her tears were still falling as well. Before Chandler could say anything, Monica threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. He was shocked at first, but then kissed her back. She broke away a second later. "Don't go." She said and leaned into and kissed him again. He wrapped his arms around her and knew it was a mistake to be kissing her. They were both so emotionally unstable, and her kisses were both needy and hungry. They continued to kiss passionately, and a minute later she took his hand and led him into her bedroom. Chandler knew deep down that he shouldn't be doing this with her, it was wrong and they were both vulnerable. But he wanted her so much, he had missed every part of her. They both lay on the bed and her kisses became more and more hungry. She slowly began to unzip his pants and before he knew it, her hand was in his boxers with her fingers running up and down the length of him.
She looked deep into his eyes, then closed her own and kissed him again. He was starting to get very turned on, and he wanted her so much. He hadn't been with anyone other than her, and he wondered if she had. "Monica…" He started to say. "Mon, are you sure you want this?"
Monica stopped kissing him momentarily. "Yeah, don't stop." She replied and she quickly began to remove her clothing. Chandler had never seen her like this, even when they'd been together, she'd never been this starved for sex. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched her as she took all of her clothes off. The she just as quickly began to remove his, kissing him in between. She crawled on top of him, straddling him.
"Monica, do you have any condoms or anything?" He asked her, but it was too late, she had already slipped him inside of her. He closed his eyes and couldn't believe it was really happening. She felt amazing to be with again, and he really wanted to take his time, but she was going so fast and he wouldn't be able to last much longer. He felt himself involuntarily speeding up and Monica started to moan loudly. They were both sitting up, Chandler with his legs hanging over the edge of the bed and Monica still sitting in his lap. It was the most unromantic setting Chandler could ever remember them being in while making love. And it was about to be the quickest as well.
"Monica.." Chandler whispered in her ear. "I'm getting ready to…. I'm about to…"
"I don't care." She loudly moaned.
"But…" He replied as he tried to maintain control.
"Shut up. Keep going."
A few seconds later, he had climaxed and fell back on the bed. Monica collapsed on top of him and kissed his cheek.
They ended up making love two more times, but not as intensely as the first time. Chandler wanted to go slow and remember what it felt like to be with her again. After the last time, Chandler fell sleep in the same spot on his side of the bed he'd fallen asleep in so many times before. Monica looked over at him and watched him. She knew she had just made a huge mistake and was already starting to regret it. She couldn't believe she'd let her emotions take over. The truth was, she needed to feel that physical connection with someone again, and that first time it didn't really matter if it was Chandler. But by the third time they'd made love, she was starting to feel again and that scared her. He'd made love to her like he had when they'd been together and a lot of old feelings for him had started to resurface. She promised herself no matter what, she couldn't let this ever happen again with him. No matter how tempted she was. She felt guilty because she knew when Chandler woke up, he was going to think they were back together again, and she had no idea how she was going to tell him that wasn't so.