(1,2,3,4,5,6,Desk)
(Joel & Mike are standing alone at the desk.)
JOEL: Well, Mike I have to say of all the movies I've had to watch
this is almost the worst.
MIKE: Let me guess the worst was "Manos".
JOEL: Yeah how did you know.
MIKE: The bots told me about it. Speaking of them where are they.
(Crow and Servo come in with a really fake possesed look)
CROW: Why have you disturbed our sleep.
MIKE: Ah guys you don't sleep.
SERVO : Awankened us from our eternal Slumber.
JOEL: Like Mike said you don't sleep.
(The bots freeze momentarily)
BOTS: You will die!
JOEL: Uh-oh
BOTS: (Chanting) Joinm us Join us.
MIKE: Uh Joel I don't think they're kidding.
JOEL: This movie must have messed up their circutry.
MIKE: Now what do we do?
(The bots attack but Mike & Joel easily dodge them)
JOEL: Well I can fix them if we can make them stop.
MIKE: How do we do that?
(The bots make another weak attack which again Mike & Joel easily
dodge)
JOEL: They have an emergience shutoff switch on their backs get
their attention.
MIKE: Wait we can use the nanites.
JOEL: Nanites?
MIKE: Yeah. Ned shut down Crow & Servo now.
NED: (Off screen) okMikeShutdownin5,4,3,2,1,
(Crow & Servo both fall down behind the counter.
JOEL: That worked but what are the Nanites
(Joel bends down to work on the bots.)
MIKE: Well Crow found them somewhere and they live here. They're
microscopic and they are everywhere. (pulls down the Nanite
viewing scope) See.
(Joel looks in and sees Ned)
NED: HeyJoelwe'veheardalotaboutyou.
JOEL: Oh thanks. Well The guys should be alright now.
MIKE: OK Ned Reactivate them.
(Crow & Servo sit up)
CROW: Whoah what happened?
JOEL: Well this movie shorted you out and made you think you was
possesed.
SERVO Man that was wierd.
(Mad light flashes)
(Mike hits the button)
(Deep TV)
Dr.F.: Hi guysEverything alright.
(SOL)
JOEL: Yeah now that I fixed the bots circuctry.
(Deep TV)
Dr.F.: Well I gotta tell you it's time for you next movie. But
don't worry this one is a little bit better then the other.
(Sol)
MIKE:Well that's a relif I don't think i can take another attack
like that.
(Deep TV)
Dr.F.: As soon as the commercials end the movie will begins.
(SOL)
(Commercial sign flashes)
MIKE: Oh we'll be right back.
(Commercials)
(6,5,4,3,2,1,)
(All settle in)
[Montage of the origins of the Book of the Dead]
Prof: (Voice Over) [note during most of this monologue in the back
is all kinds of hideous creatures floating around] Legend has it
that it was written by the Dark Ones. Necronomicon ex Mortis,
roughly translated, "Book of the Dead". The book served as a
passageway to the evil worlds beyond.
JOEL: Hey it's grandma.
It was written long ago. When the seas ran red with blood. It was
this blood that was used to ink the book.
MIKE: Hey my dog.
In the year 1300 AD, the book disappeared.
SERVO: Even the book is trying to leave.
CROW: Yeah and it made it for now.
RENAISSANCE PICTURES Presents
EVIL DEAD II
[Daytime - In a car while driving on a remote highway]
Linda: So what's this place like?
MIKE: Hey what happened to the other three?
Ash: Well it's a little run-down... but, uh, it's right up in the
mountains.
Linda: Are you sure it's deserted?
Ash: Oh yeah...
CROW: Yeah they ran away when they found out there was a bad "b"
movie being made here.
I think so.
Linda: (giggle)
The car crosses a bridge
[Nighttime - In the cabin]
Ash plays the piano as Linda dances
SERVO: Hey I'm dancing in your clothes.
JOEL: There's no way he'd fit in those clothes.
Ash: Whoa.
Linda: (giggle) Ow. finds a necklace Ash has given to her
Ash: So what do you think kid?
MIKE: I hate it.
Linda: I love it Ash.
Linda: I feel funny about being here. What if the people who own
the place come home?
Ash: They're not gonna come back.
CROW: I took care of it.
Even if they do we'll tell them the car broke down or something
like that.
Linda: With your car, they'd believe it.
Ash: Hey, what do you say we have some champagne hey baby?
Linda: Sure.
Ash: After all, I'm a man and you're a woman, at least last time I
checked.
JOEL: Don't even go there Crow it isn't worth it.
Linda: OK.
Linda goes to another room to change
Ash: Hey! There's a... There's a tape recorder here.
MIKE: Wow, we got a detective on our hands here.
Linda: See what's on it.
Ash plays the tape recorder
Prof: (On tape) This is Professor Raymond Knowby, Department of
Ancient History, log entry number two. I believe I have made a
significant find in the Castle of Candar. Having journeyed there
with my wife Henrietta, my daughter Annie and Associate Professor
Ed Getly.
SERVO: Ed Geekly?
It was in the rear chamber of the castle that we stumbled upon
something remarkable. Morturom Demonto,
MIKE: Hey, I thought it was the Necronomicon.
the "Book of the Dead". My wife and I brought the book to this
cabin where I could study it undisturbed. It was here that I began
the translations. The book speaks of a spiritual presence.
BOTS: Elvis??
A thing of evil that roams the forests and the dark bowers of
man's domain.
BOTS: Elvis!!
It is through the recitation of the book's passages that this dark
spirit is given license to possess the living. Included here are
the phonetic pronunciations of those passages. "Cunda astratta
montose eargrets gutt nos veratoos canda amantos canda".
the Evil Force approaches and takes Linda away
Ash investigates Linda's room
Ash: Linda?
CROW: Trace?
Hey Lind-
SERVO: Kevin?
Ash goes to look outside
[Outside the cabin]
Ash: Linda!?!
MIKE: Chief?
Ash chops off Possessed Linda's head with a shovel and buries her
body
SERVO: That head sure came off easy.
Linda...
JOEL: McCloud!
Ash is carried away by the Evil Force and is possessed,raising up
and screaming
CROW: Mommy!!
returns to normal as daylight approaches
SERVO: Ahh the light, The light.
but sleeps until dusk
[Daytime - At the cabin]
Ash is awake
Ash: It's gone. The sun's driven it away. Yeah. For now. Gotta...
Gotta blow out of here for now...
The Evil Force appears then disappears
CROW: The walls have eyes.
EvlFrc: Join us.
Ash drives his car to the bridge which is now wrecked
MIKE: Good bridge.
Ash: Ah. Oh. Oh God. No. Oh no. No... no... No!!!! Gotta, I gotta
get a grip on myself here.
The sun goes down and Ash drives his car back to cabin but is
stopped by the Evil Force and Ash crashes through windshield. Ash
gets up and the Evil Force chases him through the cabin but he is
able to hide from it in the cellar
[Nighttime - At a small airport]
SERVO: Hey another movie.
Annie: (to crewer) Thank you.
Ed: Annie!
JOEL: Cheif!
Annie: Hi!
Ed: How'd the expedition go?
Annie: Great. I found the pages of the Book of the Dead.
CROW: Wait the Professor didn't say he brought part of the book he
said he had found it.
Ed: Yeah, I got your telegram. Thanks. So what condition are they
in?
Annie: Take a look.
Ed: They haven't aged a day in 3000 years.
SERVO: They don't look a day over 1500 years.
Annie: Maybe longer.
Ed: When do we begin the translations?
Annie: Tonight. Is everything all set with my father?
Ed: Well, it should be but I haven't spoken with him in a week.
There's no phone in the cabin. We'll take my car, it'll take us
about an hour to get there. Annie you hinted in your telegram that
your father was onto something in the first part of his
translations. What has he found in the Book of the Dead?
MIKE: Stories about dead People.
Annie: Probably nothing. But just possibly, a doorway to another
world?
[Nighttime - In the cabin]
Ash investigates the piano that is playing by itself
CROW: Now he's scared of a player piano.
and remembers Linda
Ash observes Linda's half-nude corpse get up and dance
JOEL: Now he's just sick.
PossesLinda suddenly shows up right in Ash's face and grabs him
ALL: (Mockingly) Ahh
PosLin: Dance with me. (cackling)
Ash: Ahhhhhh realizes he's still in the rocking chair and it was
all a dream?
Ehhh... yeah, just a-
Possessed Linda's head falls into Ash's lap
SERVO: Meeting of the minds.
PosLin: Hello lover. Bites Ash's hand Ash tries repeatedly to
get Possessed Linda's head off his hand
Ash: Workshed.
[In the workshed]
Ash puts Linda's head in a vice
MIKE: Hey it's Jane.
PosLin: Even now we have your darling Linda's soul. She suffers in
torment.
Ash: You're going down. Chainsaw.
Possessed Linda's body attacks Ash with the chainsaw
Ash retrieves the chainsaw from Possessed Linda's body
Linda: About to cut Possessed Linda's head with the chainsaw
Please Ash... please don't hurt me. You swore- you swore that we'd
always be together. I love you.
Ash: Nooo!
PosLin: Yah! Your lover is mine and now she burns in Hell.
Ash: reluctantly Oh yeah, alright... OK. Ash chainsaws
Possessed Linda's head
CROW: Hey, look it's Freddy's glove. (If you look closely hanging
over the door in this scene you can see Freddy Krueger's glove)
[In the cabin]
Ash gets a shotgun, hears groaning from the rocking chair
SERVO: Oh the evil's playing musical chairs.
and then looks in a mirror
Ash: I'm fine... I'm fine.
Ash's reflection grabs him
MirAsh: I don't think so. We just cut up our girlfriend with a
chainsaw. Does that sound fine? (chuckle)
JOEL: Yeah it does sound fine.
Ash's right hand turns on him
Ash: You bastards! You dirty bastards! weeping Give me back my
hand! Give me back my haaaaand!!
[On a country road at the wrecked bridge]
SERVO: Now we're back to movie B.
Annie: Excuse me. Excuse me. Is this the road to the Knowby cabin?
JOEL: No, that's the other way.
Jake: That's right. And you ain't going there.
Annie: And why not?
Jake turns on pick up's head lights to reveal the wrecked bridge
Annie: There must be another way in. There's gotta be another road
or something.
BobJoe: Sure ain't no road. spits Why the hell do you want to go
up there for anyway? Huh?
MIKE: To visit our family the Evil Dead that lives there.
Annie: None of your business.
Jake: (clap) Hey! I just remembered. Why, yeah... that's right.
There is a trail. You could uh, follow Bobby Joe and me.
Ed: Sounds alright to me.
Jake: But it'll cost ya.
Annie: How much?
CROW: $.05
Jake: Forty fi- (nudge from Bobby Joe) Hundred buck.
Annie: Tell ya what, you take my bags and you got a deal.
Jake: Sure. (dorky laugh)
ALL: Sucker!!
Annie: (with an evil grin) Heh heh.
[In the cabin]
Ash fights his possessed hand and then stabs it to the floor
Ash: Ah. Ah. That's right. Who's laughing now? Who's laughing now?
Yahhhh! Ahhhh! Ash cuts off his hand with the chainsaw
[On the trail to the cabin]
Jake: Jesus H. Christ... thought all she was talking about were
those two damn little bags.
SERVO: Why do you think it was worth a hundred dollars to her.
[In the cabin]
Ash: Here's your new home. places a can on his hand then tapes up
his wrist
Ash's hand escapes and Ash tries to shoot it with the shotgun
JOEL: Ah thank you Thing.
(BOOM)
Ash's hand gets caught in a mouse trap
Aha!! Ash's hand fingers Ash
CROW: Now that has to be embarrassing.
Son of a- Arrgh! (BOOM) (BOOM) Gotcha didn't I you little sucker?!
Ash is sprayed with blood
SERVO: That's a awfull lot of blood for a hand.
Old double barrel here... blow your butts to kingdom come. See if
we don't...
MIKE: What?
Ash sits in a chair which collapses under him
Objects in room begin laughing at Ash. Ash laughs with them
CROW: Oh I get it, it was a comedy.
MIKE: I think I missed the joke.
Ash shoots through door then Jake jumps him
Jake: You little bastard! punches Ash out You gonna be all right
honey?
SERVO: No I've been shot you moron.
BobJoe walks in holding her arm
BobJoe: I-I don't know. I-I think so.
Jake: You just sit still for a minute. You know this son of a
bitch?
JOEL: (Annie) Yeah it's my daddy quit hitting him.
Ed: No we thought her father was going to be here. That's why we
decided-
Annie: Oh my God! Where are my parents? sees the bloody chainsaw
To Ash What the hell did you do to them? What the hell did you
do to them?
Ed: Annie, come here. Annie, come here... come here.
Jake: We'll throw him in there. points to cellar Crazy buck's
gone blood seeking.
MIKE: He didn't need to seek it it's all over the place.
Ash: Wait. I made a mistake. Wait. Wait. Wait. I made a mistake.
Jake: Damn right. Blackmail son of a bitch.
CROW: Who's Blackmailing?
kicks Ash down into cellar
SERVO: Oh, ow, oh, that will leave a mark.
BobJoe: I hope you rot down there. spits on Ash
[In the cabin]
BobJoe: Oh shit!
Jake: I know it hurts baby, but everything's gonna be fine. Now in
aboutfive minutes I'm gonna go fetch the sheriff and bring him-
Ed: Checked all the other rooms. Folks aren't here. Maybe they
never came.
Annie: But these are my father's things.
CROW: And my mother's underwear.
MIKE & JOEL: CROW!!
Annie plays the tape recorder
Prof: (On tape) It's only been a few hours since I've translated
and spoken aloud the first of the demon resurrection passages from
the Book of the Dead.
Annie: Shhh... Listen up. This is my father's voice.
Prof: (On tape) And now I fear that my wife has become host to a
Candarian Demon. May God forgive me for what I have unleashed unto
this earth. Last night Henrietta tried to... kill me.
Annie: No!
ALL: YES!
Prof: (On tape) It's now October 1st, 4:33 PM. Henrietta is dead.
I could not bring myself to dismember her corpse. But I dragged
her down the steps... and I buried her. I buried her in the
cellar. God help me, I buried her in the earthen floor of the
fruit cellar.
SERVO: Uh-oh.
Possessed Henrietta raises from out of the ground
Ash: Wahhhhhhhhhh!
MIKE: Hey it's Lucy.
Jake: What the hell was that?
Ed: Somebody's down there with him.
Annie: No, can't be.
CROW: Then They'd be screaming to get out instead of him.
BobJoe: Let's get the fuck out of here.
PosHen: Someone's in my fruit cellar. Someone with a fresh soul!
JOEL: And no brains.
Ash: Ah! Ah! Let me out! There's something down here! Ah!
Annie: Let him out!
Jake: It's a trick, I know it!
SERVO: Impossible He don't know anything.
Annie: Let him out!!
Ash: Move it! Open those chains up!
PosHen: Come to me.
Ash: Ah! Help! Help! Help me!
PosHen: Come to sweet Henrietta. Hahaha.
Annie: Hurry!
CROW: Um Ash they could open the door easier if you'd quit shaking
it so bad.
Ash: Help! Help me please!
PosHen: I'll swallow your soul.
Ash is pulled out of the cellar
BobJoe: Do something!
Ed punches Possessed Henrietta but is knocked away
Ash fights Possessed Henrietta causing her eyeball to fly into
Bobby Joe's mouth
SERVO: Eww gross.
CROW: Yummy (Smacks his lips)
Ash locks the chains to cellar again
[In the cabin]
Ash: There's something out there. That... that witch in the cellar
is only part of it. It lives... out in those woods, in the dark...
something... something that's come back from the dead.
BobJoe: Plee! Please let's just get the hell out of here!
MIKE: I wish we could but we're under contract to sit through the
whole movie.
Jake: We're going baby. We're going to get on that trail-
Ash: Nobody's going out that door, not till daylight.
Jake: Now you listen to me-
Hnryta: (singing) Hush little baby don't say a word, Mama's going
to by you a mocking bird. If that mocking bird don't sing, Mama's
going to buy you a diamond ring. If that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's going to buy you a looking glass.
Hnryta: Remember that song Annie? I used to sing it to you when
you were a baby.
Annie: Mother?
Hnryta: Unlock these chains. Quickly!
Ash grabs Annie and reminds her of what Henrietta really is
Annie: No.
Hnryta: You were born September 2nd, 1962. I remember it well
because it was snowing. So strange it would be snowing in
September.
Annie: That thing in the cellar is not my mother.
Possessed Ed jumps out of nowhere
PosEd: We are the things that were and shall be again. Hahahahha.
?Steps? of the Book. We want what is yours. Life! Ha ha ha ha!
Dead by dawn. Dead by dawn.
JOEL: Everyone sing along.
PosHen: Dead by dawn. Dead by dawn.
PosEd: Dead by dawn. Dead by dawn.
PosHen: Dead by dawn.
PosEd: Dead by dawn.
Possessed Ed attacks Bobby Joe
PosHen: Let me out.
Jake: Thirsty son of a bitch.
MIKE: They're not thristy they're hungry.
Jake is knocked out
Annie: Where you going? Help us you filthy coward!
PosHen: Quickly. Set me free.
Ash defeats Possessed Ed with an axe
PosHen: We live! We live still!
ALL: And we don't care.
[Still Nighttime - Still in the cabin]
Jake: That's funny.
BobJoe: What.
Jake: That trail we came in here on? It just ain't there no more.
Like, like the woods just swallowed her up.
Annie: It's so quiet.
The gang tracks Evil Forces buzzing in the walls
CROW: Maybe the building will colpasle in on them
Jake: What the hell was that?
Ash: Maybe something trying to force its way into our world.
BobJoe: It's in there. points to another room
Ash: We'll all go in together.
Jake: Hell no. You're the curious one.
SERVO: No he's the annoying one, she's the curious one, and you're
the stupid one.
Annie: gets a lantern Hey. I'll go with you.
[In the other room]
Jake jumps into the room
Jake: Shit. I told you there weren't nothing in here no how.
Jake and Bobby Joe hold hands, tightly
A spirit appears in front of them
Jake: Holy Mother o' Mercy.
JOEL: Who is the mother of mercy ...Kindness?
Annie: Father?
Spirit: Annie. There is a dark spirit here that wants to destroy
you. Your salvation lies there. In the pages of the book. Recite
the passages. Dispel the evil. Save my soul. And your own lives!
The spirit disappears
BobJoe: Jake. You're holding my hand too tight.
CROW: Hey a romantic subplot with more plot then the plot itself.
Jake: Baby, I ain't holding your hand.
the gang realise that it is Ash's severed hand, panic happens,
the lantern is knocked out but is relit again
Jake: Hey? Where's Bobby Joe?
Bobby Joe runs through forest only to be caught and taken away by
Evil Trees
SERVO: Oh no not again.. oh wheww a bit cleaner this time.
[In the cabin]
Jake: Hey? Where the hell is she? We gotta go out there and find
her.
MIKE: Too late!
Ash: If she went out in those woods, you can forget about her.
Ash gets a chill
Annie: What's wrong?
Ash: Felt like someone just walked over my grave.
CROW: If only it was p[ossible.
What's that picture? What is that?
Annie: In 1300 AD they called this man the, ah, hero from the sky.
He was prophesied to have destroyed the Evil.
Ash: Didn't do a very good job...
SERVO: That was you you moron.
Can you find it?
Annie: Here it is, two passages. Recitation of this first passage
will make this dark spirit manifest itself in the flesh.
Ash: Why the hell would we want to do that?
Annie: Recitation of this second passage creates a kind of rift in
time and space. And the physical manifestation of this dark spirit
can be forced back into the rift. At least that's the best
translation that I can-
(shotgun reloading)
Jake: Uh-huh. That's right. I'm running the show now.
JOEL: Oh crap we're all dead now.
We're going to go
out there in them woods and look for Bobby Joe. Once we find her
we're getting the hell out of here.
Ash: No you idiot! You'll kill us all. She's dead by now. Don't
you understand? With these pages, at least we have a chance.
Jake: Bunch of mumbo jumbo bullshit. These pages don't mean squat.
throws the pages into the cellar Besides, now you ain't got no
choice. Now move!
[Outside the cabin]
Jake: Move.
Ash: Look. You're nuts.
SERVO: No he's stupid there's a difference.
Jake: I said move!
Annie: No! You stupid fool!
Jake: I'll blow your fucken head off.
Ash: Hey. No trail. Where to now?
Jake: Bobby Joe! Bobby Joe!! Bobby Joe!!!
JOEL: Bobby Jim!!
MIKE: Bobby Jack!!
CROW:Bobby Jeff!!!
SERVO:Bobby John!!!
The Evil Force approaches
Ash: You'll get us all killed!
Jake: Shut up!
Annie: Leave him alone!
CROW: Yeah Ash you big bully.
Jake: Get outta here- Bobby Joe!!!! Bobby - Joe!!!!! Bobby Joe...
Where are you, girl?
Ash is now possessed and attacks Jake and chases Annie
PosAsh: To Annie You're next. Annie!
JOEL: Chief.
[Inside the cabin]
Annie stabs Jake with a scepter
Annie: No... no...
Annie closes door on Possessed Ash
BOTS: Douh.
JOEL: Right in the kisser.
Jake: Ahhhh!
Annie: I'm sorry!
Jake: Get me another room. Get the axe. We'll kill it when it
comes back. But first, pull this damn thing out of me!
Annie pulls the scepter out of Jake
SERVO: Yeah now he can blead to death.
Jake: Ahhh! I can't breathe, I can't breathe. Hurry!
Annie: I'm trying! I'm trying!
Jake: Ahhhh!
Annie: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Annie pulls the wounded Jake to the living room
Jake: Check outside the windows. Check the windows, he's probably
right out- Ahhh! Help me! Jake is pulled into the cellar by
Possessed Henrietta
Annie: Oh God! Possessed Ash reappears and knocks Annie out
Ahhhhh!
Possessed Ash comes across Linda's necklace
CROW: Hey it's shaped like a skull.
PosAsh: Ahhhhh!! weeping Waahahaha! turns back into normal Ash
JOEL: All right now they lost me.
MIKE: How so Joel.
JOEL: His dead girlfriend's necklace can unposses him but to carve
up loved ones don't.
Annie attacks Ash with the axe
Ash: No! No wait! Listen to me! I'm alright now. That thing is
gone!
Annie continues to attack
Damn it! I said I was alright! Are you listening to me? You hear
what I'm saying? I'm alright! I'm alright.
Annie: OK, maybe you are. But for how long? If we're going to beat
this thing, we need those pages.
Ash: Then let's head down into that cellar and carve ourselves a
witch.
PosHen: (cackling) Hahahaha.
CROW: And that was supposed to be funny.
[In the workshed]
Montage of Ash equipping himself with chainsaw and shotgun
Ash: Groovy.
[In the cabin]
Ash: Those pages are down there somewhere.
Ash heads into the cellar, finds the pages,
MIKE: Hey, he used the wrong hand! (He picked it up with his right
hand)
gives them to Annie and fights Possessed Henrietta
Annie: "Nos veratos alamemnon conda."
Possessed Henrietta, out of the cellar, grabs Annie by the hair
Ash: (whistles) To Possessed Henrietta Let's go. fights
Possessed Henrietta
PosHen: I'll swallow your soul. I'll swallow your soul.
SERVO: Hey they've been talking about soul swallowing for three
movies now when are we gonna see some.
Annie: (singing) Hush little baby don't say a word, Mama's going
to buy you a mock- mocking bird.
Ash cuts off Possessed Henrietta's head as it is distracted
PosHen: Hey! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll
swallow your soul!
Ash: Swallow this. (BOOM)
CROW: Yummy
Ash and Annie hug as the Evil Forest attacks the cabin
Ash: G-
ALL: G-
Annie: I only completed the first of the passages and that was to
make the Evil a thing of the flesh!
Ash: Finish it!
Annie: There's still the second passage. The one- the one to open
the rift and send the Evil back!
JOEL: In the length of time it took her to say that she could have
finished.
Ash: Well start reciting it! Now!
Ash: Don't look Annie! Finish the passages! Get rid of it!
Annie recites the second passage
Annie is stabbed by Ash's severed hand and collapses
MIKE: Dang, I thought that hand had left for good.
Ash: No!!!
Ash fights an Evil Tree
Annie struggles to finish the second passage and the vortex
opens
EvlTre: We've won. We've won. Victory is ours.
Ash attacks the Evil Tree as it is sucked into the vortex
Ash: You did it kid. By God- Now Ash is being sucked into the
vortex
No!!!! Ahhhhh!! For God's sake! How do you stop it?
Ash is sucked into the vortex and he and his Delta 88 fall out of
the sky in Medieval England, 1300 AD
SERVO: Hey they used that scene in both movies.
CROW: Was'nt that tree alot bigger when it first entered the
vortex. (It was huge when it when it but was tiny when it landed)
[Late Medieval England]
Man: Slay the beast. It is a deadite!
A winged deadite appears
Man: Run! Back to the castle!
(BOOM) Ash shoots the winged deadite
Knight: Hail he who has come from the skies to deliver us from the
terrors of the deadites!
Crowd: Hail! Hail! Hail!
Ash: No!
ALL: Yes!
No!
ALL: Yes!
No!!
ALL: Yes!!
No!!!
ALL: Yes!!!
No!!!!
ALL: Yes!!!!
No!!!!
ALL: Yes!!!!
No!!!
ALL: Yes!!!
SERVO: Is it over?
JOEL: Yes finally.
(They all leave)
(1,2,3,4,5,6,Desk)
(They are at the desk)
MIKE: Well Joel I guess it's time to say goodbye.
JOEL: Yeah I guess it is but hey at least now we can talk a lot
easier then we used to back when you'll were in space.
CROW: Yeah Joel keep in touch.
(Joel leaves)
(Mad light flashes)
(Mike hits the button)
(Deep TV)
Dr.F.: Well guys good news the directors liked it so next week
you're back to bigger budgeted movies. But they also liked the
guest host idea so next week you will have a fan help you riff the
movie.
(SOL)
CROW: A Fan ?
MIKE: How will you choose him or her?
(Deep TV)
Dr.F: Oh we already have. We use our webpage to choose our guest.
We'll surprise you with it again just like today.
(SOL)
MIKE: Well I guess We'll see you next time
(End Credits)
Stinger. PosHen: Dead by Dawn.Dead by Dawn.
PosEd.:Dead by Dawn.Dead by Dawn.
PosHen:Dead by Dawn.
PosEd:Dead by Dawn.
(Joel & Mike are standing alone at the desk.)
JOEL: Well, Mike I have to say of all the movies I've had to watch
this is almost the worst.
MIKE: Let me guess the worst was "Manos".
JOEL: Yeah how did you know.
MIKE: The bots told me about it. Speaking of them where are they.
(Crow and Servo come in with a really fake possesed look)
CROW: Why have you disturbed our sleep.
MIKE: Ah guys you don't sleep.
SERVO : Awankened us from our eternal Slumber.
JOEL: Like Mike said you don't sleep.
(The bots freeze momentarily)
BOTS: You will die!
JOEL: Uh-oh
BOTS: (Chanting) Joinm us Join us.
MIKE: Uh Joel I don't think they're kidding.
JOEL: This movie must have messed up their circutry.
MIKE: Now what do we do?
(The bots attack but Mike & Joel easily dodge them)
JOEL: Well I can fix them if we can make them stop.
MIKE: How do we do that?
(The bots make another weak attack which again Mike & Joel easily
dodge)
JOEL: They have an emergience shutoff switch on their backs get
their attention.
MIKE: Wait we can use the nanites.
JOEL: Nanites?
MIKE: Yeah. Ned shut down Crow & Servo now.
NED: (Off screen) okMikeShutdownin5,4,3,2,1,
(Crow & Servo both fall down behind the counter.
JOEL: That worked but what are the Nanites
(Joel bends down to work on the bots.)
MIKE: Well Crow found them somewhere and they live here. They're
microscopic and they are everywhere. (pulls down the Nanite
viewing scope) See.
(Joel looks in and sees Ned)
NED: HeyJoelwe'veheardalotaboutyou.
JOEL: Oh thanks. Well The guys should be alright now.
MIKE: OK Ned Reactivate them.
(Crow & Servo sit up)
CROW: Whoah what happened?
JOEL: Well this movie shorted you out and made you think you was
possesed.
SERVO Man that was wierd.
(Mad light flashes)
(Mike hits the button)
(Deep TV)
Dr.F.: Hi guysEverything alright.
(SOL)
JOEL: Yeah now that I fixed the bots circuctry.
(Deep TV)
Dr.F.: Well I gotta tell you it's time for you next movie. But
don't worry this one is a little bit better then the other.
(Sol)
MIKE:Well that's a relif I don't think i can take another attack
like that.
(Deep TV)
Dr.F.: As soon as the commercials end the movie will begins.
(SOL)
(Commercial sign flashes)
MIKE: Oh we'll be right back.
(Commercials)
(6,5,4,3,2,1,)
(All settle in)
[Montage of the origins of the Book of the Dead]
Prof: (Voice Over) [note during most of this monologue in the back
is all kinds of hideous creatures floating around] Legend has it
that it was written by the Dark Ones. Necronomicon ex Mortis,
roughly translated, "Book of the Dead". The book served as a
passageway to the evil worlds beyond.
JOEL: Hey it's grandma.
It was written long ago. When the seas ran red with blood. It was
this blood that was used to ink the book.
MIKE: Hey my dog.
In the year 1300 AD, the book disappeared.
SERVO: Even the book is trying to leave.
CROW: Yeah and it made it for now.
RENAISSANCE PICTURES Presents
EVIL DEAD II
[Daytime - In a car while driving on a remote highway]
Linda: So what's this place like?
MIKE: Hey what happened to the other three?
Ash: Well it's a little run-down... but, uh, it's right up in the
mountains.
Linda: Are you sure it's deserted?
Ash: Oh yeah...
CROW: Yeah they ran away when they found out there was a bad "b"
movie being made here.
I think so.
Linda: (giggle)
The car crosses a bridge
[Nighttime - In the cabin]
Ash plays the piano as Linda dances
SERVO: Hey I'm dancing in your clothes.
JOEL: There's no way he'd fit in those clothes.
Ash: Whoa.
Linda: (giggle) Ow. finds a necklace Ash has given to her
Ash: So what do you think kid?
MIKE: I hate it.
Linda: I love it Ash.
Linda: I feel funny about being here. What if the people who own
the place come home?
Ash: They're not gonna come back.
CROW: I took care of it.
Even if they do we'll tell them the car broke down or something
like that.
Linda: With your car, they'd believe it.
Ash: Hey, what do you say we have some champagne hey baby?
Linda: Sure.
Ash: After all, I'm a man and you're a woman, at least last time I
checked.
JOEL: Don't even go there Crow it isn't worth it.
Linda: OK.
Linda goes to another room to change
Ash: Hey! There's a... There's a tape recorder here.
MIKE: Wow, we got a detective on our hands here.
Linda: See what's on it.
Ash plays the tape recorder
Prof: (On tape) This is Professor Raymond Knowby, Department of
Ancient History, log entry number two. I believe I have made a
significant find in the Castle of Candar. Having journeyed there
with my wife Henrietta, my daughter Annie and Associate Professor
Ed Getly.
SERVO: Ed Geekly?
It was in the rear chamber of the castle that we stumbled upon
something remarkable. Morturom Demonto,
MIKE: Hey, I thought it was the Necronomicon.
the "Book of the Dead". My wife and I brought the book to this
cabin where I could study it undisturbed. It was here that I began
the translations. The book speaks of a spiritual presence.
BOTS: Elvis??
A thing of evil that roams the forests and the dark bowers of
man's domain.
BOTS: Elvis!!
It is through the recitation of the book's passages that this dark
spirit is given license to possess the living. Included here are
the phonetic pronunciations of those passages. "Cunda astratta
montose eargrets gutt nos veratoos canda amantos canda".
the Evil Force approaches and takes Linda away
Ash investigates Linda's room
Ash: Linda?
CROW: Trace?
Hey Lind-
SERVO: Kevin?
Ash goes to look outside
[Outside the cabin]
Ash: Linda!?!
MIKE: Chief?
Ash chops off Possessed Linda's head with a shovel and buries her
body
SERVO: That head sure came off easy.
Linda...
JOEL: McCloud!
Ash is carried away by the Evil Force and is possessed,raising up
and screaming
CROW: Mommy!!
returns to normal as daylight approaches
SERVO: Ahh the light, The light.
but sleeps until dusk
[Daytime - At the cabin]
Ash is awake
Ash: It's gone. The sun's driven it away. Yeah. For now. Gotta...
Gotta blow out of here for now...
The Evil Force appears then disappears
CROW: The walls have eyes.
EvlFrc: Join us.
Ash drives his car to the bridge which is now wrecked
MIKE: Good bridge.
Ash: Ah. Oh. Oh God. No. Oh no. No... no... No!!!! Gotta, I gotta
get a grip on myself here.
The sun goes down and Ash drives his car back to cabin but is
stopped by the Evil Force and Ash crashes through windshield. Ash
gets up and the Evil Force chases him through the cabin but he is
able to hide from it in the cellar
[Nighttime - At a small airport]
SERVO: Hey another movie.
Annie: (to crewer) Thank you.
Ed: Annie!
JOEL: Cheif!
Annie: Hi!
Ed: How'd the expedition go?
Annie: Great. I found the pages of the Book of the Dead.
CROW: Wait the Professor didn't say he brought part of the book he
said he had found it.
Ed: Yeah, I got your telegram. Thanks. So what condition are they
in?
Annie: Take a look.
Ed: They haven't aged a day in 3000 years.
SERVO: They don't look a day over 1500 years.
Annie: Maybe longer.
Ed: When do we begin the translations?
Annie: Tonight. Is everything all set with my father?
Ed: Well, it should be but I haven't spoken with him in a week.
There's no phone in the cabin. We'll take my car, it'll take us
about an hour to get there. Annie you hinted in your telegram that
your father was onto something in the first part of his
translations. What has he found in the Book of the Dead?
MIKE: Stories about dead People.
Annie: Probably nothing. But just possibly, a doorway to another
world?
[Nighttime - In the cabin]
Ash investigates the piano that is playing by itself
CROW: Now he's scared of a player piano.
and remembers Linda
Ash observes Linda's half-nude corpse get up and dance
JOEL: Now he's just sick.
PossesLinda suddenly shows up right in Ash's face and grabs him
ALL: (Mockingly) Ahh
PosLin: Dance with me. (cackling)
Ash: Ahhhhhh realizes he's still in the rocking chair and it was
all a dream?
Ehhh... yeah, just a-
Possessed Linda's head falls into Ash's lap
SERVO: Meeting of the minds.
PosLin: Hello lover. Bites Ash's hand Ash tries repeatedly to
get Possessed Linda's head off his hand
Ash: Workshed.
[In the workshed]
Ash puts Linda's head in a vice
MIKE: Hey it's Jane.
PosLin: Even now we have your darling Linda's soul. She suffers in
torment.
Ash: You're going down. Chainsaw.
Possessed Linda's body attacks Ash with the chainsaw
Ash retrieves the chainsaw from Possessed Linda's body
Linda: About to cut Possessed Linda's head with the chainsaw
Please Ash... please don't hurt me. You swore- you swore that we'd
always be together. I love you.
Ash: Nooo!
PosLin: Yah! Your lover is mine and now she burns in Hell.
Ash: reluctantly Oh yeah, alright... OK. Ash chainsaws
Possessed Linda's head
CROW: Hey, look it's Freddy's glove. (If you look closely hanging
over the door in this scene you can see Freddy Krueger's glove)
[In the cabin]
Ash gets a shotgun, hears groaning from the rocking chair
SERVO: Oh the evil's playing musical chairs.
and then looks in a mirror
Ash: I'm fine... I'm fine.
Ash's reflection grabs him
MirAsh: I don't think so. We just cut up our girlfriend with a
chainsaw. Does that sound fine? (chuckle)
JOEL: Yeah it does sound fine.
Ash's right hand turns on him
Ash: You bastards! You dirty bastards! weeping Give me back my
hand! Give me back my haaaaand!!
[On a country road at the wrecked bridge]
SERVO: Now we're back to movie B.
Annie: Excuse me. Excuse me. Is this the road to the Knowby cabin?
JOEL: No, that's the other way.
Jake: That's right. And you ain't going there.
Annie: And why not?
Jake turns on pick up's head lights to reveal the wrecked bridge
Annie: There must be another way in. There's gotta be another road
or something.
BobJoe: Sure ain't no road. spits Why the hell do you want to go
up there for anyway? Huh?
MIKE: To visit our family the Evil Dead that lives there.
Annie: None of your business.
Jake: (clap) Hey! I just remembered. Why, yeah... that's right.
There is a trail. You could uh, follow Bobby Joe and me.
Ed: Sounds alright to me.
Jake: But it'll cost ya.
Annie: How much?
CROW: $.05
Jake: Forty fi- (nudge from Bobby Joe) Hundred buck.
Annie: Tell ya what, you take my bags and you got a deal.
Jake: Sure. (dorky laugh)
ALL: Sucker!!
Annie: (with an evil grin) Heh heh.
[In the cabin]
Ash fights his possessed hand and then stabs it to the floor
Ash: Ah. Ah. That's right. Who's laughing now? Who's laughing now?
Yahhhh! Ahhhh! Ash cuts off his hand with the chainsaw
[On the trail to the cabin]
Jake: Jesus H. Christ... thought all she was talking about were
those two damn little bags.
SERVO: Why do you think it was worth a hundred dollars to her.
[In the cabin]
Ash: Here's your new home. places a can on his hand then tapes up
his wrist
Ash's hand escapes and Ash tries to shoot it with the shotgun
JOEL: Ah thank you Thing.
(BOOM)
Ash's hand gets caught in a mouse trap
Aha!! Ash's hand fingers Ash
CROW: Now that has to be embarrassing.
Son of a- Arrgh! (BOOM) (BOOM) Gotcha didn't I you little sucker?!
Ash is sprayed with blood
SERVO: That's a awfull lot of blood for a hand.
Old double barrel here... blow your butts to kingdom come. See if
we don't...
MIKE: What?
Ash sits in a chair which collapses under him
Objects in room begin laughing at Ash. Ash laughs with them
CROW: Oh I get it, it was a comedy.
MIKE: I think I missed the joke.
Ash shoots through door then Jake jumps him
Jake: You little bastard! punches Ash out You gonna be all right
honey?
SERVO: No I've been shot you moron.
BobJoe walks in holding her arm
BobJoe: I-I don't know. I-I think so.
Jake: You just sit still for a minute. You know this son of a
bitch?
JOEL: (Annie) Yeah it's my daddy quit hitting him.
Ed: No we thought her father was going to be here. That's why we
decided-
Annie: Oh my God! Where are my parents? sees the bloody chainsaw
To Ash What the hell did you do to them? What the hell did you
do to them?
Ed: Annie, come here. Annie, come here... come here.
Jake: We'll throw him in there. points to cellar Crazy buck's
gone blood seeking.
MIKE: He didn't need to seek it it's all over the place.
Ash: Wait. I made a mistake. Wait. Wait. Wait. I made a mistake.
Jake: Damn right. Blackmail son of a bitch.
CROW: Who's Blackmailing?
kicks Ash down into cellar
SERVO: Oh, ow, oh, that will leave a mark.
BobJoe: I hope you rot down there. spits on Ash
[In the cabin]
BobJoe: Oh shit!
Jake: I know it hurts baby, but everything's gonna be fine. Now in
aboutfive minutes I'm gonna go fetch the sheriff and bring him-
Ed: Checked all the other rooms. Folks aren't here. Maybe they
never came.
Annie: But these are my father's things.
CROW: And my mother's underwear.
MIKE & JOEL: CROW!!
Annie plays the tape recorder
Prof: (On tape) It's only been a few hours since I've translated
and spoken aloud the first of the demon resurrection passages from
the Book of the Dead.
Annie: Shhh... Listen up. This is my father's voice.
Prof: (On tape) And now I fear that my wife has become host to a
Candarian Demon. May God forgive me for what I have unleashed unto
this earth. Last night Henrietta tried to... kill me.
Annie: No!
ALL: YES!
Prof: (On tape) It's now October 1st, 4:33 PM. Henrietta is dead.
I could not bring myself to dismember her corpse. But I dragged
her down the steps... and I buried her. I buried her in the
cellar. God help me, I buried her in the earthen floor of the
fruit cellar.
SERVO: Uh-oh.
Possessed Henrietta raises from out of the ground
Ash: Wahhhhhhhhhh!
MIKE: Hey it's Lucy.
Jake: What the hell was that?
Ed: Somebody's down there with him.
Annie: No, can't be.
CROW: Then They'd be screaming to get out instead of him.
BobJoe: Let's get the fuck out of here.
PosHen: Someone's in my fruit cellar. Someone with a fresh soul!
JOEL: And no brains.
Ash: Ah! Ah! Let me out! There's something down here! Ah!
Annie: Let him out!
Jake: It's a trick, I know it!
SERVO: Impossible He don't know anything.
Annie: Let him out!!
Ash: Move it! Open those chains up!
PosHen: Come to me.
Ash: Ah! Help! Help! Help me!
PosHen: Come to sweet Henrietta. Hahaha.
Annie: Hurry!
CROW: Um Ash they could open the door easier if you'd quit shaking
it so bad.
Ash: Help! Help me please!
PosHen: I'll swallow your soul.
Ash is pulled out of the cellar
BobJoe: Do something!
Ed punches Possessed Henrietta but is knocked away
Ash fights Possessed Henrietta causing her eyeball to fly into
Bobby Joe's mouth
SERVO: Eww gross.
CROW: Yummy (Smacks his lips)
Ash locks the chains to cellar again
[In the cabin]
Ash: There's something out there. That... that witch in the cellar
is only part of it. It lives... out in those woods, in the dark...
something... something that's come back from the dead.
BobJoe: Plee! Please let's just get the hell out of here!
MIKE: I wish we could but we're under contract to sit through the
whole movie.
Jake: We're going baby. We're going to get on that trail-
Ash: Nobody's going out that door, not till daylight.
Jake: Now you listen to me-
Hnryta: (singing) Hush little baby don't say a word, Mama's going
to by you a mocking bird. If that mocking bird don't sing, Mama's
going to buy you a diamond ring. If that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's going to buy you a looking glass.
Hnryta: Remember that song Annie? I used to sing it to you when
you were a baby.
Annie: Mother?
Hnryta: Unlock these chains. Quickly!
Ash grabs Annie and reminds her of what Henrietta really is
Annie: No.
Hnryta: You were born September 2nd, 1962. I remember it well
because it was snowing. So strange it would be snowing in
September.
Annie: That thing in the cellar is not my mother.
Possessed Ed jumps out of nowhere
PosEd: We are the things that were and shall be again. Hahahahha.
?Steps? of the Book. We want what is yours. Life! Ha ha ha ha!
Dead by dawn. Dead by dawn.
JOEL: Everyone sing along.
PosHen: Dead by dawn. Dead by dawn.
PosEd: Dead by dawn. Dead by dawn.
PosHen: Dead by dawn.
PosEd: Dead by dawn.
Possessed Ed attacks Bobby Joe
PosHen: Let me out.
Jake: Thirsty son of a bitch.
MIKE: They're not thristy they're hungry.
Jake is knocked out
Annie: Where you going? Help us you filthy coward!
PosHen: Quickly. Set me free.
Ash defeats Possessed Ed with an axe
PosHen: We live! We live still!
ALL: And we don't care.
[Still Nighttime - Still in the cabin]
Jake: That's funny.
BobJoe: What.
Jake: That trail we came in here on? It just ain't there no more.
Like, like the woods just swallowed her up.
Annie: It's so quiet.
The gang tracks Evil Forces buzzing in the walls
CROW: Maybe the building will colpasle in on them
Jake: What the hell was that?
Ash: Maybe something trying to force its way into our world.
BobJoe: It's in there. points to another room
Ash: We'll all go in together.
Jake: Hell no. You're the curious one.
SERVO: No he's the annoying one, she's the curious one, and you're
the stupid one.
Annie: gets a lantern Hey. I'll go with you.
[In the other room]
Jake jumps into the room
Jake: Shit. I told you there weren't nothing in here no how.
Jake and Bobby Joe hold hands, tightly
A spirit appears in front of them
Jake: Holy Mother o' Mercy.
JOEL: Who is the mother of mercy ...Kindness?
Annie: Father?
Spirit: Annie. There is a dark spirit here that wants to destroy
you. Your salvation lies there. In the pages of the book. Recite
the passages. Dispel the evil. Save my soul. And your own lives!
The spirit disappears
BobJoe: Jake. You're holding my hand too tight.
CROW: Hey a romantic subplot with more plot then the plot itself.
Jake: Baby, I ain't holding your hand.
the gang realise that it is Ash's severed hand, panic happens,
the lantern is knocked out but is relit again
Jake: Hey? Where's Bobby Joe?
Bobby Joe runs through forest only to be caught and taken away by
Evil Trees
SERVO: Oh no not again.. oh wheww a bit cleaner this time.
[In the cabin]
Jake: Hey? Where the hell is she? We gotta go out there and find
her.
MIKE: Too late!
Ash: If she went out in those woods, you can forget about her.
Ash gets a chill
Annie: What's wrong?
Ash: Felt like someone just walked over my grave.
CROW: If only it was p[ossible.
What's that picture? What is that?
Annie: In 1300 AD they called this man the, ah, hero from the sky.
He was prophesied to have destroyed the Evil.
Ash: Didn't do a very good job...
SERVO: That was you you moron.
Can you find it?
Annie: Here it is, two passages. Recitation of this first passage
will make this dark spirit manifest itself in the flesh.
Ash: Why the hell would we want to do that?
Annie: Recitation of this second passage creates a kind of rift in
time and space. And the physical manifestation of this dark spirit
can be forced back into the rift. At least that's the best
translation that I can-
(shotgun reloading)
Jake: Uh-huh. That's right. I'm running the show now.
JOEL: Oh crap we're all dead now.
We're going to go
out there in them woods and look for Bobby Joe. Once we find her
we're getting the hell out of here.
Ash: No you idiot! You'll kill us all. She's dead by now. Don't
you understand? With these pages, at least we have a chance.
Jake: Bunch of mumbo jumbo bullshit. These pages don't mean squat.
throws the pages into the cellar Besides, now you ain't got no
choice. Now move!
[Outside the cabin]
Jake: Move.
Ash: Look. You're nuts.
SERVO: No he's stupid there's a difference.
Jake: I said move!
Annie: No! You stupid fool!
Jake: I'll blow your fucken head off.
Ash: Hey. No trail. Where to now?
Jake: Bobby Joe! Bobby Joe!! Bobby Joe!!!
JOEL: Bobby Jim!!
MIKE: Bobby Jack!!
CROW:Bobby Jeff!!!
SERVO:Bobby John!!!
The Evil Force approaches
Ash: You'll get us all killed!
Jake: Shut up!
Annie: Leave him alone!
CROW: Yeah Ash you big bully.
Jake: Get outta here- Bobby Joe!!!! Bobby - Joe!!!!! Bobby Joe...
Where are you, girl?
Ash is now possessed and attacks Jake and chases Annie
PosAsh: To Annie You're next. Annie!
JOEL: Chief.
[Inside the cabin]
Annie stabs Jake with a scepter
Annie: No... no...
Annie closes door on Possessed Ash
BOTS: Douh.
JOEL: Right in the kisser.
Jake: Ahhhh!
Annie: I'm sorry!
Jake: Get me another room. Get the axe. We'll kill it when it
comes back. But first, pull this damn thing out of me!
Annie pulls the scepter out of Jake
SERVO: Yeah now he can blead to death.
Jake: Ahhh! I can't breathe, I can't breathe. Hurry!
Annie: I'm trying! I'm trying!
Jake: Ahhhh!
Annie: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Annie pulls the wounded Jake to the living room
Jake: Check outside the windows. Check the windows, he's probably
right out- Ahhh! Help me! Jake is pulled into the cellar by
Possessed Henrietta
Annie: Oh God! Possessed Ash reappears and knocks Annie out
Ahhhhh!
Possessed Ash comes across Linda's necklace
CROW: Hey it's shaped like a skull.
PosAsh: Ahhhhh!! weeping Waahahaha! turns back into normal Ash
JOEL: All right now they lost me.
MIKE: How so Joel.
JOEL: His dead girlfriend's necklace can unposses him but to carve
up loved ones don't.
Annie attacks Ash with the axe
Ash: No! No wait! Listen to me! I'm alright now. That thing is
gone!
Annie continues to attack
Damn it! I said I was alright! Are you listening to me? You hear
what I'm saying? I'm alright! I'm alright.
Annie: OK, maybe you are. But for how long? If we're going to beat
this thing, we need those pages.
Ash: Then let's head down into that cellar and carve ourselves a
witch.
PosHen: (cackling) Hahahaha.
CROW: And that was supposed to be funny.
[In the workshed]
Montage of Ash equipping himself with chainsaw and shotgun
Ash: Groovy.
[In the cabin]
Ash: Those pages are down there somewhere.
Ash heads into the cellar, finds the pages,
MIKE: Hey, he used the wrong hand! (He picked it up with his right
hand)
gives them to Annie and fights Possessed Henrietta
Annie: "Nos veratos alamemnon conda."
Possessed Henrietta, out of the cellar, grabs Annie by the hair
Ash: (whistles) To Possessed Henrietta Let's go. fights
Possessed Henrietta
PosHen: I'll swallow your soul. I'll swallow your soul.
SERVO: Hey they've been talking about soul swallowing for three
movies now when are we gonna see some.
Annie: (singing) Hush little baby don't say a word, Mama's going
to buy you a mock- mocking bird.
Ash cuts off Possessed Henrietta's head as it is distracted
PosHen: Hey! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll
swallow your soul!
Ash: Swallow this. (BOOM)
CROW: Yummy
Ash and Annie hug as the Evil Forest attacks the cabin
Ash: G-
ALL: G-
Annie: I only completed the first of the passages and that was to
make the Evil a thing of the flesh!
Ash: Finish it!
Annie: There's still the second passage. The one- the one to open
the rift and send the Evil back!
JOEL: In the length of time it took her to say that she could have
finished.
Ash: Well start reciting it! Now!
Ash: Don't look Annie! Finish the passages! Get rid of it!
Annie recites the second passage
Annie is stabbed by Ash's severed hand and collapses
MIKE: Dang, I thought that hand had left for good.
Ash: No!!!
Ash fights an Evil Tree
Annie struggles to finish the second passage and the vortex
opens
EvlTre: We've won. We've won. Victory is ours.
Ash attacks the Evil Tree as it is sucked into the vortex
Ash: You did it kid. By God- Now Ash is being sucked into the
vortex
No!!!! Ahhhhh!! For God's sake! How do you stop it?
Ash is sucked into the vortex and he and his Delta 88 fall out of
the sky in Medieval England, 1300 AD
SERVO: Hey they used that scene in both movies.
CROW: Was'nt that tree alot bigger when it first entered the
vortex. (It was huge when it when it but was tiny when it landed)
[Late Medieval England]
Man: Slay the beast. It is a deadite!
A winged deadite appears
Man: Run! Back to the castle!
(BOOM) Ash shoots the winged deadite
Knight: Hail he who has come from the skies to deliver us from the
terrors of the deadites!
Crowd: Hail! Hail! Hail!
Ash: No!
ALL: Yes!
No!
ALL: Yes!
No!!
ALL: Yes!!
No!!!
ALL: Yes!!!
No!!!!
ALL: Yes!!!!
No!!!!
ALL: Yes!!!!
No!!!
ALL: Yes!!!
SERVO: Is it over?
JOEL: Yes finally.
(They all leave)
(1,2,3,4,5,6,Desk)
(They are at the desk)
MIKE: Well Joel I guess it's time to say goodbye.
JOEL: Yeah I guess it is but hey at least now we can talk a lot
easier then we used to back when you'll were in space.
CROW: Yeah Joel keep in touch.
(Joel leaves)
(Mad light flashes)
(Mike hits the button)
(Deep TV)
Dr.F.: Well guys good news the directors liked it so next week
you're back to bigger budgeted movies. But they also liked the
guest host idea so next week you will have a fan help you riff the
movie.
(SOL)
CROW: A Fan ?
MIKE: How will you choose him or her?
(Deep TV)
Dr.F: Oh we already have. We use our webpage to choose our guest.
We'll surprise you with it again just like today.
(SOL)
MIKE: Well I guess We'll see you next time
(End Credits)
Stinger. PosHen: Dead by Dawn.Dead by Dawn.
PosEd.:Dead by Dawn.Dead by Dawn.
PosHen:Dead by Dawn.
PosEd:Dead by Dawn.