Banters Part II
By Foxfeather
For all of you, who wanted a sequel… here it is!
Please read the first part first, or this will not make much sense!
And, please, excuse my English (see the first part for details)
Here we are now. De fearless leader, Scott Summers, who had nearly been raped about two 'ours ago, and me, Remy LeBeau, to whom dat has happened more times dan he can count. Who not even dares to t'ink about dat. T'ink about something else, Remy! T'ink about… headaches. It's strange, dey vanished the moment our powers switched back. Dat means dey're part of Scott's powers. Merde! No wonder dat he is such a tight-ass! Ever to be careful not'ing happens to de visor, de responsibility for a bunch of stubborn mutants, and all dat with dat kind of headache? I know I could not to dat! By the way, he's sitting dere as if not'ing has happened. How does he cope wit' what happened? Is it eating him up? Does he t'ink it's his fault? 'Ow does he feel? His whole world just broke apart! I wished I could help 'im. But 'ow? I don't know how he feels now! I don't know how it feels to live a normal life! Okay, I know how it feels when everyt'ing falls apart, but not for dis reason! I didn't understand what dose men were going to do to me, then. I didn't understand it later. I only knew dat it was my fault. Does he feel the same? No. He knows dat it was my fault, my Charm Power. My fault. How can he be so calm? My fault! Whatever I do, I do it wrong. Oh, shit, now I am starting to shake. Damn, Remy! Control yerself! Hands… touch me… no! Go away! Pain, shame, damn! I don't want to remember! Go away! Don't wanna! Don't...
Here we are now. Remy LeBeau, enigmatic and independent, and me, Scott Summers, his teamleader. But am I that? After all that has happened? After Antarctica? Why did he come back? I'm responsible. How can he trust me? How can he tolerate me here? In his place of refuge? He has to hate me. What he has been through, why has he told me about his past? A child in the hands of men like… Don't think about it, Scott! Nothing has happened to you. You got away. He has not. A child. God! How does he cope? I have left him and he rescues me! Why? I have to help him. But... how can I, if I can't even face my own demons? How could I possibly bear what he could tell me? What could have happened to me as well? How can he live with this damned power? Everything has to remind him of his past, every time he uses the Charm. How? How does he put it away? This lack of control would drive me insane. To always expecting to be… used. Never to be sure it's me, who's liked and not that image of me, distorted by the Charm Power. Is that why he is such a flirt? 'Cause he hopes that somebody somehow will see through that image? How alone he has to be. Oh boy, I never thought about this before. Remy LeBeau, is there anybody who knows _you_? How do you bear your memories, all alone? Hands, touches. I don't want to think about it! Remy, how do you cope? I'm falling, I have no support! Help me! What… why are you shaking? Pain? Do you remember? Can you help me? Did you only suppress it? I want to help you!
Scott? What... let go of my hand. I want to be alone… let me… what are… you doing? I don't want to let go. I don't want to cry like a baby! But exactly dat will happen if you go on holding me like dis. Scott, let me go! Damn, Remy, just fight, push him away! Why don't you fight, Remy? 'Cause it feels so good to be held. 'Cause you feel safe now. 'Cause Scott understands. Scott… just hold me, 'k? Don't leave me alone... not alone…
Remy... come here, I need you, I need your support. I just want to hold you, okay? No ulterior motives. You don't fight. You understand me, right? Don't leave me. You are shaking so hard your teeth are chattering. Shhhh, it's okay. I'm here. Now, much too late, I'm here for you. I hold you and you support me. What… tears? You suppressed it and now it's coming back to haunt you. The memory… I don't know how it has been for you, but I can guess and I'm there for you. Let go. Show me that I'm not alone. I hold you, I hold you...
Dis feels so good... safe… Can I simply let go now? You will not change your mind, Scott? When you finally see what you're doing? Whom you are holding? Control your Charm Power, LeBeau! If not you will lose everyt'ing! De safety… Shields up, it is. Control your emotions. Control is everything. Oh, Scott, even if you push me away now, I t'ank you!
Remy, what's wrong? You have stopped shaking and now you're tense. You cling to me as if your live was depending on it and at the same time you're so tense it has to hurt. Why? I won't leave you! I need you! You understand me, do you? You are my support, here and now. Even if Jean would be here and not on Muir Island with the others, I'm not sure she could support me like you do.
„Remy, let go."
Why did you wince? You don't think I… no! Stay, don't leave me!
„Stop! Not me! Please… I… I meant your thoughts, emotions…"
Come back to me, I need you!
„Remy, let go."
Dere, here it comes, he's pushing me away. I knew dat would happen, so why does it hurt so much? What? What did you say? Your hands hold me… pull me back to you… Let go of _myself_? Scott… I don't know if I can do dat… wit'out hurting you. Why are you doing dis for me? 'Let go' you said… I… remember…
You are shaking again and you are clinging to me with all your strength. I can sense how you let go of your emotional control, I can feel how your body cramps, I hear how strained you breathe… and I see your tears. What shall I do now? Hold you. Rock you. Stroke your hair like a father or mother would do. I can see you screaming without a sound. You never had parents who held you like this, who comforted you! Oh, Remy… I hear my voice, but I don't know what I'm saying. Comfort, support… I catch me kissing your forehead and your hair. And… it feels good. Normally I would feel awfully embarrassed. But I don't. It feels _right_. _Now_ I'm there for you.
... I... had no idea... it would be dis hard. De memories are tearing me apart! But now it's better, I feel light, dizzy, like I'm drunk. Scott? T'ank you! Scott? What are you doing? I feel your lips on my forehead. You _kiss_ me! Oh, God, no! Dis damn Charm Power! I must have lost control! No! Oh, God, I'm sorry! How could I…
The sobs have deceased, now you are lying silently in my arms. I'm here, Remy. You hear me? Hey! Stay! Why... panic?
„Remy...?"
„Scott, I didn't want to..."
I don't understand. What's wrong? Have I done something wrong? Why are you _afraid_ of me?
„What didn't you want?"
„De Charm... you... kissed me! I have lost control. It's better when you leave now, Scott. Before… before I hurt you."
Hurt me? Charm? You think I only comforted you because you lost control of your Charm? Damn, Remy! But what if? Then you are a damn bad teamleader, Scott Summers! Only because he's male… Stop. Remy's afraid to hurt me?
„Hurt me?"
„After all dat's happened today you should better stay away from me and my Charm, Cyclops. You better leave now."
Aha. Back to ‚Cyclops', we are. Distance. If you are crawling back into your shell, Remy, I will be alone again. Alone with my thoughts, with my memories.
„Egoist."
That hit home. This strange eyes, red on black, are now wide open and stare at me in utter lack of understanding.
„W... What?"
„You had your comfort. And you needed it badly. I was there for you. And now you send me away. My day wasn't easy either, or did that slip your mind?"
Okay. That was not nice. Not a bit.
‚Egoist'. How right you are, Scott. I had my comfort, my support. And now I push you away. But actually, I want you to stay. I don't want to be alone. Egoist, indeed. But on the other hand…
„'Ow could you possibly want to stay? Dat whole mess was _my_ fault! All dat wouldn't have happened without my Charm Power. I… don't deserve your comfort…"
What will he say now? Dat I'm right, and den he'll leave.
„As I said: Egoist!"
What?
„Now you want to take all the blame, too."
I am to blame!
Damn you, Remy! If you could, you would try to carry the sin of he whole world, wouldn't you? And all to… pay for that one mistake. To do penance for the Morlock massacre. Why haven't I seen that before? Scott, you're an idiot! Remy's feeling so guilty it's driving him mad! What else could I do wrong here? What do I do now? Even if he's going to kill me now… Get up, Scott. Take his hand and make him sit down on the couch again. Talk to him. Damn Remy, stop fighting, I don't want to hurt you!
„I wasn't your fault, Remy. Is wasn't now and it wasn't back then. Fate has played a very nasty trick on you. But you survived. Alone and without help. Don't you understand me? I want to be there for you. But I need your help, too! You have survived much worse then what I have experienced today, you know how to cope with it."
Should I say it? Yes.
„Remy... I need you. Your help and your support."
Don't look at me as if I've grown a second head. Help me!
„Help me!"
Scott... needs... me? _Needs_ _me_?
What shall I do now? How could I…? Damn, I'm starting to shake again. Do what Scott has done. Just hold him!
He's shaking. What will you do, Remy? Please, help me. You… you hold me! Clumsy, but tight. But can I let go, like you did?
I remember... those men… I didn't know what they wanted to do. No, I knew it, but I didn't want to believe it. And when they touched me… this feeling… I was - admit it, Scott! - aroused. But I was afraid, too. I think I only fought them 'cause fighting has become second nature to me. But without Remy…
Am I shocked about what would have happened to me, or about my own feelings when they held me? I can't sort it out! Was it me, who was aroused by the thought of… - Damn, Scott, if you can't even say it! – the thought of having sex with those men, or was it just the echo of the Charm Power? The empathy?
„I don't know, Scott. Dat's what makes it so hard…"
Oh God, did I say all that aloud? But he understands… he holds me. But what if it wasn't the Charm Power? If it only freed what I could be? No! I have never thought about doing that with a male… but what if…?
Remy... The kiss, out there in the rain... Remy's body… I remember what it felt like to hold him… and now I'm holding him again… and he holds me…
„Remy? Are you controlling your Charm?"
„As much as I can. Nearly 100 %"
Oh. Than these are _my_ feelings... I can smell his hair, still wet from the rain, that's his heartbeat… and he's so warm…
Why did he ask dat? I told him dat I don't want to hurt him! He's so quiet now. What are you feeling? Should I scan him? Should I lower my empathic shields? No, I can't hurt him, not pysically and especially not mentally! What shall I do? Scott, what's wrong? Your hand on my back… are you counting my vertebrae? Or are you stroking me? Scott?
Warm… Why are you so tense, Remy? I want you to relax, to feel well. You have gone through so many bad things in your life and now, when I should be there for you, you're there for me. You restrain yourself 'cause you worry over me. But I think I know now that it wasn't only the Charm Power, back at the attack. I know myself a little better now. And I can accept it, if you help me to go through this. I can see your pulse at your neck and I want to kiss it…kiss you…
Scott! No, please! I can't allow dat!
„Scott, don't!"
„Remy..."
„You are not yourself. If you go on wit' what you're doing, we'll both regret it tomorrow!"
Did I just admit that I actually won't mind? Do I mind? No… But anyway…
„Scott, you're not yourself! Please stop!"
Please, don't stop...
I don't want to stop!
„Remy, I don't want you to do something you don't want to do, but I don't know if I will ever be brave enough to think in this way about me again! Please, help me through this! Help me to find myself.!"
He's looking at me. Thoughtful. Afraid? Why? He has admitted that he wants this, too!
„Remy?"
„You will hate me tomorrow."
„Hate you? Why?"
„Because I make you something you don't want to be!"
„Remy..."
„No, listen to me. It will be hard enough to go on after what has happened now. And if we…"
„Remy, leave that to me. I promise, I won't hate you. How can I look me in the eye again, if don't use my maybe only chance? No, that doesn't sound right. I don't want to… use you. That would be like I … as if I would do to you what…"
„Scott, you _can't_ look yourself in the eye!"
„Huh?"
"Your visor."
"Oh. Does that mean you agree?"
„I... even if you will hate me... mmpf!"
Kisses can even stop Cajuns talking.
*~*~*
„Morning, sleepyhead!"
„Hmmmpf?"
„De rain has stopped and de sun is shining! Scott? WAKE UP!!!"
„Remy? What? Oh. That."
Silence.
„Remy?"
„What do you... t'ink?"
„You want to know if I hate you."
„Well... yes."
„No."
„Uff."
„You where still afraid of that? After tonight?"
„Well, when I was a child..."
„Remy. I _don't_ _hate_ _you_!"
„Yes, o fearless."
„Don't call me that."
„What now?"
„What do you mean?"
„Jean..."
„She... will understand. I think she knows me much better than I do..."
„Will _she_ hate me?"
„Not if I have a say in that!"
„Thank you."
„Never mind."
„But... dis will stay the only time we..."
„I still have much to learn..."
„What?"
„You are a very good teacher, Remy… And I can be very curious…"
„Scott?"
„Yes?"
„Does that mean...?"
„If you want to?"
„I... yes."
„Good. Now?"
„What?! Mmmpf!"
The End.
And this time I mean "THE END"! You want a sequel, you write one!
And thanks a lot to Vicky Hayrabedian, whose story "Cold" gave me the idea to do a Scott/Remy story.