I'm Malon—Part Three
It was dusk. My hands, stinging and raw from carrying bucket after bucket of milk from the stables, were now carrying their last load. After this, I could finally rest my weary body. I pictured dipping my parched hands and face into a bucket of cold water as I walked; looking towards the darkening sky and watching the stars appear. The breeze blew small tendrils of hair into my face, but I could not brush them away. Lon Lon Ranch was still beautiful on a summer night, just as it had been before. After all that had happened, I still found myself admiring the ranch. It seemed....so beautiful, so strong, so brave.
Too late I heard the grunting and shuffling noises behind me. I started to turn, to swing the heavy buckets around, when I felt a monstrous, powerful hand grab one of my shoulders. It swung me around and the buckets of milk thudded to the ground, overturning and spilling their contents. He looked at me with wild, violent eyes, and his hand, which had never left my shoulder, pulled me up against him. I squirmed and struggled with all the strength in me to pull away, but both his arms were now clasped around me. I could feel his hot breath on my neck, and I sensed the animal eagerness within him.
I fought with all my might, tried to push away from him, but he grabbed one of my arms, jerked and twisted it, sending a searing pain through my shoulder and arm. I lost my footing then, and fell down to the ground. He fell with me, and now he was on top of me. My heart was leaping wildly and I could not breathe. Desperately and wildly I kicked at the gravel…I hoped I could at least make it difficult for him to keep control of me. I could see the rage in his eyes. There seemed to be no escape for me as he pressed a hand on my breast to keep me still and used his other to deliver smashing, stinging, numbing blows to my face.
I don't remember clearly what happened after this, but I remember suddenly having my arms free. I thought I had no power left in me legs, but some desperate strength that seemed to come from the very depths of my body brought me to my feet. I remember him still holding with a death grip the bodice of my dress, and he was about to reach for me again when I jerked free. I heard the sound of ripping material, and I was running…
After that there was darkness.
I never knew how long I was unconscious, but when I came to I found myself sprawled on my bed. My head was throbbing and every single part of my body was in pain. I reached up to touch my face and felt dried blood on my swollen cheeks and forehead. I tried to sit up, but immediately my head felt dizzy and my vision became blurry and I felt so sick to my stomach that I collapsed back down again.
Yet I had to get up. There was just no other way. What time was it, anyway? I turned my head toward the window and saw that it was still pitch black outside. I could not have been unconscious for more than a few hours. In the next few minutes my mind became less swimmy, and I was able to come to some conclusions. I must have still been in shock; I felt little pain in my face where I had been hit, and I was calm. I must have ran upstairs to my room and passed out on my bed. I thought some more.
Ingo had done this. He had given me beatings before, but never like this. He had never tried to…had he? Yes, he had tried to rape me. I searched my mind for some sort of consolation, some kind of hope. Deep inside somewhere I found it. Not hope that I would be rescued from this hell, or that everything would magically turn back to the way it had been—that hope was gone. But rather, the knowledge that Ingo had not tried to rape me because he wanted me…he had been drunk. I solemnly admitted to myself that now, being a young woman, this would be another thing I would have to learn to accept in my life, and always be prepared for.
After mulling for some time over all this, I tried once more to get up. This time I was able to sit up on the edge of my bed. I could see my face in the mirror. Ugly, I thought, seeing my bloody, bruised and swollen face. Not at all the woman you thought you'd be, are you?
Later, as I was leaning out of my bedroom window and staring up at the night sky, I realized that this was the first time in seven long years that I had really begun to think about my life. I looked up at the stars sadly, thinking that out of all the things that had changed for me, at least the stars stayed the same.
My life had been wonderful—too wonderful to last, it seemed. Too long now I had forced myself not to think about the way things used to be; the days that Daddy and I would take care of the ranch together, and everything had been simple, with no problems at all. In spite of myself, I let a tear fall. I had been such a carefree girl…how was I to know that one day it would all end, that in one fell blow it would disappear?
"Oh," I cried aloud, burying my face in my hands and finally succumbing to the pain that I had held inside of me for seven years, "Goddesses above, what happened?" I cried and cried, shuddering with sobs as I allowed more and more memories to come flooding back. A huge dam had suddenly burst inside of me and I was now powerless to stop the torrent. I raised my tear-stained face up to the sky and screamed to anyone who would hear, "Why have you done this? What have I done? Where's my father now? Will my life ever be the same again?" No answer came. I only heard Ingo growling drunkenly from somewhere outside. The stars stared plaintively down at me, just as they had always done.