Chapter 8

Vicki Ann sat in her quarters, listening to some music and daydreaming. She was planning shore leave for her and Julian. He had shore leave in a few months, as did she. They could go to Risa and- She was interrupted from her reverie by the doorbell. "Computer, pause music," she said as she got up. She pressed the door button and the door opened, revealing Cmdr. Riker. "Well, to what do I owe this pleasure?" she asked, smiling.

He was not as cheerful. "Where's Julian?"

"Oh, he's discussing some kind of experiment with Beverly."

"How are you feeling?"

"Much better. But what about you? What's wrong?"

Riker sighed and sat down on a chair adjacent to the couch. "Deanna and I discussed you and Julian at lunch."

"And?"

"She said that she hoped you two could work things out because she could tell that the two of you really did love each other."

"And?"

"Will you stop interrupting me?"

"Well stop pausing so much!"

"And she told me she sensed something strange from me, so she dug deeper and realized it was jealousy."

"Jealousy? Of whom?" Vicki Ann asked, although her expression said that she already knew.

"Julian."

"Why?"

"Vicki Ann, this is going to be hard for you to hear after our talk about why I started seeing you, but I did love you."

"What?" she whispered, too confused from what he had just thrown at her.

"I did love you, but I was afraid to commit to anything because of my love for Deanna. If I would have committed to you, then I could have blown my chances with Deanna and I didn't want that to happen. So when you told me that you didn't think I loved you and that I saw you as Deanna, that provided me with a way out of our relationship, so I took it."

"What?" she echoed.

He got up off the chair and went over to comfort her. "Vicki Ann, I'm sorry. I didn't realize what I was-."

It hit Vicki Ann like a ton of bricks. "You son of a bitch," she said rather calmly.

Riker backed up.

"How could you do that to me? You were my friend. You used me to get back your precious Deanna. You couldn't have loved me if you did that to me. I had a nervous breakdown. I fought with Deanna because of it. I hated her, my own sister for not letting go when it was you who couldn't let go. Deanna doesn't deserve you. Dammit, I defended you to Q in San Francisco before I 'realized' that you didn't love me! I defended you to Beverly, to myself and you didn't deserve any of it! I trusted you and you betrayed me."

"Vicki Ann, I'm-."

"Shut up! I don't want to hear it anymore. You are not sorry. It got you Deanna, didn't it? And that's all you care about. Get out! I don't want to see you except for on the bridge. I will support Deanna if she chooses to continue to see you and I will be civil, but don't expect any more than that. I no longer have a friend named William T. Riker."

"Vicki Ann-."

"Get out!"

Riker obeyed.

As for Vicki Ann, she went over to the window and stared at the stars.


Julian Bashir got to Vicki Ann's quarters. The door was unlocked so he entered. The lights were dim and everything was silent. "Vicki Ann, are you here?"

No answer.

He walked in further and saw that she was standing in front of the window, staring at the stars. He went up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Vicki Ann, are you okay? Why didn't you answer me?" She turned to him and he saw that her face was wet with tears.

"Oh, Julian, everything is a mess."

"What happened?" he asked, leading her over to the couch.

"Will just came to see me. He said that he and Deanna had been discussing you and me and Deanna had sensed jealousy from him. She figured out that Will did indeed love me and that he let me convince him that he didn't so that he wouldn't be tied down so he could pursue a relationship with Deanna."

"Do you love him?" Julian asked, stunned by what she had just told him.

"No, of course not," Vicki Ann replied. Too quickly. "We're just friends now."

"Then why does this matter?"

"It doesn't."

"Then why are you crying?"

"I-I-don't know. . ."

"Do you still love him?

"No," Vicki Ann replied, hesitantly.

"Do you still love him?"

Vicki Ann, looking very nervous, remained silent.

"Tell me the truth, Vicki Ann. Do you still love him?" Julian repeated, his voice raised.

"Yes!"

Julian looked as if his heart had shattered into a million pieces. He turned away from her.

Vicki Ann went beside him. "Julian, of course I still care for him. We're friends. And he's with my sister and there's a good chance he could become my brother-in-law."

"There's a difference between caring for someone and loving someone."

"What?"

"I asked you if you loved him and you said you cared for him."

Vicki Ann seemed taken back. "I do love him, but in a different way."

"If you do love him, then how can you love me?"

"I told you it's in a different way. Will and I are just friends. I love you, Julian."

"In what way? Are we just friends? Or am I a replacement for Commander Riker? Do you really love me, Vicki Ann, or are you just doing what you accused him of?"

Hurt and confused by Julian's harsh words, Vicki Ann replied quietly, "No, of course not."

"I don't know if I can believe you."

"Believe me, Julian. I love you, not Will."

"Then make a choice, it's him or me."

"Julian!"

"Him or me?"

"You can't choose who I'm friends with!"

"Make a decision, Vicki Ann!"

"It's not a fair choice."

"If you don't choose, it's over."

"I won't let you control me!"

"If you can't choose, then that means that you can't make a commitment to me. If you can't commit to me, then, I'm leaving," he replied, turning to leave.

Vicki Ann grabbed onto his arm desperately. "Julian, no. Don't do this!"

He freed his arm from her grasp. "Goodbye, Vicki Ann." He walked out the door.

"Julian!" Vicki Ann called after him, but he continued to walk away from her and soon he was gone.