Tears in Heaven:
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven
Spike sat in his beat up black Desoto thinking about all of the things that he could have, should have, done to Buffy years ago. He should have killed her when he had the chance Halloween night instead of letting her innocent eyes convince him to just toy with her an let her live that awful night.
Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.
He should have killed the witch and the whelp that night when he'd kidnapped them to make a love spell for Dru. But no he hadn't been able to kill them when the little girl had looked up at him with those damn puppy dog eyes. Then there was that day not to long ago when he'd had the Gem of Amara on his finger and could have bit The Slayer just like that without even thinking about it, but had he? No he'd let Buffy's tears turn him into a mass of blubbering mush and had let her go without even trying to kill her.
Time can bring you down; time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart have you begging please,
Begging please.
Then there came the day not to long ago when Spike realized that he loved Buffy despite the fact that they were mortal enemys and for all intents and purposes supposed to be trying to kill each other. Oh sure he had tried to tell himself that it was only the chip that made him think all of these crazy things but he knew the truth that he was butt crazy head over heels in love with one Elizabeth Marie Summers known to the world as Buffy. He knew her real name only because Joyce liked him enough to understand that he didn't mean her daughter any harm when he asked why the hell she would give her child a bloody stupid name like Buffy? He wanted to hate her god knows he did but when then he looked at her and was drawn in by her beautiful green eyes and her gorgeous blond hair and he was lost.
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.
Over the weeks he'd come to realize that she was his peace, she was the one thing that could help him sleep at night. So he'd started watching, he would stand outside by the old oak tree and watch as she left the house each night, then he would follow her as she patrolled, killing more of his own kind then even he cared to admit. Then he would follow her home and watch as she crawled in through her window as she had been doing every night since she was sixteen then wait for the light to go off so that he could crawl up on the roof and through the blackness of the night watch Buffy sleep. Then when he'd least expected it she'd started coming to him. Oh at first it was just to find out how he'd killed the other two slayers, but then one night they'd started dancing and that too became a nightly ritual. Then one night she'd run out on even that, so he'd left unable to deal with only watching her from afar.
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on.
Because I know I don't belong here in heaven.
So here he was in L.A. listening to the C.D. he'd stolen from Brood Boy during his last trip out there and actually liking the melancholy song that was playing. Bloody hell that was a surprise, so he hit stop and just sat there letting the sounds of silence flow over him hoping that his sacrifice was for Buffy's own good and that she would be happy without him there.
Lyrics by: Eric Clappton