Breathless - 3
He shivered a little and opened his sapphire eyes. As soon as he saw her, his face shone with a cute smile. She smiled back, unable to think about anything but that beautiful face opposite hers and forced herself to close her eyes and sweep away all her thoughts. Thoughts that had been bothering her for too long, and that were probably to stay, no matter how hard she tried to kill them.
Shaking her head unnoticeably, she took a deep look at the pair of shining stars in his face. He was still sleepy, drowsy. He kept that bright grin in his lips and his eyes and was staring at her, still not ready to react anyway. The cruises in her sheets had left their mark on his face. Perhaps his figure was not that very moment the most elegant boy's ever one. But she found him incredibly handsome, that morning, after the night, in her arms, smiling at her and only at her.
Why did anything ever have to change??
After a very little while looking at each other in the eye, both with loving glares, he leaned over to kiss her softly, passion growing. She was a bit surprised at first. His passion was overwhelming, as all in him, and she knew not how to react. Having put off her guard for an instant, one only thought got hold of her strength: the decision that she had just made. She forced herself, though, to kiss him back, but found she was unable. When he noticed so, he pulled apart to look at her.
"What's the matter, Panny...?", he whispered in a soft raspy voice.
She shook her head trying to make clear that that was not important and faked a smile.
"It's nothing...", she began, but he interrupted her.
"Don't tell me it's nothing. I can see it is. What's wrong?", he asked her, sweetly and caressing, what even hurt her more.
"It's nothing. Believe me!", she answered, starting to sound tired out.
He shook his head and looked at her in the eye. He was starting to sound annoyed about her answers and she felt her chest heavier, suddenly unable to breathe, just seeing that he would get angry with her. Just thinking that he would go away from her again, as he had always done. And her own dependence on him shocked her. She had never been dependant on nothing. Not that much. She was strong, independent and enough self-confident to have ever needed anyone so strongly. Besides, she was planning to live without him. How would she, if the only thought of having him pissed off was enough to make her feel weak and hurt her heart so much?
"Yeah right. Tell me!", he asked intensely but with a soft voice, almost a whisper, and even brighter eyes.
She nodded, tears in her eyes. She had to tell him. The sooner, the best. She had made up her mind, after all. It was just that then she didn't feel like nothing but being hugged, she needed a huge hug in that very moment. She had got herself depressed and she knew not very well why. Hesitantly, she reached closer to him and looked for a place to hide away – his chest. Sighing, she let it finally go.
"It's nothing – it's just – well, you know, I've been offered of a job in Europe and –"
He moved her to look at her eyes, intensely, what made her look down.
"And...?", he inquired with fear showing in his gentle voice.
"And I was thinking of when I should leave – I mean – the exact day – I – I was thinking of leaving soon – very soon", she whispered so low that she had her doubts if he would have understood any of her words.
When she looked up again and her sight reached his, she saw pain pass his face. Or maybe she just imagined it. However, before she could decide if she had seen it or not, his face was still the same mask than before, serious and softly inquiring.
"So you're going to get it?", he asked, with a point of disbelief in his voice.
She looked at him, sad and not understanding in all the reasons of the asking.
"I think I am. Yes, I am. Why - you think I shouldn't?"
He looked away, biting his lower lip.
"I thought you wouldn't. It's a good job, but... It's Europe. It's – it's far away and – and I thought you would miss your family here. They will miss you a lot –"
Between her sadness, she felt her anger rise, erasing the pain, just letting her mad at him, not depressed. He had made it rather plain that he did not consider himself a member of her family and, what was even more painful, that he would probably not miss her when she left.
"Yes. They sure will.", she spat, anger winning against sadness, and looked at him, hurt. "You will fuck someone else, won't you? Is it that??"
He looked briefly at her, his features showing knowledge of the mistake he had just made.
"I – I'll be right – ", he whispered. "I am always, aren't I?"
She nodded, tired and still pissed.
"You will. Now, you better go home. I have lots of things to do and you would do nothing but bothering me. I suppose you - you won't come to farewell me, so good-bye, Trunks. At least I won't have to feel bad for not having you told of my leaving!", she icily exclaimed. "Take care of yourself, will you? My best wishes", added finally, ironically, and looked at him non-emotionally.
He looked back at her, doubtful.
"My – my best wishes to – to – ", he muttered and then paused. "I don't want to go...", whispered at last, very softly.
"I don't think I asked you – did I?", she asked formally, not even looking at him.
Looking defeated, he shook his head no and stood up, looking for his clothes. She rolled aside and, having him out of her sight, ignored his presence. He got dressed and, after doubting standing next to the bed, got near her again and got on his knee to face her.
"Pan...", he started, shyly. "Pan, listen –". He made a soft pause to see if she was responding, but she kept with her back turned to him. "Gosh, Pan – we must talk... Please... please..." Nothing. "Won't you even look at me...?!", he ended, desperate at last.
She rolled finally to face him.
"Do you think we must talk? Ok, then. Talk", she stated.
"Pan...", he began, slowly, "look... You – you think I know nothing of how you're feeling right now, but – but – I... I – I am not – you know, you – you've known me forever – I've always been that – cold – and –. Well – you can't expect me – to – change – all of a sudden –"
"I don't", she almost spat.
"You do", he hopelessly corrected. "And as I can't, you get angry, see?"
She smiled bitterly.
"I don't, you boxer boy. I just need to leave, darling...", she whispered, softening her features. "I'm not angry at you, can't you see? I would never be, Trunks-kun... It's just that I think that we need different things, right now. It's not your fault. Just... I need to go. And that's why I'm leaving."
"No. Don't lie to us both. You are leaving because of me. I don't fulfil you. But, please, no – no – I'm trying, can't you see?", he exclaimed swallowing hard and looking her intensely in the eye. "It's, it's that, well – that – Oh, gosh. Pan – "
"You don't have to, sweetie. Come on, that was rude of me. I'm sorry. I was a bit angry, before. But we are still friends, aren't we? I'm leaving for a job. I'll come back, eventually..."
"It was not rude. I didn't – I didn't mean to say – that I –. Oh, Panny, don't leave! I'll miss you so much!!"
She swallowed, looking at him in the eye, touched. He had never said anything that had implied him so much. He would miss her - he would. She had got to have at least a little piece of his heart ---. Still not believing that he had just said he'd miss her, she let some of his words slip and had to ask him to repeat them.
"What?", she asked shyly to a bright-eyed Trunks
"Marry me", he repeated nervously
She looked at him in disbelief, eyes open wide, while her heart raced and her chest ached.
"What – what did you just say - ?"
He repeated the question with a shy smile and a pleading expression in his eyes.
"Please – Pan – Will – will you marry me?"
She gasped for air, then paused a while and finally answered plainly but softly.
"No"
He heard a soft sound in his chest and knew something was broken.
"May – may I ask – why?"
She nodded, sighing.
"I won't marry you so you have me here to release on every - "
"Pan!", he interrupted her "That's not it! I – I – I...."
"You ...?", she mimicked.
"Right. You don't believe me. You won't, whatever I say now. So I need more time, Panny... I – I need you to give me more time..."
She softened her face in a confuse smile.
"You've got plenty of time – all your life – but time for what?"
He threw himself at her, embracing her tightly.
"For – for being – the – the man you want –", he whispered, near to tears.
"Trunks, there's no such man – come on, little boxer boy, go home, you have lots of things to do..."
He shook his head, hidden on her shoulder.
"My whole life wouldn't be time enough, Panny, if you – if you were to – go –. So I'm not going until you tell me you – you're going to stay"
She sighed.
"You are. Come on, get up immediately or I'll have you punched!"
He looked at her desperately, with tears in his eyes.
"No. Tell me you are not going to Europe. I need you to! Please!"
She denied firmly.
"I won't. I am. There's no reason for me to stay here."
He nodded sadly.
"See? You are tearing me apart for not being the one you need!"
"No. I'm not tearing you apart."
"You are", he stated, convinced.
"Of course not. I'm just going abroad for work. Is it that bad?"
"It is since I – ", he started before blushing and going silent all of a sudden.
"Since you, Trunks?", she asked.
"Don't leave. Please. Stay here. I thought we – well, were having a good time together –"
She smiled tiredly.
"I'm going to take a shower.", she added, finally, after a short pause. " You're making my head ache!"
She left quietly. He was not able to react before she closed the door. And when he finally did, his reaction was to start slapping his head against the bed for being the idiotic he had been his entire life. For not telling her all about him. For the prince he was. For how them both would hate the prince he was. After the seventh time hitting his forehead, he stood up determined and entered the bathroom without knocking.
"Pan. You are definitely not leaving!", he exclaimed, looking at her imperatively, standing at the doorframe, trying to hide his nerves. "You are staying here"
She looked at him puzzled and turned the water off.
"Why on earth, Trunks?"
He looked at her and approached the bath tube.
"Why on earth would you leave?"
She looked at her feet.
"I asked – first", she stated shyly.
"But I need to know, Panny", he whispered softly and unsure.
"Well, you know, it's a good chance – it's well paid and I'd love that work. And it's not that far away – we can fly – we can – "
He nodded.
"But you won't. You'll be busy and – well – there is the jet lag - And you know you have a job waiting for you here! You could work for us, in the corporation!! You can stay! You don't have to go – which is the reason?!"
She swallowed.
"I – I can't bear it any more, Trunks. I mean – we – you and me – I – I can't..."
"What can't you bear, my Panny...? Do you want to stop – well, to stop making – seeing each other?"
She smiled sadly.
"We wouldn't, if I were to stay... And it's not just that – I can't go on with this, it's overwhelming me and it hurts... I can't bear the way you are when we are outside the bedroom. I just can't. You know I like – well – the way things are when – when we are together – but – but - I really do think that we must stop being – um – lovers – and go back to our friendship"
"Is that what you want, princess?", he whispered cheerless.
She nodded.
"It's alright, then. We can go back to what we were – just –. You don't have to go. Please. Please."
"I have to", she denied, convinced. "I need to. I can't see – you – when – when –"
"Panny, my sweet", he interrupted her, looking at her straight in the eyes, "could you – could you do me a favour? I – I – I need you to – wait – to give me a b-bit of time – say – a month – No, one week, just a week, until you – fall in love with someone else–. please?"
She nodded, surprised.
"What for -?"
He embraced her, making all his clothes wet.
"If it's the only way, then I am to be like you, so fresh and sweet, and not the proud prince I am. I am to make you happy whatever it costs me, you'll see. I swear. But I can't – now I can't explain my feelings, I feel so weird, I am so afraid of being hurt or – rejected -. I know – I've – I've been – hurt – hurting – you –. Give me a week, will you? One week. If I fail, you move to Europe. If I don't – – – . Please – you don't know how hard it is – for me – to say so, but – but – I need you – and – without you – I'm – I'm dead - - - ."
She looked at him astonished. She could not believe what he was saying. It was totally impossible coming from him. But there was no other explanation than that it was the truth. What else could it be? One of his plans for getting what he seemed to want – that is, having sex with her? It was too complicated, even for him. Not knowing what to think, she was unaware when she felt his lips kissing hers as if he was asking for her permission. Instinctively, not being aware of her own acts, as her mind was somewhere else, wondering to believe him or not, they started kissing and stroking each other once again, her body not asking for her permission. Before she realised, she was in bed with Trunks making love more desperately than ever to her.