V-chan
SCENE: Pleasant English manor/insane asylum just outside of London. Dr. Seward [Zechs] is enjoying breakfast with his friends, Quinn Morris [Sally], and Lord Gadolming [Trieze], out in the garden.
Sally: How dreadful! (She shakes her head in dismay as she tosses the paper on the table.)
Trieze: What's the matter?
Sally: This! (She point to the headline: 'Horrific Shipwreck!') The entire crew was found dead under mysterious circumstances. [Oooooooh...Sense a little foreshadowing here?]
Trieze: Oh, I've heard of that. But wasn't there one sole survivor? [Oooooooh...more foreshadowing...]
Zechs: (Flatly.) Yes, there was. I think his name was Renfield. [Dun-dun-DUN!] (Sips his tea.) But by the time they rescued him, the man was stark raving mad.
Sally: What did they do with the poor man?
Zechs: (Still monotone.) They sent him to this very asylum in the hope that with time, and intensive shock treatment...
*Offstage...*
Duo: INTENSIVE SHOCK TREATMENT?! I DON'T THINK SO, V-CHAN!
[Bad Duo! (Pokes him with a cattle prod.)]
Duo: Itai!
Zechs: ... he may be able to tell the authorities what happened.
Sally: That poor, poor man. (Sighs sadly.)
Trieze: Now, now, let's not dwell on such depressing matters gentlemen... (Sally gives him a DEATH GLARE.) AHEM! I mean, gentleman and lady. (He stands and gestures dramatically.) Today, let us be happy, for the good doctor's son and his ' friend' from boarding school should be here any moment now.
*Everyone pauses and awaits his or her entrance, but no one comes out. *
Trieze: AHEM... I said, 'the good doctor's son and his friend should be here soon'!
*More waiting...*
Sally: Hey boys! That's your cue to come out! {Geez...what are they doing back there?}
Trieze: (Under his breathe.) They must be making out again! {I told her she should've cast Relena as Mina, but NOOOOOO... V insisted on Quatre!} Millinardo, do you have any idea what's going on?
Zechs: (Just sips his tea and shrugs indifferently.)
*Finally, Amelia [Slayers.] trots onstage. *
Amelia: I'm sorry about the delay, but it can't be helped.
Sally & Trieze: Why?
Amelia: Uh...well...We're having some...ummmm...minor technical difficulties...
*Meanwhile, backstage...*
Wufei: INJUSTICE! I refuse to do this!
Quatre: But Wufei...
Wufei: 'But Wufei' nothing! I will not go through with this! It's degrading! IT'S AN INSULT TO MY MANHOOD!
Quatre: So what's so degrading about this? We're just acting.
Wufei: But we're acting out the roles of Mina and Lucy! These are WOMEN'S roles!!
Quatre: Geez...You make it sound like she's making us dress in drag! [Wuffie...In a DRESS... *shudders*.] I still don't see what you're problem is.
Wufei: (Nastily.) Oh, of course you don't mind playing a woman's role.
Quatre: And what do you mean by THAT?
Wufei: Quit playing dumb! Everyone knows about you and Trowa.
Quatre: Huh? Wufei, what are you saying?
Wufei: You want me to spell it out for you? (Flying into a rage.) WE ALL KNOW YOU BOTH HAVE BEEN *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* [Censored for the sake of our more sensitive readers. Let's just say Wuffie proves he's not really supportive of Quatre's 'life-style'.]
Quatre: (Stands there, mouth agape and SD, in shock.) I...can't...believe...you just said that!
Wufei: Oh, those are just the 'nice' things I could say about the likes of you! [Yay those likes!]
[*OCC WARNING!!! *]
Quatre: (Majorly pissed.) Well, there's a hell of a lot of things I could say about you and Trieze...or how about you and NATKU! [You blew it b-*bleep*!]
Wufei: HOW DARE YOU BRING NATKU INTO THIS! (Draws a HUGE sword from out of nowhere.) YOU.... [*CENSORED! *]
*Quatre flees the room, apologizing all the way. *
Lina Inverse [Slayers]: Well, I guess he couldn't reason with him. (She walks into Wufei's dressing room.)
Quatre: Are you sure about this, Chaine-san?
Chaine: Oh, don't worry! I assure you that she won't harm him. Why, I have it on excellent authority that Lina is the perfect person to get this done peacefully.
*Suddenly, they hear shouting from the room. *
Wufei: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE, YOU FLAT CHESTED LITTLE WEAKLING!
Juuana-gou (#17) [DBZ]: Oooooooh...somebody's gonna get fire-balled!
Lina: ALRIGHT! YOU'RE SO DEAD NOW! BURST RONDO!!!!!!!
*Sound of a MASSIVE explosion. Smoke pours out of the door as Lina exits. *
Lina: Hmph! Maybe that'll teach you not to insult a lady.
Chaine: (Hangs his head and sighs.) That's the last time I'll listen to Xellos...
Wufei: (Charred and burnt.) Medic!
*Back onstage...*
Amelia: (Trotting back onstage.) Okay folks! Miss Lina has fixed the problem, so let's get the show on the road.
Trieze: Finally! (Stands back up.) Well, as I was saying, the doctor's son and his friend should be here any moment now.
*They hold their breath in antici-...[Say It!] PATION! [*Guitar riff. *]*
Quatre: DAD! (He bounds onstage and glomps Zechs.)
Zechs: (Deadpan.) Oh...*sip*, nice to see you too, William. (Half-heartedly pats him on the back.)
Quatre: Oh, it's just GRAND to be home again!
Trieze: (Catty.) Over doing it a bit, aren't we? [MEEEEOOOWWW! HISS-HISS!]
Quatre: (Ignoring Trieze.) I'd like you to meet my roommate, Lucas Westrina. (He drags a very uncooperative Wufei onstage.)
[*HENTAI ALERT! HENTAI ALERT! *]
Trieze: Oooh...this fic just got interesting... (He smiles devilishly.)
Sally: Back off, flower boy! He's mine!
Wufei: (HUGE SWEATDROP!) {I'm going to kill that crazy woman for this...} (Grits his teeth and bows.) Konichi wa, mina-san.
Quatre: (Smiling nervously.) He's just a little shy. {Oh man...}(He sits down beside Zechs.)
Trieze: (Pulling out a chair for Wufei.) You look tired, my dear. Please, have a seat.
Wufei: (Trying not to go postal.) Thank you, sir.
[*HENTAI ALERT! HENTAI ALERT! *]
Trieze: Please, call me Trey. (He promptly gropes Wufei.)
Wufei: (Eyebrow twitch and veins bulging.) Trieze, if you don't take your hands off me, I swear I'm going to kick your sorry a-*bleep*.
*Reluctantly, Trieze removes his hand. Quatre looks away in embarrassment. *
Zechs: (Sips his tea, unconcerned about what just happened.) William, your fiancée has invited us and our guest to the opera this evening. *Sip* [Thank god! At least someone's keeping to the script!]
Quatre: (Genuinely ecstatic) WONDERFUL!!! I've missed my darling koibito [Jap. for "lover."] sooooooooo badly! (Notices everyone [expect Zechs, who just sips his tea.] has a sweat drop and they're giving him funny looks.) *BLUSH! * That, and I'm sure Lucas would just love to meet John.
Wufei: (Eyebrow twitching even more.) This is just wrong!
Trieze: Well then, (He stands.) I suppose we should leave and let you boys settle in. Good day, Seward. (He leans into Wufei's ear.) I'll be in box 4. (Leaves.)
Sally: Bye. (Goes up to Wufei and whispers in his other ear.) I'll be in box 6. (Leaves.)
Wufei: *GROWLS*.
...And that brings us to the end of Part 2! In the next part, there'll be even more debaucheries and rampant OOC-ing than you can shake a stick at! Until the next fic...
Ja-na!
V-chan