Yay,
'tis the next part^^~!! First of all I want to thank one reviewer whose name's
lost on me right now ^^;, who told me to watch out and check my spelling and
grammar and tenses. Thanx for reminding me about that!! I was soo eager to just
post the part and also I was soo lazy to reread and check the grammar and
tenses… soo… gomen nasai, everyone!! I'm sorry for the inconvenience it has
made… I hope from now on it'll be much better^^~!
And review this, onegai??
::
Part 7 ::
The
hospital was eerily quiet as Aya paused before Ken's room in the ICU. He waited
a moment, steeling himself for what was to come. His mind suddenly flashed back
to the last time he had seen him. He was suddenly afraid that he wouldn't be able
to go in and face him again, especially knowing what he did now.
Aya
was fearful that despite his usual coldness, he wouldn't be strong enough to
hold it together, to pretend that everything was all right and Ken wasn't
permanently paralyzed. That was, until the time came to tell Ken the truth. He
stood before the door and had to restrain himself from running to the opposite
direction.
But
then Aya thought about going back home again and withdrawing himself into his
darkened apartment. It was there he had spent the last few days, sick with
worry that Ken might never be awake. Aya realized that he had to see him again
just to allay his own fear that Ken wouldn't make it.
He
was there, just on the other side of the door, awake and waiting to see him. He
was surprised when a sudden sense of calm enveloped him, and Aya found out he
can move again. He *had* to see him, that was all there was to it. After taking
a deep breath, he pushed open the door and stepped inside.
From
the doorway, Ken didn't look any different than before. His head was still
clamped in traction, he was laying stiffly on his back, the bruises on his
chest still garish. But Aya barely noticed his appereance this time, nor did he
cringe at the sight of so many tubes and machines surrounding him.
None
of it mattered now, because Ken's eyes were open. He could see the brunette
blinking as he stared at the monotonous hospital ceilings. He was truly awake
and Aya walked to his bedside with a sudden eager rush.
A
relief-induced smile lit up his face immediately as Ken heard him approach and
turned his gaze upon him. Their eyes met, but neither was able to say anything.
Aya choked back the tears of relief and happiness that suddenly threatened to
come as Ken scanned the redhead face to make sure he was all right and he
wasn't dreaming. Both of them were just thankful the other was still alive
after the terrible accident. Words were insufficient to express the relief they
were feeling.
"Aya,"
Ken said after a long silence.
Aya
blinked repeatedly to stop the tears welled up in his eyes and he, very
gingerly, took Ken's hand in his. He let out a deep breath, not quite sure what
to say to the brunette.
"You
took your time waking up," he said flatly. "You know there's plenty
of works to do back there in the flower shop and Weiß".
Ken
closed his eyes and an appreciative smile tugged on his lips. He was afraid Aya
would treat him differently after he saw him, but Aya was just being Aya. He
couldn't have hoped for anything else.
"I
was having the wildest dream," he replied, his voice still scratchy.
"Don't
tell me," Aya said, a soft smile on his lips. "You have reached the
limit in sharing your wild footie dreams with me. Hidaka Ken saves a penalty
kick in a penalty shootout that bring Japan to be the world cup champion?"
he said with sarcastic disdain.
Ken
grinned. "You know it".
Aya
was relieved that Ken could still make jokes despite waking up and finding
himself in a hospital. He wasn't quite sure what else he was supposed to do or
what to talk to him. He stood a little awkwardly by Ken's bedside, holding his
hand in his and trying not to think about the truth he carried in his heart.
"Are
you really okay, Aya?," Ken whispered, interupting his thought. The joking
tone had completely disappeared from his voice and Aya could see the
apprehension in his eyes.
"I'm
fine, just a couple stitches," he replied urgently, when he saw Ken
staring worriedly at his bandaged forehead. Aya was overwhelmed that he was
still concerned about his safety after all that he had been through.
Aya
didn't think it seemed right that Ken should be giving him second thought while
his own predicament was much more serious. But then Aya remembered that Ken
hadn't known the full extent of his injuries yet. It pained him that he had to
pretend he didn't know either, and he tried his best to banish the thought from
his mind.
"Do
you remember anything about the accident?," he tried instead, immediately
regretting bringing the subject up.
"Beginning
to… more than I want to, anyway". Ken glanced away and licked his lips
nervously. "Was it… was it my fault? Did I… "
"No!,"
Aya cried fervently, seeing his anxious expression. "It wasn't you, it was
the other driver's fault. Don't ever think for a second that it was your fault".
"I
thought maybe I did something wrong. And that you could've… and it was because
of me… " He didn't have to finish. Ken was obviously relieved at the news
and it broke Aya's heart to think that it was because Ken was afraid he could
have been hurt by his action.
"I'm
glad you are awake, Ken," Aya said, squeezing his hand. "You had me
scared this past few days".
"Don't
worry about me," he smiled weakly. "I'm a trained assassin, I won't
lose".
Aya
lowered his eyes and nodded, trying not to break for Ken's sake. But with each
passing second he could feel the dread rised within him. While he was overcome
with gratitude that Ken had survived, the knowledge of his paralysis couldn't
be ignored. The dreadful reality of his situation was finally sinking in and
Aya knew that his eyes and expression almost couldn't hide the truth they had
behind them any longer. He knew that if he stayed in the room any longer, Ken
would be able to tell the truth just by looking at him.
Aya
felt his courageous melt. He didn't want to be in this room when the doctor
told the brunette about the painful truth. He didn't want to see Ken's reaction
and expression, he couldn't stand it. Desperate, Aya began to search for
something to say so that he could leave.
"Did
you talk to the doctor?," Ken murmured almost under his breath.
Aya's
face was flooded with fears and his eyes met Ken's. Too late… the shield had
been broken now. He had waited too long to leave. Aya opened his mouth, but
nothing came out.
"I'm
paralyzed, aren't I?," Ken said calmly, as if commenting on the weather or
the day's flower arrangement. When he saw the redhead's surprise and then
immediate panic, he only smiled. A small sad smile. "I overheard the
radiology staff upstairs".
"Ken,
I… " Aya's words caught in his throat and he realized he couldn't deny it
to his face. He needed no confirmation, however. His stoic gaze back to the
dull white ceiling.
"It's
funny. I knew I couldn't feel my legs, but it wasn't until they actually said
the words that I realized".
Aya
was waiting for him to become upset, to cry or become angry, but Ken's
expression was blank. The resigned way with which he was handling the news was
unsettling and made Aya felt even worse.
"I'm
sorry, Ken…" he muttered uselessly.
"Guess
it could have been worse, right?," he replied half-heartedly, smiling
again in order to cheer him up.
Ken's
words turned to be portentous when Dr. Suzuki, Youji and Omi chose that time to
come in. They were looking at Aya for some signs and Aya stared back at them
gravely. His gaze said everything. He knew.
There
was an oppressive silence in the room until Omi started to sobs. He walked to
Ken's bedside and stared at him with his tear-filled eyes. "Ken-kun… oh,
Ken-kun, I'm…," he then cry and fell into a kneeling position beside the
bed.
"Omi…"
Ken said hoarsely.
Omi
sobbed harder. It was hard for him to imagine that the most hyper and full of
life member of Weiß would spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
Aya
turned a bit, trying to avoid the sight as his tears started to well in his
eyes. He was so emotional, one feeling he almost never felt since his life was
destroyed. He heard Youji made a noise from near the door and Aya turned just
in time to see him leaving after muttering an unclear 'sorry'.
"It's
okay," Ken said quietly. "It will be okay".
Omi
was wiping his tears now, but stayed on his kneeling position beside the bed.
Aya stared at the brunette who stared back at him. In his eyes were all the
emotions he felt but he didn't show.
Aya
took a deep breath and took his place on the other side of the bed. He and Omi
remained on Ken's side during the conversations that followed. Miho then took
over and explain to Ken what his injuries meant. She remained focused on the
positive aspects of the test result -- now that they knew Ken's cervical
vertebrae were not affected, they could remove the horseshoe clamp and take him
out of traction.
Ken
was relieved at the news and Aya saw that despite the medications Ken was on,
the clamps screwed into his skull just above his ears were causing him great
pain. The fact that he hadn't complained about it made Aya fully understand how
brave Ken was. It was difficult to comprehend how he could remain so after what
had happened.
There
were more talks about the operation to repair the damage of Ken's spine, and
mentioned so many unfamiliar medical terms that by the end Aya's head was
spinning. Ken and Omi were listening just as intently as Aya to the procedures
that were to follow.
The
only sign that Ken was affected by any of it was the occasional weak pressure
Aya felt on his hand as Ken reassured himself that the redhead was still there.
Ken somehow managed to keep his composure throughout the whole discussion, even
when the doctor informed him that he would be in a wheelchair for the rest of
his life.
Eventually
Miho told them that Ken needed to rest. Aya and Omi felt the same sense of
relief at her words. Aya had heard just about all that he could and he really
needed to leave before it became too much. Aya waited as Omi squeezed Ken's
shoulder before he walked out with the doctor.
Aya
watched them go and then turned to see Ken's eyes on him again. If he had been
at a loss of words before, he had absolutely no idea what to say to Ken now.
"Thanks
for staying," Ken said, much more reserved now.
Aya
felt helpless. "Try and get some rest". He knew it sounded pathetic
but it was the first thing that came to his mind. "Will you be
alright?"
Aya
saw the first sign of fear in the other boy's eyes, but he quickly covered it
up. "Told you, I'll be fine".
Aya
tried to smile as best as he could and gave him a final squeeze on his
shoulder. "I'd better go out of here before the doctor orders me out… Bye,
Ken." He broke his gaze with difficulty and started to walk to the door.
Unable
to see him anymore because his head couldn't move, Ken found himself suddenly
panicked. "Aya?"
Aya
rushed back to his side, his face taut with concern. "What's wrong,
Ken?"
"Will
you… will you come back?," Ken sounded as scared as a child being left
alone for the first time.
Aya
found it was easier to smile now, and he did so to reassure him. "Aa… I'll
be back first thing tomorrow, I promise".
Placated
by this knowledge, Ken breathed out a sigh of relief and Aya knew it was
alright to leave now. Aya reached out and lightly brushed the bangs on the
brunette's forehead. The gentle gesture calmed Ken even more, and he found
himself smiled back at Aya.
"I'll
see you tomorrow then".
Aya
made it out of the room this time, but was suddenly at a loss what to do now.
Looking around, he didn't see anyone. The corridor was empty and silent and
suddenly Aya felt just as lonely as Ken did. Part of him wanted to go back to
the brunette, but he knew it was only for his own comfort, not Ken's. The events
of the day were catching up with him, and for the first time Aya was able to
let himself feel all the emotion he had been forced to hide in front of Ken.
The
permanency of Ken's injuries, the reaction of Ken himself… all of them hit him
at once. Aya felt himself giving into terrible sadness that had been building
up inside of him. He couldn't see clearly now, his vision blurried by the tears
that hadn't been permitted to fall until now. He couldn't think or feel
anything but the desolation in his chest.
Leaning
back to the wall beside Ken's room's door, he finally allowed his tears to
fall. And he wept, not caring if someone saw him crying. Wept bitter tears for
Ken, for Weiß, for everything that all of them had been through and everything
that was to come. And although he didn't realize it at the time, Aya also cried
for himself.
~end of part 7~