The Big Date

Chapter 2





Author's Note: Okay, not quite what I expected to happen in the end, but things work this way when you're an insomniac and can't sleep till the cows come home. Aw, just read the danged thing. If you want another chapter, just e-mail me or somethin... yeah... Uh, this was fun to write. Okay, I gotta go cause I'm acting strange, dude, or chic, or whoever you are... um, yeah... -Robin Wright





Link reached his house to see that the front door was ajar. Funny, he remembered locking it before he left. He cautiously drew his sword and entered. Things were strewn about all around the front room. Looked like he had been robbed. As he stepped fully inside, the door slammed shut behind him and a knife pressed to his throat.

"Drop the sword," someone ordered.

Link did as he was told, his breath tense.

"Who is it?" he asked, since the assailant was behind him.

"What, you can't tell?"

"Lemme guess... Ganondorf?"

"Bingo!"

"But you're on probation."

"Hey, I'm evil, dammit! Do you think probation means anything to me? Hell no!"

"Point made. Now why are you holding a knife to my throat? Is this about how I defeated you and helped banish you to several years of hellish imprisonment?"

"No."

"What, then?"

"You made Mango lose interest in me!"

"What?! How?"

"He wants you! You damned bishounen! Why couldn't I look like you?!"

"I don't want him!"

"But you're going to help me get him back."

"I'd rather rot!"

"You will if you don't!"

"This had better not involve anything I don't like doing."

"Ha! You'll see. Not like I'm giving you a choice, though."

"Good point."

Ganondorf snapped his fingers and they were whisked away in a burst of red light. When they landed, the two of them were in front of a white house with a white door and a white picket fence.

"What is this strange place?" asked Link.

"It's Mango's house, you dummy!"

"Oh, yeah."

Ganondorf smoothed his red hair back and rang the door bell. There was yelling within and the door creaked open. Mango peeked out, his hair wrapped in a pink towel. He wore a ridiculously short pink bathrobe with ruffles on the sleeves and collar.

"Oh, hallo meester Ganny! How ees you today?"

Ganondorf blushed.

"Oh, I'm fine, Mango."

"Oh! And you have-a your leetal friend weeth you! How nice! Would you like to come een an hav-a some tea?"

Before Link could object, Ganondorf accepted and they went inside. Mango led them into a pink living room with lots of floral patterns and directed them to a pink couch. Link thought he would barf at the sight of it. The entire room reminded him of a bottle of Pepto-Bismal. Mango scurried into the kitchen to put on the tea.

"Well, now what?" Link asked with annoyance.

"Shut up. Leave it to me."

Link sighed. He would have sat back if it wasn't for the fact that there was a dagger to his back.

"So Ganny, I didn't know you were of the persuasion."

"Huh?"

"I didn't know you were gay!"

Ganon scoffed.

"But I'm not!"

"What do you mean, you're not! What's all this with Mango?"

"Mango's a girl!"

"No he isn't!"

"Yes he is!"

There was the sound of china breaking. Mango stood in the doorway with his mouth agape and broken dishes all over the floor.

"Mango ees not a girly! You can'ta hava dee Mango!" he slapped his rear and pulled out a large hairpin. "Mango will hurt both of you now! Geet outa Mango's house-a!"

He chased both Ganondorf and Link out of the house and into the street. Link prepared himself for a bolt of lightning from the King of Evil, but was surprised to hear sobbing. Ganondorf was on his knees on the sidewalk.

"Mango! Mango! I'm sorry Mango! Please, take me back! You're all I ever wanted, Mango!"

A shrill voice came from one of the front windows of the house.

"You can'ta hava dee Mango! *slap*"

Now that is sad... thought Link. He pulled out his Ocarina and warped out of there as quickly as he could.



Malon came out of the house wearing clean clothes and saw Talon sitting in a rocking chair by the door, snoring. He was in his bathrobe and a spear lay across his lap. She sighed and opened the front door. Laboriously, she dragged him inside, chair and all. When he woke-up, she would try and convince him it was all a dream, she decided as she put the spear away. Remembering something, Malon went back up to her room. She was shocked by a sudden swirl of blue light. The light faded and Link appeared. He looked around and grinned.

"Wow, I played a wrong note and look where it took me! I think I like this shortcut!"

"Where in the world did you come from? You smell like lilacs and peppermint."

Link told Malon about his little adventure.

"So Ganon's gay, eh?"

"Who knows. He's just weird anyway."

"Yeah."

"Hey, I've got an idea."

"Hm?"

"Let's make-out."

"Okay."

They forgot to lock the door in their eagerness.



Meanwhile, Talon was waking up. Though he was slow at times, he had a quick sense of hearing, and he knew what he heard upstairs and what had woken him up. Malon had taken his spear, but she had neglected his shovel. He leaped out of his rocking chair and pounded up the stairs to his daughter's room. He swung the door open and there in a chair were Malon and the faerie boy. Talon gripped the shovel firmly in his hands.

"Faerie boy, I'm a-gonna skin your hide offa ya, and hang it out to dry on my shed! Get your green forest hands offa my Malon!"

Link broke out of a kiss with his red-haired beauty and jumped up.

"Talon! I can explain!"

"Auugh!!"

Talon raised the shovel over his head and gave chase after poor Link. Malon stood there watching them, unsure of what to do, exactly. Talon pursued Link around a table in the middle of the room. Link turned over a chair in a desperate move and Talon leaped over it. He was overweight, but with the right motivation, he was Link's athletic equal and more. Soon, Talon had the boy cornered. He chuckled evilly.

"Now you'll see why all of my daughter's dates meet curfew!" He raised the shovel above his head and Link winced, ready to take the hit. (He was still without his sword and didn't have any means with which to defend himself.)

"Daddy, stop!" Malon yelled.

"This is for your own good, honey!" he answered.

The shovel went down toward Link's head, but it didn't have time to hit. The room was rocked by what seemed to be an earthquake. Talon pitched forward and landed on Link. Plaster fell off of the ceiling, dusting everyone in white. The rumbling stopped, then started again. Beneath Talon, Link realized that it wasn't an earthquake. In fact, he could hear someone calling his name...

"I know you're in there, Link! Get our here, now! Face me like a man!!"

Link wiggled out from under Talon and peered out the window. Below, Ganondorf was flying around on a shovel and zapping the ground with bolts of purple and green lightning.

"Oh no! Not him again!"





Link ran out of the room just as Talon was about to whack him over the head. His shovel hit the wall with a resounding clang.

Link dashed out the front door and Ganondorf turned about.

"Finally, you show yourself! I was about to run out of magic, trying to get you to come out of your mousehole, you coward!"

"What do you want?" Link groaned. It just wasn't his day.

"We have a score to settle, you Mango-stealer!"

"Wouldn't it be 'Mango-thief'?"

"Eh?"

"You're not speaking in proper Engli - I mean, Hylian."

"Oh, uh, okaay..." Ganondorf scratched his head.

"Let me try that again... We have a score to settle, you Mango thief!"

"Much better."

"Thank-you."

"Wanna get some tea and biscuits?"

"No, thanks. I had some already."

"When did you have time?"

"Oh, Mango threw them at me when I begged to be let back in."

"What kind were they?"

"Chocolate."

"Do you have any left?"

"No, I was in too much of a rush to come out here and kill you."

"Aw darn."

"Frightfully sorry. Shall we?"

"Sure. Why not. Should I start, or would you like to? Your choice."

"I'll go, thanks."

"Any time."

Ganondorf zapped lightning at Link, singeing his boots.

"Hey! I just got these at HotTopic, you fiend!"

"Bwa-hah-ha-hah-haaa!!!!"

They ran around the grounds like idiots, Link screaming and Ganondorf zapping away, laughing maniacally. Talon came out and saw what was going on and decided to join Ganondorf in his task. They made a rather good team. After about ten minutes of Link screaming like a girl and some well aimed zaps and shovel whacks, they had him backed up to a wall of the house.

"Now you'll learn your lesson, you indecent lech!" hollered Talon.

"And you'll see what true fury means, since you drove off my Mango!"

"Our Father, who art in heaven hallowed be Thy name..." Link prayed, sure that his end was near. They were interrupted by a loud screeching noise from the roof. Everyone looked up in surprise.

"Oh no, not again..." said Talon.

Malon stood on the roof, a white rope in hands, wearing spandex. She looked like... Spidergirl?! What kind of a story is this?!

"Hey, I can't just hang in the shadows during all of the fights, Robin."

Oh, fine. Have at it.

"Wee-hee-hee!"

Malon swung down from the roof and snatched Link in her arms. They landed across the way on the roof of the stables.

"Malon! You saved me!"

"Shh! It's Spidergirl for now!"

"I can't wait to play around later..."

"Quiet! This isn't that kind of a story!"

"Oh, yeah.. Forgot, sorry."

Malon leapt off of the tin roof with Link in tow. They went all the way out to the Lake where they spent a wonderful evening. This time, Link had her home by curfew.





Ganondorf and Talon were left standing there, dumbfounded.

"What the heck was that?!" the King of Evil asked.

"I haven't the foggiest."

"Well, looks like I'll have to get him back later. Man, I'm gonna miss Mango."

"Mango you say?"

"Yeah..."

"I dated a Mango once. Left me high and dry. I was heart-broken till I met Malon's mother. Of course, then she left me for a circus carney. But that's another story."

"I was a monk in the Himalayas once."

"Me too. Hey, you want some tea and biscuits?"

"Sure, why not. I could use em. Trying to kill Link takes all of my energy away."

The two went into the house and shut the door with a click.



And that's about it.