Just to clarify, this is the BITTERSWEET version.
Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Digimon. It belongs to Toei…or something like that.
A/N: Wow! I didn't expect to get such a good response! I'm gonna continue. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed. It really means a lot to me! Well, this fic started out as fluff, but I guess that the music you're listening to really affects the writing. After such a dramatic scene, I thought that a bittersweet ending would be best, but so many people told me that I wasn't allowed to kill Mimi, that I decided for my own safety to make a happy ending. So the end result is two alternate songfic endings. Now you can choose the one you like best!
This time, I'm listening to the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack (maybe that explains all the references to Shakespeare) which, is the most depressing CD in the world. The song is '#1 Crush' by Garbage.
WARNING: Do not read this fic if you don't like to be depressed, or if the mere thought of blood makes you queasy. This may not be good for Yama fans either.
Enjoy!
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I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine
The sound of shattering glass rang through the dark, silent apartment, resounding off the walls and echoing like harsh laughter. He smiled sadistically at the gleaming shards that now littered the floor. It had been so satisfying doing that. Smashing the mirror from which his own twisted reflection constantly mocked him. The baseball bat fell from his hand and onto the polished wood floor with a thud. He lifted one foot, protected by a dark boot, and gingerly stepped on one of the larger pieces, relishing in the sound that it created.
Now he was safe. Safe from the memories. But for how long? The mirror was gone, but there would surely be some other cruel reminder. Of who he was, what he had done. Of the life he had taken… He had killed her.
Just the thought of her brought acidic tears to his eyes. He turned away from the slaughtered mirror and sank slowly to his knees, tears starting to flow over his cheeks.
I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear
What had happened to his life? The life that had finally seemed to be going right…until it had been destroyed in that split second that it took for one hand to slip from the grasp of another. Oh why had he been forsaken?! It was as if the phrase ' I am fortune's fool' had been created with him in mind. Why did it have to be like this? Hadn't he been through enough in his childhood? His adolescence? Had the years of abuse, of being separated from the only person he cared about, his brother, not been enough? Even with the physical and emotional battles of the Digiworld…he still hadn't suffered enough? Had that really been so insufficient that fate saw fit to bring about this latest turn of events? The questions that hounded him rang in his head, and he gripped it in his hands, trying desperately to block them out. Tears leaking from the corners of his eyes as he squeezed them shut.
I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you
His breathing slowly returned to normal as the voices subsided. Except for the one accusing, taunting voice that always seemed to linger, no matter what he did. The voice that was a constant reminder of the invisible blood that would forever stain his hands. Her blood. He had killed her. But he was growing used to that voice now. And instead of stubbornly refusing to accept the truth, he listened to it. And believed. And now the accusations weren't quite so painful. No. What was slowly driving him insane was the image of her face. Of her startled eyes as she fell, her face continuing to stare up at him until it was swallowed by the dark water. Her sorrowful, terrified eyes that had changed slightly every time the memory returned, until they blazed with melancholy hatred. The look of one who had been betrayed in such a terrible way that it was tearing apart their heart. He knew that this wasn't the true image he had seen that night, but it was the only thing he saw now.
See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I'm talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored
He remembered what had started all this. Not her death itself. He had coped with that amazingly well, considering the circumstances. Or so everyone told him. But in truth that was only because he had been denying that it had happened. All he felt was fuzzy numbness. What had brought on the voices, the feeling of unbearable guilt, was something that had happened a week after the funeral.
He, Sora and Tai had agreed to clear out Mimi's deserted apartment, because her grieving parents hadn't been able to bring themselves to do it. The three were sorting through Mimi's belongings in silence. Pausing occasionally to gaze sadly at a photograph or trinket of some kind. Matt had been pulling books and postcards from a desk drawer when he had come across an unmarked white envelope. Normally he would just have added it to one of the steadily growing piles that surrounded him, but for some reason he felt compelled open this particular envelope. Inside was an uneven scrap of paper torn from a notebook.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May.
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
What happened next was a blur to him. He remembered running from the apartment, having screwed up the piece of paper and thrown it to the ground. Tai and Sora had been calling after him…
I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart
He turned back to the shattered mirror, and crawled forwards on his hands and knees. He reached out a trembling hand and picked up one long deadly shard, suddenly understanding how Mimi must have felt that night on the bridge. If that was what it took… Could he really do this? What if it had the same effect on his friends that Mimi's death had had on him? Would they go insane with grief, as he had? His lips twisted into a lopsided grin. Was it possible that he truly was insane if he was able to admit it? Didn't that kind of contradict itself? Hmm…maybe he wasn't crazy at all. Just slightly disturbed. Slightly? Yeah whatever. You just keep telling yourself that, Matt.
He sighed and slashed absent-mindedly at the air around him with his new weapon. But he couldn't live like this anymore. He just couldn't. And this way, he would actually be hurting his friends far less than if he had to be committed. At least then they would be able to move on, to forget.
He could be with Mimi again. How he ached to be with her. To hear her sweet voice, to feel her soft kiss. That was the thought that finally decided his fate. If this was what he had to do to be reunited with the girl he loved, then so be it. He would do anything for her. Even take his own life.
I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me
He rolled back both his sleeves and examined one pale wrist in the sliver of moonlight that shone through the balcony doors. His mind was made up. He delicately placed the razor-sharp edge of the glass against the fragile skin. And drew a breath. The shrill ring of the telephone made him jump and he automatically reached to answer it. He pressed the receiver to his ear, but said nothing.
" Matt?" A female voice asked uncertainly.
" Mmm?"
" Er…this is Sora. Are…are you okay?"
" Just fine, thank you."
" You sure don't sound fine…"
"…"
" Matt, you there?"
" Yes." Sora hesitated for a minute, before finally saying,
" We're all really worried about you, Matt. No one's heard from you since you ran off that day, and it's not good for you to be alone for too long at a time like this.
" A time like what?" More silence, before Sora said,
" Matt you sound really messed up. I'm gonna send Tai round to bring you here. We'll all watch a movie or something. Just the three of us. What do you say?"
"…"
" Oh Matt, please answer me."
" Sorry, what was the question? I wasn't listening." Sora drew a long breath.
" Why were you so upset by that note the other day?" She paused as if waiting for a reaction. When she got none, she continued. " If you tell me, I can help you."
" Well…I sent that to Mimi when we first stated dating. She kept it since we were juniors."
" And…?"
" I never thought she cared so much," tears were running down his cheeks again, " but she did. All this time…deep down…sincerity…was it just a front? Just like me…I never realised…" He rambled. When Sora spoke again, she sounded considerably unnerved.
" Matt, you're not making sense. You're scaring me…"
" But you know what?" He asked, ignoring her comments.
" What?" She returned the question uncertainly.
" It doesn't matter because I'll be seeing her again soon." The longest silence yet, and then,
" Matt, Mimi's…Mimi's dead. You know that…"
" As soon as I get off the phone…" He could almost hear the realisation dawning.
" Oh my god. You can't mean…Matt don't do anything, Tai's on his way."
Matt heard Sora's apartment door close in the background. Tai really was coming. Better end the conversation now. Sora was trying to talk sense into him, a familiar desperation present in her voice. " You can't do this Matt. It wasn't your fault…oh please. Please, you have to listen. Just think how this would affect the rest of us. What about TK? Matt? Matt?!" She cried frantically when she realised that he wasn't answering.
" It was nice talking to you Sora…"
" Oh God! No, don't hang up the phone! Matt, please don't hang up.."
" Goodbye." He replaced the receiver, cutting off Sora's tearful voice.
Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored
He brought the glass to his wrist once more, and dragged it slowly over the skin, feeling it cut deeply. As a wave of tension flowed suddenly out of him, he hastened to slit his other wrist, before dropping the glass and hearing it smash. Hundreds of silver splinters were thrown over the floorboards, and glittered like diamonds as they caught the pallid glow of the moon. The demonic voices were immediately silenced as his brain focused instead on the pain of his wounds. Blissful silence rang in his ears as he watched the bright red spill over his wrists and run slowly down his arms, dripping down and spattering like warm raindrops onto the wood. There was no way Tai could get to him in time. He and Sora lived too far away. And even if he did make it, the door would be locked and he wouldn't be able to get in. The phone began to ring again, but Matt ignored it this time, guessing that it was Sora. He wondered why she hadn't phoned him again immediately after he had hung up on her. That's what he would have done. She probably called for an ambulance first. The logic of his own thoughts amazed him.
The incessant ringing was starting to make his head hurt, so he stumbled out onto the balcony, closing the door behind him and shutting out the noise. He slumped down in a corner, resting his head against the wall and drawing a deep breath of fresh night air. The wind was cool on his face and the blanket of stars above provided a beautiful backdrop. He reached clumsily into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his beloved harmonica. Bringing the sleek silver instrument to his lips he closed his eyes and began to play one last bittersweet melody. The soft, clear notes echoed through the night, and he continued to play as he felt consciousness begin to slip away. His final moments were spent there on the balcony, blood flowing from his wrists and the music reflecting the overwhelming joy he felt at knowing that he would soon be re-united with his lost love.
I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I will wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you
To be close to you
To be part of you
Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you.
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A/N: I did warn you. I'm going through a Shakespeare phase right now. I don't know why. I never liked Shakespeare until a little while ago. Well…there you go. Matt turned Opheilia. If you didn't like it, go read the happy ending instead. Mimi lives in that one. God, I'm really depressed myself now. I need ice cream…