Britz-Yo yo yo! show us some love y'all show us some love!
isclaimer-Day-I ave-hay othing-nay, it's ot-nay ine-may.
(Transalation-Disclaimer-I have nothing, it's not mine.)
DA RULER OF UMM Y'KNOW THAT REALLY BAD PLACE THE ONE WITH FLAMES AND STUFF. (YOU CAN'T MISS IT.)
(definautly the stupiedest title I've ever written)
*Now do ya remember the deal? Oh hang on it was only the last chapter, how could you forget? Cause now we're gonna follow Rachel and Jake for a bit*
(Scene-Rachel is waiting in a clearing while Jake peforms a necessary biological function while standing behind a tree)
Rachel-Would you hurry up already?!
Jake-Okay, you can't rush thease things y'know, hang on hang on...Oooh yeah...
Rachel-We all asked you if you needed to go before the fan-fic but ooh no, you were fine.
Jake-Well I didn't need to go then, so there! *sticks his tougue out in her general direction*
*1 minute later*
Rachel-C'mon, hurry the fuck up!
Jake-Hang on, hang on......I'M FINISHED!!
Rachel-Whoop, -ee,
Jake-*turns around to find a zombie right behind him* or maybe not *he wets himself and the zombie grabs him*
Rachel-Whadda ya mean 'or maybe not'? Dammit Jake! Hurry the hell up!!
Jake-AHHHHHH!!! *starts getting beaten up by zombie* AHHH!! Ow! Ouch! AHHHHHH!! Yeow! AHHHH!!
Rachel-Ummm...Jake? You okay back there? Jake?
Jake-AHHHH!! Dammit! AHHHH-OW!-HHHH!! The pain! The pain!!
Rachel-Well umm...I ain't really the person you should be talking to about this...Maybe you should ask Marco...
Jake-Ow! Ahh! NOOOOOOOO!!!
Rachel-Oh I'm sure you don't have to be embarresed.... Hey is it that disease that the guy had in 'The green mile'?
Jake-AHHHHH!! Oh God! Oh God!!!!
Rachel-Huh?..*angry*- Okay thats it Jake! If I come back there and your'e doing what I think your'e doing, your'e a dead man. Y'hear me!? Zip up laddy cause I'm coming back there! *She closes her eyes, whinces and steps behind the tree*
Zombie-*sees Rachel* Huh? *stops beating up Jake*
Rachel-Okay! I'm opening my eyes now!! Y'hear me!!! *opens her eyes and sees a very pissed off zombie standing over a very beat-up Jake* Hmm...Bad. But not as bad as I was expecting. *Raises up her gun and shoots the zombie*
Zombie-Oh well down I go...Stay in school kids *falls down dead*
Jake-Gah-hoy...*pant pant* Thanks, but we gotta go find the others
*Marco suddenly appears from behind a tree*
Marco-Hey guys. How are things?
Rachel-Marco? What are you doing here?
Marco-*non-chalaunt* Well Cassie's dead so I figured I'd better come find you guys.
Rachel-Uh-huh.
Jake-Uh....Hang on a second what do ya mean Cassie's dead?!!?
Marco-You know dead, as in no longer alive.
Jake-Oh of course....I mean what!? Are you sure?!?!
Marco-Pretty sure.
Jake-How sure?
Marco-Alright positive.
Jake-How positive?
Marco-Positive's.....Positive, there are no degrees of it! Positive as in 100% and then some!
Jake-Hmm....Thats pretty positive...Alright team lets move out! *marches off Marco and Rachel reluctently follow*Left! Left! Left right left! Lets get a move on people!
Marco-*whispering to Rachel* You have a bloody gun, how could you go so long without killing the jack-ass?
Rachel-*whispering back* It wasn't easy let me tell you.
*half-hour later, the remaining Animorphs come across the plot hole that Tobias and Elfangor fell down*
Tobias-*from the hole* Umm..Hello? Is anyone up there? Could ya give us a hand?
Rachel-OH! We'll help you out my little baby birdy boy!
*Rachel helps Tobias and Elfangor out of the hole while Marco and Jake "supervise"*
Marco-Say Tobias, how did Rachel help you out of the hole when it was supposed to be a bottumless plot hole?
Tobias-Umm....Shoddy fan-fic workmanship?
Marco-*stares*.....That is such a stupied answer I don't even know where to begin.
Tobias-Hey, you get what you pay for.
Marco-*stares some more*.....Britz killed you off then changed his mind didn't he?
Tobias-Well.......Yeah, But I thought I was doing a bang-up job of covering for him.
Rachel-Of course you were honey-buns, but right now I think we should be looking for the yeerks top secret zombie making head-quarters
Jake-Well maybe we should start over there. *points to a huge building in the middle of the forest*
Marco-Now I'm pretty sure that wasn't there a second ago.
Jake-How sure?
Rachel-Oh good lord, lets not start that up again *walks up to the building and starts reading a sign that is next to the door* reading from sign*-This building is not the Yeerks top secret zombie making head-quarters. If you are an Animorph who thinks this is the Yeerks top secret zombie making head-quarters you couldn't be more wrong, so don't even bother checking.
Jake-Okay then, my mistake, lets just keep looking shall we?
Marco-Umm Jake, I think this might be the place.
Jake-But thats not what the sign says.
Tobias-Jake, buddy, I think the sign is just a yeerk trick meant to throw us off course.
Jake-oooh.......Sneaky bastards aren't they?
Tobias-Umm...Sure.
Jake-Okay guys heres the plan, Rachel morphs elephant and causes a distraction while we all go fly. When the yeerks come out to investigate the noise we go through the door and find the mainframe while Rachel.....*Finally relises that instead of listen to him, the others have simply opened the unlocked door and gone inside* Hey guys wait up already! *runs through the door*
*Scene-inside the building where everything is pitch-black*
Rachel-Dammit!, will someone turn on the friggen lights?
Elfangor-Hang on I have found the switch *turns on the lights and reveals a stabbed to death Tobias and an unconcious
Jake*
Marco-Whoa! Deja vu anyone?
Rachel-Definautly. Pointless death, repetative ideas, the word 'friggen' it has 'Britz fan-fic' written all over the plot.
*they drag Jake against the wall and revive him*
Marco-Wakey wakey dude.
Jake-*sleepy* Wha.....Umm, wheres Tobias?
Rachel-Hes dead Jake. *Jake looks paniced* But don't worry I'm sure the four of us are gonna be just fine.
*a spiked ball swings out from the ceiling and kills Elfangor*
Rachel-Alright, I'm sure the three of us will be okay.
*a trapdoor opens under Marco and a huge creature jumps up and eats him*
Rachel-Okay the two of us will be just fine and dandy
Jake-No don't you get it! theyr'e picking us off one by one! the others are all dead and were next!! Thats it man! we're done for man! Game over man, game over!!! *Rachel slaps him*
Rachel-Don't you dare call me 'man'!!... And while your'e at it you should probaly get a hold of yourself too! *slaps him again, and again, and again*
Jake-Alright alright! *and again* OW! We should go looking for...*and again* OW! The mainframe now...*and again* OW! Stop bloody slapping me!!
Rachel-*stops slapping Jake* Oh, sorry, I just got caught up in the moment. So where should we start looking?
Jake-How about over there? *points to a large door marked 'Mainframe'*
Rachel-I'm pretty sure that wasn't there a few seconds ago.....Eh what'cha gonna do? *walks over to the door and gets ready to kick it in*
Jake-WAIT RACHEL STOP!!! *gets up and runs over to her* STOP! STOP!!
Rachel-Why?
Jake-look. *points to a 'Do not disturb' sign hanging off the doorknob* Notorious aren't they?
Rachel-*sighs then raises her foot to kick it in again. Suddenly Marco appears* Huh? Marco we thought you were dead!
Marco-Nope, Britz didn't want me to die. Plus the monster didn't like Spanish food *relises what he just said* Oh God, two chapters, two bad cultural food jokes.
Rachel-Oh...Okay then.
Jake-You gonna kick in the door now?
Rachel-Nah. You guys got me all out of the mood. *She grabs the doorknob and opens the door*
All-*gasp, not because of what or who is inside but because they all relise I'm gonna end this chapter now and drag this thing on even longer*
~To be continued~
Britz-Yeah yeah you know where to send the complaits, down in that little box below all this writing. Oh well cause of this chapter thing I'm allowed to write the whole thing very irresponsibly with no regard for my faithful readers or my fellow writers (hey I just found the silver lining.) Don't worry the next bit will be here so fast you won't even notice it's missing (mainly because I want to get to work on a little Valintines/humour piece of fluff before the actual dsays been and gone, guess I'll have to work fast.)
Yours in humour fics
Britz.