Standard Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the WWF, the characters are trademarks of
their respective companies.
\ \ = character thoughts
Part 2 Heero Yuy vs. Duo Maxwell
Director - Wu fei, your first trial is with Heero Yuy suing Duo Maxwell for being the cause
of the torture of being married and having a child with Relena Peacecraft.
Wu fei - I didn't know that the onna took my suggestion to marry Yuy seriously. Oh well, I
will dish out some JUSTICE today.
Director - Oh yea, and I arranged a special baliff for you. Come in STONE COLD!!!!
(Stone Cold walks in carrying a steel chair in one hand and a 6 pack in the other!)
Stone Cold - (drinking) You know Judge Wu Fei, if anyone attempts to make some INJUSTICE
they'll be the recipient to some Stone Cold Whoopass!
Wu fei- I like him a lot! He looks like he can also dish out some JUSTICE! Mr. Cold, today
I might need you, you see, a man is married to a she-devil thanks to me and he might come
looking for some revenge.
Stone Cold - I see, so if he comes near you, I give that SOB a Stunner, got it.
(Stone Cold demonstrates the Stunner on the Director!)
Wu fei - \I like him a lot! BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!\ I have a show to do and JUSTICE to give out!
Ten Minutes Later
Director - (recovered by Stone Cold's attack) Wu fei, you're on in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Announcer - This is Judge Wu fei. On today's Judge Wu fei, two best friends. And the woman
who wrecked both their lives. The plaintiff, Heero Yuy is suing defendant Duo Maxwell for
psychological grief from a unwanted marriage.
(Heero walks in being glomped signals to Stone Cold who restrains his wife from further more
glomping, Heero's witnesses then also walk in, they included: Hilde(?!), Zechs, Trowa and
Quatre)
(Duo walks in with his braid apparently super glued back to the original spot before he cut
it off)
Wu fei - Maxwell! You look like a dumb fool. I didn't notice the BAD GLUE JOB you did to your
hair.
Duo - I didn't know the BAD GEL JOB you did with yours. It looked as if you stuck your head
into a horse's mouth!
Wu fei - Oh, you going down good. You need some JUSTICE!!!! Stone Cold, DISCIPLINE Mr.
Maxwell here! He needs some OPEN CAN WHOOPASS JUSTICE!!!!
Stone Cold - (Finishing tying Relena to chair so she won't bother Heero) Ya damn right he
needs some JUSTICE!!! (Proceeds to pummel on Duo at will)
Heero - (snickers) \Stone Cold will kill Duo for me\
Relena - What are you laughing about?! I demand to know! You can't escape from me, I KNOW
WHERE YOU LIVE!!!
Wu fei - COURT IS IN SESSION!!!!!! Heero!!! If your damn ONNA won't stop jabbering with her
HEERO nonsense, I'll have to let Stone Cold deliver JUSTICE on her too!
Heero - (gives Wu fei THE Death Glare) ...
Duo - I KNEW IT!!!! You like being married to her!!! And you're suing me because you supposedly
hate her!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA This is sweet!!!!!
Wu fei - I'll disregard what just happened. \Maxwell will get the ultimate JUSTICE\ So why
again are you suing your best friend, Mr. Yuy?
Heero - It's simple, I have an impression that he set me up for this and I only want him to
pay for my.... suffering.
Wu fei - (cuts him off) On the court papers, it shows you aren't suing for any money. But you're
suing for the court order to KILL Duo Maxwell!!
Heero - Yes, that is true. No amount of money can ever give me back my life, only blowing
a hole in the defendant's skull will heal the pain. (starts to break down)
Relena - (attempts to reassure her "husband" but Stone Cold tied her up good) Duo!! Look what
you did to Heero!
Duo - ME!? You were the one wh-
Wu fei - ORDER!!! I don't need your BALONEY here in the court!!! Mr. Yuy please tell the court
what happened before the unfortunate incident.
Heero - Certainly, I believe it was April Fools Day, one year ago and I got a wake up call
from Duo.
***** Flashback******
Heero's Apartment somewhere in L1
5:00 am
(Phone ring like a mad monkey!)
Heero - ...... Whoever calls me at this hour will DIE!!!! \Probably that crazy guy upstairs
wanting me to play poker before he goes to his hot dog business\ (Picks up the phone) Hn...
Duo - GOOOOOOOOOD Morning Heero!!!
Heero - I see someone didn't take their Ridilin today. Why the hell did you call this early
in the morning? Oh I forgot on Earth its 9am. \Stupid bastard, wake me up from dream of killing
Relena, Duo must die!\
Duo - Oh, I took a flight in last night and I'm at your door.... at about.... NOW!!! If you
open the door, you should find me waiting, since you sound so pissed, you could kill me!!! I
am unarmed.
Heero - \What is Duo letting on? Does he want to die? Or does he want to tell me something?
It seems important\ Okay, I'll go to the door. I'm hanging up!!!
Duo - Don't you dare, I want to try talking to a person by phone even though they're right
beside me. I think that's COOOOOLL!!!!
Heero - \What an idiot, thank god I bought a cordless\ (Walks to door, opens door) Duo?! Where
are you?
Duo - LOOK BELOW!!!!
Heero - (cringes as he looks down to the floor finding 'who else' Relena camping outside Heero's
door!!!!) I'LL KILL YOU MAXWELL!!!!!!!!
Duo - God of Death wins again!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Relena - (wakes up after Heero's yell awakened the whole floor) Hello Heero, I found you.
Fat Guy - (walks out his door) What the hell is going on?! WHO LET THE BUMS IN AGAIN?! (points
to Relena in the camp gear, goes back into his apartment)
Heero - I will get my revenge, you don't know it but I will!!!!!
Duo - Yes..... before you do, I think you better check your calendar...
Heero - (walks into the house with Relena glomping him checks calendar) I'll KILL YOU MAXWELL!!!!!
OF ALL THE DAYS!!! APRIL 1!!!!!
Duo - April Fools sucker!!!!
Heero - (slams phone to ground, breaking it) \I should stop doing that, I do have limited funds\
Relena - Aren't you glad to see me?
Heero - (death glare) Hn.... How did you get my address and besides that, how did you find my
apartment? \Damn guess giving $50 to that dumbass security guard didn't do shit\
Relena - Duo gave it to me, he said that you wanted to marry me, so I picked up the rings that
I first got made the day after you ripped up my invitation. So let's go to the chapel NOW!!!!
Heero - ..... I see, there won't be a marriage and there will never be one either! If you would
GET THE HELL OUT, I will go and find Maxwell so he can die.
(Relena reluctant to leave but Heero leaves Relena on the Fire Escape and locks the door as
he thinks of a plan for revenge)
********* End Flashback ***********
Duo - I don't think you told the court EVERYTHING!!! You talked about plotting a revenge of
some sort... I don't think you quite explained it. What you did is crueller than anything
I could've done in all my life. You didn't break even... you did more than get EVEN!!!!!
********* Flashback ***************
About 11:30 am, Outside Duo's apartment, April 1
Duo - This should help me last through the day. (Carrying BAGS and BAGS of food, unlocking
door, opens door)....... (stutters in fear, dropping food breaking some glass containers)
(Screams out "NOOOOOOOOOOO" exactly like the time his Gundam got blown up) MY FOOOOOOODD!!!!
Who could've done such a thing?!
(Hilde walks in behind Duo)
Hilde - You had this coming, you did carry out the plan didn't you, you gave Relena Heero's
address even though you swore you wouldn't.
Duo - How do you know it's Heero?! (Walks over, and finds a HEADLESS Teddy Bear on the couch)
(A Card lies beside it, it read "April Fools!!! Who's Laughing Now!!!!") HEEERRRROO!!!!!!
********** End Flashback *************
Duo - (sobbing) You went too far! And why would you ever suspect me of setting up your marriage,
even I'm not that cruel.
Wu fei - I heard enough, BRING THE FIRST WITNESS!!!!! Zechs!!!
Zechs - (rises up) Your honor, I feel that Duo Maxwell had every intention of setting my now
brother-in-law for the marriage. I have facts and heard him mention Heero and my sister's name
in the same sentence constantly.
********** Flashback *****************
Preventer Headquarters AC 197
Zechs - Maxwell!!! Stop fooling around and put that gun DOWN!!!! Do not use it to open your
damn soda!!! A gun is not a toy.
Duo - Who the hell do you think you are, my mother?! You have the hair bu-
Zechs - (grabbing Duo's braid) I'll cut IT off (referring to the braid) if you mock MY hair
and my gender EVER AGAIN!!! You hear me!!!!
Duo - You'll pay for grabbing my braid!!! I'm going to talk to Heero and convince him to have
coffee with Relena... oh yes... revenge, first coffee then m-
Zechs - (grabbing Duo's braid) I'll KILL YOU!!!! HEERO DESERVES BETTER THAN THAT!!!! \Is Relena
in the room?\ (looks around) \good!\
Sank Kingdom Christmas party
Duo - (trying to get Heero drunk) If you drink this whiskey, I'll MAKE sure Relena leaves you
alone.
Heero - This is another one of your sad attempts to get me hitched with that psycho!
Zechs - Leave Heero alone, if you get him drunk and him talking to my sister drunk, I'LL KILL
YOU FOR REAL!!!! If anything happens between Heero and my sister... I'LL DO MORE THAN KILL
YOU!!! (glares at Duo)
Ten Minutes Later
Zechs - (seeing Heero finally drunk and "flirting" with Relena) ..... I'LL KILL DUO!!!!
************ End Flashback ************
Zechs - so there!, that's why I feel Duo shall pay for his crime.
Wu fei - Maxwell didn't commit no crime. Oh wait, he committed INJUSTICE!!!! Basically, he
committed injustice to all of humanity!!! It's a crime against nature to be married to that
THING (pointing to Relena)
Zechs - I think you're understating it...
Wu fei - Bring in the next witness.
Hilde - (stands up) Yes, your honor.
Wu fei - Tell the court of the events which led to the incident we face today.
Hilde - Well Duo has been the type to play pranks on people especially Heero, because its
so fun to piss him off.
************ Flashback ***************
Hilde - Duo, I've invited Relena for lunch.
Duo - (shudders) do I have to go?
Hilde - YES!!! And she has a surprise.
Duo - I hope its not Heero, that April fools joke was harsh. I'll kill that bastard. I'm lucky
I can live off my own fat until I bought more food.
1 hour later: Undisclosed restaurant
Relena - I see you and Duo made it.
Duo - I didn't want to come but I got forced into it. I hear you have a surprise, is it my
quick and painless death so I can get the hell away from you?!
Hilde - Shut up Duo! He's just playing around, he doesn't mean it.. RIGHT?
Duo - Sure... I don't mean it. (mumbles something nobody hears)
Relena - My surprises are these (hands Duo and Hilde two rings) I had them custom made when I met
Heero!
Duo - What's wrong with you? You meet someone and you already have wedding rings made?! What
the hell is wrong with you? Are you one of those psycho women who want to have their men on
a dog leash?! First you stalk him, and you expect me to think you have sanity!? When I called
you "beautiful" back in AC 195 when you were stalking Heero, I was being sarcastic. I should've
killed you when I had the change who knew you'd be such a nucience because I didn't kill you,
Heero told me all about it.... (rambles on)
Relena - Yes, I need you to convince Heero to marry me.
Duo - ... say what?! (eyes then turn 'evil') okay, this will be a favour to Heero. After all
I need to repay him for what he did to me anyways. Okay, I'll find a way to lure Heero to you!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Relena - That's just jolly.
************ End flashback ************
Hilde - and that's all I can remember anything to do with Duo wanting revenge.
Heero - (glares at Relena)..... \maybe I can get a divorce, wait I have to pay child support
and I don't have a REAL job, damn, can't kill someone I want to protect.\
Relena - (tries to look comforting) It turned out for the better.
Heero - I'll KILL YOU ALL!!!!
Wu fei - Heero, please tell us what happened the day where you did get married.
************ Flashback ***************
At the audition (10 months earlier)
Heero - \can't wait to be judge Heero!!! Then I'll show that Relena that a restraining order
can be enforced\
Relena - HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!!!!!!
Heero - Crap!!!! (Runs out of audition room with Relena chasing him)
(By the Vending Machine area)
Wu fei - What's the rush, Yuy? Gonna cry because you got REJECTED!!! Wait, you have FEAR in
your eyes... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, it's that Peacecraft girl isn't it? You can't even handle one ONNA!!!
This is better than JUSTICE!!!
(Twenty minutes later)
Duo - Hey, what's with you?
Heero - I'm hiding from Relena, I'm gonna try to hide in the parking lot, I then plan to kill
her when she's wandering aimlessly. Don't tell anyone!!!!!
Duo - I won't. I *promise*
Heero - .....
(1 hour later)
Heero - (hides out behind parked cars in parking lot) \Now she can't find me\ (turns around)
What the hell?! But how!!!!
Relena - (standing behind Heero) Duo told me where you were hiding. He said something about
vengence and payback. I didn't know that I'd find you here. I didn't know you wanted a ride
back from here. (points to PINK limo Heero was hiding behind)
Heero - \STUPID STUPID..\ AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! (reaches for gun) DIE!!!! (Fires, but no bullets)
What the hell, it must be stuck on safety. DAMN!!! Someone soldered the lock, I can't move it!!!
DUUUUUUUUOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
(Duo, Director comes out of the audition building)
Heero - Help me! I need help. Get the JAWS OF LIFE to get her off me! My gun is in my spandex
shoot off her arms!! He - (face starts to turn blue)
Director - Oh, go get a room. (sees Duo, WITHOUT THE BRAID) What the hell are you doing back
here! You left here crying like a girl. What did you do to your hair.
Duo - I cut the braid off so I can be JUDGE DUO!!!
Director - Go away, I gave the part to Wu fei, at least you LOOK like a male. (gets into his
89' Dodge Colt (low budget fic) and drives off)
Duo - NOOOOOOOOO!!! (screams like the time Deathscythe got blown up on LIVE TV!) Oh, hi Heero,
I sort of told Relena your hiding place. She treatened me by telling Hilde about my secret
food stash. I'm soooooo sorry.
Heero - (losing consciousness) Omae o korosu, Duo!
********** End Flashback ************************
Heero - That is all I can remember. That's why I feel I should KILL Duo Maxwell!!!! You hear
me, I'm gonna KILL someone tonight!!!! No one pisses me off!!! But one thing that bothered me
more was how I managed to father a child if I was unconscious?!
(Relena trying to restrain Heero from killing someone)
Relena - Well, you were awake... I guess you had too much *fun*
Heero - What drug did you use woman?
Relena - Well in the limo I gave you water from the limo mini bar that said VODKA. I guess it
was Russian Spring Water. I thought that giving you a whole bottle will make you better. After
a few hours, you did wake up and...
Heero - (trembling) you drugged me and made me drunk to the point I suffered AMNESIA!!!!
\at least she didn't harvested my DNA to make the child\
Wu fei - This is disgusting, Heero drunk and I wasn't there. Anyways, I have heard enough to
make a decision. I will deliver JUSTICE. I understand no amount of MONEY will give you the
JUSTICE you deserve Yuy, but I won't let you take the cowardly way out. You should know better
than to kill a WEAKLING like ONNA - MAN Duo Maxwell. Duo Maxwell, your weak pathetic act of
sheer CRUELLNESS really gave Heero the JUSTICE he had coming. That is why I THROW OUT this
case. That's good JUSTICE YUY!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!! CASE CLOSED!!!! GET THE HELL OUT
OF MY COURT ROOM!!!!!
(Wu fei's bodyguard Stone Cold protects him from the possible killing Heero could deliver)
Duo - HAHAHAHAHA!!! God of Death 1, Perfect Soldier 0!!! Oh this is sweet. I thought I was
a dead man!!!
Heero - (reaches for gun) DAMN!!! (mutters) metal detectors....
Outside the court house
(Heero, Duo being interviewed)
Heero - I feel that the defendant should DIE!!!! Look how bad my life is.. JUST LOOK AT HER!!!
SHE'S CRAZY!!!!!
(Relena restrains Heero and both of them leave in the limo)
Duo - I have nothing to say, I feel that the plaintiff was an ASS!!! My god, he moaned in that
room more than me when my air got cut off on the moon!!! My god!!! And to have my servant/ housewife
Hilde testify against me... well, that hurt... the ZERO system did some crazy things to his head.
Made him gay, how can you possibly hate women who worship the ground you walk on....
Announcer - On the Next Judge Wufei, a rich Arabian boy suing EVERYONE for age/GENDER descrimination
Quatre - (crying) I'm not a 10 year old GIRL!!!!!
(Show Ends)
************************************************************
House of the Author
(An even more enraged Heero and Relena arrives at the door)
Prez - What can I do for you? You should see someone about that popping vein!
Heero - I'd kill you but then I wouldn't be placed in these weird situations. One question
how the hell did my gun get soldered so the safety lock won't come off?! I WAS DRUNK out of
my mind?!
Prez - ... uh... body heat?! yes.. body heat from your "Rage".. Rage does weird things to
people. And yes, drunk out of your mind. How else were you going to *bunk* with that "psycho"
you had so many chances in the show. How about ep. 49, you could've stayed on the plane. And
let's not forget about your passing out during Endless Waltz right onto Relena. You seemed so
reluctant to "commit", I just facilitated the process. Control your rage too, you're supposed
to be promoting peace...
Heero - If rage does funny things... (points gun at Prez's head)
Relena - HEERO!!!! You're scaring the baby!!!! I demand to leave NOW!!!!!
Heero - Prez, I will kill you.... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (leaves with Relena & child)
Prez - Note: Relena is bitchier in real life. Also Heero is VERY responsive to Relena. Also
the baby is fat.
**************************************************************
so how was that? Should I write more about GW characters suing the hell out of each other?
their respective companies.
\ \ = character thoughts
Part 2 Heero Yuy vs. Duo Maxwell
Director - Wu fei, your first trial is with Heero Yuy suing Duo Maxwell for being the cause
of the torture of being married and having a child with Relena Peacecraft.
Wu fei - I didn't know that the onna took my suggestion to marry Yuy seriously. Oh well, I
will dish out some JUSTICE today.
Director - Oh yea, and I arranged a special baliff for you. Come in STONE COLD!!!!
(Stone Cold walks in carrying a steel chair in one hand and a 6 pack in the other!)
Stone Cold - (drinking) You know Judge Wu Fei, if anyone attempts to make some INJUSTICE
they'll be the recipient to some Stone Cold Whoopass!
Wu fei- I like him a lot! He looks like he can also dish out some JUSTICE! Mr. Cold, today
I might need you, you see, a man is married to a she-devil thanks to me and he might come
looking for some revenge.
Stone Cold - I see, so if he comes near you, I give that SOB a Stunner, got it.
(Stone Cold demonstrates the Stunner on the Director!)
Wu fei - \I like him a lot! BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!\ I have a show to do and JUSTICE to give out!
Ten Minutes Later
Director - (recovered by Stone Cold's attack) Wu fei, you're on in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Announcer - This is Judge Wu fei. On today's Judge Wu fei, two best friends. And the woman
who wrecked both their lives. The plaintiff, Heero Yuy is suing defendant Duo Maxwell for
psychological grief from a unwanted marriage.
(Heero walks in being glomped signals to Stone Cold who restrains his wife from further more
glomping, Heero's witnesses then also walk in, they included: Hilde(?!), Zechs, Trowa and
Quatre)
(Duo walks in with his braid apparently super glued back to the original spot before he cut
it off)
Wu fei - Maxwell! You look like a dumb fool. I didn't notice the BAD GLUE JOB you did to your
hair.
Duo - I didn't know the BAD GEL JOB you did with yours. It looked as if you stuck your head
into a horse's mouth!
Wu fei - Oh, you going down good. You need some JUSTICE!!!! Stone Cold, DISCIPLINE Mr.
Maxwell here! He needs some OPEN CAN WHOOPASS JUSTICE!!!!
Stone Cold - (Finishing tying Relena to chair so she won't bother Heero) Ya damn right he
needs some JUSTICE!!! (Proceeds to pummel on Duo at will)
Heero - (snickers) \Stone Cold will kill Duo for me\
Relena - What are you laughing about?! I demand to know! You can't escape from me, I KNOW
WHERE YOU LIVE!!!
Wu fei - COURT IS IN SESSION!!!!!! Heero!!! If your damn ONNA won't stop jabbering with her
HEERO nonsense, I'll have to let Stone Cold deliver JUSTICE on her too!
Heero - (gives Wu fei THE Death Glare) ...
Duo - I KNEW IT!!!! You like being married to her!!! And you're suing me because you supposedly
hate her!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA This is sweet!!!!!
Wu fei - I'll disregard what just happened. \Maxwell will get the ultimate JUSTICE\ So why
again are you suing your best friend, Mr. Yuy?
Heero - It's simple, I have an impression that he set me up for this and I only want him to
pay for my.... suffering.
Wu fei - (cuts him off) On the court papers, it shows you aren't suing for any money. But you're
suing for the court order to KILL Duo Maxwell!!
Heero - Yes, that is true. No amount of money can ever give me back my life, only blowing
a hole in the defendant's skull will heal the pain. (starts to break down)
Relena - (attempts to reassure her "husband" but Stone Cold tied her up good) Duo!! Look what
you did to Heero!
Duo - ME!? You were the one wh-
Wu fei - ORDER!!! I don't need your BALONEY here in the court!!! Mr. Yuy please tell the court
what happened before the unfortunate incident.
Heero - Certainly, I believe it was April Fools Day, one year ago and I got a wake up call
from Duo.
***** Flashback******
Heero's Apartment somewhere in L1
5:00 am
(Phone ring like a mad monkey!)
Heero - ...... Whoever calls me at this hour will DIE!!!! \Probably that crazy guy upstairs
wanting me to play poker before he goes to his hot dog business\ (Picks up the phone) Hn...
Duo - GOOOOOOOOOD Morning Heero!!!
Heero - I see someone didn't take their Ridilin today. Why the hell did you call this early
in the morning? Oh I forgot on Earth its 9am. \Stupid bastard, wake me up from dream of killing
Relena, Duo must die!\
Duo - Oh, I took a flight in last night and I'm at your door.... at about.... NOW!!! If you
open the door, you should find me waiting, since you sound so pissed, you could kill me!!! I
am unarmed.
Heero - \What is Duo letting on? Does he want to die? Or does he want to tell me something?
It seems important\ Okay, I'll go to the door. I'm hanging up!!!
Duo - Don't you dare, I want to try talking to a person by phone even though they're right
beside me. I think that's COOOOOLL!!!!
Heero - \What an idiot, thank god I bought a cordless\ (Walks to door, opens door) Duo?! Where
are you?
Duo - LOOK BELOW!!!!
Heero - (cringes as he looks down to the floor finding 'who else' Relena camping outside Heero's
door!!!!) I'LL KILL YOU MAXWELL!!!!!!!!
Duo - God of Death wins again!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Relena - (wakes up after Heero's yell awakened the whole floor) Hello Heero, I found you.
Fat Guy - (walks out his door) What the hell is going on?! WHO LET THE BUMS IN AGAIN?! (points
to Relena in the camp gear, goes back into his apartment)
Heero - I will get my revenge, you don't know it but I will!!!!!
Duo - Yes..... before you do, I think you better check your calendar...
Heero - (walks into the house with Relena glomping him checks calendar) I'll KILL YOU MAXWELL!!!!!
OF ALL THE DAYS!!! APRIL 1!!!!!
Duo - April Fools sucker!!!!
Heero - (slams phone to ground, breaking it) \I should stop doing that, I do have limited funds\
Relena - Aren't you glad to see me?
Heero - (death glare) Hn.... How did you get my address and besides that, how did you find my
apartment? \Damn guess giving $50 to that dumbass security guard didn't do shit\
Relena - Duo gave it to me, he said that you wanted to marry me, so I picked up the rings that
I first got made the day after you ripped up my invitation. So let's go to the chapel NOW!!!!
Heero - ..... I see, there won't be a marriage and there will never be one either! If you would
GET THE HELL OUT, I will go and find Maxwell so he can die.
(Relena reluctant to leave but Heero leaves Relena on the Fire Escape and locks the door as
he thinks of a plan for revenge)
********* End Flashback ***********
Duo - I don't think you told the court EVERYTHING!!! You talked about plotting a revenge of
some sort... I don't think you quite explained it. What you did is crueller than anything
I could've done in all my life. You didn't break even... you did more than get EVEN!!!!!
********* Flashback ***************
About 11:30 am, Outside Duo's apartment, April 1
Duo - This should help me last through the day. (Carrying BAGS and BAGS of food, unlocking
door, opens door)....... (stutters in fear, dropping food breaking some glass containers)
(Screams out "NOOOOOOOOOOO" exactly like the time his Gundam got blown up) MY FOOOOOOODD!!!!
Who could've done such a thing?!
(Hilde walks in behind Duo)
Hilde - You had this coming, you did carry out the plan didn't you, you gave Relena Heero's
address even though you swore you wouldn't.
Duo - How do you know it's Heero?! (Walks over, and finds a HEADLESS Teddy Bear on the couch)
(A Card lies beside it, it read "April Fools!!! Who's Laughing Now!!!!") HEEERRRROO!!!!!!
********** End Flashback *************
Duo - (sobbing) You went too far! And why would you ever suspect me of setting up your marriage,
even I'm not that cruel.
Wu fei - I heard enough, BRING THE FIRST WITNESS!!!!! Zechs!!!
Zechs - (rises up) Your honor, I feel that Duo Maxwell had every intention of setting my now
brother-in-law for the marriage. I have facts and heard him mention Heero and my sister's name
in the same sentence constantly.
********** Flashback *****************
Preventer Headquarters AC 197
Zechs - Maxwell!!! Stop fooling around and put that gun DOWN!!!! Do not use it to open your
damn soda!!! A gun is not a toy.
Duo - Who the hell do you think you are, my mother?! You have the hair bu-
Zechs - (grabbing Duo's braid) I'll cut IT off (referring to the braid) if you mock MY hair
and my gender EVER AGAIN!!! You hear me!!!!
Duo - You'll pay for grabbing my braid!!! I'm going to talk to Heero and convince him to have
coffee with Relena... oh yes... revenge, first coffee then m-
Zechs - (grabbing Duo's braid) I'll KILL YOU!!!! HEERO DESERVES BETTER THAN THAT!!!! \Is Relena
in the room?\ (looks around) \good!\
Sank Kingdom Christmas party
Duo - (trying to get Heero drunk) If you drink this whiskey, I'll MAKE sure Relena leaves you
alone.
Heero - This is another one of your sad attempts to get me hitched with that psycho!
Zechs - Leave Heero alone, if you get him drunk and him talking to my sister drunk, I'LL KILL
YOU FOR REAL!!!! If anything happens between Heero and my sister... I'LL DO MORE THAN KILL
YOU!!! (glares at Duo)
Ten Minutes Later
Zechs - (seeing Heero finally drunk and "flirting" with Relena) ..... I'LL KILL DUO!!!!
************ End Flashback ************
Zechs - so there!, that's why I feel Duo shall pay for his crime.
Wu fei - Maxwell didn't commit no crime. Oh wait, he committed INJUSTICE!!!! Basically, he
committed injustice to all of humanity!!! It's a crime against nature to be married to that
THING (pointing to Relena)
Zechs - I think you're understating it...
Wu fei - Bring in the next witness.
Hilde - (stands up) Yes, your honor.
Wu fei - Tell the court of the events which led to the incident we face today.
Hilde - Well Duo has been the type to play pranks on people especially Heero, because its
so fun to piss him off.
************ Flashback ***************
Hilde - Duo, I've invited Relena for lunch.
Duo - (shudders) do I have to go?
Hilde - YES!!! And she has a surprise.
Duo - I hope its not Heero, that April fools joke was harsh. I'll kill that bastard. I'm lucky
I can live off my own fat until I bought more food.
1 hour later: Undisclosed restaurant
Relena - I see you and Duo made it.
Duo - I didn't want to come but I got forced into it. I hear you have a surprise, is it my
quick and painless death so I can get the hell away from you?!
Hilde - Shut up Duo! He's just playing around, he doesn't mean it.. RIGHT?
Duo - Sure... I don't mean it. (mumbles something nobody hears)
Relena - My surprises are these (hands Duo and Hilde two rings) I had them custom made when I met
Heero!
Duo - What's wrong with you? You meet someone and you already have wedding rings made?! What
the hell is wrong with you? Are you one of those psycho women who want to have their men on
a dog leash?! First you stalk him, and you expect me to think you have sanity!? When I called
you "beautiful" back in AC 195 when you were stalking Heero, I was being sarcastic. I should've
killed you when I had the change who knew you'd be such a nucience because I didn't kill you,
Heero told me all about it.... (rambles on)
Relena - Yes, I need you to convince Heero to marry me.
Duo - ... say what?! (eyes then turn 'evil') okay, this will be a favour to Heero. After all
I need to repay him for what he did to me anyways. Okay, I'll find a way to lure Heero to you!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Relena - That's just jolly.
************ End flashback ************
Hilde - and that's all I can remember anything to do with Duo wanting revenge.
Heero - (glares at Relena)..... \maybe I can get a divorce, wait I have to pay child support
and I don't have a REAL job, damn, can't kill someone I want to protect.\
Relena - (tries to look comforting) It turned out for the better.
Heero - I'll KILL YOU ALL!!!!
Wu fei - Heero, please tell us what happened the day where you did get married.
************ Flashback ***************
At the audition (10 months earlier)
Heero - \can't wait to be judge Heero!!! Then I'll show that Relena that a restraining order
can be enforced\
Relena - HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!!!!!!
Heero - Crap!!!! (Runs out of audition room with Relena chasing him)
(By the Vending Machine area)
Wu fei - What's the rush, Yuy? Gonna cry because you got REJECTED!!! Wait, you have FEAR in
your eyes... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, it's that Peacecraft girl isn't it? You can't even handle one ONNA!!!
This is better than JUSTICE!!!
(Twenty minutes later)
Duo - Hey, what's with you?
Heero - I'm hiding from Relena, I'm gonna try to hide in the parking lot, I then plan to kill
her when she's wandering aimlessly. Don't tell anyone!!!!!
Duo - I won't. I *promise*
Heero - .....
(1 hour later)
Heero - (hides out behind parked cars in parking lot) \Now she can't find me\ (turns around)
What the hell?! But how!!!!
Relena - (standing behind Heero) Duo told me where you were hiding. He said something about
vengence and payback. I didn't know that I'd find you here. I didn't know you wanted a ride
back from here. (points to PINK limo Heero was hiding behind)
Heero - \STUPID STUPID..\ AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! (reaches for gun) DIE!!!! (Fires, but no bullets)
What the hell, it must be stuck on safety. DAMN!!! Someone soldered the lock, I can't move it!!!
DUUUUUUUUOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
(Duo, Director comes out of the audition building)
Heero - Help me! I need help. Get the JAWS OF LIFE to get her off me! My gun is in my spandex
shoot off her arms!! He - (face starts to turn blue)
Director - Oh, go get a room. (sees Duo, WITHOUT THE BRAID) What the hell are you doing back
here! You left here crying like a girl. What did you do to your hair.
Duo - I cut the braid off so I can be JUDGE DUO!!!
Director - Go away, I gave the part to Wu fei, at least you LOOK like a male. (gets into his
89' Dodge Colt (low budget fic) and drives off)
Duo - NOOOOOOOOO!!! (screams like the time Deathscythe got blown up on LIVE TV!) Oh, hi Heero,
I sort of told Relena your hiding place. She treatened me by telling Hilde about my secret
food stash. I'm soooooo sorry.
Heero - (losing consciousness) Omae o korosu, Duo!
********** End Flashback ************************
Heero - That is all I can remember. That's why I feel I should KILL Duo Maxwell!!!! You hear
me, I'm gonna KILL someone tonight!!!! No one pisses me off!!! But one thing that bothered me
more was how I managed to father a child if I was unconscious?!
(Relena trying to restrain Heero from killing someone)
Relena - Well, you were awake... I guess you had too much *fun*
Heero - What drug did you use woman?
Relena - Well in the limo I gave you water from the limo mini bar that said VODKA. I guess it
was Russian Spring Water. I thought that giving you a whole bottle will make you better. After
a few hours, you did wake up and...
Heero - (trembling) you drugged me and made me drunk to the point I suffered AMNESIA!!!!
\at least she didn't harvested my DNA to make the child\
Wu fei - This is disgusting, Heero drunk and I wasn't there. Anyways, I have heard enough to
make a decision. I will deliver JUSTICE. I understand no amount of MONEY will give you the
JUSTICE you deserve Yuy, but I won't let you take the cowardly way out. You should know better
than to kill a WEAKLING like ONNA - MAN Duo Maxwell. Duo Maxwell, your weak pathetic act of
sheer CRUELLNESS really gave Heero the JUSTICE he had coming. That is why I THROW OUT this
case. That's good JUSTICE YUY!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!! CASE CLOSED!!!! GET THE HELL OUT
OF MY COURT ROOM!!!!!
(Wu fei's bodyguard Stone Cold protects him from the possible killing Heero could deliver)
Duo - HAHAHAHAHA!!! God of Death 1, Perfect Soldier 0!!! Oh this is sweet. I thought I was
a dead man!!!
Heero - (reaches for gun) DAMN!!! (mutters) metal detectors....
Outside the court house
(Heero, Duo being interviewed)
Heero - I feel that the defendant should DIE!!!! Look how bad my life is.. JUST LOOK AT HER!!!
SHE'S CRAZY!!!!!
(Relena restrains Heero and both of them leave in the limo)
Duo - I have nothing to say, I feel that the plaintiff was an ASS!!! My god, he moaned in that
room more than me when my air got cut off on the moon!!! My god!!! And to have my servant/ housewife
Hilde testify against me... well, that hurt... the ZERO system did some crazy things to his head.
Made him gay, how can you possibly hate women who worship the ground you walk on....
Announcer - On the Next Judge Wufei, a rich Arabian boy suing EVERYONE for age/GENDER descrimination
Quatre - (crying) I'm not a 10 year old GIRL!!!!!
(Show Ends)
************************************************************
House of the Author
(An even more enraged Heero and Relena arrives at the door)
Prez - What can I do for you? You should see someone about that popping vein!
Heero - I'd kill you but then I wouldn't be placed in these weird situations. One question
how the hell did my gun get soldered so the safety lock won't come off?! I WAS DRUNK out of
my mind?!
Prez - ... uh... body heat?! yes.. body heat from your "Rage".. Rage does weird things to
people. And yes, drunk out of your mind. How else were you going to *bunk* with that "psycho"
you had so many chances in the show. How about ep. 49, you could've stayed on the plane. And
let's not forget about your passing out during Endless Waltz right onto Relena. You seemed so
reluctant to "commit", I just facilitated the process. Control your rage too, you're supposed
to be promoting peace...
Heero - If rage does funny things... (points gun at Prez's head)
Relena - HEERO!!!! You're scaring the baby!!!! I demand to leave NOW!!!!!
Heero - Prez, I will kill you.... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (leaves with Relena & child)
Prez - Note: Relena is bitchier in real life. Also Heero is VERY responsive to Relena. Also
the baby is fat.
**************************************************************
so how was that? Should I write more about GW characters suing the hell out of each other?