The Pancake Episode
By The 41st Magaunac
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I am getting no money from writing this, so go away all you nasty lawyer types who want to sue me!
Author's Note: Because this story got so long, it ended up in chapters! I never believed it would be so long, so bear with me, 'kay? Please read and review!
Part 2
"You bastard! You bastard, you bastard, you bastard!!" Trowa wailed pitifully, dressed from head to toe in sticky beige mush. It was everywhere. It was all over the floor, all over the cooker, all over the table, it was everywhere! Great lumps of it were trickling down the back of his shirt and over his immaculate white trousers.
Just as he was about to attack Wufei again, an even greater war cry sounded from somewhere upstairs in the house. Trowa had spent a lot of time working around lions, but he had never heard a roar like that before, and before he could even get a grip on Wufei's throat, a silhouette appeared in the doorway.
He didn't recognise it at first. It looked like something out of one of those terrible horror films that Duo owned. It's face was pale green in colour, with huge furry feet, and a great mound of terrifying hair. As it stepped into the light, it only said one thing…
"Omae o korosu…"
"H-H-Heero?" said Quatre, as he stuck his head out from beneath the table again, glad that it had finally stopped raining kitchen utensils.
It was indeed none other than Heero Yuy. The pride of the first colony was currently dressed in a long pale blue towelling robe. On his head he had a towel wrapped around his copious amount of dark brown hair, and was wearing a face pack. His feet were adorned with, what only can be described as, a pair of light pink bunny rabbit slippers. None of this, however, was as terrifying as the expression on his face, or the black revolver in his hand.
No one really knew what to say.
"What are you doing?" asked Heero, simply.
"Cooking pancakes…" said Quatre, taking the colander off his head, and playing with it in his hands. "Umm, want one?"
"Not right now. I'm busy. Do not interrupt me again." Heero put his gun down, and headed off down the corridor, and back up the stairs.
Wufei sniffed a couple of times. "Do I smell leg wax?" He looked meaningfully at Quatre.
"No! Well if you do, it's not me!!"
"That was really quite…"
"Disturbing…"
"Yes…"
"Some things are best left…"
"Unknown…"
"Yes…"
"Let's just forget that the last 10 minutes ever happened."
Trowa stood up, and tried to brush some of the gunk out of his hair. "I am a complete mess."
"You'd better go and wash up. If you head off down the corridor there, there's a bathroom with a shower in it. You can clean up there. I can probably get Rashid to find you some clothes that would fit," said Quatre, starting to pick up bits of broken priceless antique china plates.
"Thanks," replied Trowa, heading off down the corridor. "I'll be back in a while… sorry about the mess…"
Wufei shook his head. "It doesn't matter now," he said, as he steered Duo back into the room, from where he had found him cowering beneath the pool table. "We have someone to clean it up."
Duo looked to Quatre imploringly, who merely passed him the mop.
***
'This must be the one…' thought Trowa, as he opened a door into a pristine white bathroom. He peered critically at his reflection in the mirror, and sighed as he attempted to do something with his hair.
"Man, I'm gonna need therapy to get over this one…" he said to himself, as he fished some shampoo out of the cupboard above the sink.
He stripped all his clothes off, and turned the shower water on, until the water was so hot that a cloud of steam was misting up the mirror, then got in. The water was great was washing out all the kinks and bumps he had picked up from his fight with Wufei, not to mention for washing the sticky slime from the rest of his hair and body. Feeling in a more relaxed and happy mood, he poured some shampoo into his hand, and started massaging it into his hair.
He was getting so into the rhythmic falling of the water, that he opened his mouth, and started to sing a nice, manly song…
"I'm every woman! It's all in meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!" he wailed, surprisingly tunefully, as he started to wash the soap out his hair. He was singing so loudly, that he didn't hear the plughole beneath him begin to heave and creak beneath his feet. IN fact, he hardly noticed as a strangely dark green blob began to ooze up from the plughole, and gather around his feet, until the last second…
"Ooh yeah! I'm every woman! Woah, woah, woah… WOAH!!! Sh-" were the last notes he sang.
***
Trowa's been gone for a really long time…" said Quatre, worriedly, as he helped Duo clean up the last of the mess on the floor. Wufei was lying across the sofa reading a thick book, his chin resting in one hand. Since his appearance, Heero had not been seen or heard from.
"He's probably still trying to get the batter out of that hair of his."
"Quatre's right though," said Duo, who was willing to do anything to get out of more cleaning up. "He has been gone for about an hour. Maybe we should at least go and knock on the bathroom door?"
"All right then, let's go," replied Quatre, picking up the mop, preparing to wield it as a weapon if necessary. Wufei merely sighed and rolled his eyes, and set off with them down the hallway.
When they arrived, Quatre tentatively tapped on the door. He could still hear the shower running inside. "Uhh, Trowa? Are you okay in there?"
There was no answer.
"Trowa?" yelled Duo, banging on the door with his fist. When no answer came again, Duo grabbed the door handle.
"Wait! We shouldn't invade his privacy like this!" Quatre said, backing up.
"Quatre! We're all guys here! Unless you've got something to hide, right?" he nudged Quatre in the ribs and laughed. Quatre just sighed and looked uncomfortable.
"Well, I'm going to cover my eyes, and you can tell me if he's okay, all right?"
Duo snorted. "Sure, fine, whatever," he said, and opened the door, letting a large cloud of steam come out of the bathroom.
The shower was still running… but where was Trowa?
"Oh my GOD!!" yelled Duo.
"What? What?! I can't see anything!!"
"Then take your hands away from your eyes!" The sight before them revealed little which was out of the ordinary. The shower was still running, and there was a small pile of clothes on the floor, which Trowa had jettisoned earlier. The thing that had made Duo yell was inside the bath.
"What in God's name is that??" yelled Wufei, covering his nose.
There was a pool in the bottom of the shower, more than a foot deep of thick, green, foul-smelling gunk, which was bubbling and steaming, as though feeding off the heat of the room.
Quatre went into immediate hysteria.
"Trowa, my Trowa! What has it done to you?! Where are you?! There was so much I still wanted to tell you!! Don't be dead, Trowa!! Please don't be dead!!" He grabbed Trowa's pile of clothes, and held them to his face, sobbing.
"Guys, we have to get out of here!!" yelled Duo, as a blob started to form in the sink as well. Whatever it was that got Trowa, it's gonna get us if we don't get out of here, right now! Come on!!" He tossed the sobbing Arabian over his shoulder, and Wufei followed him out, and slammed the door shut behind him.
"It won't be long until it finds a way to get through that door. We need a plan, and fast!"
"Keep running, let's get somewhere safe first. "Hey Quatre, what was it you wanted to tell Trowa anyway?"
"He… well… you see… he still owes me 10 bucks…"
***
"First of all, we have to figure out what that thing is, and where it came from!" said Wufei, as they barricaded themselves into the kitchen again with the nearest available furniture. "If we can do that, there may be a way for us to defeat it."
"I really have no idea," whined Quatre, practically lying on the table in his grief. " I certainly don't remember ever having a weird freaky green, hairy thing in the bathroom before…"
"I think I might be able to explain something," said Duo, rubbing the back of his head, with a rather goofy grin.
Wufei frowned. "What did you do, Maxwell?"
"Well, you know that weird green batter stuff I made earlier? I kind of… Well, you see, I couldn't find my way to the drain outside, so I kind of… poured it down the sink.
"Aaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhh!!!!" yelled Quatre, who leapt up from his seat, and started to wring Duo's neck with his own braid. "It's your fault! You killed Trowa! Die!!"
"Winner!!" Wufei pulled Quatre off of Duo, and sat him down in the chair again. "We don't know for sure that Trowa is dead. We found no remains, so there is a chance that he is still alive. However, it is obvious that I will get nothing accomplished while I am around you useless fools."
"What?!"
"That's right. I am going to go upstairs, and Katana and I will prepare to battle. I will be mentally and physically ready for the arduous duel that awaits me."
With these final words, Wufei moved some of the furniture, opened the door, and then headed off up the stairs towards the attic.
"Now what do we do?" moaned Quatre, sitting up in his seat.
"The best thing we can do right now is get Heero to help us. He'll know what to do about this."
"But he said he'd kill us if we interrupted him again!"
"Well, which would you rather face? Heero, or a huge disgusting, stinky green blob?"
"What were the choices again?"
"Stay here, I'll be right back."
***
The attic wasn't big, but it was spacious enough to accommodate a large number of crates, which Wufei had stored up there over the time he had stayed at Quatre's house. Wufei searched the crates, and pulled out an old mat, a cassette player and some large candles.
He sat himself on the mat, and arranged the candles around him in a circle, lighting each of them as he went. The cassette player was turned on, and played strange reedy music in the background. Wufei took the hilt of his sword between his hands, and rested them in his lap, crossing his legs and closing his eyes.
"My preparation starts here."
***
Quatre sat at the kitchen table, nervously chewing his fingernails. "Come on Duo," he said to himself, "Where are you?" Duo had been gone what seemed like an eternity, but was more like only two minutes.
He rocked back and forth on his chair, looking around the room, almost expecting blobs to start oozing from the walls. Was Trowa alive? Was he still out there?
'I'll get myself a drink of water,' he thought to himself. 'That will relax me.' He took one of the remaining glasses from the cupboard, and turned on the tap, running it for a moment to make sure it was cold. He filled the glass, and then peered at the contents. It was faintly green…
Quatre yelled and dropped the glass, which broke as he hit the floor. The tap was now oozing thick green, hairy slime in to the sink. He tried to turn the tap off, but found that it had jammed open. He fled for the doorway, and started to heave the furniture away, as the ooze filled the sink, and began to trickle on to the floor, making it's way towards him.
He finally got the door open, just as the rapidly growing pool began to reach his feet, and ran into the hall, yelling, "Duo! Heero! Wufei! Help!! It's down here!" When no one replied, he ran desperate along the corridor. All the sinks in the place were spewing up the same rancid green liquid, and it was running into thick pools in the hall.
Quatre ran into the living room, and seeing his opportunity, he flung open the large empty cupboard, and slammed the door shut behind him, breathing heavily in the darkness.
Heaving a sigh of relief, Quatre leant back… against something damp…
As he tried to yell, a hand clamped over his mouth, and Quatre was sure he could smell faint traces of… hair shampoo.
"You wanna get us both killed?"
"Trowa? Is that you?"
"Yes. Now be quiet, or it'll find us."
"What, exactly?"
"That disgusting blobby stuff. I didn't see it for very long, but I think it's that stuff Duo threw away. I think it was festering down the drain, growing by consuming hair and other stuff down there. The heat and the water from my shower was the last thing it needed to gestate."
"Oh. So what do we do?"
"We do the only thing we can do, which is to wait for now, until the others think of a solution."
"Can I ask one last question?"
Trowa sighed. "Go on then."
"If your clothes are still on the bathroom floor, then are you…?
"Yes."
There was a soft thud.
"Quatre? Uhh, Quatre?"
***
By The 41st Magaunac
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I am getting no money from writing this, so go away all you nasty lawyer types who want to sue me!
Author's Note: Because this story got so long, it ended up in chapters! I never believed it would be so long, so bear with me, 'kay? Please read and review!
Part 2
"You bastard! You bastard, you bastard, you bastard!!" Trowa wailed pitifully, dressed from head to toe in sticky beige mush. It was everywhere. It was all over the floor, all over the cooker, all over the table, it was everywhere! Great lumps of it were trickling down the back of his shirt and over his immaculate white trousers.
Just as he was about to attack Wufei again, an even greater war cry sounded from somewhere upstairs in the house. Trowa had spent a lot of time working around lions, but he had never heard a roar like that before, and before he could even get a grip on Wufei's throat, a silhouette appeared in the doorway.
He didn't recognise it at first. It looked like something out of one of those terrible horror films that Duo owned. It's face was pale green in colour, with huge furry feet, and a great mound of terrifying hair. As it stepped into the light, it only said one thing…
"Omae o korosu…"
"H-H-Heero?" said Quatre, as he stuck his head out from beneath the table again, glad that it had finally stopped raining kitchen utensils.
It was indeed none other than Heero Yuy. The pride of the first colony was currently dressed in a long pale blue towelling robe. On his head he had a towel wrapped around his copious amount of dark brown hair, and was wearing a face pack. His feet were adorned with, what only can be described as, a pair of light pink bunny rabbit slippers. None of this, however, was as terrifying as the expression on his face, or the black revolver in his hand.
No one really knew what to say.
"What are you doing?" asked Heero, simply.
"Cooking pancakes…" said Quatre, taking the colander off his head, and playing with it in his hands. "Umm, want one?"
"Not right now. I'm busy. Do not interrupt me again." Heero put his gun down, and headed off down the corridor, and back up the stairs.
Wufei sniffed a couple of times. "Do I smell leg wax?" He looked meaningfully at Quatre.
"No! Well if you do, it's not me!!"
"That was really quite…"
"Disturbing…"
"Yes…"
"Some things are best left…"
"Unknown…"
"Yes…"
"Let's just forget that the last 10 minutes ever happened."
Trowa stood up, and tried to brush some of the gunk out of his hair. "I am a complete mess."
"You'd better go and wash up. If you head off down the corridor there, there's a bathroom with a shower in it. You can clean up there. I can probably get Rashid to find you some clothes that would fit," said Quatre, starting to pick up bits of broken priceless antique china plates.
"Thanks," replied Trowa, heading off down the corridor. "I'll be back in a while… sorry about the mess…"
Wufei shook his head. "It doesn't matter now," he said, as he steered Duo back into the room, from where he had found him cowering beneath the pool table. "We have someone to clean it up."
Duo looked to Quatre imploringly, who merely passed him the mop.
***
'This must be the one…' thought Trowa, as he opened a door into a pristine white bathroom. He peered critically at his reflection in the mirror, and sighed as he attempted to do something with his hair.
"Man, I'm gonna need therapy to get over this one…" he said to himself, as he fished some shampoo out of the cupboard above the sink.
He stripped all his clothes off, and turned the shower water on, until the water was so hot that a cloud of steam was misting up the mirror, then got in. The water was great was washing out all the kinks and bumps he had picked up from his fight with Wufei, not to mention for washing the sticky slime from the rest of his hair and body. Feeling in a more relaxed and happy mood, he poured some shampoo into his hand, and started massaging it into his hair.
He was getting so into the rhythmic falling of the water, that he opened his mouth, and started to sing a nice, manly song…
"I'm every woman! It's all in meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!" he wailed, surprisingly tunefully, as he started to wash the soap out his hair. He was singing so loudly, that he didn't hear the plughole beneath him begin to heave and creak beneath his feet. IN fact, he hardly noticed as a strangely dark green blob began to ooze up from the plughole, and gather around his feet, until the last second…
"Ooh yeah! I'm every woman! Woah, woah, woah… WOAH!!! Sh-" were the last notes he sang.
***
Trowa's been gone for a really long time…" said Quatre, worriedly, as he helped Duo clean up the last of the mess on the floor. Wufei was lying across the sofa reading a thick book, his chin resting in one hand. Since his appearance, Heero had not been seen or heard from.
"He's probably still trying to get the batter out of that hair of his."
"Quatre's right though," said Duo, who was willing to do anything to get out of more cleaning up. "He has been gone for about an hour. Maybe we should at least go and knock on the bathroom door?"
"All right then, let's go," replied Quatre, picking up the mop, preparing to wield it as a weapon if necessary. Wufei merely sighed and rolled his eyes, and set off with them down the hallway.
When they arrived, Quatre tentatively tapped on the door. He could still hear the shower running inside. "Uhh, Trowa? Are you okay in there?"
There was no answer.
"Trowa?" yelled Duo, banging on the door with his fist. When no answer came again, Duo grabbed the door handle.
"Wait! We shouldn't invade his privacy like this!" Quatre said, backing up.
"Quatre! We're all guys here! Unless you've got something to hide, right?" he nudged Quatre in the ribs and laughed. Quatre just sighed and looked uncomfortable.
"Well, I'm going to cover my eyes, and you can tell me if he's okay, all right?"
Duo snorted. "Sure, fine, whatever," he said, and opened the door, letting a large cloud of steam come out of the bathroom.
The shower was still running… but where was Trowa?
"Oh my GOD!!" yelled Duo.
"What? What?! I can't see anything!!"
"Then take your hands away from your eyes!" The sight before them revealed little which was out of the ordinary. The shower was still running, and there was a small pile of clothes on the floor, which Trowa had jettisoned earlier. The thing that had made Duo yell was inside the bath.
"What in God's name is that??" yelled Wufei, covering his nose.
There was a pool in the bottom of the shower, more than a foot deep of thick, green, foul-smelling gunk, which was bubbling and steaming, as though feeding off the heat of the room.
Quatre went into immediate hysteria.
"Trowa, my Trowa! What has it done to you?! Where are you?! There was so much I still wanted to tell you!! Don't be dead, Trowa!! Please don't be dead!!" He grabbed Trowa's pile of clothes, and held them to his face, sobbing.
"Guys, we have to get out of here!!" yelled Duo, as a blob started to form in the sink as well. Whatever it was that got Trowa, it's gonna get us if we don't get out of here, right now! Come on!!" He tossed the sobbing Arabian over his shoulder, and Wufei followed him out, and slammed the door shut behind him.
"It won't be long until it finds a way to get through that door. We need a plan, and fast!"
"Keep running, let's get somewhere safe first. "Hey Quatre, what was it you wanted to tell Trowa anyway?"
"He… well… you see… he still owes me 10 bucks…"
***
"First of all, we have to figure out what that thing is, and where it came from!" said Wufei, as they barricaded themselves into the kitchen again with the nearest available furniture. "If we can do that, there may be a way for us to defeat it."
"I really have no idea," whined Quatre, practically lying on the table in his grief. " I certainly don't remember ever having a weird freaky green, hairy thing in the bathroom before…"
"I think I might be able to explain something," said Duo, rubbing the back of his head, with a rather goofy grin.
Wufei frowned. "What did you do, Maxwell?"
"Well, you know that weird green batter stuff I made earlier? I kind of… Well, you see, I couldn't find my way to the drain outside, so I kind of… poured it down the sink.
"Aaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhh!!!!" yelled Quatre, who leapt up from his seat, and started to wring Duo's neck with his own braid. "It's your fault! You killed Trowa! Die!!"
"Winner!!" Wufei pulled Quatre off of Duo, and sat him down in the chair again. "We don't know for sure that Trowa is dead. We found no remains, so there is a chance that he is still alive. However, it is obvious that I will get nothing accomplished while I am around you useless fools."
"What?!"
"That's right. I am going to go upstairs, and Katana and I will prepare to battle. I will be mentally and physically ready for the arduous duel that awaits me."
With these final words, Wufei moved some of the furniture, opened the door, and then headed off up the stairs towards the attic.
"Now what do we do?" moaned Quatre, sitting up in his seat.
"The best thing we can do right now is get Heero to help us. He'll know what to do about this."
"But he said he'd kill us if we interrupted him again!"
"Well, which would you rather face? Heero, or a huge disgusting, stinky green blob?"
"What were the choices again?"
"Stay here, I'll be right back."
***
The attic wasn't big, but it was spacious enough to accommodate a large number of crates, which Wufei had stored up there over the time he had stayed at Quatre's house. Wufei searched the crates, and pulled out an old mat, a cassette player and some large candles.
He sat himself on the mat, and arranged the candles around him in a circle, lighting each of them as he went. The cassette player was turned on, and played strange reedy music in the background. Wufei took the hilt of his sword between his hands, and rested them in his lap, crossing his legs and closing his eyes.
"My preparation starts here."
***
Quatre sat at the kitchen table, nervously chewing his fingernails. "Come on Duo," he said to himself, "Where are you?" Duo had been gone what seemed like an eternity, but was more like only two minutes.
He rocked back and forth on his chair, looking around the room, almost expecting blobs to start oozing from the walls. Was Trowa alive? Was he still out there?
'I'll get myself a drink of water,' he thought to himself. 'That will relax me.' He took one of the remaining glasses from the cupboard, and turned on the tap, running it for a moment to make sure it was cold. He filled the glass, and then peered at the contents. It was faintly green…
Quatre yelled and dropped the glass, which broke as he hit the floor. The tap was now oozing thick green, hairy slime in to the sink. He tried to turn the tap off, but found that it had jammed open. He fled for the doorway, and started to heave the furniture away, as the ooze filled the sink, and began to trickle on to the floor, making it's way towards him.
He finally got the door open, just as the rapidly growing pool began to reach his feet, and ran into the hall, yelling, "Duo! Heero! Wufei! Help!! It's down here!" When no one replied, he ran desperate along the corridor. All the sinks in the place were spewing up the same rancid green liquid, and it was running into thick pools in the hall.
Quatre ran into the living room, and seeing his opportunity, he flung open the large empty cupboard, and slammed the door shut behind him, breathing heavily in the darkness.
Heaving a sigh of relief, Quatre leant back… against something damp…
As he tried to yell, a hand clamped over his mouth, and Quatre was sure he could smell faint traces of… hair shampoo.
"You wanna get us both killed?"
"Trowa? Is that you?"
"Yes. Now be quiet, or it'll find us."
"What, exactly?"
"That disgusting blobby stuff. I didn't see it for very long, but I think it's that stuff Duo threw away. I think it was festering down the drain, growing by consuming hair and other stuff down there. The heat and the water from my shower was the last thing it needed to gestate."
"Oh. So what do we do?"
"We do the only thing we can do, which is to wait for now, until the others think of a solution."
"Can I ask one last question?"
Trowa sighed. "Go on then."
"If your clothes are still on the bathroom floor, then are you…?
"Yes."
There was a soft thud.
"Quatre? Uhh, Quatre?"
***