The Pancake Episode
By The 41st Magaunac
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I am getting no money from writing this, so go away all you nasty lawyer types who want to sue me!
Author's Note: Because this story got so long, it ended up in chapters! I never believed it would be so long, so bear with me, 'kay? Please read and review!
Part 3
Duo felt the strangest sensation of light-headedness as he entered Heero's room. Duo would never have dared to invade Heero's sanctuary usually, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Duo discovered Heero sitting in the bath, his hair was dry now, though he was still wearing a dressing gown, and his legs were clean and totally hairless. He didn't even look up as Duo entered.
"What is it? Didn't I tell you that I didn't want any more interruptions?"
"Well, yes, but you see there's this huge green hairy blob which is threatening to take over the house, and destroy mankind."
"And what makes you think this is my problem?"
"For God's sake, Heero!" Duo yelled, "It's a huge, psycho lump of green pancake goo! It's everyone's problem!"
Heero rolled his eyes. "Very well. Mission accepted. I will vanquish this… creature." He started walking for the door.
"You're going to vanquish the creature in your bathrobe?"
"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?" Heero put his hands on his hips.
"Umm… no," replied Duo, scratching the back of his head. "By the way, what is it you've been doing all this time? You waxed your legs?"
"Not that it's any concern of yours," Heero answered, "But the task I have undergone is necessary in the pursuit of my mission."
"You mean you can't fit your spandex shorts on unless you wax your legs?"
Heero gave Duo a glare, "In Lamen's terms, yes. You see the shorts I wear are so tight because…"
"Listen, we are all aware of how tight your shorts are. You make Olympic runners look like they're wearing flairs! But, what is our plan?"
"You said this thing spawned from pancake batter and drain hair?"
"Yes."
"Then listen closely, and all will become clear…"
***
"This is ridiculous!"
"What exactly?"
"Us stuck here in this cupboard!"
"Well, what would you rather be doing?"
Quatre's mind boggled at the list of things that crossed his mind that he could be doing with Trowa, naked in a closet, but he did his best to ignore them. "We ought to be helping the others!"
"In case it has slipped your mind, I will remind you that my clothes, whether stained with pancake batter or not, are still on the bathroom floor. Believe it or not, I have no great ambition to be running around your house stark naked while there's a weird gunge monster on the loose."
"But we can't just stay here!"
"We'll have to!"
"This is ridiculous!"
"Don't start that again," said Trowa with a sigh.
There was a brief pause as Quatre stopped to think. "How about… how about I lend you some of my clothes?"
Trowa snorted. "There is no way on Earth you'd get me into your clothes."
"You think they'd be way too small?"
Trowa snorted for a second time. "No! I mean, me in a pink shirt? I think not."
"Yes, but if I could just lend you my trousers or something… It's gonna be a bit of a tight fit. You're a lot taller than I am… either that, or you could borrow my underwe…"
"The trousers are just fine," said Trowa hastily, backing into the corner to give Quatre some more space to move.
"Okay if you'll just give me a minute… damn… I can't see anything in here…"
"You want me to give you a han… no, no, just forget I asked."
"Right, that's the belt…" Trowa heard something as Quatre dropped it on the floor. "Ow, it's so cramped in here, I can't get my trousers off… I forgot to take off my damn shoes first…"
"Try yanking them over your shoes. We don't have all day," replied Trowa, impatiently.
"Damn it! Now I've got my watch stuck on my sock!"
"Pull it out! Come on!"
"It won't budge!"
"Trying pushing it in first, and then pulling it out!"
"What, push then pull?" Quatre ask, the dial of his watch getting more and more tangled in his woollen sock.
"Yes! Push and pull!"
"Push?"
"Yes!"
"Then pull?"
"Yes, damn it, yes! Get on with it!"
"It's still stuck!"
"Push harder!"
"What?"
"HARDER!!"
***
This entire exchange must have sounded very odd to the pair standing outside the cupboard. Heero and Duo looked at each other, and Duo raised an eyebrow.
"The question is," he said, "What are they doing in there?"
Heero shook his head. "No, the question is: Do we really want to know?" He considered this, then turned the cupboard door handle, just as Quatre yanked his watch free, and tumbled backwards into Trowa, knocking them both to the floor in a rather… awkward position.
"Umm… hi," said Quatre, trying to sit up, but finding great difficulty, seeing as his trousers were still around his ankles, and his trousers were caught around his shoes. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Heero waved a hand to silence him.
"I don't even want to know. What you get up to in your spare time is not our concern."
"I guess the truth comes out!" laughed Duo.
"All right I confess!" yelled Quatre, on the verge of tears, "Yes, I love Trowa! I hope the entire world knows it! I LOVE TROWA! There! Try and persecute me out of that, you fascists! He's the greatest person in the world, and I've loved him since the moment I met him! Now you know! Now everyone knows, and I'm GLAD I tell you! Glad, glad, GLAD!"
"Actually, I was just referring to the fact that you wear 'My Little Pony' underwear," said Duo, quietly. An eerie silence now descended upon the group, followed by a few balls of tumbleweed, which appeared from nowhere, then disappeared just as mysteriously.
"Oh… never mind then," said Quatre quietly, trying not to catch Trowa's eye.
Heero was the next one to speak. On the other hand, he was about the only one with his mind on the mission in hand as well. "Listen, I've come up with a plan. Duo and I have collected some of these hair supplies… we think that some of them may be able to counter the effects of that hair gel." Heero passed out a hair dryer, some curling tongs, a hairbrush and comb, and kept for himself his bottle of leg wax in his pocket, in case of emergency.
"Hey, I'm still naked here," complained Trowa, "Can someone please lend me something to wear?"
"There's got to be something in here…" said Quatre, pulling his trousers back up, and searching through the cupboard. After a minute or two, he stopped.
"Found something?" asked Heero.
"Well… yes… but he's gonna like it."
"Right now, we don't have much of a choice," said Heero. "What have you got?"
Quatre carefully pulled the item out of the closet, and held it up for all to see.
"No way," said Trowa. "No freaking way."
***
"Spirit energy, come to me! Lend me your power!" murmured Wufei, still sitting in his circle of candles. He hummed along to the soft music on the cassette player.
"Woah woah, yah yah, woah woah, I'm every wom… WHAT??" he stopped and banged the button on the cassette player. "Someone's been messing with my tapes again!!"
By The 41st Magaunac
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I am getting no money from writing this, so go away all you nasty lawyer types who want to sue me!
Author's Note: Because this story got so long, it ended up in chapters! I never believed it would be so long, so bear with me, 'kay? Please read and review!
Part 3
Duo felt the strangest sensation of light-headedness as he entered Heero's room. Duo would never have dared to invade Heero's sanctuary usually, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Duo discovered Heero sitting in the bath, his hair was dry now, though he was still wearing a dressing gown, and his legs were clean and totally hairless. He didn't even look up as Duo entered.
"What is it? Didn't I tell you that I didn't want any more interruptions?"
"Well, yes, but you see there's this huge green hairy blob which is threatening to take over the house, and destroy mankind."
"And what makes you think this is my problem?"
"For God's sake, Heero!" Duo yelled, "It's a huge, psycho lump of green pancake goo! It's everyone's problem!"
Heero rolled his eyes. "Very well. Mission accepted. I will vanquish this… creature." He started walking for the door.
"You're going to vanquish the creature in your bathrobe?"
"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?" Heero put his hands on his hips.
"Umm… no," replied Duo, scratching the back of his head. "By the way, what is it you've been doing all this time? You waxed your legs?"
"Not that it's any concern of yours," Heero answered, "But the task I have undergone is necessary in the pursuit of my mission."
"You mean you can't fit your spandex shorts on unless you wax your legs?"
Heero gave Duo a glare, "In Lamen's terms, yes. You see the shorts I wear are so tight because…"
"Listen, we are all aware of how tight your shorts are. You make Olympic runners look like they're wearing flairs! But, what is our plan?"
"You said this thing spawned from pancake batter and drain hair?"
"Yes."
"Then listen closely, and all will become clear…"
***
"This is ridiculous!"
"What exactly?"
"Us stuck here in this cupboard!"
"Well, what would you rather be doing?"
Quatre's mind boggled at the list of things that crossed his mind that he could be doing with Trowa, naked in a closet, but he did his best to ignore them. "We ought to be helping the others!"
"In case it has slipped your mind, I will remind you that my clothes, whether stained with pancake batter or not, are still on the bathroom floor. Believe it or not, I have no great ambition to be running around your house stark naked while there's a weird gunge monster on the loose."
"But we can't just stay here!"
"We'll have to!"
"This is ridiculous!"
"Don't start that again," said Trowa with a sigh.
There was a brief pause as Quatre stopped to think. "How about… how about I lend you some of my clothes?"
Trowa snorted. "There is no way on Earth you'd get me into your clothes."
"You think they'd be way too small?"
Trowa snorted for a second time. "No! I mean, me in a pink shirt? I think not."
"Yes, but if I could just lend you my trousers or something… It's gonna be a bit of a tight fit. You're a lot taller than I am… either that, or you could borrow my underwe…"
"The trousers are just fine," said Trowa hastily, backing into the corner to give Quatre some more space to move.
"Okay if you'll just give me a minute… damn… I can't see anything in here…"
"You want me to give you a han… no, no, just forget I asked."
"Right, that's the belt…" Trowa heard something as Quatre dropped it on the floor. "Ow, it's so cramped in here, I can't get my trousers off… I forgot to take off my damn shoes first…"
"Try yanking them over your shoes. We don't have all day," replied Trowa, impatiently.
"Damn it! Now I've got my watch stuck on my sock!"
"Pull it out! Come on!"
"It won't budge!"
"Trying pushing it in first, and then pulling it out!"
"What, push then pull?" Quatre ask, the dial of his watch getting more and more tangled in his woollen sock.
"Yes! Push and pull!"
"Push?"
"Yes!"
"Then pull?"
"Yes, damn it, yes! Get on with it!"
"It's still stuck!"
"Push harder!"
"What?"
"HARDER!!"
***
This entire exchange must have sounded very odd to the pair standing outside the cupboard. Heero and Duo looked at each other, and Duo raised an eyebrow.
"The question is," he said, "What are they doing in there?"
Heero shook his head. "No, the question is: Do we really want to know?" He considered this, then turned the cupboard door handle, just as Quatre yanked his watch free, and tumbled backwards into Trowa, knocking them both to the floor in a rather… awkward position.
"Umm… hi," said Quatre, trying to sit up, but finding great difficulty, seeing as his trousers were still around his ankles, and his trousers were caught around his shoes. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Heero waved a hand to silence him.
"I don't even want to know. What you get up to in your spare time is not our concern."
"I guess the truth comes out!" laughed Duo.
"All right I confess!" yelled Quatre, on the verge of tears, "Yes, I love Trowa! I hope the entire world knows it! I LOVE TROWA! There! Try and persecute me out of that, you fascists! He's the greatest person in the world, and I've loved him since the moment I met him! Now you know! Now everyone knows, and I'm GLAD I tell you! Glad, glad, GLAD!"
"Actually, I was just referring to the fact that you wear 'My Little Pony' underwear," said Duo, quietly. An eerie silence now descended upon the group, followed by a few balls of tumbleweed, which appeared from nowhere, then disappeared just as mysteriously.
"Oh… never mind then," said Quatre quietly, trying not to catch Trowa's eye.
Heero was the next one to speak. On the other hand, he was about the only one with his mind on the mission in hand as well. "Listen, I've come up with a plan. Duo and I have collected some of these hair supplies… we think that some of them may be able to counter the effects of that hair gel." Heero passed out a hair dryer, some curling tongs, a hairbrush and comb, and kept for himself his bottle of leg wax in his pocket, in case of emergency.
"Hey, I'm still naked here," complained Trowa, "Can someone please lend me something to wear?"
"There's got to be something in here…" said Quatre, pulling his trousers back up, and searching through the cupboard. After a minute or two, he stopped.
"Found something?" asked Heero.
"Well… yes… but he's gonna like it."
"Right now, we don't have much of a choice," said Heero. "What have you got?"
Quatre carefully pulled the item out of the closet, and held it up for all to see.
"No way," said Trowa. "No freaking way."
***
"Spirit energy, come to me! Lend me your power!" murmured Wufei, still sitting in his circle of candles. He hummed along to the soft music on the cassette player.
"Woah woah, yah yah, woah woah, I'm every wom… WHAT??" he stopped and banged the button on the cassette player. "Someone's been messing with my tapes again!!"