Disclaimers: Da da da da da da! I am your singing telegram-
*bang*
Mitsukai-hime: Heero! She was supposed to do the disclaimer!
Heero: Oops.
Mitsukai-hime: I spent good money on that! And you know what that means!
Heero: .
*15 minutes later*
Heero, who is now dressed up in the singing telegram lady's clothes: Duh...duh...da da
Mitsukai-hime (with whip!): With passion!
*crack*
Heero: *singing* No matter how good the fic may be, it belongs to Mitsukai-hime. Steal it and dieeeeeee, but she doesn't own the Gundam guyyyyys! *muttering* omae o korosu...
Mitsukai-hime: I love you too... *click!*
Scene 10
Mitsukai-hime: The tale of Sir Robin. So each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Quatre rode north, through the forest of Jordan, accompanied by his favorite Mag-err, Minstrels.
[We see Quatre riding through the forest, the minstrels following him. Before the minstrels start to sing, he passes a sign that says
---Camelot 43
Certain death 1--
But no one sees it. Sir Quatre's minstrels start to play]
Rashid: Bravely bold Sir Quatre rode forth from Camelot
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Quatre
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways
Brave brave brave brave Sir Quatre!
He was not in the least bit scared to squished into a pulp
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken
To have his kneecaps split, and his eyebrows burned away
And his limbs all cracked and mangled, brave Sir Quatre!
His head smashed in and his heart cut out,
His appendix removed and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his peni-
Sir Quatre: Ummm, that's enough for now guys...
[Duo and Hilde pass the group, walking in the other direction as Quatre's group walk pass three knights skewered on a long spear. They don't notice this either...]
Duo: Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving the colony's freedom.
Hilde: Oh Duo, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud.
[Quatre and co. run into a huge giant knight with 3 heads. The left one looks like Dorothy the middle Lady Une, and the right Relena]
All three: Halt! Who goes there?
Rashid: *singing* He is brave Sir Quatre, brave Sir Quatre-
Sir Quatre: Hush! N-n-n-no one, r-r-r-really. I'm j-j-j-just p-p-p-passing through.
All three: What do you want?
Rashid: *still singing* To fight and-
Sir Quatre: Shut up! Umm...ooh...j-j-just to pass through, good Miss Knight.
All three: I'm afraid not!
Sir Quatre: W-w-w-well, I am a knight of the round table...
Une-head: You're a knight of the round table?
Sir Quatre: Well, yeah...
Dorothy-head: Then I'm afraid I'll have to kill you.
Une-head: Shall I?
Relena-head: No, I don't think so.
Une-head: Then what do I think?
Dorothy-head: I think kill him.
Relena-head: We shouldn't be fighting!
Une-head: Oh, shut up.
Sir Quatre: Perhaps I could-
Dorothy-head: Oh yeah, you. Quick, get the sword out. I want to cut his head off.
Relena-head: Oh, cut your own head off.
Une-head: Why don't YOU?
Dorothy-head: Yeah, do us all a favor.
Relena-head: Nani?
Dorothy-head: Yapping on about peace all the time...
Une-head: You're lucky. At least you aren't next to her.
Relena-head: What do you mean?
Une-head: You snore!
Relena-head: No I don't! And anyways, your breath stinks.
Une-head: It's only cause you won't brush my teeth.
Dorothy-head: Oh stop bitching. Let's go kill him.
Relena-head: But I want to have tea!
Une-head: All right, all right. We'll kill him, then go have tea.
Relena-head: With biscuits.
Dorothy-head: All right, but let's kill him first.
[They look around, but Quatre and his minstrels have disappeared]
He buggered off!
Une-head: So he has. Well, let's have tea.
[Cut to Quatre running away, his minstrels following him still singing]
Rashid: Brave Sir Quatre ran away,
Sir Quatre: No!
Rashid: Bravely ran away, away!
Sir Quatre: I didn't!
Rashid: When danger reared it's ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled,
Sir Quatre: No!
Rashid: Brave Sir Quatre turned about, and gallantly he chickened out,
Sir Quatre: I never!
Rashid: Yes, bravely taking to his feet,
Sir Quatre: All lies!
Rashid: He beat a very brave retreat!
Sir Quatre: No!
Rashid: Bravest of the brave, Sir Quatre!
Sir Quatre: I never!
Scene 11
[We see Sir Wufei walking through a thick wood in the pouring rain. He finally reaches a clearing with _another_ casle in it. However, this one has angels singing and a shiny vision of Shenlong over it. Wufei runs up to the castle and starts banging on the door]
Sir Wufei: Open this door! Open this door! In the name of Nataku, open this door!
[the door opens, and Wufei walks inside to see the castle filled with...anime babes! Poor Wu-wu...]
Girls: Hello.
'Saint' Une: Welcome, sir knight, to the castle Gainax.
Sir Wufei: The castle Gainax?
'Saint' Une: Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? But we are nice, and will attend to your every need!
Sir Wufei: Are you the keepers of the Holy Gundam?
'Saint' Une: The what?
Sir Wufei: The Gundam, onna. Where is it?
'Saint' Une: But you are tired, and must rest. Michiru? Setsuna?
Michiru and Setsuna: Yes, Saint Une?
'Saint' Une: Prepare a bed for our guest.
Michiru and Setsuna: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
'Saint' Une: Away, away! The beds here are soft and _very_ big.
Sir Wufei: Eep! Erm...uh, I-I-I...
[Saint Une leads Wufei to his room]
'Saint' Une: Oh, I'm afraid our life will seem boring compared to yours. We are but 8 score anime babes, cut off in this castle with nothing to do. Oh, it is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are not used to handsome knights. Nay, come, come. You may lie hear. Oh! You are wounded.
Sir Wufei: It's nothing-nothing at all.
'Saint' Une: Lie down, you must see the doctors!
[She claps her hands as Wufei lies down. In comes Sally Po and Urd]
Sally: What seems to be the problem?
Sir Wufei: These onna are doctors?!
'Saint' Une: Um, well, they've had the basic medical training...
Sir Wufei: Get them away from me.
'Saint' Une: Oh, come, come. You must try to rest. Doctor Sally, Doctor Urd, practice your art.
Urd: Try to relax, sweety.
[Urd and Sally lift Wufei's long shirt thingy. Oh hell, I don't know what it's called. Well, I can assure you Wufei's not wearing much under it...]
Sir Wufei: There's nothing wrong with that!
Sally: I _am_ a doctor!
Sir Wufei: What about her?
Urd: Uhh, yeah! Doctor. Right.
Sir Wufei: Look! I swore to chastity so I could keep onna like you from doing this. If my Nataku-
Sally: Get back to bed!
Sir Wufei: Stop this torment and show me the Gundam!
Urd: There's no grail here.
Sir Wufei: I have seen it! I have!
[Wufei jumps out of bed and runs through the castle, ending up in a room full of anime babes getting out of baths (you can't see anything, hentai!), eating, playing music, ect. He also sees Une there, but her hair is up in buns now]
Girls: Hello! Hello. Hello.
Sir Wufei: Une!
Lady Une: Not exactly. That was my other personality, _Saint_ Une. I'm Lady Une.
Sir Wufei: Oh, crud. Well, excuse me, but-
Lady Une: And where do you think you're going?
Sir Wufei: I seek the Gundam! I have seen it here!
Lady Une: Oh bad, um, other personality of me! Bad, bad!
Sir Wufei: Nani?
Lady Une: She must have lit our beacon, which I just remembered was Gundam-shaped! It's not the first time this has happened.
Sir Wufei: It isn't? Injustice!
Lady Une: Oh bad alternate personality of me! We must be punished! And in this castle, we have but one punishment! You must tie her down to a bed and spank her!
Girls: Spank her! Spank her!
Chocolate and Tira Misu: And me!
Girls: Ooh! And me! And me!
Lady Une: Yes, you must give us all a good spanking! And after the spanking, the oral sex!
Girls: The oral sex! The oral sex!
Sir Wufei: *sweatdropping and blushing* Well, I suppose Nataku wouldn't mind if I stayed a little longer...
[Sir Trowa and three other knights break into the castle and run up to Wufei]
Sir Trowa: Sir Wufei!
Sir Wufei: Oh hell, what do you want?
Sir Trowa: Quickly! This way!
Sir Wufei: Why?
Sir Trowa: You are in great peril!
Lady Une: No he isn't.
Sir Trowa: Silence!
Sir Wufei: You know, she has a point...
Sir Trowa: Come on!
Sir Wufei: No. Look, I can tackle them single-handedly.
Girls: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handedly!
Sir Wufei: Look, I can handle them easily!
Girls: Yes, let him handle us easily!
Sir Trowa: No. Quickly!
Sir Wufei: Let me defeat them! There's only a hundred and fifty of them.
Girls: Yes! We haven't got a chance!
[Sir Trowa and the other knights finally pull Wufei out of the door]
Lady Une: Oh, shit.
[Outside the castle]
Sir Trowa: we were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Sir Wufei: No I wasn't.
Sir Trowa: Yes you were.
Sir Wufei: Well, let me try to handle the peril.
Sir Trowa: No, it's too perilous.
Sir Wufei: I bet you're gay.
Sir Trowa: It's either that or incest.
Sir Wufei: ..... *sweatdrop*
[The picture of Trowa dragging Wufei along becomes a picture in Mitsukai-hime's book]
Mitsukai-hime: Sir Trowa had saved Sir Wufei from almost certain temptation, keeping the fic at a lovely PG-13 rating. However, they were still no nearer the Gundam. Meanwhile, King Heero and Sir Duo shall be not a swallow's flight away, in the next section of this fic. Of course that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean they would have been two swallows flights away -four really- if they had been carrying a coconut on the line between them. I mean, if birds were walking and dragging a coconut-
Mob of angry knights: GET ON WITH IT!
Mitsukai-hime: Oh, anyway. Next time we'll have scene 24, which is a smashing scene filled with lovely acting, in which Heero discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, but I think you can hear a starling-ooh!
[She's carried away by the angry mob of knights]
Oh well, until next time, write reviews! Please?
*bang*
Mitsukai-hime: Heero! She was supposed to do the disclaimer!
Heero: Oops.
Mitsukai-hime: I spent good money on that! And you know what that means!
Heero: .
*15 minutes later*
Heero, who is now dressed up in the singing telegram lady's clothes: Duh...duh...da da
Mitsukai-hime (with whip!): With passion!
*crack*
Heero: *singing* No matter how good the fic may be, it belongs to Mitsukai-hime. Steal it and dieeeeeee, but she doesn't own the Gundam guyyyyys! *muttering* omae o korosu...
Mitsukai-hime: I love you too... *click!*
Scene 10
Mitsukai-hime: The tale of Sir Robin. So each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Quatre rode north, through the forest of Jordan, accompanied by his favorite Mag-err, Minstrels.
[We see Quatre riding through the forest, the minstrels following him. Before the minstrels start to sing, he passes a sign that says
---Camelot 43
Certain death 1--
But no one sees it. Sir Quatre's minstrels start to play]
Rashid: Bravely bold Sir Quatre rode forth from Camelot
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Quatre
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways
Brave brave brave brave Sir Quatre!
He was not in the least bit scared to squished into a pulp
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken
To have his kneecaps split, and his eyebrows burned away
And his limbs all cracked and mangled, brave Sir Quatre!
His head smashed in and his heart cut out,
His appendix removed and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his peni-
Sir Quatre: Ummm, that's enough for now guys...
[Duo and Hilde pass the group, walking in the other direction as Quatre's group walk pass three knights skewered on a long spear. They don't notice this either...]
Duo: Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving the colony's freedom.
Hilde: Oh Duo, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud.
[Quatre and co. run into a huge giant knight with 3 heads. The left one looks like Dorothy the middle Lady Une, and the right Relena]
All three: Halt! Who goes there?
Rashid: *singing* He is brave Sir Quatre, brave Sir Quatre-
Sir Quatre: Hush! N-n-n-no one, r-r-r-really. I'm j-j-j-just p-p-p-passing through.
All three: What do you want?
Rashid: *still singing* To fight and-
Sir Quatre: Shut up! Umm...ooh...j-j-just to pass through, good Miss Knight.
All three: I'm afraid not!
Sir Quatre: W-w-w-well, I am a knight of the round table...
Une-head: You're a knight of the round table?
Sir Quatre: Well, yeah...
Dorothy-head: Then I'm afraid I'll have to kill you.
Une-head: Shall I?
Relena-head: No, I don't think so.
Une-head: Then what do I think?
Dorothy-head: I think kill him.
Relena-head: We shouldn't be fighting!
Une-head: Oh, shut up.
Sir Quatre: Perhaps I could-
Dorothy-head: Oh yeah, you. Quick, get the sword out. I want to cut his head off.
Relena-head: Oh, cut your own head off.
Une-head: Why don't YOU?
Dorothy-head: Yeah, do us all a favor.
Relena-head: Nani?
Dorothy-head: Yapping on about peace all the time...
Une-head: You're lucky. At least you aren't next to her.
Relena-head: What do you mean?
Une-head: You snore!
Relena-head: No I don't! And anyways, your breath stinks.
Une-head: It's only cause you won't brush my teeth.
Dorothy-head: Oh stop bitching. Let's go kill him.
Relena-head: But I want to have tea!
Une-head: All right, all right. We'll kill him, then go have tea.
Relena-head: With biscuits.
Dorothy-head: All right, but let's kill him first.
[They look around, but Quatre and his minstrels have disappeared]
He buggered off!
Une-head: So he has. Well, let's have tea.
[Cut to Quatre running away, his minstrels following him still singing]
Rashid: Brave Sir Quatre ran away,
Sir Quatre: No!
Rashid: Bravely ran away, away!
Sir Quatre: I didn't!
Rashid: When danger reared it's ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled,
Sir Quatre: No!
Rashid: Brave Sir Quatre turned about, and gallantly he chickened out,
Sir Quatre: I never!
Rashid: Yes, bravely taking to his feet,
Sir Quatre: All lies!
Rashid: He beat a very brave retreat!
Sir Quatre: No!
Rashid: Bravest of the brave, Sir Quatre!
Sir Quatre: I never!
Scene 11
[We see Sir Wufei walking through a thick wood in the pouring rain. He finally reaches a clearing with _another_ casle in it. However, this one has angels singing and a shiny vision of Shenlong over it. Wufei runs up to the castle and starts banging on the door]
Sir Wufei: Open this door! Open this door! In the name of Nataku, open this door!
[the door opens, and Wufei walks inside to see the castle filled with...anime babes! Poor Wu-wu...]
Girls: Hello.
'Saint' Une: Welcome, sir knight, to the castle Gainax.
Sir Wufei: The castle Gainax?
'Saint' Une: Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? But we are nice, and will attend to your every need!
Sir Wufei: Are you the keepers of the Holy Gundam?
'Saint' Une: The what?
Sir Wufei: The Gundam, onna. Where is it?
'Saint' Une: But you are tired, and must rest. Michiru? Setsuna?
Michiru and Setsuna: Yes, Saint Une?
'Saint' Une: Prepare a bed for our guest.
Michiru and Setsuna: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
'Saint' Une: Away, away! The beds here are soft and _very_ big.
Sir Wufei: Eep! Erm...uh, I-I-I...
[Saint Une leads Wufei to his room]
'Saint' Une: Oh, I'm afraid our life will seem boring compared to yours. We are but 8 score anime babes, cut off in this castle with nothing to do. Oh, it is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are not used to handsome knights. Nay, come, come. You may lie hear. Oh! You are wounded.
Sir Wufei: It's nothing-nothing at all.
'Saint' Une: Lie down, you must see the doctors!
[She claps her hands as Wufei lies down. In comes Sally Po and Urd]
Sally: What seems to be the problem?
Sir Wufei: These onna are doctors?!
'Saint' Une: Um, well, they've had the basic medical training...
Sir Wufei: Get them away from me.
'Saint' Une: Oh, come, come. You must try to rest. Doctor Sally, Doctor Urd, practice your art.
Urd: Try to relax, sweety.
[Urd and Sally lift Wufei's long shirt thingy. Oh hell, I don't know what it's called. Well, I can assure you Wufei's not wearing much under it...]
Sir Wufei: There's nothing wrong with that!
Sally: I _am_ a doctor!
Sir Wufei: What about her?
Urd: Uhh, yeah! Doctor. Right.
Sir Wufei: Look! I swore to chastity so I could keep onna like you from doing this. If my Nataku-
Sally: Get back to bed!
Sir Wufei: Stop this torment and show me the Gundam!
Urd: There's no grail here.
Sir Wufei: I have seen it! I have!
[Wufei jumps out of bed and runs through the castle, ending up in a room full of anime babes getting out of baths (you can't see anything, hentai!), eating, playing music, ect. He also sees Une there, but her hair is up in buns now]
Girls: Hello! Hello. Hello.
Sir Wufei: Une!
Lady Une: Not exactly. That was my other personality, _Saint_ Une. I'm Lady Une.
Sir Wufei: Oh, crud. Well, excuse me, but-
Lady Une: And where do you think you're going?
Sir Wufei: I seek the Gundam! I have seen it here!
Lady Une: Oh bad, um, other personality of me! Bad, bad!
Sir Wufei: Nani?
Lady Une: She must have lit our beacon, which I just remembered was Gundam-shaped! It's not the first time this has happened.
Sir Wufei: It isn't? Injustice!
Lady Une: Oh bad alternate personality of me! We must be punished! And in this castle, we have but one punishment! You must tie her down to a bed and spank her!
Girls: Spank her! Spank her!
Chocolate and Tira Misu: And me!
Girls: Ooh! And me! And me!
Lady Une: Yes, you must give us all a good spanking! And after the spanking, the oral sex!
Girls: The oral sex! The oral sex!
Sir Wufei: *sweatdropping and blushing* Well, I suppose Nataku wouldn't mind if I stayed a little longer...
[Sir Trowa and three other knights break into the castle and run up to Wufei]
Sir Trowa: Sir Wufei!
Sir Wufei: Oh hell, what do you want?
Sir Trowa: Quickly! This way!
Sir Wufei: Why?
Sir Trowa: You are in great peril!
Lady Une: No he isn't.
Sir Trowa: Silence!
Sir Wufei: You know, she has a point...
Sir Trowa: Come on!
Sir Wufei: No. Look, I can tackle them single-handedly.
Girls: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handedly!
Sir Wufei: Look, I can handle them easily!
Girls: Yes, let him handle us easily!
Sir Trowa: No. Quickly!
Sir Wufei: Let me defeat them! There's only a hundred and fifty of them.
Girls: Yes! We haven't got a chance!
[Sir Trowa and the other knights finally pull Wufei out of the door]
Lady Une: Oh, shit.
[Outside the castle]
Sir Trowa: we were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Sir Wufei: No I wasn't.
Sir Trowa: Yes you were.
Sir Wufei: Well, let me try to handle the peril.
Sir Trowa: No, it's too perilous.
Sir Wufei: I bet you're gay.
Sir Trowa: It's either that or incest.
Sir Wufei: ..... *sweatdrop*
[The picture of Trowa dragging Wufei along becomes a picture in Mitsukai-hime's book]
Mitsukai-hime: Sir Trowa had saved Sir Wufei from almost certain temptation, keeping the fic at a lovely PG-13 rating. However, they were still no nearer the Gundam. Meanwhile, King Heero and Sir Duo shall be not a swallow's flight away, in the next section of this fic. Of course that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean they would have been two swallows flights away -four really- if they had been carrying a coconut on the line between them. I mean, if birds were walking and dragging a coconut-
Mob of angry knights: GET ON WITH IT!
Mitsukai-hime: Oh, anyway. Next time we'll have scene 24, which is a smashing scene filled with lovely acting, in which Heero discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, but I think you can hear a starling-ooh!
[She's carried away by the angry mob of knights]
Oh well, until next time, write reviews! Please?