Disclaimers: I OWN GUNDAM WING! *whispers* dvd's. I don't own the actual Gundam Wing, Tactics by the Yellow Monkey (Rurouni Kenshin ending theme) or Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail. Also, this is the last part. That's right, no more after this *sob* but I'll always have stupid ideas for stupid fics! And as a going away fic gift, I'm giving away Quatre chibis! Everyone seems to want him. Also, stealing my fic and/or flaming me will result in your chibi being on zero. Well, here goes *play...sob...this'll be the last time I say this*
Chronos: Whine, whine, whine.
Quiet, muse! It's your fault this took so long to finish
Chronos: Sure, blame everything on the muse! I did my part, but nooo-
Scene 21
[The knights follow Zechs. The servants start making whinnying noises]
Sir Trowa: They're nervous, sire.
King Heero: All right. Dis-mount!
[The G-boys pretend to get off their horses. The continues walking, and Zechs stops them in front of a cave]
Zechs the Enchanter: Behold, the cave of Cross-crushers!
King Heero: Right. Keep me covered.
Sir Duo: With what?
King Heero: W- never mind.
Zechs the Enchanter: Too late!
[A dramatic chord strikes as they see a teddy bear sitting in the cave's entrance]
King Heero: Nani?
Zechs the Enchanter: There he is!
King Heero: Where?
Zechs the Enchanter: There!
{Werewolf? _There_ wolf! Sorry, I couldn't resist}
King Heero: What, behind the teddy bear?
Zechs the enchanter: It is the teddy bear!
King Heero: You stupid git!
Zechs the enchanter: What?
King Heero: You got us all worked up!
Zechs the Enchanter: It's no ordinary teddy bear! It's the most foul, crude, bad-tempered plushie you set your eyes on!
Sir Quatre: You twit! I soiled my armor, I was so scared!
Zechs the Enchanter: Look, that teddy bear has got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
Sir Wufei: Screw you!
Zechs the Enchanter: He'll get you good!
Sir Trowa: Yeah, right.
Sir Quatre: What does he do, get stuffing all over you?
Zechs the Enchanter: He's got huge, sharp t- he can leap- look at the bones!
King Heero: Go on, Otto. Cut his head off.
[Sir Otto, who was with Trowa when he saved Wufei, goes forward to fight the teddy bear. All of the sudden it leaps at Otto, who soon dies in a bloody mess]
King Heero: Christ!
Zechs the Enchanter: I warned you!
Sir Quatre: I done it again...
Zechs the Enchanter: I warned you, but did you listen? Oh no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little stuffed animal. Well, I always tell them, but-
King Heero: Shut up!
Zechs the Enchanter: Do they listen to me?
King Heero: Omae o korosu! Knights!
Zechs the Enchanter: Oh, no...
King Heero: Charge!!
Knights: Charge!!!
[Everyone charges toward the teddy bear, who leaps up again and attacks the knights, who are frantically trying to avoid it]
Knights: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
King Heero: Run away! Run away!
Knights: Run away! Run away!
Zechs the Enchanter: Haw haw! *leaves*
King Heero: How many did we lose?
Sir Trowa: Otto.
Sir Wufei: Trent.
Sir Duo: Alex.
King Heero: So that's six.
Sir Trowa: Three, sir.
King Heero: Three. We better not risk another frontal assault. That teddy bear's good.
Sir Quatre: Would it help if we ran away more?
King Heero: Oh, go change your armor.
Sir Wufei: Maybe if we taunt it, it will become so cross it will make a mistake!
King Heero: Like what?
Sir Wufei: Uhh...
Sir Trowa: Do we have buster rifles?
King Heero: Nope.
Sir Wufei: We have the holy self-destruction button.
King Heero: Of course! The Self-destruction button of Wing Zero! It's one of the sacred relics Father Maxwell carries with him. Father Maxwell! Bring up the Holy Self-destruction button!
[monks start singing as father Maxwell walks toward them.]
Monks: Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia. {Roughly translates to 'wretched will be the injustices of women, justice is everything.' Go Latin! Whoo-hoo!}
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.
King Heero: Um, does it work?
Sir Trowa: I know not, my liege.
King Heero: Consult the book of armaments!
Father Maxwell: Book of Armaments, chapter two, verses five to twenty-one.
Sister Helen: And Saint Hee-chan raised the Holy Self-destruction button up on high, saying, 'Oh Lord, bless this thy self-destruction button that with it thou mayest blow me and my Gundam to smithereens, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the cows, and sloths, and shrimp, and artichokes, and naked mole rats, and Lucky Charms (TM), and wombats, and large ch-
Father Maxwell: Um, you can skip a bit.
Sister Helen: And the lord spake, saying, 'First, thou shalt press the holy button. Then, thou shalt count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number you shall count, and the number of counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, lest that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy holy self-destruction button of Wing Zero towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall also snuff it.'
Father Maxwell: Amen.
All: Amen.
King Heero: Right. *presses button* One, two six!
Sir Trowa: Three, sir.
King Heero: Three!
[Heero throws the self-destruction button at the teddy bear. Both Heero and the teddy bear explode, but of course Heero is perfectly fine. Not even a rip in the spandex...]
Kuso! Why can't I self-destruct?
Scene 22
[Everyone, including Father Maxwell, walk through the cave. They stop at a wall that has writing on it]
King Heero: There! Look!
Sir Trowa: What does it say?
Sir Wufei: What language is it in?
King Heero: Father Maxwell, you're a scholar.
Father Maxwell: It's L-oneic!
Sir Duo: Of course! Odin of L1!
Father Maxwell: It says, 'Here may be found the last words of Odin Lowe of L1. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Gundam at the castle of annnnnooooooo'
King Heero: Nani?
Father Maxwell: 'The castle of annnnnooooooo'.
Sir Trowa: What's that?
Sir Duo: He must have died while carving it.
Sir Wufei: Oh, come on.
Father Maxwell: That's what it said.
King Heero: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve ano. He'd just say it!
Father Maxwell: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!
Sir Duo: Maybe he was dictating.
King Heero: Oh, shut up. What else does it say?
Father Maxwell: Nothing. Just 'annnnnooooooo'.
Sir Wufei: Annnnnooooooo.
King Heero: Annnnnooooooo.
Sir Duo: Do you think he meant laaaammmoooooozzzzeeee?
Sir Trowa: Isn't there a Saint Aaaaaauuuvvves in Cornwall?
Sir Wufei: No, that's Saint Ives.
Sir Trowa: Oh, yeah. Iiiiiivvvveeeesss.
Knights: Iiiiiivvvveeeesssss.
Sir Duo: Oooohhohohooohh!
Sir Wufei: No, that's ano. Aaaannnnoo, at the back of the throat. Ano.
Sir Duo: No, no, no, no. 'Ooooh', in surprise and alarm.
Sir Wufei: Oh, you mean sort of an 'aaaah'.
Sir Duo: Yes, but- Aaaaaaahhhh!
King Heero: Oooh!
Sir Trowa: My god!
[A huge animated monster pops up behind the knights]
Father Maxwell: It's the legendary puce beast of Ano!
[The monster eats Father Maxwell]
Sir Duo: That's it!
Knights: Run away! Run away!
[The knights go SD and start running away. They get away from the monster]
Knights: Shh. Shh.
Sir Duo: We've lost it.
[The monster pops up and roars, and it starts chasing the SD Gundam boys]
Knights: Ahh!
Mitsukai-hime: As the hideous puce beast lunged forward, escape from the monster seemed hopeless. Suddenly, the animator suffered from writer's cramp.
[We see Chronos drawing at a board, when his hand cramps up. He grabs it, falling out the chair]
Chronos: I'm ok-ay...
[The puce beast fades away]
Mitsukai-hime: The cartoon peril vanished. The quest for the Holy Gundam could continue.
Scene 23
[The Gundam boys are now walking along a cliff. You can see a creaky bridge hanging in the distance]
Sir Wufei: There it is!
Sir Quatre: Oh, great.
King Heero: Look! It's Dr. J, from scene 24!
Sir Duo: What is he doing here?
King Heero: He is the keeper of the bridge of death. Each traveler must answer six que-
Sir Trowa: Three, sir. And how do you know this?
King Heero: Three questions. He who answers the six-
Sir Trowa: Three.
King Heero: Three questions may cross safely.
Sir Quatre: What if you answer wrong?
King Heero: Then you are cast into the gorge of general-not-safeness.
Sir Quatre: Oh, I don't want to go.
Sir Duo: Who's going to answer the questions?
King Heero: Sir Quatre!
Sir Quatre: Yes?
King Heero: Brave sir Quatre, you go.
Sir Quatre: Hey, I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Trowa go?
Sir Trowa: .....
King Heero: Well, try to answer the six-
Sir Trowa: Three.
King Heero: Three questions as best you can.
Sir Trowa: I understand.
King Heero: Good luck, Trowa. May the author be with you.
[Trowa walks up to the bridge and Dr. J]
Dr. J: Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, if you want to get by me.
Sir Trowa: Okay.
Dr. J: What- is your name?
Sir Trowa: Sir Trowa of Camelot.
Dr. J: What- is your quest?
Sir Trowa: To seek the Holy Gundam.
Dr. J: What- is your favorite Gundam?
Sir Trowa: Heavyarms custom.
Dr. J: Right. Off you go.
Sir Trowa: Oh. Uh, thank you.
Sir Wufei: that's easy!
[He runs up to the bridge]
Dr. J: Stop! Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, if you want to get by me.
Sir Wufei: Hn. Get on with it.
Dr. J: What- is your name?
Sir Wufei: Sir Wufei of Camelot.
Dr. J: What- is your quest?
Sir Wufei: To seek the Holy Gundam.
Dr. J: What- is the capitol of Kazakhstan?
Sir Wufei: Nata- wait. I don't know that-aaaaaaaahhhhh!
[Wufei is thrown into the pit of general-not-safeness, and Quatre comes up]
Dr. J: Stop! What- is your name?
Sir Quatre: Sir Quatre of Camelot.
Dr. J: What- is your quest?
Sir Quatre: I seek the Holy Gundam.
Dr. J: What- is your favorite Gundam?
Sir Quatre: Sandrock- no! Sandrock custom! Aaaaahhhhh!
[Quatre is thrown into the pit, and Heero and Duo come up]
Dr. J: What- is your name?
King Heero: It is I, Heero, king of the bishonen!
Dr. J: What- is your quest?
King Heero: I seek the Holy Gundam!
Dr. J: What- is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
King Heero: What, African or European?
Dr. J: Nani? I don't know that! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
[Dr. J is thrown into the pit. Heero and Duo shrug, and start heading across the bridge]
Sir Duo: How do you know so much about swallows?
King Heero: You've got to know these things when you're a bishonen.
[The ominous music starts up again as Heero and Duo cross the bridge. All of a sudden, the music stops, the screen goes blank, and a SD Mitsukai-chan and Chronos-chan pop up. Chronos-chan starts waving around a sign that says 'Intermission' as Mitsukai-chan starts dancing and singing]
SD Mitsukai-chan: Hageshiku Lady! Ah give me your love! Ayashiku Lady! I need your love! Tama ni- ooh!
[SD Mitsukai-chan and Chronos-chan pop back out, and the fic continues as if nothing happened]
Scene 24, version 2
[Heero and Duo make it across the bridge and start walking around looking for Trowa]
King Heero and Duo: Trowa! Trowa! Trowa!
[cut to Trowa being arrested]
Trowa! Trowa! Trowa!
[They continue walking, and find a huge lake with a Cancer MS at the edge. They shrug, and ride across in it. Finally, they make it to an island, where a castle stands. Angels start singing as Heero says:]
King Heero: The castle annnnooo. Our quest is at an end. Author be praised! *kneels* Oh author, we thank thee that thou hast led us to the most holy-
[A sheep is catapulted out of the castle]
Holy crap!
OZ1: 'Allo, daffy colonist k-niggets and monsieur Heero king, who has zee brain of a mobile doll, you know! It seems we OZ folks outwit you a second time!
King Heero: How dare you profane this sacred place with your presence! I command you, in the names of the Knights of Camelot, to open the doors to this caslte, to which the author herself has guided us!
OZ1: How you colonists say, 'I one more time, mac, shoot my homing missiles in your direction!' So, you think you can outwit us OZ folks with your silly knees bent, running about advancing behavior? I wave my mobile suit's spare parts at your uncles, you sappy lot of second hand electric Gundam-bottom biters.
King Heero: We demand entrance into this castle!
OZ1: No chance, colonist cockpit-wetting types. I aim my buster rifles at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!
King Heero: If you do not open this castle by force, we will-
[MS fuel is dumped on his head]
In the name of-
[more fuel is dropped]
OZies: *more evil French snickering*
King Heero: That settles it!
OZ1: Yes, depart at this time, and cut the approaching any more or we fire bullets at the top of your heads and make satellites out of your spare parts! Hehehe!
King Heero: Walk away. Just ignore them.
OZ1: And remain gone, illegitimate bugger-folk! If you though you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, daffy colony kniggets! Thppppt! =P
OZies: *All taunting*
[Heero and Duo go back across the water, into a broad plain]
King Heero: We shall attack at once!
Sir Duo: Hai!
King Heero: Stand by for attack!
[All of a sudden, tons of rebel soldiers come marching out of nowhere. They line up behind Heero and Duo]
OZ persons!
OZies: *still taunting* ...Daffy...!
King Heero: Today the blood of many a knight shall be avenged. In the name of the author-
OZies: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
King Heero: OMAE O KOROSU!
OZies: Ha! Ha! Ha?
King Heero: Charge!
Army of knights: Wai!
[They are about to run forward, when a police car comes up and stops them]
Historian's wife: They're the ones! I'm sure!
Inspector: Come on, everyone who's armed must go, too.
Officer: Come on, stay back.
Historian's wife: Arrest that one. *points to Heero*
Inspector: Put this man in the van.
Officer: Okay. Back.
[they turn to the camera]
Inspector: Run along, run along.
Officer: Pull that off. That's an offensive weapon, that is.
Inspector: All right sonny, that's enough.
[he puts his hand over the camera, shoving it back]
Chronos: Christ!
*everything fuzzes out*
Well, that's it *sniffles* I miss it all ready.
Chronos: You coming to the cast party, or are you going to cry there all night?
I'm coming, I'm coming. But first, the thank yous!
A big arigato to-
Kimeko Hoshi, who helped with the editing of the story. ^^; Yes, there were a lot of stupid errors in here that she helped fix.
Chrysyslis Maxwell, who offered to post my fic on her site! Check it out at http://babblefishdomain.homestead.com/DDH.html ^_^ spiffy!
And everyone who read and reviewed my fic! Quatre chibis for all! So, until next time-
Chronos: Let's party!
Chronos: Whine, whine, whine.
Quiet, muse! It's your fault this took so long to finish
Chronos: Sure, blame everything on the muse! I did my part, but nooo-
Scene 21
[The knights follow Zechs. The servants start making whinnying noises]
Sir Trowa: They're nervous, sire.
King Heero: All right. Dis-mount!
[The G-boys pretend to get off their horses. The continues walking, and Zechs stops them in front of a cave]
Zechs the Enchanter: Behold, the cave of Cross-crushers!
King Heero: Right. Keep me covered.
Sir Duo: With what?
King Heero: W- never mind.
Zechs the Enchanter: Too late!
[A dramatic chord strikes as they see a teddy bear sitting in the cave's entrance]
King Heero: Nani?
Zechs the Enchanter: There he is!
King Heero: Where?
Zechs the Enchanter: There!
{Werewolf? _There_ wolf! Sorry, I couldn't resist}
King Heero: What, behind the teddy bear?
Zechs the enchanter: It is the teddy bear!
King Heero: You stupid git!
Zechs the enchanter: What?
King Heero: You got us all worked up!
Zechs the Enchanter: It's no ordinary teddy bear! It's the most foul, crude, bad-tempered plushie you set your eyes on!
Sir Quatre: You twit! I soiled my armor, I was so scared!
Zechs the Enchanter: Look, that teddy bear has got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
Sir Wufei: Screw you!
Zechs the Enchanter: He'll get you good!
Sir Trowa: Yeah, right.
Sir Quatre: What does he do, get stuffing all over you?
Zechs the Enchanter: He's got huge, sharp t- he can leap- look at the bones!
King Heero: Go on, Otto. Cut his head off.
[Sir Otto, who was with Trowa when he saved Wufei, goes forward to fight the teddy bear. All of the sudden it leaps at Otto, who soon dies in a bloody mess]
King Heero: Christ!
Zechs the Enchanter: I warned you!
Sir Quatre: I done it again...
Zechs the Enchanter: I warned you, but did you listen? Oh no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little stuffed animal. Well, I always tell them, but-
King Heero: Shut up!
Zechs the Enchanter: Do they listen to me?
King Heero: Omae o korosu! Knights!
Zechs the Enchanter: Oh, no...
King Heero: Charge!!
Knights: Charge!!!
[Everyone charges toward the teddy bear, who leaps up again and attacks the knights, who are frantically trying to avoid it]
Knights: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
King Heero: Run away! Run away!
Knights: Run away! Run away!
Zechs the Enchanter: Haw haw! *leaves*
King Heero: How many did we lose?
Sir Trowa: Otto.
Sir Wufei: Trent.
Sir Duo: Alex.
King Heero: So that's six.
Sir Trowa: Three, sir.
King Heero: Three. We better not risk another frontal assault. That teddy bear's good.
Sir Quatre: Would it help if we ran away more?
King Heero: Oh, go change your armor.
Sir Wufei: Maybe if we taunt it, it will become so cross it will make a mistake!
King Heero: Like what?
Sir Wufei: Uhh...
Sir Trowa: Do we have buster rifles?
King Heero: Nope.
Sir Wufei: We have the holy self-destruction button.
King Heero: Of course! The Self-destruction button of Wing Zero! It's one of the sacred relics Father Maxwell carries with him. Father Maxwell! Bring up the Holy Self-destruction button!
[monks start singing as father Maxwell walks toward them.]
Monks: Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia. {Roughly translates to 'wretched will be the injustices of women, justice is everything.' Go Latin! Whoo-hoo!}
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.
King Heero: Um, does it work?
Sir Trowa: I know not, my liege.
King Heero: Consult the book of armaments!
Father Maxwell: Book of Armaments, chapter two, verses five to twenty-one.
Sister Helen: And Saint Hee-chan raised the Holy Self-destruction button up on high, saying, 'Oh Lord, bless this thy self-destruction button that with it thou mayest blow me and my Gundam to smithereens, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the cows, and sloths, and shrimp, and artichokes, and naked mole rats, and Lucky Charms (TM), and wombats, and large ch-
Father Maxwell: Um, you can skip a bit.
Sister Helen: And the lord spake, saying, 'First, thou shalt press the holy button. Then, thou shalt count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number you shall count, and the number of counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, lest that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy holy self-destruction button of Wing Zero towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall also snuff it.'
Father Maxwell: Amen.
All: Amen.
King Heero: Right. *presses button* One, two six!
Sir Trowa: Three, sir.
King Heero: Three!
[Heero throws the self-destruction button at the teddy bear. Both Heero and the teddy bear explode, but of course Heero is perfectly fine. Not even a rip in the spandex...]
Kuso! Why can't I self-destruct?
Scene 22
[Everyone, including Father Maxwell, walk through the cave. They stop at a wall that has writing on it]
King Heero: There! Look!
Sir Trowa: What does it say?
Sir Wufei: What language is it in?
King Heero: Father Maxwell, you're a scholar.
Father Maxwell: It's L-oneic!
Sir Duo: Of course! Odin of L1!
Father Maxwell: It says, 'Here may be found the last words of Odin Lowe of L1. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Gundam at the castle of annnnnooooooo'
King Heero: Nani?
Father Maxwell: 'The castle of annnnnooooooo'.
Sir Trowa: What's that?
Sir Duo: He must have died while carving it.
Sir Wufei: Oh, come on.
Father Maxwell: That's what it said.
King Heero: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve ano. He'd just say it!
Father Maxwell: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!
Sir Duo: Maybe he was dictating.
King Heero: Oh, shut up. What else does it say?
Father Maxwell: Nothing. Just 'annnnnooooooo'.
Sir Wufei: Annnnnooooooo.
King Heero: Annnnnooooooo.
Sir Duo: Do you think he meant laaaammmoooooozzzzeeee?
Sir Trowa: Isn't there a Saint Aaaaaauuuvvves in Cornwall?
Sir Wufei: No, that's Saint Ives.
Sir Trowa: Oh, yeah. Iiiiiivvvveeeesss.
Knights: Iiiiiivvvveeeesssss.
Sir Duo: Oooohhohohooohh!
Sir Wufei: No, that's ano. Aaaannnnoo, at the back of the throat. Ano.
Sir Duo: No, no, no, no. 'Ooooh', in surprise and alarm.
Sir Wufei: Oh, you mean sort of an 'aaaah'.
Sir Duo: Yes, but- Aaaaaaahhhh!
King Heero: Oooh!
Sir Trowa: My god!
[A huge animated monster pops up behind the knights]
Father Maxwell: It's the legendary puce beast of Ano!
[The monster eats Father Maxwell]
Sir Duo: That's it!
Knights: Run away! Run away!
[The knights go SD and start running away. They get away from the monster]
Knights: Shh. Shh.
Sir Duo: We've lost it.
[The monster pops up and roars, and it starts chasing the SD Gundam boys]
Knights: Ahh!
Mitsukai-hime: As the hideous puce beast lunged forward, escape from the monster seemed hopeless. Suddenly, the animator suffered from writer's cramp.
[We see Chronos drawing at a board, when his hand cramps up. He grabs it, falling out the chair]
Chronos: I'm ok-ay...
[The puce beast fades away]
Mitsukai-hime: The cartoon peril vanished. The quest for the Holy Gundam could continue.
Scene 23
[The Gundam boys are now walking along a cliff. You can see a creaky bridge hanging in the distance]
Sir Wufei: There it is!
Sir Quatre: Oh, great.
King Heero: Look! It's Dr. J, from scene 24!
Sir Duo: What is he doing here?
King Heero: He is the keeper of the bridge of death. Each traveler must answer six que-
Sir Trowa: Three, sir. And how do you know this?
King Heero: Three questions. He who answers the six-
Sir Trowa: Three.
King Heero: Three questions may cross safely.
Sir Quatre: What if you answer wrong?
King Heero: Then you are cast into the gorge of general-not-safeness.
Sir Quatre: Oh, I don't want to go.
Sir Duo: Who's going to answer the questions?
King Heero: Sir Quatre!
Sir Quatre: Yes?
King Heero: Brave sir Quatre, you go.
Sir Quatre: Hey, I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Trowa go?
Sir Trowa: .....
King Heero: Well, try to answer the six-
Sir Trowa: Three.
King Heero: Three questions as best you can.
Sir Trowa: I understand.
King Heero: Good luck, Trowa. May the author be with you.
[Trowa walks up to the bridge and Dr. J]
Dr. J: Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, if you want to get by me.
Sir Trowa: Okay.
Dr. J: What- is your name?
Sir Trowa: Sir Trowa of Camelot.
Dr. J: What- is your quest?
Sir Trowa: To seek the Holy Gundam.
Dr. J: What- is your favorite Gundam?
Sir Trowa: Heavyarms custom.
Dr. J: Right. Off you go.
Sir Trowa: Oh. Uh, thank you.
Sir Wufei: that's easy!
[He runs up to the bridge]
Dr. J: Stop! Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, if you want to get by me.
Sir Wufei: Hn. Get on with it.
Dr. J: What- is your name?
Sir Wufei: Sir Wufei of Camelot.
Dr. J: What- is your quest?
Sir Wufei: To seek the Holy Gundam.
Dr. J: What- is the capitol of Kazakhstan?
Sir Wufei: Nata- wait. I don't know that-aaaaaaaahhhhh!
[Wufei is thrown into the pit of general-not-safeness, and Quatre comes up]
Dr. J: Stop! What- is your name?
Sir Quatre: Sir Quatre of Camelot.
Dr. J: What- is your quest?
Sir Quatre: I seek the Holy Gundam.
Dr. J: What- is your favorite Gundam?
Sir Quatre: Sandrock- no! Sandrock custom! Aaaaahhhhh!
[Quatre is thrown into the pit, and Heero and Duo come up]
Dr. J: What- is your name?
King Heero: It is I, Heero, king of the bishonen!
Dr. J: What- is your quest?
King Heero: I seek the Holy Gundam!
Dr. J: What- is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
King Heero: What, African or European?
Dr. J: Nani? I don't know that! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
[Dr. J is thrown into the pit. Heero and Duo shrug, and start heading across the bridge]
Sir Duo: How do you know so much about swallows?
King Heero: You've got to know these things when you're a bishonen.
[The ominous music starts up again as Heero and Duo cross the bridge. All of a sudden, the music stops, the screen goes blank, and a SD Mitsukai-chan and Chronos-chan pop up. Chronos-chan starts waving around a sign that says 'Intermission' as Mitsukai-chan starts dancing and singing]
SD Mitsukai-chan: Hageshiku Lady! Ah give me your love! Ayashiku Lady! I need your love! Tama ni- ooh!
[SD Mitsukai-chan and Chronos-chan pop back out, and the fic continues as if nothing happened]
Scene 24, version 2
[Heero and Duo make it across the bridge and start walking around looking for Trowa]
King Heero and Duo: Trowa! Trowa! Trowa!
[cut to Trowa being arrested]
Trowa! Trowa! Trowa!
[They continue walking, and find a huge lake with a Cancer MS at the edge. They shrug, and ride across in it. Finally, they make it to an island, where a castle stands. Angels start singing as Heero says:]
King Heero: The castle annnnooo. Our quest is at an end. Author be praised! *kneels* Oh author, we thank thee that thou hast led us to the most holy-
[A sheep is catapulted out of the castle]
Holy crap!
OZ1: 'Allo, daffy colonist k-niggets and monsieur Heero king, who has zee brain of a mobile doll, you know! It seems we OZ folks outwit you a second time!
King Heero: How dare you profane this sacred place with your presence! I command you, in the names of the Knights of Camelot, to open the doors to this caslte, to which the author herself has guided us!
OZ1: How you colonists say, 'I one more time, mac, shoot my homing missiles in your direction!' So, you think you can outwit us OZ folks with your silly knees bent, running about advancing behavior? I wave my mobile suit's spare parts at your uncles, you sappy lot of second hand electric Gundam-bottom biters.
King Heero: We demand entrance into this castle!
OZ1: No chance, colonist cockpit-wetting types. I aim my buster rifles at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!
King Heero: If you do not open this castle by force, we will-
[MS fuel is dumped on his head]
In the name of-
[more fuel is dropped]
OZies: *more evil French snickering*
King Heero: That settles it!
OZ1: Yes, depart at this time, and cut the approaching any more or we fire bullets at the top of your heads and make satellites out of your spare parts! Hehehe!
King Heero: Walk away. Just ignore them.
OZ1: And remain gone, illegitimate bugger-folk! If you though you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, daffy colony kniggets! Thppppt! =P
OZies: *All taunting*
[Heero and Duo go back across the water, into a broad plain]
King Heero: We shall attack at once!
Sir Duo: Hai!
King Heero: Stand by for attack!
[All of a sudden, tons of rebel soldiers come marching out of nowhere. They line up behind Heero and Duo]
OZ persons!
OZies: *still taunting* ...Daffy...!
King Heero: Today the blood of many a knight shall be avenged. In the name of the author-
OZies: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
King Heero: OMAE O KOROSU!
OZies: Ha! Ha! Ha?
King Heero: Charge!
Army of knights: Wai!
[They are about to run forward, when a police car comes up and stops them]
Historian's wife: They're the ones! I'm sure!
Inspector: Come on, everyone who's armed must go, too.
Officer: Come on, stay back.
Historian's wife: Arrest that one. *points to Heero*
Inspector: Put this man in the van.
Officer: Okay. Back.
[they turn to the camera]
Inspector: Run along, run along.
Officer: Pull that off. That's an offensive weapon, that is.
Inspector: All right sonny, that's enough.
[he puts his hand over the camera, shoving it back]
Chronos: Christ!
*everything fuzzes out*
Well, that's it *sniffles* I miss it all ready.
Chronos: You coming to the cast party, or are you going to cry there all night?
I'm coming, I'm coming. But first, the thank yous!
A big arigato to-
Kimeko Hoshi, who helped with the editing of the story. ^^; Yes, there were a lot of stupid errors in here that she helped fix.
Chrysyslis Maxwell, who offered to post my fic on her site! Check it out at http://babblefishdomain.homestead.com/DDH.html ^_^ spiffy!
And everyone who read and reviewed my fic! Quatre chibis for all! So, until next time-
Chronos: Let's party!