CHAPTER 7 – STRENGTH OF HEART

Miwa-san,

How are you doing? It's the same as always with me. I don't know why I'm even writing to you. Every letter seems to get more and more depressing.

I hate having to take out all these emotions on you. But my friends here always just look at me with the same concern, and… they can't relate. They can't possibly understand! They tell me it isn't my fault. But I can't help but blame myself. I may go crazy by the time she wakes up.

You keep telling me, "stop torturing yourself." Yeah, that's what they say too. Brian even suggested I go to see a therapist. But what could a shrink do? Nothing for me until she wakes up! I'm disgusted with myself that I can't handle such a situation without going mad. I miss her so much! Every night, I go to sleep thinking… wishing that I could just turn back time, and never give her those blasted skates… all the things I could have done differently… but didn't, and look where it has left me.

I pray, every night. And for six months so far, they haven't been answered. How long will it be? My heart skips a beat whenever the phone rings. For a second, I think that maybe, this is the call that will end all my suffering. But it hasn't come. And I'm going mad.
I'm beginning to think…maybe it's better if I can forget. I now know how Miki felt that time when she got tired. The constant worrying, the feeling of being completely alone, separated forcefully. I want to hold her, and tell her it will be ok, but now I can't even do that. God, why did I even come here in the first place?

Miki lowered the letter and folded it neatly into her handbag, it was one of several Miwa had given her. All saying relatively the same thing, some occasionally with tear stains. She looked out the window at the passing countryside.

" Yuu… you've been suffering, no wonder your feelings have parted from me. It's exactly like what I did to you back then…you got tired and gave up the fight. But this time it was fate that stepped in between us…" She bit her lip, her eyes hardened. "But, fate isn't going to win this one."

Meiko sat next to her with an energetic two-year old in her lap playing with a teddy bear.

"We'll be there in just a few minutes!" Ginta said from the drivers seat.

"Look at the road won't you? Mou!" Arimi scolded him as he swerved, narrowly missing a squirrel as it dashed across the road.

" Ah- Gomen, gomen! Ha!" Ginta laughed, turning back to the more important matters of getting them there in one piece.

"Hey, Miki-san!" Suzu leaned over from the seat directly in back of Miki. Jolting Kei out of a nice mid-day nap. He opened one eye, then turned, and dozed off again. "Miki-san! I love what you've done with your hair!"

" Oh- thank you…" Miki put one hand up to her hair. Meiko had helped style it for her. It was very long now, and she'd put it up into a series of braids that twisted into two knotted ponytails on the back of her head. A few stray whisps of hair stubbornly refused to be tied back however, and fell down, framing her face, which was still thin and extremely pale.

"Meiko helped me, I just don't know what to do with it when it's this long."

"Ah really? I think it's beautiful!" Suzu smiled. "You should keep it that length."

Miki smiled, Suzu certainly hadn't changed, still as cute as ever, and an even more accomplished model, that girl was passionate about things she deemed as being "beautiful."

The car slowed as Ginta pulled into the parking lot of Carrion Farm. Another van behind them, containing their parents, Michael, Tstomu, Yayoi-chan, and two energetic children, Hikaru and Hayama followed and parked beside them. The group piled out of the cars. Miki was carefully supported by Miwa, she was determined to take no wheel chair or crutches as the doctor had given her to use while she was recovering. No- by the end of this weekend, she would be running on her own!

"That's my goal…" She thought. "If for nothing else, be able to run again… I won't give up!"

"Miki-oneechaaaan! Play! Play with us!" Hikaru and Hayama ran up to Miki, jumping up and down excited.

"Ahha- " Miki laughed. She was sitting on a picnic blanket. Suzu and Kei had gone on a rowboat. Tstomu and Ginta were both arguing over who was a better cook at the barbeque, (they never change!)
"Let's all play then!" Miki grinned, she stood up shakily. Her brother and sister ran around her and then took off in two different directions.

"Hide and Seek! Hide and Seek! Miki-oneechan has to find us!" They laughed.

Miki shrugged. " Ok! I'm counting to 10! You'd better go hide!"

"Not too far!" Chiako and Rumi chimed in.

"Miki- don't hurt yourself now!" Meiko watched her concerned as Miki leaned against a tree, making ready to cover her eyes.

"I'll be ok. Don't worry about me." Miki winked at her.

From across the yard, Miwa leaned against a tree, watching Miki start the hunt. Ginta, after being thoroughly harassed by Tstomu finally gave up the prospect of cooking, and went to join him.

"What's up?" Ginta turned and followed Miwa's gaze. "Ahh- Miki already is getting some color back in her cheeks." He smiled. "It was a good idea to take her here."

"Yes- Heh- " Miwa closed his eyes. " I wonder if things will turn out as they should."

"They'd better." Ginta sat down and pulled out a handful of grass, tossing the blades aside absentmindedly. "Miki- whenever she was with Yuu, she shined so brightly- with so much love and happiness, she's shining now, just with the hope of being with him again."

"But- Koishikawa…" Miwa bit his lip. " She's still incredibly fragile… What will happen if it doesn't work out?"

"I'd rather not think that will happen. Knowing those two, they just have to get together. If there is one couple in all the world that is destined to be happy together, it's those two."

"I hope you're right."

"You gave the letters to Miki, didn't you?"

"Yes. They seem to have given her courage. Which is what she needed."

"That's true."

A Week Later

The week flew by in a flash. Miki's progress flew as well. She had color back in her pale face, She ate heartily, exercised, played with her brother and sister. Joked with Meiko, cooked with Arimi, Suzu gave her a complete makeover, along with a haircut.

"We'll keep it looking long, you look much more mature that way! But it just needs a bit of styling to make it perfect!" Suzu had said.

Miki's long reddish brown hair flew behind her like a silk curtain. Her bangs were trimmed, but in soft layers framing her face in the front. Her parents had taken her shopping to buy new clothes. She was starting to feel a little like her old self again, even though she still looked much too pale and skinny whenever she glanced in the mirror.

"Meiko, are you sure you have to leave tomorrow?" Miki asked her. They walked down the sidewalk of the shopping center heavily laden down with bags. Meiko nodded.

" Yes, I do need to get back to my job. Shinichi couldn't get away for the whole week unfortunately, and little Miki wants to see her daddy."

Miki nodded in understanding. "That certainly does make sense." She bit her lip and turned her gaze to stare straight in front of her. They were at the stoplight where she remembered Yuu had picked her up with one arm, in front of all the strangers. She blushed at the memory. "I miss Yuu so much! I want to see him badly."

"Why not come back with me?" Meiko asked. "Yuu is in Hiroshima, isn't he? You can come with me on the train! And see our house and everything too."

Miki's eyes widened, then she smiled hesitantly. "Are you sure? I don't want to impose on you…?"

" Yes! Please, come and stay with us! You can see Yuu… And tell him how you feel. I think you're looking much better than before. You were playing tennis with Ginta the other day even, weren't you?"

Miki stuck her tongue. "If you call standing in one place and hitting the ball back and forth 'playing' tennis…I'm so out of practice!" she sighed.

Meiko winked at her. "So, what do you say?"

"I'll do it!

The Next Day

With every passing minute on the train to Hiroshima, Miki grew more and more agitated. She felt as if she was reliving the past all over again. Déjà vu was an understatement!

"This is just like when I went to see him for the first time in America…" she mumbled nervously under her breath. She squeezed Kappa-chan tightly.

Meiko shot a nervous glance at her. "No- it's not. Because this time you'll come back happy, not sad."

"Heh. I hope so."

"Miki…"

"Yes?"

"Please… before you do see Yuu, will you promise me something?"

"Hmm?"

"Promise me." Meiko bit her lip and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Promise me that you'll be ok. If in fact, it doesn't turn out ok…then… you…"

"I'll be ok, Meiko." Miki said. Her voice was surprisingly mature. "I know what you mean. I have to continue advancing with or without Yuu."

Meiko looked at her shocked. Miki's smile was bittersweet.

"Of course, I love him as much as I ever have… and I want to be with him. But I can't force him to love me if he truly loves Anju-san now. No- I couldn't do that, no matter how much I love him. If I have to let him go… I'll deal with it, somehow."

"You've matured even in a coma. You really do seem so much older." Meiko smiled warmly. "We'll be there soon, want something to drink?"

Hiroshima

"Yuu, I know that you've been together with Anju-san, and that you're feelings have parted from mine. But, I just came here to tell you, that I still love-" Miki trailed off and the pursed her lips. "I still love you with all my heart. Deeply, so deeply that it hurts me to even think of being apart from- arghh!"

She turned her back to the mirror and leaned against Meiko's dresser table. She'd been rehearsing for an hour now and was mentally exhausted by trying to find the correct wording. What words would have the most impact on him? The scariest thing was that she also had to prepare herself for a potential second rejection. The thought make her heart ache.

"Ohh… this is hopeless… it's not like me…" She walked from her room into the hallway, then went to a window overlooking the quiet suburb street Meiko lived on. She and Na-chan had a medium sized house. It paled in comparison to Meiko's parent's home but unlike that place, it was filled with laughter and joy.

Miki had woken up the day after she got to Hiroshima to find the house empty. Meiko had gone to work, as well as Na-chan. And their child was at a daycare center.

She tossed her bag over one shoulder and slipped her feet into a pair of heeled black sandals and tied the laces into a knot around each ankle. They matched perfectly with her black skirt. It was long and tight, with a single slit on one side running up to her knee, coupled with a chinese style light purple silk top with embroidered cherry blossoms. Suzu had picked out the outfit for her especially for this day. Miki hoped it would bring some good luck.

She wore her hair down, but the sides were pinned back with flowered barettes to keep the long locks out of her eyes. She finished the ensemble with some light colored makeup.

Checking her reflection quickly in the hallway mirror to make sure there were no stray hairs out of place, Miki flashed a warm hearted smile.

"Yeah- smile like that. Think optimistic… You can do it Miki!" She glanced at a piece of notebook paper, where she'd jotted down the addresses of all the architectural firms in Hiroshima.

"I have no idea where Yuu works, but I suppose if I just go to all the architectural firms in Hiroshima and ask around, I'm bound to run into him. It'll take a while though…"

With a hopeful heart, she boldly closed the door behind her, locked it, and began her march towards the business district of the city.