Chapter 20
"Two Weeks"
I did eat the Meowth. It was hard to cook it. It took me a while to actually light a fire, and then there was the matter of…well…I didn't like it. Both the taste, and the fact that I was actually eating it. I would've felt guilty either way though. If I hadn't eaten it, I would've felt bad for killing it for no good reason. Still…
The meat was very tough. I had done a bad job of both cooking it and skinning it. I hadn't liked either job and had kept my eyes shut throughout most of it. I couldn't even watch myself eat…
But time passed…and I became better……colder too…I learned how to look without really watching. The killing…the eating…they just became habitual…something that didn't take thought…I don't know where my conscience wandered off to during those times…but I know that it disappeared…I started thinking less and less. Everything was done automatically. I began to forget…but not entirely. As long as I stayed with Ash…I couldn't forget…Ash was me…I was Ash…and Pikachu was still waiting for me…
Pikachu…I did think about Pikachu. I thought about how much better off Pikachu was without me. If I had dragged it along with me……I didn't want to think about what would have happened if I had brought Pikachu with me. I hadn't. That was enough.
I wondered if Pikachu was happy. Pikachu was with its friends now…Misty…Brock…Togepi…It didn't need me. As long as Boss Rocket thought I belonged to him, no one needed me…
…Did I really need me?
It was times like that when I sank back into my thoughtless state. I either just sat there and thought about nothing, went for a walk, or fell asleep…
…but sleep wasn't as peaceful as being awake. My conscience came to life there and tortured me. Making me confess to every murder I had committed…and I could remember them all, despite being unaware at the time…It told me that I had backed down on my friends. That I was despicable. I had abandoned everyone…and for what? No one had gained anything, it said. No one had benefited…And I had lost…my life…even though I appeared to still be living it…My conscience told me the truth. That I was just faking it. Ash Ketchum had died days ago. I was no longer him. I didn't have a name…Even the Pokémon had names…and the trees…and the ground……but I didn't…I wasn't worthy.
I wish I could've said something in reply to my dreams…but I couldn't do anything about it. I was helpless. There was no escaping the truth.
* * *
There was a change in my routine one day. While I was returning to Ash from a…hunt…(murder is more like it…)…I sensed something different in the clearing. Keeping a low profile, I crept back, slowly. I held my latest catch, another Meowth (they seemed to be plentiful in these woods) close to me so it wouldn't make noise. When I was within range of the clearing I stopped and watched.
…It can't be…
That thought entered my head, nearly breaking me out of my trance. I fought it and kept still.
"Venomoth…are you sure this is the place?"
"Venomoth!"
It was a girl…in a Team Rocket uniform…She had a Venomoth with her…
"…Well…I guess if I was going to hole up in the woods for two weeks, this is as good a place as any to do it…"
Billie…
I felt my jaw loosening. I closed it and continued to watch.
How did she find me?
Billie cupped her hands around her mouth. "Ash! Ash, are you out here!? Ash, please answer me! Please! I need to talk to you!"
I can't do that……Ash is dead…
"Ash, please! Please! I know you're here! Just let me talk to you!"
I've never heard anyone this noisy…I wonder what it'll take to get her to shut up…?
"Venomoth! Venomoth, veno!"
"Huh…? You see something else, Venomoth?" she asked.
"Venomoth!" Venomoth replied, nodding.
It looked in my direction and started flapping towards me.
No. Don't come over here…
I gritted my teeth. I needed a distraction…My hand drifted over one of my rocks…
Yeah…That oughta do it…
Taking careful aim, I launched one at another melon-sized rock sticking out of the ground. It whistled past Venomoth, missing it by just a hair, and crashed loudly with the other rock.
Both the Pokémon and its trainer turned in alarm.
"What was that!?" Billie cried.
I stood up. It had been a long time since I had talked to anyone…besides Ash, of course…I hoped that I could still do it.
"…Prepare for trouble…" I coughed.
Okay. It was kinda lame, now that I think about it, but it was the best I could come up with at the time.
Billie whizzed around at the same speed she had when I had thrown the rock.
"Ash!?!" she exclaimed.
I nodded slightly. I was having trouble thinking of something else to say…
Billie's stare slowly moved from my face and she finally got a good look at me …Her expression was some mix of shock, amazement, and horror. She froze when she saw what I was holding in my hand.
She began her sentence quite a few times before managing to spit it out.
"Wh…Wh-what…i-is……th-that…?"
I glanced down, suddenly self-conscious. I was a mess…filthy…definitely not presentable in public, and……I was holding a dead Pokémon…
I blinked at it, trying to think of something to say.
"…Uh……It's……a………Meowth?"
There was a pause.
"Well…erm…yeah…I……I guess it is…" She swallowed.
"…Billie, what are you doing here?" I finally asked.
She looked me in the eyes, something no one had done recently. It was unnerving.
"I came here to find you, Ash. And now that I did, I'm bringing you back with me."
"You can't do that," I whispered.
"I can, and I will!" she retorted, "Now come on. Pikachu is waiting for you."
Please don't bring Pikachu into this…
"No, you don't understand…" I said quietly, "I can't go back…"
"What are you talking about? Sure you can! It's easy. Just follow me. I'll take you someplace where you can take a bath…change into something decent…It'll be no problem! We'll just forget about this whole……thing."
Does she really believe that?
"It isn't that easy, Billie……Do you even know why I came out here in the first place?"
She gave me an analyzing look. I fidgeted under her stare.
"No, Ash…Honestly…I don't."
"I left because I had nowhere else to turn. I couldn't stay with Team Rocket. I couldn't live the rest of my life as a…criminal…I couldn't leave my Pokémon with……him…I just…I couldn't……but I can't go back now. I can't go back until I know that my Pokémon are safe. I just…"
I felt a tear slid down my cheek. I didn't wipe it off.
Billie didn't say anything for a long time.
"Well……I'm not leaving until you are."
I jerked my head up.
"What!?"
"The boss gave me very strict instructions. He said I had one week to find you and bring you back. Another group tried and failed, and I'm already overdue…If I come back empty-handed……" She shuddered.
I know…I know what the boss does if you don't follow the rules…
"Still…you can't stay here," I said.
"I have every right to stay here!" she said, "I found you, and I'm not leaving without you, and that's that."
She looked pretty determined…but I couldn't have her staying there and messing everything up.
"Billie…what if…the boss…was wondering why you didn't come back…and he sent someone out to find you? Then we'd both be in trouble."
"You'd be in more trouble than me……but that's why you have to come back! Please, Ash?"
"No…Just……just tell him…Tell him that I'm dead. Say that you found me, but I was dead. Tell him that there's no need to keep looking for me."
Actually, that's not too far from the truth…
"Ash…if I tell him that you're dead…I'll need proof…"
Proof?
"What kind of proof? A dead body?"
Now she looked disturbed.
"Well…I was kinda hoping I wouldn't need proof…that you would just come…"
"Well…I'm not coming."
"…Then I'm not leaving…"
Another moment of silence.
"You're really serious about this, aren't you?" we said at the same time.
"…Well…I know I am," Billie said.
"I'm serious," I said.
She narrowed her eyes.
"How can you be serious, Ash? You're a mess. You're living inside of a tree. I don't know when was the last time you took a bath. You're eating wild Pokémon…How could you possibly want to stay here?"
"Because I can't leave. I don't have a choice, Billie. If I could, I would say yes, and we could both go back to Viridian and have a jolly good time. But we can't, so we won't."
She looked at the ground. Finally, she walked over to Ash and sat down. She took off her backpack and opened it.
"Well, as long as I'm staying, we might as well eat something decent."
She took out a bag of hard-tack biscuits and held one out.
"You want one?"
I nearly dropped the Meowth. I could feel my mouth watering already. It was the most appetizing thing I ever seen.