Chapter 9
"Little Comfort"
Mayo went back home. I guess she felt awkward, being in the middle of a…family problem……
I didn't talk to anyone. I brought Pikachu with me, and Persian followed me into my room.
"…Pikapi?"
'…Ash?'
I didn't say anything, and I didn't change back. I looked at all of the things in my room…Being an only child had its advantages…I could get pretty much whatever I wanted……and more…A lot of the stuff I had…did come from………Dad………Ten things in fact. The Snorlax pillow, the Zubat mobile, the Clefairy pencil sharpener……Everything he had sent me had had something to do with Pokémon…Mom said he wanted me to love them the same way he did………
I wonder if he stills loves them that way……if he ever really did.
"Perrrsiiann?"
'Are you okay, Ash?'
Okay? No. In fact, I couldn't be worse.
I choked back my tears and slowly knelt on the ground.
Everything had been so simple before……Why did it all have to change…?
……Maybe I never should have left Mewtwo……
………Maybe I shouldn't have even tried to become a Pokémon trainer……
………Maybe I shouldn't have been born.
I held Pikachu close to me and sobbed into its fur.
"Why…?" I breathed.
"Pikachu……"
'…Ash…Don't cry……'
That only made it worse…I couldn't stop crying. Pikachu was probably drenched…but it didn't complain…Persian rubbed up against me. They both did their best to try to make me feel better……
Somebody knocked on my door, loudly and repetitively…I didn't answer.
"Ash! Ash, are you okay?"
"Ash?"
"Ash, talk to us…"
I heard Brock's voice quiet the others. He then spoke to me softly.
"Ash? This is Brock. May I come in?"
I let my tears fall slowly…and I remained silent.
I heard the door creak open, Brock walk in, and then shut the door behind him.
"……Are you okay, Ash?" he asked.
He was standing behind me. I stared at the floor, stroking Pikachu and Persian.
"I can understand how you must feel right now……"
…Can he?
I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder. He stifled a little, then carefully dug a handkerchief out of one of his pockets. He handed it to me. I took it from him but was reluctant to use it…I squeezed it a little.
"……Brock……"
Even I was surprised at how I sounded…I hardly recognized myself……My voice was scratchy and hard to hear…as if I had been crying for……about how long I had been crying……I tried and failed to swallow the knot in my throat.
Brock sat down next to me. He didn't say anything for a while…He was probably trying to think of the perfect thing to say. I let him think. I needed someone to say the perfect thing…Anything less would make me feel worse.
"……Ash……When you said we had something in common now……"
He sounded as if he wanted me to say something, but I couldn't find the strength…
"………Maybe you were right……I……I don't know though………I never really hated my father the way you do……"
…I do hate him, don't I?……I can't believe it…Me…hating somebody………
"……He did a lot of horrible things to you……Things no one ever should have done……but he did them anyway, right, Ash?"
I couldn't even nod. He probably felt like he was talking to a rock.
"……He shouldn't have done those things……but…….maybe he finally realizes that Ash………Maybe you should give him another chance………"
I can't do that…I can't trust him……ever……
"……But what if he doesn't?" I asked, my voice still strange-sounding.
"………Then you'll just have to take a chance…"
I shook my head.
"I'm not doing that again, Brock. I'm not taking anymore chances. From now on, whatever I do, I'm going to make sure that I do it right…the first time. I'm not gonna make any mistakes…….Not ever again………"
"…Ash……You can't stop yourself from making mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes……Even……him……"
I shut my eyes, trying to block the tears from coming back.
Why won't these tears go away?
"……Then what's the point of going on?" I asked, my voice cracking as I spoke, "If everything leads to pain…Why bother suffering more? And hurting others in the process?"
"………Ash……This isn't like you at all……."
"Yeah? Well I've changed……Everything's changed………for the worse……I don't even know what it was all for…"
"………Ash……….This is just one setback. You've overcome obstacles before. You're not gonna let just one more stop you, are you?"
"…Brock, this isn't some stupid little…………I don't what it is, but it's tearing me apart……and I don't know what to do about it…"
I looked at the floor through blurry tears. Brock was silent for a moment.
"Ash…I'm not usually the type of person to do this, but you sound like you need a hug."
I didn't answer…He was probably right though.
"Pikachu!!"
'Group hug!!'
Pikachu jumped up and squeezed me tightly…I had to hug it back. Persian started licking my cheek. I hugged Persian too…and I started to feel a little better.
"……Brock?" I asked.
"Yeah, Ash?"
"……Thank you."
"Don't mention it."
Persian knocked me over with its licking, and I laughed a little.
"Pe-eerrrrr!!" it purred happily.
"Persian, stop it…" I said, not really meaning it.
Persian understood me, and put its paw on my face, holding me still so it could lick me even better. I started laughing, mostly because it tickled so much.
"Stop it, Persian!" I begged, "Stop it please!"
"Pi-iika…" Pikachu giggled.
I heard Brock stood up.
"If you ever need me again, you know where to find me," he said.
I stared up at him from the floor.
"Thanks again…" I said.
"And again, don't mention it."
"No, I want to mention it……It felt good to talk to someone……I didn't think anyone would understand where I was coming from………"
He only smiled. "Just doing my part……"
He put his hand on the doorknob, then opened the door and left me alone again.
"Piika!"
'Gotcha!'
I laughed as Pikachu jumped on my stomach, and Persian started on my ear.
…Guess I'm not entirely alone, after all…
* * *
'Ashura…'
'…I do not want to talk to you.'
'……I had my doubts, Ashura……'
'Huh?'
'But you're finally beginning to see……'
'Huh!!? See what?!'
'You're finally starting to see the truth, Ashura…'
'Quit being so confusing! Talk in a way I can understand!'
'…You're finally starting to see that humans and Mews can never get along…'
'What?!'
'Humans are a scarred race. They have secluded themselves from the truth of Pokémon.'
'What on earth are you talking about?'
'No good will come from staying where you are, Ashura. It is best to leave.'
'I'm not leaving. I'm not gonna give up so easily.'
'……Ashura………'
'Just you wait! You'll see! I will become a Pokémon Master! No matter what!!'
'……And then what, Ashura?'
'Huh?'
'What will happen to you afterwards? Don't you realize that they'll find out? Do you know what they'll do to you?'
'What do you mean?'
'Humans have no respect. Pokémon are just tools to them.'
'That's not true!!'
'You know it's true, Ashura. You've seen it for yourself. Why can't you see how evil the humans are?'
'They're not all evil!…I trust my friends! They'd never try to hurt me!'
'How can you be sure? Haven't you been betrayed before?…By your own family, even……Why wouldn't your "friends" turn on you?'
'Stop it! You're just saying that to scare me! You know as well as I do that that won't ever happen!!!'
'It's happened before, Ashura……Remember that…'
'Quit it! Go away!!'
'…Very well then…Good bye, Ashura……Until next time……'
'Don't come back!!'
……