Chapter 34
"Fog"
We made it, for better or worse…I collapsed as soon as we got there. There wasn't anything anyone could do to help me either…We didn't even make it inside of the house, but at least Mom saw me right away and brought me inside.
I don't remember much of what happened. I couldn't really see or hear what was going on. All I do remember is that Mom took me somewhere safe…The whole time, I felt like I was trapped in a fog that was bearing down on me from all angles…I couldn't even see the tip of my nose, because the fog was so heavy…All the voices and other noises sounded the same, like a distant hum…I couldn't even feel myself…I felt as empty inside as the fog felt full…like I was nothing but a shell…I was cold, but not from the temperature…I was cold from the fear that I was losing myself…and my world…
…The fog seemed endless…I was going to be trapped in it forever……
* * *
…I felt something different…A strange tingling in the back of my mind…I was scared, but if it had penetrated the fog, maybe it could help me. I opened myself to the strange feeling…
'Ashura?'
Ashura……Ashura?…Wait……that's……
That's me.
'…Ashura, can you hear me? Are you all right?'
Ashura……That's me……
'…Ash? Answer me…!'
Ash?…Ashura? That's me…
'Please tell me you're okay, Ash……'
I'm okay?……No……No, I'm not okay……
'…help…'
'Ash!? Ash, you're not okay at all, are you…? Don't worry. I'm going to figure out how to help you…I'm going to help you……'
'…i'm trapped…'
'I'm going to get you out of there, Ash…Just hang on…Just for a little while longer. I'm going to figure out how to save you…'
The tingle faded away…
'no. wait…come back……ne…kiro……'
I felt nothing…I was trapped…and alone……
'…please help me……'
* * *
I fell asleep, and the fog was replaced by a solid blackness.
* * *
"Just who do you think you are?"
That voice…It sounds so familiar…
"What's the matter? You don't know who I am?"
…Who are you?
"Why, my name is Ash Ketchum, from the town of Pallet."
What?!
"…I thought you'd be able to recognize me…I guess I should have known better…After all, who are you?"
I…I'm Ash Ketchum, from Pallet Town!
"Oh really…?"
I looked up. There I was…right in front of my eyes…but I was human……and I looked mean……
I looked away. I didn't like that image of myself.
"What's the matter?" the human me asked.
What are you doing here?
"I came to say goodbye."
What!?
He touched the tip of his hat.
"There's no need for me anymore. Besides, I don't even exist anymore."
What…? But…I…You're…me!
He shook his head. "No. We are two completely different people……Hell, I lied when I told you my name was Ash Ketchum."
…What……?
He nodded. "I don't even have a name………"
He gave me a pointed look.
"And neither do you."
Yes I do! I'm Ash! And you're……You must be Ash too!
"Wrong! Dead people don't have names."
What? That's crazy! Everyone has a name! Even…Even dead people……but…you're not dead…… I said, knowing I had to be right.
"……I am dead…and I lost my right to a name………Though I guess it only makes sense that you don't remember………but perhaps you do remember who killed me………"
But you're not dead! I pleaded with him.
He narrowed his eyes and wondered if that was really what I looked like when I got mad.
"……You're the one who killed me…Mew."
He can't really mean that…He's not even dead! I mean…we're not dead…
"………Goodbye, Mew………and try to remember……It's the only way you can get out of this mess……"
He turned and walked away, leaving me lost in the mist……
* * *
'nekiro? nekiro, are you there…? please help me……please………'
There was no response…
Maybe he can't hear me…or maybe he just can't help me……
'……nekiro?'
…Nothing……
* * *
"…Pidg?"
I froze.
This is just like my first day training……
…but it was so much different……This time, I was playing for keeps……
The Pidgey stared at me for another moment or two, then went back to scratching at the earth in search of food.
…We've all gotta eat, right…?……And I don't want to starve, so……
I gulped. The Pidgey glared at me again.
"…Pidgey," it stated, then went back to what it was doing.
I don't want to do this I don't want to do this I don't want to do this…I have to do this……
I choked back my tears then threw the rock and hit the Pidgey on the back. It warbled in pain, but couldn't fly away. I stabbed it in the neck with another, longer, sharper rock, and it fell limp in my hands…
…I cried…but I had done what I had come for……I picked it up and brought it back to my new home…
* * *
No…No, no, no, noo………I want to forget this……I don't want to remember what happened in that forest………It's all in the past……It's over with…It's gone………It can't hurt me anymore……
For the first time since I had been in the fog, I really felt something…I could feel myself crying.
* * *
"How many have you killed, Ash?"
"None…I've never killed anybody…"
"Liar! You're horrible, Ash! First you kill, then you lie about it!? What filthy being are you!?"
"Please leave me alone," I begged, "I never wanted to kill anything……"
"But you did, didn't you?"
"No! I……It was for food…I was hungry……"
"Oh, and you think that's a good excuse?"
"No!! No……No, it's never an excuse……Please……Listen to me……"
"No, you listen to me. I'm tired of being blocked out……When was the last time you ever thought about what you were doing?"
"I was thinking! I was thinking, just please……Please let me live……"
"I can't, Ash………Things like you don't deserve to live…"
"Please spare me………I didn't mean any harm!"
"……Your life is over, Ash."
* * *
…Was that how it was?……It was so long ago……I really did forget………I……did kill………me? Ash? We're the same person, aren't we……?