Disclaimer: These characters are not, and never will
be mine. Alas. Anyway, don't send money.
Author's Note: 'Nother Sound Check
Damn Monkeys
by Casix Thistlebane
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Ooh, funky monkeys."
"What? Oh yes, those. A watcher in Florida sent them
to me, said I might find them intrigueing. Apparently
I'm supposed to send them on, but before I did that,
something interesting would happen."
"Interesting? I'm not sure I like the sound of that."
"Nor am I. But I do feel I ought to trust a fellow
Watcher."
"We've gone wrong with that before."
".... Yes, you're quite right. Perhaps we ought to
get rid of them."
"Good deal. Trash can?"
*Thunk.*
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Xander!"
"Hey Will, how are things in your part of
Depressionville?"
"Bad. Oz still isn't talking to me."
"Yeah Cordelia's been realleaghhmmmb...."
"What?"
"...!"
"What?!"
"So I told him that outfit is WAY eighties,"
"Xander! What did you say?!"
"Oh for godssake, he's standing right next to you!"
"....!"
"What?!!!"
"I said--I can't see! Again!!"
"WHAT?!! Xander, what's she--"
*YANK*
"Hey!"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Well, that takes care of--"
*SLAM*
"Giles! We have a problem."
"And this is new... how?"
"Cordelia, Willow, Xander, what seems to be the
trouble?"
"What?!"
*FWIP, SCRIBBLE, SCRIBBLE, THWAP.*
"Wow, Xander knows how to write."
"...."
"Oh. Oh dear...."
"What's it say, Giles?"
"Well, it's says, er, that is.... Oh I'll just read
from it directly: 'Willow can't hear, I can't talk,
and Cordy can't see.'"
"Oh."
"What?!"
"Willow, do be quiet?"
"WHAT?!!!"
*SHUFFLE, SCRIBBLE*
"Oh. Sorry. Thanks, Xander."
"Er, yes, Xander, perhaps you'd better transcribe the
situation for Willow."
"...."
"Now, it would seem to follow very closely with... oh
dear."
"Ooo, two oh dears in almost rapid succession. It
must be big."
"It's the, uh, monkeys."
"The monkeys?"
"...?"
*Scribble*
"Monkeys?!"
"Er, yes. Monkeys. You know, er, see no evil, hear
no evil, speak no evil?"
*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK...*
"Wait, are you trying to tell me that those monkeys we
threw out were...."
"Er, yes."
*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK...*
"Is this the something interesting?!"
"I, uh, have the note, I'll go check."
*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK...*
"Xander, stop banging your head against the wall!"
*THUD*
"...."
"Anyway, I'll go find the note that accompanied the...
er... sculptures."
*RUFFLE, RUFFLE, RUFFLE.*
"Ah yes, here it is.... Oh my."
"Whatcha got, G-man?"
"Buffy, I don't like it when Xander calls me that, and
I most certainly don't want you to do so."
"Sorry, but there was just this mad gap in the
conversation that was screaming to be filled."
"Who cares?! Just fix us!"
"Oh if only..."
"Quiet Buffy. It would seem that I misread the note.
It says I should pass them on, or else something
interesting will happen."
"In other words, it's a chain letter."
"Well, yes."
"So send the damn things on already! God, am I the
only one here with any kind of sense?!"
"What? Xander, write faster!"
"...!"
"Will all of you please quiet down? Now as far as I
can see, we have two options: we can either pass on
the statue, or destroy it."
"I'm all for destroying it."
*SCRIBBLE, SCRIBBLE*
"What's he say?"
"He wants to use power tools."
"I'm with them. I wouldn't wish this fate on anyone!
Well, almost no one. God, I can't even look at myself
in a mirror!"
"Right then. Buffy, go get my sledge hammer."
"No prob."
*FWATHONK, CRUNCH.*
"I can see!"
*FWATHWACK, CRACK.*
"I can hear!"
*FWATHUNK.*
"...! ....?"
"We're working on it, but this last monkey doesn't
want to go!"
*YANK*
"Xander, what--?"
*FWACRUNCH.*
"Oh."
"There. Much better. Never much liked chain letters
anyway. Anyone got any Ho- Ho's?..."
"Thank God, everything's back to normal."
"...'cause I'm starving!"
"I hate you people!"
*CLOMP, CLOMP, SLAM!*
"Cordy!"
"Well, almost."
The End
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
be mine. Alas. Anyway, don't send money.
Author's Note: 'Nother Sound Check
Damn Monkeys
by Casix Thistlebane
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Ooh, funky monkeys."
"What? Oh yes, those. A watcher in Florida sent them
to me, said I might find them intrigueing. Apparently
I'm supposed to send them on, but before I did that,
something interesting would happen."
"Interesting? I'm not sure I like the sound of that."
"Nor am I. But I do feel I ought to trust a fellow
Watcher."
"We've gone wrong with that before."
".... Yes, you're quite right. Perhaps we ought to
get rid of them."
"Good deal. Trash can?"
*Thunk.*
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Xander!"
"Hey Will, how are things in your part of
Depressionville?"
"Bad. Oz still isn't talking to me."
"Yeah Cordelia's been realleaghhmmmb...."
"What?"
"...!"
"What?!"
"So I told him that outfit is WAY eighties,"
"Xander! What did you say?!"
"Oh for godssake, he's standing right next to you!"
"....!"
"What?!!!"
"I said--I can't see! Again!!"
"WHAT?!! Xander, what's she--"
*YANK*
"Hey!"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Well, that takes care of--"
*SLAM*
"Giles! We have a problem."
"And this is new... how?"
"Cordelia, Willow, Xander, what seems to be the
trouble?"
"What?!"
*FWIP, SCRIBBLE, SCRIBBLE, THWAP.*
"Wow, Xander knows how to write."
"...."
"Oh. Oh dear...."
"What's it say, Giles?"
"Well, it's says, er, that is.... Oh I'll just read
from it directly: 'Willow can't hear, I can't talk,
and Cordy can't see.'"
"Oh."
"What?!"
"Willow, do be quiet?"
"WHAT?!!!"
*SHUFFLE, SCRIBBLE*
"Oh. Sorry. Thanks, Xander."
"Er, yes, Xander, perhaps you'd better transcribe the
situation for Willow."
"...."
"Now, it would seem to follow very closely with... oh
dear."
"Ooo, two oh dears in almost rapid succession. It
must be big."
"It's the, uh, monkeys."
"The monkeys?"
"...?"
*Scribble*
"Monkeys?!"
"Er, yes. Monkeys. You know, er, see no evil, hear
no evil, speak no evil?"
*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK...*
"Wait, are you trying to tell me that those monkeys we
threw out were...."
"Er, yes."
*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK...*
"Is this the something interesting?!"
"I, uh, have the note, I'll go check."
*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK...*
"Xander, stop banging your head against the wall!"
*THUD*
"...."
"Anyway, I'll go find the note that accompanied the...
er... sculptures."
*RUFFLE, RUFFLE, RUFFLE.*
"Ah yes, here it is.... Oh my."
"Whatcha got, G-man?"
"Buffy, I don't like it when Xander calls me that, and
I most certainly don't want you to do so."
"Sorry, but there was just this mad gap in the
conversation that was screaming to be filled."
"Who cares?! Just fix us!"
"Oh if only..."
"Quiet Buffy. It would seem that I misread the note.
It says I should pass them on, or else something
interesting will happen."
"In other words, it's a chain letter."
"Well, yes."
"So send the damn things on already! God, am I the
only one here with any kind of sense?!"
"What? Xander, write faster!"
"...!"
"Will all of you please quiet down? Now as far as I
can see, we have two options: we can either pass on
the statue, or destroy it."
"I'm all for destroying it."
*SCRIBBLE, SCRIBBLE*
"What's he say?"
"He wants to use power tools."
"I'm with them. I wouldn't wish this fate on anyone!
Well, almost no one. God, I can't even look at myself
in a mirror!"
"Right then. Buffy, go get my sledge hammer."
"No prob."
*FWATHONK, CRUNCH.*
"I can see!"
*FWATHWACK, CRACK.*
"I can hear!"
*FWATHUNK.*
"...! ....?"
"We're working on it, but this last monkey doesn't
want to go!"
*YANK*
"Xander, what--?"
*FWACRUNCH.*
"Oh."
"There. Much better. Never much liked chain letters
anyway. Anyone got any Ho- Ho's?..."
"Thank God, everything's back to normal."
"...'cause I'm starving!"
"I hate you people!"
*CLOMP, CLOMP, SLAM!*
"Cordy!"
"Well, almost."
The End
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\