Disclaimer: The Buffy characters aren't mine.
Norbertamandar is. Jesus is... well... my own
interpretation of something that doesn't belong to
anybody.
Author's note; sound check
The Destroyer
by Casix Thistlebane
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"AleXander LaVelle Harris, I have come for you!"
"And you are?"
"Norbertamandar the Destroyer! You shall come
with me."
"What?! Why?"
"You're mother sold you to me."
"When?!"
"Late seventies. She got mixed in with a bad
crowd. Now, come along..."
"No."
"No?"
"No. I'm not going."
"You're...gha...you...haha...oh
boy...AHAHAHAHAHAH!"
"What's so funny?"
"I just find it amusing that you seem to think
you have a choice."
"Oh...um...can I have a few minutes to say good
bye to people?"
"No. Now let's--Let go of the table!"
"No! Never! Help! Buffy! Giles!"
"Oh, geez, shut up, would you?"
"HELP!"
"Oh, now you had to go and make a scene, huh? I'm
so embarrassed..."
"What'd you expect me to do? Come quietly?!"
"No, I suppose that would be too much to
ask...Why is it you mortals always resist
me? For all you know, my home is a veritable
garden of delights!"
"Is it?"
"Well, I've never gotten any complaints..."
"HEEEEEEEEEELP!"
"Oh, don't do that! Cut it out! You're going
to--"
"What seems to be the trouble here?"
"Jesus!"
"Precisely."
"There, do you see? You had to go and scream,"
"Jesus, you've got to help me! He's trying to
take me against my will!"
"He does, does he? Hmm...Do I know you?"
"I am Norbertamandar the Destroyer. And his
mother sold him to me."
"Ah. You see, your mother sold you to him--now
wait a minute, I'm not sure that's
entirely kosher!"
"Maximillian the Conqueror does it all the time."
"Yes, well, he has special permission. I don't
think you're on the list."
"I'm certain I am. Check again."
"What as that name again?"
"Norbertamandar. That's with three A's."
FWIP, FWIP, FWIP
"Nope, I'm sorry, you're not on here. When did
you turn in your request?"
"Nearly three centuries back."
"Well, there you go. It's probably still in
processing. These things take time, you
realize. Well, Norby--do you mind if I call you
Norby? I can let you off on just this
once, but until you hear a reply from us, please
don't buy off any more souls, would
you?"
"Now, wait a minute! What about me?"
"Hmm?"
"I don't wanna go! Is there anyway to get out of
this?"
"Well, I suppose your mother could buy you
back..."
"How would she do that?"
"Well, that's really between her and Norby here,
but generally, your mother would
have to give him back what he paid for you."
"Shouldn't be too hard. What was the payment,
Norb?"
"A large color television, and a lifetime supply
of Chinese take-out."
"I'm doomed!"
"Yes, now come along."
"See ya, kid!"
"Hey! No, wait! BUUUUUUUUUFFY!"
"Xander! Xander, honey, wake up!"
"Mom?"
"You were having a nightmare, Xander."
"Oh, God, it was terrible! This demon guy, he
wanted to take me away, but then
Jesus came to stop him, but they ended up doing
all this beurocratic stuff and...it
was a dream. Just a dream. I'm never eating chili
pepper and cheddar pizza before
bedtime again."
"I'm glad...Look honey, there's something I've
been meaning to tell you..."
"Whaaat?"
"You see, I got mixed up in a bad crowd, back in
the seventies and, well...have you
ever wondered where all that Chinese Take-Out
comes from?"
"BUUUUUUUUUUFFY!"
the end
=====
Casix Thistlebane
Exhalted Archivist of all things Ficapaloozian
http://www.angelfire.com/yt/ficapalooza/
"There are no happy endings, because nothing ever ends."
--Schmendrick the Magician
Norbertamandar is. Jesus is... well... my own
interpretation of something that doesn't belong to
anybody.
Author's note; sound check
The Destroyer
by Casix Thistlebane
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"AleXander LaVelle Harris, I have come for you!"
"And you are?"
"Norbertamandar the Destroyer! You shall come
with me."
"What?! Why?"
"You're mother sold you to me."
"When?!"
"Late seventies. She got mixed in with a bad
crowd. Now, come along..."
"No."
"No?"
"No. I'm not going."
"You're...gha...you...haha...oh
boy...AHAHAHAHAHAH!"
"What's so funny?"
"I just find it amusing that you seem to think
you have a choice."
"Oh...um...can I have a few minutes to say good
bye to people?"
"No. Now let's--Let go of the table!"
"No! Never! Help! Buffy! Giles!"
"Oh, geez, shut up, would you?"
"HELP!"
"Oh, now you had to go and make a scene, huh? I'm
so embarrassed..."
"What'd you expect me to do? Come quietly?!"
"No, I suppose that would be too much to
ask...Why is it you mortals always resist
me? For all you know, my home is a veritable
garden of delights!"
"Is it?"
"Well, I've never gotten any complaints..."
"HEEEEEEEEEELP!"
"Oh, don't do that! Cut it out! You're going
to--"
"What seems to be the trouble here?"
"Jesus!"
"Precisely."
"There, do you see? You had to go and scream,"
"Jesus, you've got to help me! He's trying to
take me against my will!"
"He does, does he? Hmm...Do I know you?"
"I am Norbertamandar the Destroyer. And his
mother sold him to me."
"Ah. You see, your mother sold you to him--now
wait a minute, I'm not sure that's
entirely kosher!"
"Maximillian the Conqueror does it all the time."
"Yes, well, he has special permission. I don't
think you're on the list."
"I'm certain I am. Check again."
"What as that name again?"
"Norbertamandar. That's with three A's."
FWIP, FWIP, FWIP
"Nope, I'm sorry, you're not on here. When did
you turn in your request?"
"Nearly three centuries back."
"Well, there you go. It's probably still in
processing. These things take time, you
realize. Well, Norby--do you mind if I call you
Norby? I can let you off on just this
once, but until you hear a reply from us, please
don't buy off any more souls, would
you?"
"Now, wait a minute! What about me?"
"Hmm?"
"I don't wanna go! Is there anyway to get out of
this?"
"Well, I suppose your mother could buy you
back..."
"How would she do that?"
"Well, that's really between her and Norby here,
but generally, your mother would
have to give him back what he paid for you."
"Shouldn't be too hard. What was the payment,
Norb?"
"A large color television, and a lifetime supply
of Chinese take-out."
"I'm doomed!"
"Yes, now come along."
"See ya, kid!"
"Hey! No, wait! BUUUUUUUUUFFY!"
"Xander! Xander, honey, wake up!"
"Mom?"
"You were having a nightmare, Xander."
"Oh, God, it was terrible! This demon guy, he
wanted to take me away, but then
Jesus came to stop him, but they ended up doing
all this beurocratic stuff and...it
was a dream. Just a dream. I'm never eating chili
pepper and cheddar pizza before
bedtime again."
"I'm glad...Look honey, there's something I've
been meaning to tell you..."
"Whaaat?"
"You see, I got mixed up in a bad crowd, back in
the seventies and, well...have you
ever wondered where all that Chinese Take-Out
comes from?"
"BUUUUUUUUUUFFY!"
the end
=====
Casix Thistlebane
Exhalted Archivist of all things Ficapaloozian
http://www.angelfire.com/yt/ficapalooza/
"There are no happy endings, because nothing ever ends."
--Schmendrick the Magician