From: Casix Thistlebane thistlebane@yahoo.com
title: Is This Thing On?
author: Casix Thistlebane
Disclaimer: BtVS, its concepts and characters, Blair
Witch, and Dawson's Creek don't belong to me. and I'm
not sure I want the latter two.
summary: yet another sound check. read it to find
out what's up in this one.
Is This Thing On?
by Casix Thistlebane
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
*bleep*
*bleep*
*bleep*
*bleep*
"Testing, testing... Hey Willow, say something for
us!"
"Xander, what are you doing?"
"Eventually, making money. I hope."
"Where'd you get that thing?"
"You remember my Uncle Rory? The one with the car
that I rented?"
"He let you rent that car because he had too many
DWIs. They don't hand out those for video cameras."
"Yeah, but its really easy to convince someone that
they do when they're drunk. Now come on, tell us what
you're doing!"
"Um, okay, I'm working on a spell. And its very
complicated. And I need to CONCENTRATE."
"That's all right Willow, just pretend the camera and
I aren't even here."
"Right."
*rustle, rustle*
"Oookay, now do something interesting."
"Xannnderrrrr,"
"Alright, alright, I know when I'm not wanted. Is
Buffy on patrol?"
"No, she's over at Giles'."
"Right then. I'm off. Have fun."
"Bye Xan--"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
*bleep*
*bleep*
*bleep*
*bleep*
"--gure out how to get it to just turn on without the
number thingies.... Oh, there it goes. Okay,
everyone, this is Rupert Giles, Watcher extraordinare.
Well, he used to be anyway. He used to work for
these weird council guys who did all sorts of bad
things to Buffy, that'd be the Slayer. But Giles
didn't agree, so they fired him. But he didn't mind
too much. Right Giles?"
"What on Earth--would you kindly remove that thing
from my face?"
"Oops, sorry... zoom out..."
"Yes, eh, quite. What are you doing, anyway?"
"Ah. So glad you asked! Now would be the perfect
time on the video to explain it's purpose... Just
hold on a second..."
*rattle, rustle, clunk, grunt*
"Okay, hopefully I'm not pulling an Apology-Scene shot
here, but anyway.... Hi! I'm Alexander Harris, and
I'm going to be your host for the next...er... however
long this video ends up being as I take you on an
exciting trip through the world of the Vampire
Slayer!.... That doesn't sound too trite, does it?"
"Oh no, not at all."
"Ooo, a rare treat for you folks, Giles is being
sarcastic!"
"Why, precisely, did you decide to take it upon
yourself to make a... er... documentary about us?"
"Indie films, Giles! They're the newest vogue of
movies! No one cares about the big box office
thrillers this season! They want the artsy stuff.
And that means low budget. And this is about as low
budget as they get, while still being exciting!"
"Without traveling to Burketsville, Maryland, you
mean?"
"You wound me Giles! I have more imagination than
that! Anyway, where's Buffy? I wanna catch the
slayer in action!"
"If you must know, I sent her out a few moments before
you arrived. There's a very strange demon running
amuck out there, and she has gone to... well..."
"Slaying! Gotcha! I'll be off to find her then!"
"Xander, do you really think that's wise? Xander--"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"--is button?"
"No, this button right here! Wait, maybe it was that
button. Is the light flashing?"
"If I say no, can we go back to your place and have
sex again?"
"Anya, stay on task!"
"Fine, yes, the light is blinking."
"Good! Welcome back again! So far tonight we've met
Willow Rosenberg, our resident witch, and Rupert
Giles, the ex-watcher-know-it-all kinda guy. But now
for the really exciting part of the film: the Slayer
herself, Buffy Summers."
"Anya, don't point that thing at me."
"Anya, point that thing at Buffy. We gotta get this
on tape."
"Anya..."
"Nice things, Anya! A new skirt!"
"But my hair--"
"--essed the wrong button!"
"I thought that was the zoom!"
"Let me use that thing....."
*rattle, clunk*
"Okay, sorry for that brief interruption there, but
we're back, with the illustrious Buffy Summers, the
Vampire Slayer."
"You're not really going to try and sell this, are you
Xander?"
"Why not?"
"Well, for one thing, the world could do without
another rip off of the Blair Witch Project."
"PLEASE! This is SO above that!"
"Oh, come off it, Xander, even Dawson's Creek did a
Blair Witch ep!"
"This ISN'T a Blair Witch takeoff!"
"Did you knwo their making sequels to that movie?"
"You see? I would NEVER sink that low!"
"Fine! But my identity is supposed to be a secret!
That's the whole point of a 'secret identity', that
you don't go making a documentary about it!"
"Right, like your identity is all that secret..."
"Anya, shut up."
"Really, Buffy, just because you're mom didn't figure
it out for years..."
"ANYA,"
"And besides who would believe this thing anyway?"
"AN--no, wait, that was part of my point. What she
said, Buffy."
"Xander, I really don't think--"
*clomp, clomp*
"--Get out of here!"
"Oo! Vampires! This would work great in the
documentary!"
"Xander, get out of here!"
"You heard the Slayer, Xander, let's go!"
"But this is the chance of the lifetime."
"Gee, it's too bad you'll have to pay for it with your
life then!"
"See folks, vampires think they're funny. But they're
not."
"You little twerp, I'm gonna snap you neck like a
twig!"
"And none to original, at that."
"Get over here!"
"Oh boy, time for some evasive action, Xander,"
*Whack, thunk, shriek*
"Hey, watch it!"
*Bap, thud*
"Hey, cut it out, this is expensive..."
"Xander!"
"You're going to break i--"
The End
title: Is This Thing On?
author: Casix Thistlebane
Disclaimer: BtVS, its concepts and characters, Blair
Witch, and Dawson's Creek don't belong to me. and I'm
not sure I want the latter two.
summary: yet another sound check. read it to find
out what's up in this one.
Is This Thing On?
by Casix Thistlebane
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
*bleep*
*bleep*
*bleep*
*bleep*
"Testing, testing... Hey Willow, say something for
us!"
"Xander, what are you doing?"
"Eventually, making money. I hope."
"Where'd you get that thing?"
"You remember my Uncle Rory? The one with the car
that I rented?"
"He let you rent that car because he had too many
DWIs. They don't hand out those for video cameras."
"Yeah, but its really easy to convince someone that
they do when they're drunk. Now come on, tell us what
you're doing!"
"Um, okay, I'm working on a spell. And its very
complicated. And I need to CONCENTRATE."
"That's all right Willow, just pretend the camera and
I aren't even here."
"Right."
*rustle, rustle*
"Oookay, now do something interesting."
"Xannnderrrrr,"
"Alright, alright, I know when I'm not wanted. Is
Buffy on patrol?"
"No, she's over at Giles'."
"Right then. I'm off. Have fun."
"Bye Xan--"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
*bleep*
*bleep*
*bleep*
*bleep*
"--gure out how to get it to just turn on without the
number thingies.... Oh, there it goes. Okay,
everyone, this is Rupert Giles, Watcher extraordinare.
Well, he used to be anyway. He used to work for
these weird council guys who did all sorts of bad
things to Buffy, that'd be the Slayer. But Giles
didn't agree, so they fired him. But he didn't mind
too much. Right Giles?"
"What on Earth--would you kindly remove that thing
from my face?"
"Oops, sorry... zoom out..."
"Yes, eh, quite. What are you doing, anyway?"
"Ah. So glad you asked! Now would be the perfect
time on the video to explain it's purpose... Just
hold on a second..."
*rattle, rustle, clunk, grunt*
"Okay, hopefully I'm not pulling an Apology-Scene shot
here, but anyway.... Hi! I'm Alexander Harris, and
I'm going to be your host for the next...er... however
long this video ends up being as I take you on an
exciting trip through the world of the Vampire
Slayer!.... That doesn't sound too trite, does it?"
"Oh no, not at all."
"Ooo, a rare treat for you folks, Giles is being
sarcastic!"
"Why, precisely, did you decide to take it upon
yourself to make a... er... documentary about us?"
"Indie films, Giles! They're the newest vogue of
movies! No one cares about the big box office
thrillers this season! They want the artsy stuff.
And that means low budget. And this is about as low
budget as they get, while still being exciting!"
"Without traveling to Burketsville, Maryland, you
mean?"
"You wound me Giles! I have more imagination than
that! Anyway, where's Buffy? I wanna catch the
slayer in action!"
"If you must know, I sent her out a few moments before
you arrived. There's a very strange demon running
amuck out there, and she has gone to... well..."
"Slaying! Gotcha! I'll be off to find her then!"
"Xander, do you really think that's wise? Xander--"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"--is button?"
"No, this button right here! Wait, maybe it was that
button. Is the light flashing?"
"If I say no, can we go back to your place and have
sex again?"
"Anya, stay on task!"
"Fine, yes, the light is blinking."
"Good! Welcome back again! So far tonight we've met
Willow Rosenberg, our resident witch, and Rupert
Giles, the ex-watcher-know-it-all kinda guy. But now
for the really exciting part of the film: the Slayer
herself, Buffy Summers."
"Anya, don't point that thing at me."
"Anya, point that thing at Buffy. We gotta get this
on tape."
"Anya..."
"Nice things, Anya! A new skirt!"
"But my hair--"
"--essed the wrong button!"
"I thought that was the zoom!"
"Let me use that thing....."
*rattle, clunk*
"Okay, sorry for that brief interruption there, but
we're back, with the illustrious Buffy Summers, the
Vampire Slayer."
"You're not really going to try and sell this, are you
Xander?"
"Why not?"
"Well, for one thing, the world could do without
another rip off of the Blair Witch Project."
"PLEASE! This is SO above that!"
"Oh, come off it, Xander, even Dawson's Creek did a
Blair Witch ep!"
"This ISN'T a Blair Witch takeoff!"
"Did you knwo their making sequels to that movie?"
"You see? I would NEVER sink that low!"
"Fine! But my identity is supposed to be a secret!
That's the whole point of a 'secret identity', that
you don't go making a documentary about it!"
"Right, like your identity is all that secret..."
"Anya, shut up."
"Really, Buffy, just because you're mom didn't figure
it out for years..."
"ANYA,"
"And besides who would believe this thing anyway?"
"AN--no, wait, that was part of my point. What she
said, Buffy."
"Xander, I really don't think--"
*clomp, clomp*
"--Get out of here!"
"Oo! Vampires! This would work great in the
documentary!"
"Xander, get out of here!"
"You heard the Slayer, Xander, let's go!"
"But this is the chance of the lifetime."
"Gee, it's too bad you'll have to pay for it with your
life then!"
"See folks, vampires think they're funny. But they're
not."
"You little twerp, I'm gonna snap you neck like a
twig!"
"And none to original, at that."
"Get over here!"
"Oh boy, time for some evasive action, Xander,"
*Whack, thunk, shriek*
"Hey, watch it!"
*Bap, thud*
"Hey, cut it out, this is expensive..."
"Xander!"
"You're going to break i--"
The End