Title: Hanging On the Moment, Part One
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon.
Author's Notes: This is a Taito fic with Sorato content. Feedback is very much appreciated. In the story, I'm hinting at a western style wedding and the events that go along with it, so I'm sorry about that but it's what I'm familiar with.
Tai's POV
I don't know what to do with myself, anymore. I've lost everything that I have always wanted. My dreams have turned to dust.
Maybe I didn't fight hard enough?
No, I can't get into that now. If there were anything that could have been done, then I definitely would have done it. Anything, for him, I would go to the edges of the world and into the depths of hell.
I don't have enough time to think about it now, for their wedding reception begins in a two hours. My neighbours are going to wonder why I have spent so much time out side my apartment door.
I frown, looking down at the small ring of keys in my hand. After a few minutes of careful deliberation, I finally select the worn out silver looking key. It's funny how something so simple as opening my apartment door has become the greatest feat in the world.
Finally, after a few moments of struggle, my apartment door opens, and I walk in. My first impulse is to go into the bedroom and sleep for a really long time. Maybe, when, I wake up, this terrible nightmare will be over.
Instead, I head towards the bathroom so that I can freshen up before Mimi comes back to pick me up. Mimi is the only other person who understands what I'm going through because she found out about us. She's been such a good friend.
I bring my hand to my mouth as I have failed in my attempt to find the perfect water temperature. It's always too hot or too cold, never in between. This time it is too hot, so I just make it cold. I always take it to the extremes.
The water feels good on my face, it is so refreshing, but it still doesn't change anything. I frown, looking up into the mirror.
It reveals a handsome young man dressed in a very expensive black suit. My brown hair is as wild as ever. It's become a trademark, of sorts for me. It's my eyes that catch my attention, however, they seem to be full of life like anything is possible. They're slightly puffy because of the late night last night, but the tears that I have kept hidden for two years may be responsible for them.
Nevertheless, that is the outside, though. Inside, I'm dead, like a vast wasteland. I've always been good at hiding my feelings from the world. Hell, I tricked everyone into believing that I am a dumb. I could pull anything off, but he knew.
The very thought of him hurts, right now. God, I wish I could just touch him one last time, but he is not mine to touch anymore.
Today, he married Sora. My Yama, married Sora. I was his best man, naturally.
The wedding was perfect, and went on without even the slightest problem. Sora, looked beautiful in her long white flowing gown, it was simple but elegant. She was glowing because she has loved Yamato forever, and it ensured that he would be hers forever.
But, he was mine once. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. There was a moment in time when Taichi loved Yamato, and Yamato loved Taichi, but then he left for some reason. I don't know he never told me, and I never really asked because I didn't want to know. We remained friends, for appearance's sake, although we drifted apart considerably.
I walk out into the living room, and the papers on the table immediately catch my attention. I've been putting them off for a while, but before I move to pick them up my attention is diverted to the pictures on the wall.
In my state of mind, these pictures are the most attractive things in the world next to him. They take me back to a time when we were innocent free from the pressures of the modern world.
At twenty-two, I feel so old, for I've already seen so much. Although the Digi World aged us all dramatically, it was not until we returned back to the real world that things became hard. In the Digital World, right and wrong existed and we always felt that there was some form of justice while back here in this world the line between right and wrong is so skewed that makes justice almost impossible.
The picture that always grabs my attention is a picture of the original
Digi-destined. I focus in on Yamato, who has a look of gorgeous delight written all over his face, and I can feel my heart clench because I know why he wears that expression. Tears sting my eyes as I focus in on Yamato's left hand, which is balled into to a fist, a small piece of paper pokes out. A note.
My note. The memories come back to me in a rush, and I can see that day perfectly.
*FLASHBACK*
We were all doing different things. I was totally into soccer. Yama got really involved with his music. Sora, I think, was still playing tennis. Jyou and Koushiro were both intensely focused on school related stuff. Mimi, of course was in America. Takeru and Hikari were both growing up and they unconsciously began to separate themselves from the group.
None of us wanted it. We had been through too much together, to just separate and go are own ways as the world demanded.
We were spending the week at a cabin owned by Jyou's parents as a sort of reunion. Even though, we were all together, we were all doing different things.
Sora and I would jog in the morning and through out the day we would do various exercise to keep in shape. Jyou and Koushiro almost always remained inside the cabin, doing God knows what. Yamato would sit on the porch most of the day simply playing his guitar. Mimi would sit out there with him and listen to him while doing her nails or something like that. Hikari and Takeru would go on long walks together.
Strangely, I was having fun. It was nice just to be with everyone else even if we barely spent anytime together.
One night, I couldn't sleep, so I just went to go get something to eat. The porch light was on and I heard the one of the sweetest melodies in the world coming from the porch.
Yamato. That was my first thought, so I decided to go check and see if it was he. It was, of course. He looked a little surprised, but he flashed me that beautiful smile that he only saved for a few.
"Hey, Man." I say casually sitting down in the chair beside him.
"Hey." He mumbled looking over to me. For a second, he eyes met mine and there was something in their depths that I could not identify. His eyes were icier than they had been in the past, but there was a sweet vulnerability begging to be taken advantage of.
"It's been awhile." I say off-handedly ruining the intensity of the moment.
"Yeah..." His voice trails off.
There was a companionable silence, then. Unfortunately, I'm terrible at dealing with silences because they make me feel completely uncomfortable. There were so many things I wanted to say to my old friend, but didn't.
Finally, I couldn't resist it anymore, so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"I miss you."
Yamato looked at me with some shock in his eyes. He had been clearly enjoying the silence, and I thought he was mad for a second but his facial expression indicated otherwise.
He appeared thoughtful and then finally said, "I've missed you too, Tai."
There was something in his tone that changed my life. There was something so satisfying about Yamato missing me. Suddenly, I was looking at my best friend in a completely new light. A thousand thoughts crossed my mind, not one of them pure.
I began to look at him for real, not just those superficial glances that had always prevented me from seeing truth. The thing that struck me though was his absolute beauty.
How could it not? He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Why hadn't I noticed this before? I had a strong sense that my life had been building up to this point. The point when I finally SAW Yamato.
*END FLASHBACK*
I don't know why I couldn't sleep that night, but Yamato always said it was fate. I don't know why but, looking back on, that week, I see it more as just a chain of what-ifs.
What if the porch light hadn't been on?
What if I hadn't heard the sweet music coming from the porch?
What if I hadn't gone out to see him?
What if he hadn't smiled at me like that?
What if I hadn't sat down beside him?
What if I hadn't figured out that I loved him?
I could have saved myself a lot of pain. I wouldn't be standing alone in this cold apartment reliving the past, but I don't want that. I would never give up my time with Yamato for anything.
I look outside only to be greeted by the site of rain beating at the window. Isn't rain supposed to be a sign of good luck on a wedding day? I hope not.
I still can't believe he married here especially after what we shared. I thought we were going to last forever, but I think I'm just in shock now.
Again, my eyes stray back to the picture, but the documents on the table compete for my attention.
The picture wins, again, but barely. It's almost like I'm trying to let go. No, I can't! He's everything to me, my universe.
*FLASHBACK*
Just as I was about to say something to him, he announced that he was retiring to his bedroom. Of all the times to go to bed, he chooses to do it just as I was preparing to profess my undying love. Figures.
"My God! He is beautiful," I said to nobody in particular after he left me.
I wanted him so much. I would have to do something about that.
Everyone was up when I returned from my morning job. It was at breakfast when Sora announced that we needed a group picture.
"What's the point?" Yamato challenged her.
Sora blushed. In retrospect, it was at that time I unconsciously became aware of Sora's crush on Yamato.
However, Mimi thought the picture was a good idea, so Yamato just shrugged it off. That's when I got the idea. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I did it.
As we arranged ourselves for the picture outside, I quickly slipped a note into Yamato's slender hand. I wasn't nervous although I had just taken the largest risk of my life. I knew that it would somehow work out.
"Five." Sora and Mimi began the count down.
"Four."
"Three" I noticed him gripping the note in his hand. The look on his was almost comical. He was amused!
"Two" He glanced at me with a quick sideways glance.
"One" What if he thinks this is a joke? Oh God.
"Cheese!" Six members of the original Digi-destined yell out.
*END FLASHBACK*
It turned out that Yamato felt the same way I did. He said that he had loved me for a longtime. I just smiled. I was so happy.
Now, here I am, alone. Without my Yama, who now belongs to someone else.
I'm pathetic.
My heart seems to break every time I think about it. It's a painful feeling seeing the one you love with someone else. It hurts so much. I wish I could just end it.
I need change.
The papers, they hold my salvation, quickly picking up the multi-page document, I read through it making sure that the terms are as we agreed. Grabbing a pen, I sign the document.
My future is sealed. My future...without Yama.
Oh shit, I'm crying. We were so happy together!
There's a knock on the door. Mimi's here to pick me up for the reception, but I don't want to go. Nevertheless, it would look really bad if the best man didn't show up.
Stuffing the document in my breast pocket, I walk gingerly to the door, wiping the tears from my eyes. I have a reception to attend.
TBC
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon.
Author's Notes: This is a Taito fic with Sorato content. Feedback is very much appreciated. In the story, I'm hinting at a western style wedding and the events that go along with it, so I'm sorry about that but it's what I'm familiar with.
Tai's POV
I don't know what to do with myself, anymore. I've lost everything that I have always wanted. My dreams have turned to dust.
Maybe I didn't fight hard enough?
No, I can't get into that now. If there were anything that could have been done, then I definitely would have done it. Anything, for him, I would go to the edges of the world and into the depths of hell.
I don't have enough time to think about it now, for their wedding reception begins in a two hours. My neighbours are going to wonder why I have spent so much time out side my apartment door.
I frown, looking down at the small ring of keys in my hand. After a few minutes of careful deliberation, I finally select the worn out silver looking key. It's funny how something so simple as opening my apartment door has become the greatest feat in the world.
Finally, after a few moments of struggle, my apartment door opens, and I walk in. My first impulse is to go into the bedroom and sleep for a really long time. Maybe, when, I wake up, this terrible nightmare will be over.
Instead, I head towards the bathroom so that I can freshen up before Mimi comes back to pick me up. Mimi is the only other person who understands what I'm going through because she found out about us. She's been such a good friend.
I bring my hand to my mouth as I have failed in my attempt to find the perfect water temperature. It's always too hot or too cold, never in between. This time it is too hot, so I just make it cold. I always take it to the extremes.
The water feels good on my face, it is so refreshing, but it still doesn't change anything. I frown, looking up into the mirror.
It reveals a handsome young man dressed in a very expensive black suit. My brown hair is as wild as ever. It's become a trademark, of sorts for me. It's my eyes that catch my attention, however, they seem to be full of life like anything is possible. They're slightly puffy because of the late night last night, but the tears that I have kept hidden for two years may be responsible for them.
Nevertheless, that is the outside, though. Inside, I'm dead, like a vast wasteland. I've always been good at hiding my feelings from the world. Hell, I tricked everyone into believing that I am a dumb. I could pull anything off, but he knew.
The very thought of him hurts, right now. God, I wish I could just touch him one last time, but he is not mine to touch anymore.
Today, he married Sora. My Yama, married Sora. I was his best man, naturally.
The wedding was perfect, and went on without even the slightest problem. Sora, looked beautiful in her long white flowing gown, it was simple but elegant. She was glowing because she has loved Yamato forever, and it ensured that he would be hers forever.
But, he was mine once. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. There was a moment in time when Taichi loved Yamato, and Yamato loved Taichi, but then he left for some reason. I don't know he never told me, and I never really asked because I didn't want to know. We remained friends, for appearance's sake, although we drifted apart considerably.
I walk out into the living room, and the papers on the table immediately catch my attention. I've been putting them off for a while, but before I move to pick them up my attention is diverted to the pictures on the wall.
In my state of mind, these pictures are the most attractive things in the world next to him. They take me back to a time when we were innocent free from the pressures of the modern world.
At twenty-two, I feel so old, for I've already seen so much. Although the Digi World aged us all dramatically, it was not until we returned back to the real world that things became hard. In the Digital World, right and wrong existed and we always felt that there was some form of justice while back here in this world the line between right and wrong is so skewed that makes justice almost impossible.
The picture that always grabs my attention is a picture of the original
Digi-destined. I focus in on Yamato, who has a look of gorgeous delight written all over his face, and I can feel my heart clench because I know why he wears that expression. Tears sting my eyes as I focus in on Yamato's left hand, which is balled into to a fist, a small piece of paper pokes out. A note.
My note. The memories come back to me in a rush, and I can see that day perfectly.
*FLASHBACK*
We were all doing different things. I was totally into soccer. Yama got really involved with his music. Sora, I think, was still playing tennis. Jyou and Koushiro were both intensely focused on school related stuff. Mimi, of course was in America. Takeru and Hikari were both growing up and they unconsciously began to separate themselves from the group.
None of us wanted it. We had been through too much together, to just separate and go are own ways as the world demanded.
We were spending the week at a cabin owned by Jyou's parents as a sort of reunion. Even though, we were all together, we were all doing different things.
Sora and I would jog in the morning and through out the day we would do various exercise to keep in shape. Jyou and Koushiro almost always remained inside the cabin, doing God knows what. Yamato would sit on the porch most of the day simply playing his guitar. Mimi would sit out there with him and listen to him while doing her nails or something like that. Hikari and Takeru would go on long walks together.
Strangely, I was having fun. It was nice just to be with everyone else even if we barely spent anytime together.
One night, I couldn't sleep, so I just went to go get something to eat. The porch light was on and I heard the one of the sweetest melodies in the world coming from the porch.
Yamato. That was my first thought, so I decided to go check and see if it was he. It was, of course. He looked a little surprised, but he flashed me that beautiful smile that he only saved for a few.
"Hey, Man." I say casually sitting down in the chair beside him.
"Hey." He mumbled looking over to me. For a second, he eyes met mine and there was something in their depths that I could not identify. His eyes were icier than they had been in the past, but there was a sweet vulnerability begging to be taken advantage of.
"It's been awhile." I say off-handedly ruining the intensity of the moment.
"Yeah..." His voice trails off.
There was a companionable silence, then. Unfortunately, I'm terrible at dealing with silences because they make me feel completely uncomfortable. There were so many things I wanted to say to my old friend, but didn't.
Finally, I couldn't resist it anymore, so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"I miss you."
Yamato looked at me with some shock in his eyes. He had been clearly enjoying the silence, and I thought he was mad for a second but his facial expression indicated otherwise.
He appeared thoughtful and then finally said, "I've missed you too, Tai."
There was something in his tone that changed my life. There was something so satisfying about Yamato missing me. Suddenly, I was looking at my best friend in a completely new light. A thousand thoughts crossed my mind, not one of them pure.
I began to look at him for real, not just those superficial glances that had always prevented me from seeing truth. The thing that struck me though was his absolute beauty.
How could it not? He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Why hadn't I noticed this before? I had a strong sense that my life had been building up to this point. The point when I finally SAW Yamato.
*END FLASHBACK*
I don't know why I couldn't sleep that night, but Yamato always said it was fate. I don't know why but, looking back on, that week, I see it more as just a chain of what-ifs.
What if the porch light hadn't been on?
What if I hadn't heard the sweet music coming from the porch?
What if I hadn't gone out to see him?
What if he hadn't smiled at me like that?
What if I hadn't sat down beside him?
What if I hadn't figured out that I loved him?
I could have saved myself a lot of pain. I wouldn't be standing alone in this cold apartment reliving the past, but I don't want that. I would never give up my time with Yamato for anything.
I look outside only to be greeted by the site of rain beating at the window. Isn't rain supposed to be a sign of good luck on a wedding day? I hope not.
I still can't believe he married here especially after what we shared. I thought we were going to last forever, but I think I'm just in shock now.
Again, my eyes stray back to the picture, but the documents on the table compete for my attention.
The picture wins, again, but barely. It's almost like I'm trying to let go. No, I can't! He's everything to me, my universe.
*FLASHBACK*
Just as I was about to say something to him, he announced that he was retiring to his bedroom. Of all the times to go to bed, he chooses to do it just as I was preparing to profess my undying love. Figures.
"My God! He is beautiful," I said to nobody in particular after he left me.
I wanted him so much. I would have to do something about that.
Everyone was up when I returned from my morning job. It was at breakfast when Sora announced that we needed a group picture.
"What's the point?" Yamato challenged her.
Sora blushed. In retrospect, it was at that time I unconsciously became aware of Sora's crush on Yamato.
However, Mimi thought the picture was a good idea, so Yamato just shrugged it off. That's when I got the idea. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I did it.
As we arranged ourselves for the picture outside, I quickly slipped a note into Yamato's slender hand. I wasn't nervous although I had just taken the largest risk of my life. I knew that it would somehow work out.
"Five." Sora and Mimi began the count down.
"Four."
"Three" I noticed him gripping the note in his hand. The look on his was almost comical. He was amused!
"Two" He glanced at me with a quick sideways glance.
"One" What if he thinks this is a joke? Oh God.
"Cheese!" Six members of the original Digi-destined yell out.
*END FLASHBACK*
It turned out that Yamato felt the same way I did. He said that he had loved me for a longtime. I just smiled. I was so happy.
Now, here I am, alone. Without my Yama, who now belongs to someone else.
I'm pathetic.
My heart seems to break every time I think about it. It's a painful feeling seeing the one you love with someone else. It hurts so much. I wish I could just end it.
I need change.
The papers, they hold my salvation, quickly picking up the multi-page document, I read through it making sure that the terms are as we agreed. Grabbing a pen, I sign the document.
My future is sealed. My future...without Yama.
Oh shit, I'm crying. We were so happy together!
There's a knock on the door. Mimi's here to pick me up for the reception, but I don't want to go. Nevertheless, it would look really bad if the best man didn't show up.
Stuffing the document in my breast pocket, I walk gingerly to the door, wiping the tears from my eyes. I have a reception to attend.
TBC