Chapter Two: A Place to Stay
Ari had a difficult time escaping church the next morning, especially because deep down she really wanted to go. Jarod had been the one to convince Mama Moses to let her stay away. Jarod had also been the one to prevent Ari from going back to sleep. "You're wasting time," he had said. "You can't be sure you'll escape if you sleep. Dreams have a way of finding you. If you want a solution, you have to look for it."
Ari rolled her eyes but assented, following Jarod through the bright streets again until they came to a park.
"Why are we here?" she asked.
"I thought you'd like to go on a hike," Jarod said, handing her a trail map.
"Oh, goody."
"Well, it's what you were going to be doing anyway."
Ari crossed her arms and started down the trail. Jarod followed, eyes scanning the treetops as an awkward silence settled.
"You know there are treatments for depression," Jarod said.
Ari pursed her lips. "I know," she said finally, "but I'm not depressed."
"You feel alienated, trapped around people. But you're confused because you also feel lonely. There's a need to escape, and a need to relate. But the need to escape wins out."
Ari dared to glance up at Jarod. He looked genuinely concerned. Eyes glistening, she looked down quickly. "I don't need anybody," she whispered.
"It's easy to deny the truth, when the truth hurts."
"Hurts?" Ari repeated. "I know nothing of pain." Her eyes darted, and she shook her head slightly.
"What is it?"
"Nothing. I thought I saw something. A . . . bear . . . or something."
"Ari, you can't continue to shut yourself away from the world."
This time she stopped and looked directly at him. "Can't I? Haven't I? Or maybe the question I should be asking is, 'How can I not?'"
"What do you think?"
Ari pursed her lips and strode ahead.
Jarod jogged slightly to catch up. "You can speak what's on your mind. That's one way you can start to reconnect with the living."
Ari laughed bitterly. "Re-connect? I've never lived anywhere but in a fantasy. I'm afraid I wouldn't fit in."
"Then tell me about where you do fit in."
Ari almost choked as she blurted, "You mean hell?"
Jarod's "no" was so emphatic it startled Ari into really believing what he said. "I was taken from my parents at an early age, forced to work in a Centre that exploited me for their own evil intentions. I never lived in the 'real world' until just a few years ago. But that didn't mean that I could never learn to function in it. It's not about fitting in -- it's about being yourself. When I asked you where you fit in, I really wanted to know where, if only in your own mind, you're not ashamed of who you are."
"When I was little," Ari began, "I called it 'fairyland'. It took me forever, till I was about fifteen, to figure out it wasn't real. I thought I found something to live for after that. I mean, I've been a Christian almost all my life, but that's when I really got into it, for a couple of months. Then I got distracted. Books and TV and stuff like that. I started talking to the characters in my mind . . . for company. Finally I realized that none of it was making me happy. So I went back to God for awhile. Best time of my life. Too bad it was so short."
"You got 'distracted' again?"
Ari nodded. "The cycle repeated itself several more times before I figured out that it just wasn't working. I mean, I know the meaning of life, but . . . I'm so unequal to the task. I've failed."
"What is the meaning of life?"
"Why, the love of God for man, and that should also be vice versa."
Jarod frowned slightly, thinking. "Do you . . . love God?"
Sighing, Ari answered, "If love is shown by actions, then I can't say yes."
"Don't you think it's what's in your heart that matters?" Jarod asked softly.
Ari cut off the sting in her eyes with a smirk. "How quaint." She picked up her pace to ward off conversation for the rest of the hike.
It turned out Jarod worked at the local candy store, a rustic little place selling such delicacies as homemade taffy and peanut brittle. He headed off to work that afternoon, leaving Ari with Mama Moses, who promptly sat Ari down to yet another serious talk.
"How old are you, hon?" Mama Moses squinted at Ari with wizened, sky-blue eyes.
"Nineteen."
"So you're of age to be running away, do you think?"
Ari realized that had she been just two years younger, Mama Moses could have called the police to take her back home. She shuddered at the thought, then shrugged, avoiding the question.
Mama Moses' expression softened. "Don't worry. I'm not going to throw you out into the streets. I don't have the heart for that."
"Thank you," Ari mumbled self-consciously.
"But you need to at least look for a job, if you're not going to be headin' back home."
Ari nodded slowly. "Don't really know where to start, but . . ." she shrugged. "There's always McDonald's."
"Jarod is looking into hiring some extra help. Told me this morning. That is, if candymaking's your thing." Mama Moses raised her eyebrows expectantly.
Ari shrugged a second time.
"I learn quickly."