Chapter 2 - Shinji belongs to me!
Written by Alain Gravel
Story based on characters created by and copyright to GAINAX
http://www.geocities.com/rakna01/
Started on February 19th 1999
First pre-reader draft finished on February 24th 1999
Second pre-reader draft finished on March 8th 1999
Final draft finished on March 22nd 1999, revised on April 25th 1999
Final revisions on March 6th 2000
(*) Click to reach the translations notes
(number) Click to reach the author's notes on a specific subject
It was past 18:00 when Misato got back from NERV Headquarters. When she entered the apartment, I had her meal ready and finished all necessary preparations for her improvised party. While Misato would have called it a feat, I didn't deserve that much credit. Her parties were quite straightforward and easy to prepare. All that was needed was beer, sake, chips and other snacks, sodas for the younger participants like myself, and more beer. The hardest task was to clean up the apartment. Fortunately, I was on cleaning duty on Saturdays and Sundays so there wasn't much to do, unlike on Thursdays since Misato "cleaned" on Wednesdays. How that woman could be so messy was beyond me.
Quite frankly, I was glad when Misato showed up. Asuka had decided to come out of hiding when she recognized the aroma of cooking and since then, we had shared an awkward silence. At times, she appeared as though she wanted to say something, but the words kept getting lost between her brain and mouth. I couldn't blame her, for I felt the same way.
So we just started to eat in silence and tried not to stare at each other. Because if we did, we just ended up looking away, hoping the other didn't notice the blush on our cheeks.
With Misato back, things returned to the way they used to be. We talked about nothing and everything. Asuka even managed some pretty convincing lie about how school had been so boring and how Misato had screwed up her day. I felt the unspoken target of those words, and they hurt. I think Asuka must have noticed it, because she gave me an apologetic look. I know Misato had been aware of the silent exchange between Asuka and me, but she chose not to mention it. I was really thankful for that. The three of us having suddenly nothing else to say, we just kept silent. Asuka finally decided to leave and keep Pen-Pen company in front of the TV.
"Anything you want to tell me, Shinji-kun?"
Sometimes, I would surprise myself in thinking that Misato was probably the closest person I had to a mother. This was one of those rare moments. She was giving me a genuine concerned, caring look. I almost told her what was on my mind. Almost.
"Maybe later Misato-san".
I stood up and joined Asuka. I didn't feel comfortable in her company, but at the moment, it was safer than having to confront Misato.
Touji and Kensuke arrived early. Probably to have
more time to drool over Misato, although Touji was more serious than usual.
I guess he was a bit worried about me. I considered myself lucky. Touji
was a nice guy and a greater friend. Probably the first true friend I ever
had, along with Kensuke. I owed them a lot, so I tried extra hard to look
cheerful. They didn't have to worry about my problems.
Hikari followed shortly after. She said "Hi" to
everyone, then literally dragged Asuka into her room. From what I could
guess, Hikari seemed intent on having a discussion with Asuka similar as
the one she had at school with me. While I appreciated Hikari's intentions,
I felt sorry for Asuka; Hikari could be so bossy at times.
"Don't worry Touji, one day you'll be the one she'll
drag into a bedroom." teased Kensuke.
Touji blushed and tried to convince us he didn't
care whether or not he'd share time alone with the Class Rep. Misato and
Kensuke cracked up in laughter, followed by me. Needless to say we didn't
believe him one bit.
Since the adults had yet to show up and Hikari was
out of sight, Misato decided to keep teasing Touji, harassing him with
embarrassing questions about him and his "girlfriend" while offering him
a good look at her ample and lightly covered bosom. Kensuke and I just
kept laughing at poor Touji, until Misato decided we should be her next
target. But the sudden arrival of Maya and Ritsuko saved us, while exposing
Misato in a compromising position that would have aroused most men.
"Now hitting on kids. How shameless of you..."
It was Misato's turn now to be teased by the good
Dr. Akagi. But one thing I have to hand to Misato is her ability to turn
any disadvantage into an advantage.
"A girl can't pass all her nights alone. And you
shouldn't underestimate these boys. They may look young, but they have
anything a real man needs... and a woman."
"Misato!"
Ritsuko fumed, while Maya's face went red. The NERV
computer operator seemed quite easily embarrassed.
"But why use those poor kids to satisfy your urges
when a man, like me, is available for the job".
Misato went white. It seemed nobody had noticed
Kaji at the doorstep.
I don't know if the girls had been listening to
our conversations, but Asuka chose that moment to burst out of her room
and throw herself into Kaji's open arms, meant for Misato, of course.
It wasn't the first time I had seen Asuka act like
this. I knew of her infatuation with Kaji. But for the first time ever,
I was overwhelmed by a very strong emotion I had never really felt before.
Jealousy. I barely registered the fact that Misato had the same look that
probably showed on my face. Hikari and Touji had probably noticed. I'm
not sure, but I think they asked me if they could see Pen-Pen's fridge.
I didn't pay attention. I guess that's what they said, because that was
where they took me.
Once I had calmed down and managed rational thoughts,
I tried to think about what had just happened. I had felt jealous. And
had not managed to actually hide that fact. Did that mean I really cared
about Asuka? More then I cared about an ordinary friend?. What was Asuka
to me?
"You okay, Shinji?"
"I'm not sure. I guess so. Thanks, Touji."
"Any time, pal."
Soon, Hyuga and Aoba arrived, so everyone gathered
in the living room. Misato chose that time to ask for a beer. Since she
obviously lacked any social skills, I asked everybody else if they wanted
a drink. Everyone happily said "yes". I was about to get them the beverages
when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to reveal Rei. Right on time,
20:00. I wasn't surprised.
"Hi Rei."
"Hello... Ikari-kun."
That was strange. She seemed uneasy. But then again,
she had already behaved unusually today.
"Come in!"
For an instant, she seemed about to say something,
but she simply nodded and stepped in. I took her to the living room where
I asked her to sit next to Touji, whom I looked in the eyes. He nodded,
understanding I wanted him to look after Rei, and see if he could manage
to calm inevitable hostilities between her and Asuka. Hikari seemed to
understand as well, for she doubled her effort to draw away Asuka's attention.
I returned to my duties in the kitchen and quickly
came back with four beers and two glasses of white wine requested by Maya
and her Sempai. I looked at my friends. Good. No property damage yet.
Back in the kitchen, I was suddenly faced with a
dilemma. I had forgotten to ask Rei if she wanted anything, and I didn't
really want to ask the question just under Asuka's nose. She could very
well overreact. Again.
Finally deciding to bring something for Rei, I then
had to guess what she would like to drink. Somehow, I doubted she'd be
interested in some soda. I didn't think she would be interested in some
sugared drink. Water? Too simple. Coffee? No, definitively a bad idea.
I didn't think she would like coffee; and I didn't need a caffeine boosted
Rei, although I did wonder whether it could actually have any effect on
her. Better not to know. I finally settled my choice on a simple cup of
tea. It would take some time to prepare, which was fine by me. I could
be away from the party a bit longer.
When I finally came back, I was shocked by what
I saw. Rei was actually discussing with Kensuke. More then that, she was
talking and Kensuke, along with the others, was listening. I gave everyone
their drinks and realized that Rei was relating our first mission together,
the battle against the Fifth Angel. While Rei still had her subdued tone
of voice, I could definitely pick up a faint trace of excitement.
"How cool, Rei!" exclaimed Kensuke once Rei had
finished her story.
I wasn't surprised by Kensuke's comment. He'd just
go wild with anything related to the EVAs and the battles against the Angels.
After every fight, he would ask me questions and every time I would tell
him I didn't want to talk about it. I hated fighting the Angels. The last
thing I wanted was to be reminded of those fights. But I realized... I
didn't mind hearing Rei recounting those stories.
"Humf! I don't see how that was so cool? Shinji
killed it, not her!"
Why wasn't I surprised to hear those words from
Asuka?
"Not cool?! She was great! Using her own EVA to
protect Shinji's at the risk of her life! Only heroes do that! If you ask
me, it was way better then being used as overgrown fish bait!"
I shook my head. That was a very stupid thing to say.
"DIE!"
Realizing his blunder, Kensuke ran, followed by
an angry Asuka.
I took that opportunity to offer Rei her cup of
tea. She look surprised and blushed a bit, but accepted the tea. Then the
chase between Asuka and Kensuke caught her attention.
Since the apartment offered little place to run
and even less to hide, Asuka soon caught him and tried to ram her fist
through his skull. Kensuke would have probably lost consciousness without
Kaji's intervention, which consisted of asking Asuka about the eighth Angel
mission, her first, and only, solo success. Asuka quickly lost interest
in Kensuke, jumping on a chance to try to impress Kaji. I knew she would
of course avoid mentioning how I was forced to jump into the volcano in
the nick of time to save her. But I didn't mind. Unlike her, I wasn't interested
in being a glorious EVA pilot.
After Touji dragged Kensuke back in our little group,
Shigeru took his guitar and started playing his best compositions. I was
impressed, he was very good! I could feel the emotions he tried to express
through his music. They were almost melancholic.
Then, he played a song I quickly recognized. I believe
it was called "Fly me to the moon". It was rather popular. I could almost
hear the words... No. I did hear the words. Very softly, almost whispered.
I stared at Rei, a look of disbelief on my face. Her red eyes met mine.
Her voice gained some intensity, as if the words were destined for me.
"...Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true!
In other words, I love you!..."
"Wow, you're good, Rei." said Hikari, visibly impressed.
"Good? That's nothing! I'll show you good! In fact,
I'll show you what a great voice is!"
True to her words, Asuka herself started to sing,
obviously trying to cover Rei's voice with her own. While Rei's voice had
a relaxing quality, Asuka's was pure and rich, full of energy. But both
were very beautiful.
"...Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what Spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand!
In other words, darling, kiss me..."
Then, the slightly drunken Misato came to life.
"That's the spirit Asuka! Let's do a karaoke! Shin-chan,
go get the karaoke machine!"
"We don't have a karaoke machine Misato-san..."
She gave me a disoriented look.
"We don't?"
I shook my head.
"Then get me another beer!"
When I came back from the fridge, Misato was now
singing, going on with her idea of an improvised karaoke.
I suddenly realized I was feeling good. So far,
things had gone right. Well almost. But no worries.
I actually started to enjoy this party...
After a few hours, Shigeru got tired of playing the
guitar, so Kaji decided to provide the background music. Soon, the little
apartment was filled with the sound of an old American song. I didn't knew
what most of the words meant, but I had to agree that the melody was nice.
With the exception of Kensuke, everyone was still
here.
I watched with interest what was happening before
my eyes.
Touji and Hikari stole glances at each other when
the other wasn't looking. But neither of them seemed to have the courage
to make a move. While Hikari's feelings for my friend were quite obvious
to everyone, except him, he on the other hand seemed to have mixed feelings
about her. Sometimes I couldn't quite tell what was on his mind.
Asuka was trying hard to get a dance from Kaji.
But Kaji's attention was only focused on the slightly drunken major, who
was also the object of the attention of a resigned Makoto.
Maya was intensely watching Dr. Akagi, while herself
being observed by Shigeru. This all went unnoticed by a Ritsuko completely
lost in thought.
Rei was watching everyone, probably with the same
interest as me, even if it didn't show on her face. Lately, I had learnt
not to trust anymore her emotionless look.
I yawned. It was getting late and this had been
quite a hectic day. I leaned against a wall and closed my eyes, letting
myself be relaxed by the music. I would probably have quickly fallen asleep
if I hadn't suddenly felt someone leaning against me. My eyes opened, but
I didn't dare move. While I was surprised, I guess I was relieved to see
it was Rei. She looked at me, then closed her eyes and leaned her head
against my shoulder. I was shocked! I wasn't sure how to react. Part of
me wanted to get up and run from her. But another part of me seemed to
be in control; another Shinji, who convinced me to relax and enjoy the
shared intimacy.
I looked at her again and was amazed by what I saw.
She wasn't smiling, but I couldn't see her usual expression either. She
looked peaceful, almost angelic. Seeing her like this washed away my remaining
fears. I closed my eyes again, and let myself be lost in the moment. I
felt... amazingly good. At peace, a kind of peace I had never felt before.
I felt like nothing bad could happen to me. I felt safe. The moment was
almost magical. But moments such as these were not meant to last. It started
with a giggle. Then the drunken Misato said a few words. But those had
a tremendous impact.
"Oooh... what... what a cute couple!"
"Oh my god!"
I think it was Ritsuko. I didn't know for sure,
I was still feeling a bit detached from reality.
"Way to go Shinji!"
"Suzuhara-kun!"
That was enough to snap me back to the real world.
I soon realized that nine pairs of eyes were directed toward Rei and me.
Misato, in her drunken state, was still giggling.
Kaji had a smile on his face.
Touji was in pain, his ear being grabbed by a fuming
Hikari.
Ritsuko was very pale, a look of disbelief on her
face.
Maya, Makoto and Shigeru were speechless.
Asuka was angry. Again.
I suddenly stood up, forgetting about Rei and almost
throwing her aside.
"It's not what you think!"
Quickly, I tried to think about something to say.
Something that would make sense. I thought about saying "sorry" but realized
how stupid it would sound.
Then, Rei, who was also back on her feet, grabbed
my arm with hers and gave everyone a sweet smile.
Ritsuko fainted.
Kaji's smile widened.
Misato choked on her beer.
Then, if it was possible, Asuka became even angrier.
She literally pushed away Kaji, whom she was still clinging on to, who
ended up colliding with Misato in a very embarrassing position, and threw
a punch at Rei. To everyone's surprise, Rei actually caught Asuka's fist
in her free hand.
I was quite impressed. I did not know Rei had such
quick reflexes. But then, I didn't know much about her, did I? She could
very well be a master in martial arts, although that was doubtful. But
since she had been at NERV for a long time, it was quite possible that
Father had imposed on her a degree of hand-to-hand training. Just to make
her a more efficient pilot. Or maybe she just had good natural reflexes.
Bodily harm not working, Asuka reverted to verbal
abuse.
"Du... du Hure! (*) Leave my Shinji alone!"
I wasn't sure what "hure" exactly meant, but I could
take a few good guesses.
Rei didn't react one bit. I somehow expected it.
"Ikari-kun is not yours."
There were no trace of anger in her soft voice.
This was bound to drive Asuka crazy.
"Yes he is! Shinji belongs to me!"
This discussion was so unreal. I must have been
dreaming. That was what I tried to tell myself. Just a dream. Just a damn
stupid dream.
"Ikari-kun doesn't belong to anyone. And if he did,
then he would belong to me. He owes me his life."
Dream or not, I immediately understood what she
meant. Our first mission together. The Fifth Angel. Rei had almost lost
her life protecting Unit-01 from the Angel's blast. I had always thought
she had done it for my father. For the mission. But now... Hearing her
mentioning this tonight. In those circumstances... I wondered...
"Back off!"
This time, Asuka pushed Rei with all her body weight.
It seemed to work, as Rei released her hold on my arm.
"I don't know what your little game is, Wonder Girl,
but forget about him! He's mine, mine!"
"This is not a game. And he will never be yours.
I will not allow it."
"What? Are you trying to say he's yours?"
"I was the first. I was the one who had his attention
before you came. But your influence will cease. You are only an outsider,
with no real purpose here. Your only goal is to be the best. To satisfy
your shattered ego. But soon Ikari-kun will be better than you. Then what
will you have to offer? What will be your worth?"
I couldn't help but to gasp at Rei's words. This
was probably true. But it was also very cruel. By the reaction on Asuka's
face, I could tell she was hurt. Badly.
"So you think you're better! Of us all you're the
worst pilot! What can a lifeless doll like you offer that I can't?"
"My life. My body. My soul."
Asuka's face froze. Obviously she didn't expect
such an answer. And I must admit, neither did I. Quite frankly, I was very
seriously pondering whether or not I was awake. This had to be a dream.
Or a nightmare. I wasn't quite sure which one.
"Your life? Are you saying you would die for him?"
"Yes."
"Are you stupid?"
"No. My life always had a unique purpose. But now
I have found a higher purpose. To protect Ikari-kun from harm. To make
him smile. To make him happy."
Everybody went silent, trying to understand what
Rei had just said. Me most of all. That was, after all, a LOT of words
coming from Rei. She clarified it for us.
"I am still unsure of what love is. But, I believe
I love Ikari-kun."
Asuka felt to her knees, as if she had been hit
by a fist. She raised her head. Her eyes were in tears. She gave me a pleading
look.
"Tell me Shinji... you said you liked me... tell
me you don't love her... tell me you love me!"
I kept silent. I didn't know what to say. I was
still very much in shock by what both of them had said.
"Don't tell me I'm losing to HER!"
I wanted to speak but found myself unable to do
so.
"Say anything! Say that you hate me! Say that you
love me! Say you don't care!"
I just... stared at her.
"Say something!"
It had came out as a strangled cry. She looked so
fragile. So vulnerable. Like a hurt animal. I wanted to take her in my
arm, comfort her, tell her what she wanted to hear...
But I didn't do anything.
Such a coward I was. I hated myself.
Seeing what she probably considered a refusal to
answer, Asuka stood up and stormed into her room.
"Fine! Have fun with your doll!"
She closed her door hard, then I could hear her
put on the lock she had recently convinced Misato to install, under the
pretence that perverts like me would try to peep on her.
I gave an apologetic look to the other people around
me. The party was over.
"I'm sorry."
Everyone seemed to understand.
Rei offered me an angelic smile.
After taking care of carrying Misato to her room,
I decided to escort Rei to her apartment. It was late and even with the
Secret Services watching over us, I didn't feel comfortable with the idea
of her walking home alone.
But the truth was... I was only looking for a reason
to leave the apartment.
To run away from the sobbing I could hear through
Asuka's door.
It was dark in the empty streets of Tokyo-3. Due
to the recent Angels attacks, parts of Tokyo-3 electric system tended to
suddenly crash. It seemed the lights on this part of the city had suffered
from one of those problems. And furthermore, the sky was filled with black
clouds, hiding the moon. It would probably rain soon. I would have liked
to push Rei to move faster, but I was reluctant to do so. Speeding up our
walk also meant returning sooner to the apartment... and Asuka's sobbing.
Besides, It actually felt good taking a night walk. A walk alone with Rei.
When I looked at her, I couldn't help but to stare.
Her pale skin stood out in the dim light, giving her an almost eerie look.
She looked like a china doll, beautiful yet fragile. No, actually this
was a bad description I realized, fascinated by the delicate lines of her
face. She was beyond beautiful.
She turned her head and our eyes locked. Her red
eyes almost seemed to shine, like dots of fire in the dark. A man could
get lost in those eyes.
"What's the matter Ikari-kun?"
As usual, her voice was calm and impenetrable, but
I could see the faintest trace of worry in her features.
"You... you're beautiful..." I whispered.
Her eyes went wide. Did I just say what I thought
I had said.
Yes, I did. I had meant it. And she had heard me.
I didn't know what came over me, but I felt the
need to repeat those words.
"You're very beautiful tonight, Ayanami."
The initial surprise past, her cheeks went red.
She turned her head away and looked at the ground, probably too embarrassed
to look at me. For a second, I wondered if I should have kept my mouth
shut.
But she looked at me again with that angelic smile
of hers.
"Thank you."
We gazed at each other for quite some time. Then
upon some unspoken accord, we went on our way.
My heart was racing. I couldn't believe what had
happened tonight. Rei had said she loved me. Now I was taking her home
and on the way, I had told her she was beautiful. My mind was almost on
overload.
Then, my heart sunk. When I though about what Rei
had said, I couldn't help thinking about the fight she just had with Asuka.
And how the German girl had been devastated by both Rei and I.
"You shouldn't have said that."
Rei stopped walking and looked at me.
"Said what?"
"You were really mean to Asuka tonight."
"I only spoke the truth."
That was true, I knew it. Yet... it just didn't
feel right.
"Some truths can hurt if a person is not ready to
hear them. I... well... just be more cautious about what you say. Asuka
can be dealt with without the need of crushing her."
"Very well."
Rei seemed about to resume her way to her home when
she looked at me again.
"Do you care for her?"
"I'm not sure", I admitted. "I think I do. I don't
have many friends. Her, Touji, Kensuke, Hikari at some extent. Misato-san.
And you. I don't want my friends to get hurt. Especially over silly me."
Rei seemed satisfied by this answer.
"You are not silly, Ikari-kun."
Then she turned and walked away. I quickly followed.
It had taken twenty minutes to, finally, reach her
apartment. But to me, it had seemed to have taken much longer. Every time
I began to enjoy walking Rei home, Asuka's face would flood into my mind.
That tearful look. That single mental image kept ruining what should have
been an enjoyable moment for me.
We got there just in time as it started to rain.
I had almost forgotten the appalling conditions
in which Rei lived. A dirty building that looked uninhabited. A large amount
of trash piling up right next to her door. I wouldn't have been surprised
if I had seen a rat nearby. And that never ending noise. How Rei could
accept such living quarters, I couldn't figure.
The interior of her apartment was like the exterior:
a mess. It was much like what I recalled. A floor that needed badly to
be cleaned. A thick layer of dusts everywhere. Wrinkled bed sheets. Bloody
bandages lying everywhere except in the trashcan. Even some dirty underwear
here and there.
"Is there something wrong?"
Rei had probably noticed the look of disapproval
that very likely showed on my face.
"How can you live in such a mess? Doesn't it bother
you?"
"No. It doesn't. Should it?"
I frowned.
"Of course it should! It's not healthful! Besides,
your living space is a reflection of yourself. If you don't respect it
and take care of it, then I can't see how you can respect yourself. And
you can hardly expect anybody to respect you."
"But you respect me, don't you?"
Damn! She had a point there.
"Yes, I do."
"Then your logic is flawed."
I took some moment to think.
"I've learned to know you better. But at first I
thought you were weird."
It was the truth. I didn't think it was the best
thing to say, but it was the only thing that had crossed my mind.
"I wouldn't live in such a mess." I added, determined
to win my point. I didn't after all do Misato's cleaning just for the fun
of it.
At that comment, Rei took a look around, an embarrassed
expression slowly appearing on her face.
"I see. Please show me what I should do."
I was surprised.
"It'll be my pleasure."
Rei only had a limited amount of cleaning products
and accessories, not surprisingly untouched, but we still managed to make
her apartment sparkle. Well, almost. There wasn't much that could be done
for the ceiling at that time. Still, it was much better and we were rewarded
by a pleasurable light lemon scent.
Quite frankly, I had been surprised by Rei's lack
of ability in housekeeping chores. She knew how to wash a floor, since
like any other students she was on regular cleaning duties at school, but
that was it. In fact, I think she honestly didn't know how to dust furniture,
wash the toilet or shower, or even the kitchen sink. She didn't even seem
to know how to make a bed. I wasn't sure why, but I believed it was all
my father's fault.
Someday, I would have to ask Rei about her past.
"Nice change don't you think?"
"Yes. It is... nice."
Rei was somehow still in awe of the changes made
to her apartment. I didn't think she ever imagined it could look... clean.
"I guess all that is left now are those bed sheets.
Do you have a washing machine?
"Yes." (1)
I pondered the question a bit. It was getting rather
late and washing her sheets would take some time.
"I guess I could show you how to wash them tomorrow
if you want."
"Yes! Please come!"
I was startled by Rei's sudden outburst of emotions.
She looked... happy. She had a cute smile on her face and her eyes were
burning with life.
"Thank you, Ikari-kun."
"I was happy to help, Ayanami."
Like a while ago, our gazes locked into one another.
I tried to say or do something, but my brain wouldn't function properly.
"Ikari..."
I barely registered the sound of my name.
"What am I to you?"
She came closer, her body almost against mine. I
took a step back.
"Do you care about me?"
I knew she was waiting for an answer. I could see
it in her eyes. I also knew I couldn't escape. I had to answer.
"I... I care about you. I... I like you, Ayanami.
You're one of my only friends."
Why did those words sound awfully familiar?
"Am I just a friend to you?"
Again, she took a step forward. I couldn't help
but gaze at those lips almost against mine.
"Am I?" It had been only a whisper in my ear, but
I could swear it had more impact then any scream or yell I could have heard.
I took a step back. Part of my brain registered
the fact that I was now relatively close to the door of her apartment.
"I... well... I'm not sure... I don't think so..."
"Maybe I should help you think about it."
I froze when I noticed she was removing the ribbon
of her school uniform.
"What... what are you...?"
"Ikari. Do you want to become one with me?"
This had to be a dream. One of those wild fantasies...
Yeah, I was dreaming!
But, if I had been dreaming, why was Rei looking
so nervous? And why did I feel overwhelmed by panic when she started to
unbutton her shirt?
"Unite body and soul?"
Oh, God! This wasn't a dream! I was there, in a
small apartment, alone with my friend and fellow pilot, a very beautiful
girl, who was stripping off her clothes and asking me if I wanted to have
sex with her!
OH GOD!
I could now clearly see her bra. My mind just went
off and my instincts took over.
I ran.
I slipped on the wet pavement and fell into a heap
of rubbish near the entrance to the apartment block. But it didn't matter.
I was out.
I just let the rain poor on my face and tried to
slow down the pounding of my heart. The thought that I had done something
really dumb then occurred to me. Rei was probably angry now. I would be
lucky if she didn't hate me.
She came outside. She was back to her calm, controlled
self. She stared at me.
"I'm... I'm sorry..."
Instead of beating the crap out of me like I thought
she would, her face softened. I guess, I had forgotten I wasn't dealing
with Asuka...
"Do not be."
She leaned over me and planted a light kiss on my
forehead. Then she gave me a gentle smile. Incredibly, the rain just seemed
to make her even more beautiful.
"Once you are ready, you can tell me..."
Then she disappeared.
For a moment, I touched the place where her lips
had met my skin. She didn't hate me. I felt taken over by a rush of relief.
Then I smiled. This day had not been so bad after all.
If only I could take out of my head the picture
of a certain crying redhead...
When I finally came back home, Misato was sitting
in the kitchen, coffee cup in hand, talking on the phone. Apparently, she
had already overcome the effects of all the beer she had drunk. She had
a very serious look on her face, the same she usually had when in command
of NERV operations. I knew right away that I should feel worried. And I
did.
"He's been gone for almost two hours now. I'm getting
worried."
Had I been gone for so long?
"I know, Ritsuko. But what can we do? Just tell
them how they should feel?"
They were obviously discussing the 'incident' earlier.
I wasn't really surprised.
"Well, Rei appeared serious enough. And Asuka did
cry for an hour before falling asleep, so I guess, she is serious about
it as well. But it's all really up to Shinji."
An hour... Asuka had cried... for an hour...
"I won't be the one to tell him not to pursue a
relationship if he wants to. They're human beings before being pilots,
damn it!"
Misato kept silent a few seconds.
"What can the Commander do? Lock them up? Brainwash
them? He needs them to pilot the EVAs. No doubt, he'll be angry with Rei,
but he's not stupid. He'll probably order her to stay away from Shinji,
outside of NERV. Whether or not she'll obey, it's entirely up to Rei."
Could my father do that? Order Rei to avoid me?
What would Rei do then? She said she loved me. Would she actually refuse
to follow an order issued by my father?
Why did I shudder at the thought? Was I actually
THAT afraid of losing Rei?
"Do you think he'll actually do it?"
Misato gave me a startled look.
"He's here. We'll talk about this later."
She turned off the phone, took a sip of coffee and
gave me her full attention.
"Shinji! You're back! Oh, my God! You're soaking
wet from head to toe!"
"You didn't answer me!"
I was surprised at my tone of voice. I had almost
sounded angry. And I was. But I was angry with my father. Misato didn't
deserve to be the target of that anger.
"I'm sorry."
"It's ok. I understand. And to answer you... I don't
know. Quite frankly, I don't know how your father's mind works. But he
seems to have some plans for Rei. And I doubt he'll be pleased when he
learns that his prized pilot has decided to completely give herself to
you."
I nodded. That sounded just like Father.
"Go dry yourself and put on some fresh clothes.
Then we can talk."
I nodded again. I quickly went into the bathroom
to remove my wet clothes, and I dried myself with a clean bath towel. Wearing
just a towel around my waist, I walked to my room to get changed. Then
I was back in the kitchen.
"So Shinji-kun. What will you do?"
This discussion could be long, so I decided to sit
down. I took some time before answering. I needed to gather my thoughts.
Misato patiently waited for my answer.
"I don't know, Misato-san. This is so confusing.
Until today, I have always thought that Ayanami cared a bit about me, but
never this much. And I thought she cared, only because I was Father's...
the Commander's son. Well, I guess, I was way wrong."
Misato nodded.
"And as if things weren't complicated enough, Asuka
goes totally ballistic. She seemed to be jealous of Ayanami. But that's
nothing new. Asuka never liked Ayanami. And if she feels threatened by
something, she'll respond aggressively. But tonight... and this morning...
she cried. She cried, Misato-san! I had never seen her cry before. Well,
at least not when she was awake. Why did she cry? Does she feel something
for me?"
"I don't know, Shinji-kun. Asuka is... difficult.
It's hard to tell what her feelings are. And you, what are your
feelings?"
I was reluctant to answer. Sure, I lived with Misato.
She was good company, and I think I now considered her more a friend than
a guardian. But she also worked for NERV... and for Father.
"I won't tell anyone, if you worried about that."
Well, it seemed she had read my mind.
"I don't want you to write this in a some kind of
report either."
Misato frowned.
"You're getting smart, Shinji-kun. Very well, I
promise this conversation won't be repeated anywhere, either in words or
in writing."
She then smiled.
"So lover boy. Which one is the object of your affection?"
"Both."
The major gasped at the answer.
"What did you say? Both? What kind of answer is
that?"
"The only one I can give you."
The surprise on her features was replaced by curiosity.
"Elaborate."
"Well. I like them both. And I can't tell which
one I prefer. On the outside, both of them are quite attractive. Asuka
in a flashy way, and Ayanami... in a mysterious sort of way. As for what
they truly are... When Ayanami is around... I feel comfortable and safe,
as if nothing bad could happen to me. She is calm. Her presence
doesn't bother me. I don't feel I have anything to hide from her. As for
Asuka... Well, I admire her energy, her willpower, her sheer determination
to be the best and that air of arrogance that emanates from her... Yet
sometimes, very rarely, she can appear so fragile... that I would just
like to hold her and keep her safe. And when she looked at Kaji-san tonight...
I almost wanted to grab her and keep her close to me... This must sound
silly."
Misato shook her head.
"No, Shinji-kun. I believe you truly care for both
of them. But surely there are things about them you don't like. Something
that can help you choose... the best one..."
I took some time to think.
"Well... Ayanami is cold. It's hard to know what
she thinks. But today, she was completely different. She smiled. She stated
what was on her mind. She even took part of the discussions we had during
the party. And Asuka... She just keeps insulting me and teasing me. But
Hikari told me it was because she cared about me. If it's true... Then
those problems may not be problems for long.
Misato took another drink out of her mug. From the
face she made, it seemed the coffee was now cold.
"There's more..."
I really didn't know if I should talk about that.
But then again, if I wanted Misato to help...
"Tonight.... Ayanami... wanted... wanted me... to...
to sleep with her."
I blurted the last part out.
"Did I hear you correctly?"
I nodded.
"And... did you two...?"
"NO! I... I ran away..."
Damn! This was embarrassing. Misato gave me a strange
look. I could guess that the professional woman in her was probably in
conflict with her careless side. She was probably struggling to decide
whether to call me an idiot or congratulate me on being a perfect gentleman.
"Well, I won't say it was the proper way to respond,
but at least you have managed to avoid a great deal of troubles. The last
thing we would need right now is a pregnant pilot."
I blushed deeply at the thought.
"Soooo... Let me see. Rei... has shown... an interest...
in you. A very intense interest. Asuka also appears to show some degree
of interest. And now, you're telling me that you're actually interested
in both of them, and don't know whom to choose, right?"
"Er.... Well.... Yes, I guess, that's a way to put
it."
"Shinji..."
Misato's face was strangely serious.
"I can only give you one advice..."
I couldn't believe my luck! Misato would actually
be of some help!
"Date both of them, of course!"
"WHAT?! What kind of stupid advice is that?"
Misato's fist hit the table hard.
"Watch your manners, young man!"
Seeing what was, no doubt, shame on my face, Misato's
angry expression was quickly replaced by a wide smile.
"Shin-chan, unless you make a choice now, how do
you expect to make a choice at all, if you don't even know them a bit more
than you do now? I can think of only one way to get to know them better,
and that's to date them... and not at the same time, if possible."
"Isn't that... dishonest?"
"Well... neither of them is your girlfriend yet..."
"You're... you're right..."
"Of course I am! And if you're not sure, just ask
Kaji what he would do. I'm pretty sure I can already guess his answer..."
"Date both of them, of course!"
Damn! Misato had been right after all. Well, if
that's what Kaji would do...
"Thanks, Kaji-san. Your advice is greatly appreciated"
"I am always glad to help, Shinji-kun. And I must
confess, I am greatly intrigued by this situation. I didn't think you were
such a Casanova. Two girls at once. You truly are an impressive young man.
And very honestly, if you keep Asuka busy, hitting on Misato will be much
easier."
The eternally unshaven man had a big grin on his
face.
"I don't know. While I'm interested in Ayanami and
Asuka, the woman I truly love is Misato. If I let you have Mi-chan, some
nights are gonna be quite lonely..."
Kaji just froze there, mouth wide opened, unable
to say a thing.
"Just kidding, Kaji-san."
An expression of relief washed over his face, followed
by a smile.
"Young boy, you've been living with Misato and Asuka
for far too long..."
I just shrugged.
"I can't always be the one who gets teased, can I?"
"I must admit, there are time when you impress me
Shinji-kun."
Coming from Kaji, those words meant a lot to me.
But now was not the time to get overly happy about a little praise. I had
problems do deal with.
"If... if I date them... what should I do?"
"First time?"
I nodded.
"Well, knowing Rei, anything would do. She's not
much the 'going out' type. A nice romantic dinner followed by a movie maybe.
Quite simple, but in Rei's case it would probably be quite new and exciting.
And you're lucky. The Tokyo-3 movie center is showing a nice romantic movie
this weekend. That should give you plenty of opportunities to... ahem...
know her better."
I frowned.
"Hey! I don't want her to think I'm a pervert!"
"Just teasing. Quite fair after the scare you gave
me."
I mumbled an excuse.
"As for Asuka, I'd say the simpler the better. She
may whine a bit, call you childish, but in truth, Asuka despises boys who
try to impress her. Just make sure she has a nice time, and try to be more
talkative than you usually are."
"I see, thank you, Kaji-san."
I was really grateful to Kaji. In times like this,
I wished he were my father. Why couldn't Father be like him? Why couldn't
Father at least care enough to take the time to just talk with me.
"So, who will you begin with?"
I had already given the question some thought.
"Ayanami. It should be easier to break the ice with
her. That way, I'll have a better idea of what I'll be doing with Asuka."
Kaji seemed to approve.
"A wise choice. Although, there is a small problem."
I gave him an inquiring look.
"Remember, you'll be taking her on a date. Don't
call her Ayanami."
I nodded in understanding.
"Rei..."
[To be continued...]
Next time:
The One I Love Is...
Chapter 3 - Breaking the ice
Omake
What if...
"Say something!"
It came out as a strangled cry. She looked so fragile.
So vulnerable. Like a hurt animal. I wanted to take her in my arm, comfort
her, tell her what she wanted to hear...
But I didn't do anything.
Such a coward I was. I hated myself.
Seeing what she probably considered a refusal to
answer, Asuka stood up and gave me a look of absolute hate.
"SHINJI NO BAKA!" (*)
I'm not quite sure what happened next. Suddenly,
Asuka had a wooden mallet in her hands which ended up hitting me with enough
strength not only to hurt me like never before but also send me through
the roof and into Low Earth Orbit.
This was all Misato's fault! Didn't I tell her not
to rent those damned old Ranma 1/2 tapes?
Hope that I'll be at least lucky enough to land
near a hospital. And on something soft if possible...
"Kawaikune..." (*)
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