Neon Genesis Evangelion: The One I Love Is...
Chapter 7 - Awakening
Written by Alain Gravel
Assisted by Darren Demaine
Based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX
http://www.geocities.com/rakna01/
Started on June 28th 1999
First pre-reader draft, Part 1, finished on August 13th 1999
First pre-reader draft, Part 2, finished on August 27th 1999
Second pre-reader draft, finished on August 31st 1999
Final draft, finished on September 10th 1999
Final revisions on March 13th 2000
(*) Click to reach the translations notes
Part 1: A man's choice / I won't run away anymore
The bed was comfortable, but I barely managed to
get any sleep. I had spent most of the night staring at this new unfamiliar
ceiling. I'm sure I could have slept somewhere other than in a hotel room.
I could have asked Kaji or Kensuke to let me in for the night. Misato was
ready to let me sleep in my old room until tomorrow. But I didn't want
to ask any of them for help. I didn't belong with them anymore.
The two hours I slept were far from restful. In
my dreams, my mind kept replaying what people had already come to call
the "Unit-03 accident". However, there was a small, frightening difference:
in my dreams, it wasn't Unit-03 that my EVA butchered. It was a giant Touji
(nobody ever said dreams always made sense). I woke up screaming and drenched
in sweat. I probably woke up the people in the next room as well.
While my sleep had been invaded by nightmares, my
waking hours were plagued by the words of the mysterious grey-hair girl.
"Piloting EVA can only bring you pain. The Fourth
was only the first to be hurt. The First or Second could be next. You should
leave while there is still time. Otherwise, you will be destroyed along
with those you love."
I didn't know who that girl was. It could just be some
demented person. Yet... I couldn't help but think about what she had said.
Probably because I knew she was right. If I stayed, I would end up hurting
Rei and Asuka just like Touji.
Kaji had once said that luck was my talent. But
your luck can run out sometimes. Twice already I had been basically useless.
First with the Twelfth Angel, now with the Thirteenth.
The fact was.. they didn't need me. With me out
of the way, Asuka would not feel the need to show off and be the best.
Her results could only improve. And Rei wouldn't have the urge to
do something as stupid as trying to protect me like she did with the Fifth
Angel. Actually, with me gone, she would probably use Unit-01 in my place.
The tests had shown it was possible. Even with the upgrades, Unit-00 remained
the less reliable EVA. And also... so far, Unit-01 had somehow... protected
me. Now... it could protect Rei. Besides, if I hadn't piloted in her
place when the Third Angel had attacked, she would have been Unit-01's
pilot. I tried not to think that if I hadn't piloted, she probably would have
died.
Yes, I wasn't needed anymore. They had Rei, they
had Asuka, and they had that thing... the dummy plug it was supposed to
be called... they didn't need me. I would only get in the way, get them
hurt. It was better this way...
My decision was made. I would leave Tokyo-3 and
never return. It was what I had to do, what I should have done a long time
ago.
If so, why did this feel so wrong?
I couldn't help but shudder as I walked through the
too familiar corridors of NERV's infirmary. My only relief laid in the knowledge
that this would be the last time I would see those walls. I knew that Misato
hoped otherwise. That was probably why she had neither taken my ID card
away nor deactivated the access rights I had to this facility. But my decision
was final: I no longer had a place here. Fact was... I never had a place
here to begin with.
I watched as the numbers on the doors scrolled by with
each step I took. Part of me wished simply to run away.
Wouldn't be the first time. But something compelled me to go on. Some morbid
obsession perhaps.
I froze as I reached my destination. Room number
107. I willed my hand to open the door, but it refused to move.
I... I couldn't do it. But I couldn't leave either.
God, I hated that.
Taking a deep breath, I entered the room of Suzuhara
Touji.
With relief, I realized that Touji seemed asleep.
His condition had stabilized, but he was still connected to IV units and
some monitors. Then I noticed how irregular his form appeared under the bed
sheets. I tried to look away, but something deep inside me forced me to
look well at those areas where I should have seen the forms of an arm and
a leg.
This was my doing.
Silently, the tears came.
I couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave. But
as I reached for the door, my whole body froze at the sound of a familiar, but tired
and weak, voice.
"Shinji... came here to apologize... before running away?"
"Touji!"
I was reluctant to turn around. But when I did, I did not see
the hate-filled gaze I'd expected, but rather, a smiling face. He looked as pale
as Rei and he seemed really exhausted. But he was smiling.
"So?"
"I won't apologize. What I did is unforgivable."
"Oh... and... you're going to leave... right?"
Was I so predictable that everyone always seemed to know
what I would do next?
"Yes."
He turned his head to look at the ceiling. I realized it
must have been quite an effort to look at me.
"Sohryu's right... you really are... an idiot."
He spoke, without leaving his eyes of the ceiling. Even
though those were said quite flatly, the words hit me.
"Misato-san came. She... she explained everything to me.
Shinji... this wasn't your fault..."
Misato had talked to Touji?
"It is! It was my EVA that did this to you!"
Slightly, he shook his head.
"You weren't in control..."
"Doesn't matter..."
I couldn't stand looking at him anymore. There, in
that bed, hurt because of me. He had almost died because of me. I could see
it on his face. He had came very close to leaving us. Ashamed, I stared at
the floor. We both stayed silent for a long moment.
"Does that mean I'm a murderer?"
I stared at him in disbelief. What did he mean?
"The EVA I was piloting... it... it killed a lot of
people at Matsushiro... didn't it? It could also have killed... Rei and
Asuka. And... if your father... had not taken that decision... it would have
killed you too..."
"It's not the same!"
"How so?"
I... I really didn't know what to answer. I knew that
what he had said made sense. But... part of me refused to believe it. I
guess... part of me needed to take the blame... because it was the only reason
that could justify my decision to run away.
"Your EVA was taken over by an Angel..." I answered,
without much conviction however.
"Yours... by a computer," replied Touji, simply. "Same
thing. We were both stuck... in... 'things'... we couldn't control."
I knew this was true... but...
"I could have tried to rescue you instead of just doing
nothing and giving up!"
Yes. This reason would do...
"How? How do you think you could have done that?
That Angel beat the crap... out of both Sohryu and Ayanami... in matter of
seconds. It beat you... fairly easily too...
He had a point. But still...
I was about to say something when he continued. It
seemed he had only paused to catch his breath and gather his thoughts.
"You've had days to whine about this... did... did you
figure out yet a way... you could have... saved me?"
I had thought about it a lot. Scenarios where I could
have saved him had played themselves out through my head. If I'd only done
this... if I'd tried that... but... no, I never
really managed to find an answer to that question. In shame, I stayed quiet.
"Thought so." said Touji after a whole minute had
passed, seeing that I obviously had no answer to give him.
"Doesn't matter."
I would not let him convince me that what had happened
was insignificant! I would not! It was my fault, dammit! Why was he so nice to me?!
"I'm of no use to any one. If I stay here, I'll just
end up hurting more people!"
"No, if you stay... you'll have to face what happened...
and that's what you fear... being hurt yourself. If you leave... you'll hurt
everyone who cares about you. Misato. Rei. Asuka. Me."
Damn you Touji! Why did you have to be so bright all
of the sudden!
"Nobody cares..."
"It's not true and you know it."
This time, it felt as if Touji was angry. I guess he
would have shouted those word, if he hadn't been so weak. The painkillers
probably didn't help either. But he again raised his head to look at me.
He may have seemed weak, but I could see the fire in his eyes.
"Rei and Misato... they hid the truth from me..."
"They didn't want you to be hurt..."
"I could have stopped you!"
"No. I had my reasons."
Strangely, a small smile appeared on his face. He let
his head down on his pillow again. It was strange. For a moment, he almost
seemed serene.
"I know... your sister... again, it's my fault..."
"Don't say that..."
"But it's true!"
Touji sighed.
"I'd hit you... if I could. Don't you
understand yet... that I have forgiven you? That Mari doesn't even hold you
responsible for what happened? It wasn't your fault. It was those goddamn
Angels."
"I was piloting!"
"For the first time... without any training... and
the stupid thing went berserk... baka..."
I stared at him, not knowing what to say. Touji simply
stared back. All my illusions were fading away, but I wanted them to remain...
"Fact is... without you that time... we all may have
died. My sister's hurt... but she's alive. Like I am..."
I didn't know what to say. So I just stared at the
floor. It was easier than to look at him. I think we stayed like that for a
few minutes. I didn't really know what compelled me to stay. Maybe I was just
afraid to leave without him telling me that I could go.
"Shinji... I'll be honest... what happened to me really
sucks. But... if loosing an arm and a leg... is the price to pay... so I
wouldn't have your... and everyone's death... on my conscience... then it's
a good deal. Besides... Misato promised that she would use all of her
influence... to get me the best medical attention, financed by NERV. I may be
up and walking again before you even know it!"
Seeing him be so cheerful... No, I couldn't take
it. This wasn't what I had expected to happen.
"Gomen!" (*)
This was all I managed to say before running away.
Once I exited the infirmary, Misato tried one last
time to convince me to stay. It seems that she had waited for me to come
out. I did my best to tune her out and simply say that my decision was
final. I thanked her for all that she had done for me, said my goodbyes
and walked away without turning back. I completely ignored her offer to
take me to the train station. My business with NERV and all the people
I had encountered here was over. I would walk back to the apartment, grab
a few things, and go. With any luck, the girls would be at school, so I
wouldn't have to say goodbye.
But was that the right decision?
Why did I keep questioning my decision? For once I
had finally made a decision and resolved to stick to it. I didn't want
to repeat the mistakes of the past.
I never wanted to pilot EVA in the first place and had
been told to leave. But moments later, I had been sitting in the entry plug
of Unit-01 for the first of many times.
Then I had decided that I would never pilot it again.
But I didn't board the train that was supposed to carry me away from Tokyo-3.
And I piloted again.
This time I would not change my mind! I would not!
I wasn't a little boy anymore... This time, I would act
like a man and do as I had decided.
Wasn't that what Asuka would have done? Once her mind was
set, she would never back out of her decisions. She was too stubborn for that.
If she could do it, why couldn't I? Rei never seemed to doubt her decisions either.
But... had she ever made a decision of her own in the first place?
Then I remembered that Asuka often made poor decisions.
Attacking the Seventh Angel on her own was one. What she did at the lake had
been another.
What is better to stick to your choices rather changing
your mind if that choice seems a poor one?
What was the mature thing to do?
I had been walking for a long while, lost in thoughts,
when I suddenly heard the all too familiar sound of Tokyo-3's emergency
sirens. I froze. An Angel attack...
Almost on reflex, I turned around to run toward
NERV. But then I remembered my decision. I didn't have a place there anymore.
I didn't have to fight anymore...
Rei and Asuka would...
It would be more then enough. Right?
I stayed still for a few long minutes, conflicting
ideas waging battle in my head. Then I slowly made my way towards the nearest shelter.
As the sounds of battle started, I sat alone, chin
against my knees, like a scared child. I probably looked pathetic. Didn't
matter, I knew I was.
"Why are you such a wimp?"
More than that... I was a coward.
"Sohryu's right... you really are... an idiot."
I was weak. Useless.
"Sorry, but his younger sister was hurt in the battle.
That's his reason anyway."
My only talent was piloting EVA. And I couldn't
even do it right. Each time I got inside it, people would get hurt. Touji's
sister. Touji.
The sound of heavy artillery intensified. The battle
seemed really close. Had the Angel entered the Geofront?
What did it matter to me anyway?
What was that urge to leave this place? To go where?
NERV?
"Daddy! I'm scared!"
I don't know why, but those words made me aware
of what was going on around me. I saw people, mainly children, sobbing
and crying. I saw mothers hugging their children, trying to comfort them.
I saw couples in each others arms, trying to draw strength from the other,
but failing. I saw fear, pain, and despair. And as I became more aware of
the sounds of battle, I shared their fear.
Strange, being in an EVA was less scary than being
here.
But I was safe here, wasn't I? I wasn't risking
my life...
No... others were risking their lives instead of
me... how pathetic I was...
Suddenly, the entire shelter was shaken as if it
had been at the epicenter of a massive earthquake. One of the walls and
part of the ceiling seemed to literally explode, sending dust and metal
debris flying everywhere. Even with the loud sound of the explosion, I
could hear people scream and cry. As the dust cleared, I opened the
eyes I had closed on reflex and I saw a man lying right in front of me, a
long metal fragment going right through his chest. People in the shelter
tried to flee in panic. Then I noticed it. For a moment, my heart stopped
beating.
Where a wall used to stand now laid the head of Evangelion Unit-02.
No! Asuka! ASUKA!!!!
Like a man possessed, I ran toward the exit, shoving
people aside if I needed to, not caring about anything except that I needed
to get out of here. I needed to see...
I almost fell to my knees once I exited the shelter.
Unit-02, or rather what was left of it as it was missing its head and both
arms, stood, immobilized, a giant monster slowly moving past it toward
NERV.
This wasn't possible. Asuka couldn't have lost in
such a way. Not Asuka... she was a better pilot than I...
"Asuka... ASUKA!"
If she had still been synchronized with EVA when
it lost its head...
No... no... NO!!!
I hadn't even apologized to her yet for all the
pain I had caused her...
"Hey you! What are you doing? Do you want to die?"
I looked at the source of those words. I realized
that those were not meant for me, but rather a girl. A girl with gray hair
in a white sundress. She too was staring toward Unit-02. Then, she turned
her head to look right toward me. The red eyes!
"You!"
She just smiled. A warm smile. Totally out of place
in this moment of utter chaos. Then she walked away and started to disappear
into the crowd of people that were fleeing for their lives. I was about
to run after her, when someone called me.
"Shinji-kun?"
A familiar voice. I turned around to see Kaji, apparently
sprinkling his small watermelon patch. I look back toward the last location
where I had seen the girl, but she was now nowhere to be seen. Almost in a daze,
I walked to meet Kaji. The sight of the battered Unit-02 was still having a heavy
effect on my mind.
"Kaji-san. What are you doing here?"
"That's my line. What are you doing here, Shinji-kun?"
"I'm no longer the pilot of Unit-01. I've decided
that I would never pilot again."
"I see. Well, to answer your question, since my
part-time job has gone public, I lost my position in the battle shift.
So here I am, sprinkling..."
"At a time like this?!"
I couldn't believe this. Working on his garden right
in the middle of an Angel attack?
"What better time? Although I'd rather be between
Katsuragi's melons, this is a place I'd like to be when I die."
"Die?"
"Yes. It is said that if an Angel comes into contact
with Adam, which is sleeping beneath us, all humanity will be annihilated
through the Third Impact. Such a fate can only be prevented by Evangelion,
which has the same power as an Angel."
I didn't know what to say. Nobody ever explained
this to me in such a way. I knew we had to fight the Angels. I knew they
attacked us. But I didn't know why. They wanted to kill every human being?
Didn't this change everything?
Suddenly, in a distance, Unit-00 emerged from underground.
It didn't look very good. It was still missing an arm and repairs didn't
seem completed. As it started moving, I understood one important reality:
Rei piloted that EVA. I didn't know how I could be so sure about that.
Maybe it was a gut feeling. Maybe it was the way the EVA moved. But I knew
that it was piloted by Rei.
"Unit-00! Rei!"
That was crazy! She didn't even have a rifle...
"I wonder why Ikari hasn't sent her in Unit-01?
I doubt he planned things this way..."
My heart threatened to explode in my chest as I
watched the Evangelion run toward the Angel. It held something in it's right
hand, but I didn't know what it was. Suddenly, the EVA hit the Angel's
AT-Field, the yellow hexagonal ripples clearly visible with the naked eye.
For a few longs seconds, Unit-00 struggled to penetrate the Angel's AT-Field.
When it did, both the robot and monster were engulfed into a bright explosion
that blinded me for a moment. I felt a rush of hot air that almost threw me
to the ground.
When the smoke dissipated and I was able to see
again, Unit-00 and the Angel were still standing, both of them unscratched.
Then, the arm of the Angel, some sort of sharp ribbon, extended and hit
Unit-00 directly in the head. The EVA fell to the ground, a blood-red liquid
pouring from it's extensive injury.
"REI! Rei-chan..."
I shook my head, trying not to think the worst.
Surely she was fine...
"Do you understand why she did this?"
These words freed me from my trance and I moved
my eyes from the limp form of Unit-00 to Kaji.
"Probably because my Father told her to..."
"No, I don't believe so. I think that you've cut
the puppet strings."
I couldn't believe that. She had obeyed him when
he had told her not to talk to me about Touji. But she did have other reasons...
"Rei, Asuka... they don't only fight because it's
their duty. They also fight for their lives. And more importantly, the
lives of those they care about. I'm pretty sure... that they fought for
you. To protect you. Too bad you couldn't protect them."
Those words struck home. As I looked again at Unit-00,
a wave of guilt engulfed me. I almost felt sick at the thought that Rei
and Asuka could have been severely hurt, just because I hadn't been there...
But I had left so that they wouldn't be hurt...
Maybe... that decision... had been a mistake...
"I envy you, Shinji-kun. I can do nothing but water
here. But you... there is something you can do, something only you can
do now. Nobody is forcing you. Think for yourself and decide by yourself."
Kaji stared at me. I think I never saw him so serious
in my entire life.
"This is a man's choice. What will you choose, Ikari
Shinji?"
My brain was working overtime, as I thought back
at what everyone had told me today. This time, I couldn't hide from the
truth anymore.
I stared up at the figure of the Angel as it sailed
towards Headquarters. All around were the sounds of terrified, hurt people
struggling to find shelter. I'd left because I didn't want to cause anyone
pain anymore. Without me me the others could focus on their tasks. I wouldn't
be a distraction to them.
But I'd left and people were still getting hurt. Rei...
Asuka... my decision hadn't saved them as I'd hoped. It fact, because I hadn't
been there to fight beside them, it might even have... might have...
"If you don't pilot, you will condemn Rei and Sohryu to
death."
My father's words, my greatest fear. I remembered how he
had said those words: casually, calmly. As if he was discussing the weather. I'd
never thought mere words could hurt that much. Well, it was nothing compared to
actually seeing Units-00 and 02 now. Had his words been prophetic? Had I rejected
the only good advice my father had ever given me? Damn him! This was my decision,
not his!
A flash of light from the Angel and an explosion of water
signaled the destruction of one of the lake's gunboats. I saw soldiers in NERV
clothing charging towards the Angel. They knew they couldn't do anything with
their sidearms, but they never slowed, never showed the fear they had to be feeling.
They fought for something, I could feel it. They weren't afraid. I had left because
I was. So that I wouldn't get hurt by my actions.
The eyes of the Angel flashed. Men died.
And my hand closed into a tight fist.
"I think I understand..."
"Do you?"
I nodded, then, despite what was happening, smiled, for
the first time in quite a while.
"I've got to go!"
"I've got a jeep nearby. I'll take you to NERV."
I could have thanked him, but I knew that no words
were necessary. He was probably as thankful as I was.
As I saw the Angel advancing toward Headquarters,
I started to grasp how desperate this situation was. I just hoped that
we would make it in time. Otherwise, if Kaji was right, I wouldn't even
have the time to feel guilty about having left the girls all alone against
that monster.
"Carry on. Once more, try it again from one-zero-eight."
From his post high above EVA, the Commander seemed
to struggle to activate Unit-01. But apparently, all his efforts were in
vain. I don't know exactly why. It didn't matter anyway. All that was important
was that I was probably mankind's last hope. Talk about heavy responsibilities.
But for once, it didn't really feel like the weight it had always been.
"I'll pilot it!"
The Commander looked down at me. From what I could
tell, he remained calm, in control. I had to admit, even if I hated him,
I had to admire his calm in a situation like this.
"Why are you here?"
No emotions showed in his voice. I wasn't much
surprised and I didn't really care either.
"I am the pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. This is my
purpose. This is what I can do."
This was a truth I had understood. When piloting,
I was able to protect those I loved.
"Is this all you have to say?"
"Just shut up and let me pilot! There's no more
time to lose!"
The man didn't say a word. But the plug that was
inside the EVA was removed and replaced by my own. I smiled in victory,
even though I was sure that my father shared a similar smile for completely
different reasons.
I had barely made it. But it was enough. As I literally
crashed through the wall of the main control room, I truly understood Kaji's
words. I now knew the EVA's purpose. As I saved Misato's life, I realized
how privileged I actually was to be able to protect those I cared for in
this way. And for the first time ever, piloting didn't feel like an
obligation. As strange as it seemed, I enjoyed it. I felt what I believed
Asuka felt when she piloted her EVA: pride and excitement.
As I battled with this ugly, giant monster that was
the Angel, I became nearly oblivious to everything around me. Only for
an instant did I feel the pain attached with the loss of my EVA's left
forearm, the pain being quickly subdued by the rush of the fight. I didn't
really think when I barked a few orders to Misato. I was almost on auto-pilot.
Once we were outside Headquarters, I let all my
barriers down. Outside, there was no one that could get hurt in this fight.
Only the Angel and me. As I proceeded to try to literally rip it apart, I must
have looked possessed. Through this fight, I had let all my hate
and rage out.
That Angel had hurt Rei and Asuka!
It had tried to kill Misato!
The Angels!
They had been responsible for hurting Touji's sister!
They had hurt Touji!
They were responsible for the Second Impact!
Because of them we had to fight!
I HATED THEM!
I was about to rip the Angel's head off when suddenly,
everything went silent except one sound. The timer of the internal batteries.
I looked at the digits. 00:00:00
I had run out of power.
No!
Suddenly, I felt the EVA being lifted off the ground
and thrown away. It felt as if it had hit the ground hard and I was amazed
that I had not been injured by the impact. But I quickly remembered the
reality of the situation and how grim things looked.
"Move, move, move. Move, please move. There's no
point if you don't move now!"
Then, I heard an explosion and felt the EVA being
shaken. I knew it had sustained severe damage. The explosion was followed
by a regular, rhythmic sound. The Angel was hitting the EVA. It shook with
each impact. I could hear cracking noises and if I had not
been panicking, I may have noticed the small fractures appearing in the
entry plug above my head. Frantically, I pulled the controls, but to no avail.
The EVA stood still. I would soon die. Then, if what Kaji had said was
true, the whole human race would follow. I had failed, again. I had failed
to protect those that were dear to me. I felt as if I was drowning in an
ocean of despair.
"NO!"
In tears, I pulled even harder and faster on the
controls. My arms hurt, but I didn't care.
"Move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move,
move, move, move, move, please move! If you don't move now, everyone's
going to die! I... I can't let that happen. I... I can't... I can't let
them down again! So, please... MOVE!"
Suddenly, I froze. I could hear a sound. Something
like... a heart beating? Then, it was as if I had been engulfed into a
sea of darkness. Only days later did I know what had happened.
I had been absorbed into EVA.
Part 2: Second Chances / May the best girl win!
A scent.
A very familiar scent. Rei? Asuka? Misato? No. Someone
else...
Mother!
Mother!!!
I'm coming Mother!
A voice. A faint voice. A familiar voice. But not
Mother's... Someone... almost as important...
"Shinji! Give back my Shinji! Give him back..."
Mi... Misato...?
"You must go back."
Mother?
As I woke up from what seemed like the least restful
sleep I ever had, I groaned as I recognized the all too familiar ceiling
of the NERV infirmary. At least I was lucky, the light were off so my eyes
were saved the pain of looking at them.
"Not again," I tried to complain, but my throat
and mouth were dry and the words didn't really come out.
Out of habit, I tried to assess my situation. I
felt odd, but no pain. I raised my arms. Good, no IV needles, so I probably
wasn't hurt much. However, I realized that my senses seemed sluggish, as
if I was in a badly synchronized EVA. I opened and closed my hand a few
times, moving my arm around. It seemed to get better with each passing
moment. Good. Apparently, the only real problem I had was a throbbing headache.
It almost felt like the pounding headache I had experienced after the Third
Angel battle.
Angel...
At that thought, it all came back to me. I was fighting
the Angel. Then I ran out of power. And then... I wasn't sure what happened.
I couldn't remember. I was alive, so I guess it was dead. But how? Rei
and Asuka's EVAs had been severely damaged.
Rei! Asuka!
I felt a bit lightheaded as I tried to sit up in
bed, but it quickly passed. I had to leave this room! I had to know if
they were alright!
"So, finally decided to wake up, eh? About time."
That voice!
"Touji?"
Part of me felt scared, but I knew that there was
nothing to be afraid of. I knew he didn't hate me.
He was sitting in a wheelchair, in a corner of the
room. With a few pushes, he approached the bed.
To my surprise, Touji looked completely different
then the last time I saw him. He didn't seem weak anymore, but rather very
energetic. He looked healthier and was dressed in his usual tracksuit attire.
For a moment, I wondered if I wasn't dreaming, or better yet if I hadn't
just woken up from a terrible nightmare, when I realized that he was still
missing two limbs. I stared at him completely lost. He gave me a warm smile.
He must have guessed that my throat was dry as he handed me a glass of
water he took from a small table near the bed. It was quite welcome.
"You scared us, you know," he said simply.
What... what was going on here?
"How...?"
I didn't really know what to say. I was too confused.
And... I couldn't help but feel intimidated by him.
"What's the last thing you remember?"
I tried to think. There was some images... but I
couldn't really make any sense out of them.
"The... the Angel... I had no more power... then...
I don't know..."
Touji nodded, as if he had expected that answer.
"That was a month ago."
"A month!"
I couldn't believe it! A month? Did I get hurt so
badly that I lost consciousness for an entire month? I didn't feel any
pain. What was going on?
"Yes. A whole month. And let me tell you, it was
a long month for everyone here. You scared the hell out of us!"
"Scared? What... what happened? The Angel...?" I
asked. Then I remember the reason I had tried to get up. "Rei?! Asuka?!
Are they alright?!"
"Calm down. They're fine. They barely got injured."
I sighed. What a relief!
"Did they kill the Angel?"
I didn't know how it was possible, but it was the
only possibility I could see.
"No. You went berserk again."
"Oh..."
That probably explained why I didn't remember a
thing. At least, not yet. But still... that didn't explain why I had been
unconscious an entire month.
"You got us worried sick! Don't ever do that again!"
Touji clenched his fist. He almost seemed... about
to cry?
What the hell happened to me?!
"What...? What happened?"
"The way I understand it... you... disappeared...
into EVA. 'Absorbed' I think Misato said. They had to pull you out. But...
it almost... failed. You were almost lost..."
Disappeared into EVA. Was that possible? Yet...
it felt familiar. I had the sensation... that I had heard about that before.
No, I saw it happen. But... who? When? No, I was probably mistaken. I had
never seen EVA before coming to Tokyo-3. Never... never...
"I... I see..."
We looked at each other in silence. I couldn't help
but look at his missing arm and leg...
"Touji... I..."
"Don't apologize. You understand it wasn't your
fault now, don't you?"
I nodded.
"Then it's settled. Besides, in one week, I'll be
sent to Tokyo-2 so I can try some experimental artificial limbs. Misato
pulled quite a few strings for that. She felt NERV owed me that much. I'll
also see Mari again! She's in reeducation! She's walking again Shinji!"
His sister... Walking...
"That's so great! I'm so happy for you!"
And I was. Touji's sister would be okay. And Touji...
may have a chance to live a normal life after all... I felt a few tears
roll down my cheeks.
"Geez, don't be such a wuss!"
"Sorry..."
I was just too happy. I got up and hugged my friend
as best as I could.
"Oh! You're awake," said the nurse as she entered
the room. I had used the call button to alert the nurse station a minute
earlier.
"Yes. And I'd like to leave now."
While Touji had assured me that Rei and Asuka were
okay, I felt the need to make sure myself, to see them. And I didn't want
to wait any longer.
"I'm sorry Ikari-kun, but I need authorization for
that."
Damn!
"Did you receive orders to keep him here?" asked
Touji. From what he had told me, he himself had tried to leave, but Misato
had been against it, worried that he may not have been able to manage on
his own yet. Touji had complained at first, but had eventually agreed she
was right.
"No, Suzuhara-kun. But we didn't receive authorization
to let him go either."
"But he's physically okay, right?"
"Yes, he is."
"Then, I guess you'll have to call your father,
Shinji."
Confused, I stared blankly at Touji. He just smiled.
"Of course, the Commander will be pissed if he's
woken up in the middle of the night. Well, I'm sure if Shinji talks to
him, you may keep your job Miss..."
What the hell was he saying? Then I noticed that
the nurse seemed scared.
"I'll... I'll be back with clothes for Ikari-kun..."
The nurse left quickly.
"Wha... what just happened?"
"Every one here is afraid of your dad. I thought
it would work."
Then I finally understood what Touji had been trying
to do.
"Thanks!"
It wasn't long before the nurse had brought me a
NERV uniform. It was kinda big for my small frame, but I didn't ask for
more. I just wanted to get out. Which I did rather quickly after saying
goodbye to Touji.
I visited Misato's apartment first, to find it completely
empty with the exception of Pen-Pen. Asuka probably slept over to Hikari's.
As I made my way out, I groaned when I almost fell as I walked over one
of Misato's empty beer cans. The apartment was a mess. The only clean rooms
seemed to be my old one and Asuka's. I found it a bit odd, since Asuka
was almost as bad as Misato and never kept her room in order, but I quickly
dismissed the thought. I still had to visit Rei.
Quietly, I slipped into Rei's apartment. It was
still very early in the morning and I didn't want to wake her up. I had
to make sure, however, that what Touji had told me was true. Gently, I
opened the door to her room and took a peak. I could see a form under the
sheets and a mass of blue hair on the pillow. No doubt, it was Rei. Satisfied,
I walked to what was my designated room. The impulse to join her and hug
her tightly was great, but I suppressed it. I didn't want to disturb her
and I wasn't sure yet how to act around her.
"Some truths can hurt if a person is not ready to
hear them."
I had said those words to Rei. She had only been
listening to me. So how could I be angry at her? How could I hate her for
trying to protect me? I would have to apologize to her. I had chased her
away when all she tried to do was take care of me. She had done so much
for me, offered everything to me, body, heart and soul, and I only repaid
her love by acting like a jerk. I could only hope that she would eventually
forgive me.
Half lost in thought, I didn't really look where
I was going, so when I entered the other bedroom, I didn't notice the pile
of books, shoes, clothes and other stuff that laid on the floor, right
behind the door. Completely taken by surprise, I lost my balance and fell.
I landed right on top of something that was hard in some places and soft
in others. I panicked as I felt it move, then groan. I opened my eyes (it
seemed I had closed them in my fall) to see Asuka's blue eyes looking straight
at me.
"Hey, baka Shinji. Do you want to become one with
me? Do you want us to become one in body and soul? It feels so wonderful.
I'm asking you. Come on!"
A blurred image. Asuka, nude, smiling, leaning toward
me...
Where did those thoughts come from? It almost felt
like... a memory. But it wasn't as clear, as if I had remembered part of
a dream.
"PERVERT!"
This took me out of my brief daze. I soon realized
that Asuka wasn't looking at me anymore but rather lower, toward her chest.
I followed her gaze to realize that my right hand was... right on top of
her breast.
Oh no! Not this again!
I'm dead.
I tried to get up, but Asuka came up with the same
idea and our heads ended up colliding against each other. Unconsciously,
my hand tightened it's grip.
"Eek! DIE!!!"
I don't know how she managed, but Asuka ended up
on top of me and jammed her fist in my face, followed by her knee in my
crotch. That's when the lights in the room lit up, showing Rei at the door.
At least, I think it was Rei, as it seemed I heard her and Asuka say in
perfect synchronicity "Oh my God! Shinji!" before I fainted.
"Hey! I said I was sorry, okay! It was dark, I was
still half asleep and he wasn't wearing his usual dumb clothes..."
"I guess your reaction is understandable."
"Of course it is!"
"However, I do not understand how you did not recognize
him. I know I would have."
"It was dark!"
"Maybe. But his eyes look the same in the dark.
I think they are even more attractive..."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"It is really a shame."
"What does that mean? And what's with the blushing?!"
"It is for me to know and you to find out."
"Why you little..."
As I regained my senses, I realized that Rei and
Asuka were arguing. Immediately, it hit me as odd. This wasn't a violent
argument like they already had a few times. It seemed more like... two
good friends arguing. But that wasn't possible. Rei and Asuka rarely talked
to each other. Them? Acting like friends? Impossible.
"I hope you have not damaged him."
"Damaged him? And why are you blushing again?!"
"The... part... where you... hit him with your knee..."
"Oh... Rei! You pervert!"
"I just know what I want..."
This was Rei talking? I knew she was usually quite
bold with me, but with Asuka...
Somehow, those words triggered a flash of memory,
similar to the one I previously had with Asuka. But this time, I remembered
a naked Rei.
"Shinji. Do you want to become one with me? Do you
want us to become one in body and soul? It feels so wonderful."
This was odd. Where did these impressions came from?
Maybe I should have stayed in the infirmary after all...
"... and I know you want it also."
"Don't talk about that! Geez, you're worse then
the three stooges combined!"
"It seems that our Shinji has regained consciousness.
Or at least part of him. Apparently, I worried too much. From how it looks,
it is most likely perfectly functional."
My eyes flew open as I realized that Rei's words,
not to mention the image in my mind of her naked, had caused some part
of me to react.
"You pervert!"
I expected Asuka to hit me again, but instead, I
was squeezed in a tight hug. Wow, things just seemed to get weirder and
weirder...
"Baka! You scared us to death! Don't ever do something
stupid like that!"
I felt another pair of arms encircling both me and
Asuka.
"We thought that we had lost you. Welcome back Shinji."
I didn't know what to say. So I didn't say anything.
I felt something wet fall on my cheek. A tear? Who
was crying? Rei, Asuka? Did it really matter? Being hugged this way by
the two girls I loved... it felt good. It was warm, very comfortable. I
could get used to that.
When the girls let go of me, I took the time to
carefully look at them. Rei sat on her knees at my right. She wore a shirt
I recognized as one of mine. Having spent time with her, I knew that she
likely wore nothing underneath other than her silver cross. It seemed that
she had put it on in a hurry, as she had missed a button. It reminded me
of the first time we had slept together. She had missed that button then
as well. As she noticed I was staring, she smiled cutely.
Asuka was sitting on the floor Indian style. Thankfully,
she was more dressed then Rei, wearing panties and her usual sleeping shirt,
although it did show a LOT of cleavage. She was fuming a bit, probably
because of the long seconds I had spent looking at Rei, but her expression
softened into a smile as I turned to look at her.
Overall, both girls seemed perfectly fine. Nothing
was obviously broken, and there was no major scarring. I sighed in relief.
However, I did notice what seemed to remain of almost healed bruises. I
doubted it was related to the last Angel attack, Touji had told me it had
occured a month ago. For a moment, I wondered where those bruises came
from, but I quickly dismissed the thought. I remembered I had something
important to do.
I bowed down and pleaded their forgiveness.
"Asuka. Rei. Forgive me."
"Why?" asked the girls simultaneously.
First I looked at Asuka in the eyes.
"I... I apologize for the way I treated you that
night at the lake. I should have tried to understand your reasons instead.
I should have understood that it was all my fault... that... that the way
I behaved had hurt your feelings. I'm... I'm sorry."
Asuka seemed about to talk, but she stopped as she
saw that I was now looking at Rei.
"I shouldn't have been that mean to you, Rei. All
you wanted to do... was protect me... because you care for me. I didn't
understand. I yelled at you. I hurt you. I made you cry. I should never
have done that. Forgive me."
I bowed down again, awaiting their judgment. Instead,
what they did next completely took me by surprise.
"Ja. Ken. Po."
I looked up, confused, to see that Rei had won.
"Geez, what did you do, practice with Misato?" whined
Asuka.
"No. You are just predictable."
"What!? Whatever... go ahead, you won."
That was weird. I looked at them, puzzled. I was
even more lost when Rei actually grinned at Asuka.
In this state of mind, I really didn't expect Rei
to kiss me. Out of force of habit, I accepted the kiss, until I remembered
that Asuka was here. I froze and looked at her. She was frowning, but when
she noticed my gaze, she nodded. I didn't understand what was going on,
but it felt good to have Rei against me again, so I just gave in to her
passion. And I have to say, there was a lot of passion in that kiss.
"You are forgiven, my love," whispered Rei as our
lips parted.
Then, Rei left the room. I watched her go, then
looked at Asuka. I froze again. She had that look... At that moment, I
understood what a rabbit must feel when a hungry wolf looks at it. She
literally jumped at me and pinned me to the floor.
"My turn now."
There was no point in resisting, so I submitted
to her hungry lips. I didn't really have any reasons to resist anyway...
"Can one of you explain to me what's going on?" I
asked, before taking a sip of my tea. Rei had had previously left us to
prepare it. "What were you doing in my room?" I added, looking at Asuka.
"Anta baka? Isn't it obvious? I'm living here with Rei-chan!"
I stared at her blankly. This must have been a dream.
Asuka, calling Rei "Rei-chan"? Asuka, living with Rei? Without a doubt,
it was a dream. That would also explain the kisses...
"I believe he does not understand."
"Why am I not surprised?" whined Asuka.
A hit on the head confirmed that this was no dream.
"Listen, baka Shinji! While you were... away...
I moved in with Rei. It's as simple as that. Do you get it?"
I nodded, although, I wasn't sure I really understood.
"So you sleep in my room now?"
"You seem to be catching on. About time..."
"So, where do I sleep?"
"Idiot! In your old room of course!"
Seeing that I seemed to be still missing the point,
Rei decided to take over the explanations.
"Asuka and I solved our differences. I believe that
we have become friends. We had long discussions between ourselves and with
Major Katsuragi and we agreed that it would be easier for you if you lived
in a place where neither of us would be your roommate."
"We won't fight over you anymore, and we won't put
any more pressure on you," added Asuka.
"Those kisses we gave you... will be the last. Neither
of us will try to be romantically involved with you until you make a choice,"
continued Rei.
"Now, may the best girl win!" concluded Asuka, making
a victory sign with her fingers.
Rei sighed and tried to ignore her overly enthusiastic
friend.
"I... I..."
I didn't know what to say. I would never have expected
such a change of situation. As those words sank in, I realized that things
would be different from now on. I didn't know what to think about that.
It was a relief. I wouldn't have to fear hurting them. I wouldn't have
to feel guilty when I spent time with one of them while the other was all
alone. I wouldn't have the impression of betraying them. But I also realized
that I wouldn't be able to hold them in my arms anymore. I would have to
wake up in the morning and find myself alone.
Worst of all, I would have to cook again...
I chuckled at that last thought, drawing curious
look from the girls.
"So I take it that you won't sleep in my bed at
night anymore?"
Both girls nodded. Strange, they tended to have
the same reactions ever since I woke Asuka up. Did Misato put them through
a synchronization training like Asuka and I had to go through for the fight
against the Seventh Angel?
"It's going to feel weird."
"You will get used to it. We did."
"I see... Well... thanks... I guess..."
An awkward silenced followed. I didn't really know
what to say or do, and neither did either of the girls. After long moments
we passed staring at each other in silence, Rei managed to break this uncomfortable
atmosphere.
"You should go back to your apartment to take a
bath. It will be morning soon. You can come back here when when you are
finished. Breakfast will be ready."
"Yeah, go take a bath! That smell of LCL is really
annoying. And get out of those clothes. NERV uniforms really don't suit
you well..."
This was probably the best thing for me to do. So
I got up and made my way to the exit. But before I opened the door, I turned
around to look at the girls.
"I'll miss the old days, but I'm glad to see that
you two get along now. And... I... I'm glad that you're alright. When I
saw what the Angel did to your EVAs... I... I really worried. And I felt
bad... for leaving you on your own to fight that thing. That's why... I
came back. I... I won't leave anymore. Never again."
The two girls smiled warmly. This was really a beautiful
sight. I smiled myself, then left.
The water of the hot bath felt good and warm on my
skin, embracing my body completely. I felt calm, relaxed. I let my head
drift slowly under the water, until I was completely immersed. The feeling
was not the same then begin in a entry plug full of LCL. The water seemed...
pure, clean, fresh. I only emerged when I felt I couldn't hold my breath
any longer and realized I was tempted to try and breathe the water. I guess
it had become a habit. I leaned my head against the bath and closed my
eyes. This felt so good... I drifted off to sleep.
A streetcar, familiar, heading toward some unknown
destination.
"Why am I here again?"
"Baka! Because you piloted EVA again, of course!"
I raise my head to see Asuka facing me. She's wearing
her yellow dress. Her face shows nothing but a scowl.
"That's right. I piloted EVA."
"You dislike piloting EVA. Why did you do it?"
Rei is sitting at my side. Her face is like it had
been a few months earlier. Cold and emotionless.
"Because... I want to protect you..."
"We don't need your protection, you jerk!"
"I don't want to see you hurt..."
"But you already hurt us. You ran away from us,
after hurting our feelings. You are no better than Him."
Rei gets up and walks to Asuka's side. Father appears
behind them, puts a gloved hand on each girls' waist.
"Now that you are gone, I can use those pawns in
any way I wish."
He leans his face toward Rei's. She looks at him,
her eyes empty of emotions. Then his lips meet hers. I close my eyes, not
wanting to see them.
"So, I was right, Wonder Girl is no more then the
Commander's doll..."
"STOP THAT!"
"The only thing you know is how to hurt them."
I open my eyes hearing this new voice. I recognize
this person. The gray-haired girl.
"The longer you stall you decision, the longer you
make them suffer."
"I... I don't want that."
"Knowing this makes you suffer as well."
"Yes."
"But if you don't go back to them, they will forget.
And you won't feel pain anymore."
"Won't I?"
"They'll always be with you...'
"With me?"
"Forever."
"Forever?"
"Hey, baka Shinji. Do you want to become one with
me? Do you want us to become one in body and soul? It feels so wonderful.
I'm asking you. Come on!"
Asuka is at my right, completely nude. She leans
on me, I feel her breasts against my arm.
"Shinji. Do you want to become one with me? Do you
want us to become one in body and soul? It feels so wonderful."
At my left is Rei, equally nude, equally beautiful.
"Do you want to become one with me?"
"Do you want us to become one in body and soul?"
"It feels so wonderful."
I can feel them, their hands roaming all over me.
I feel at peace. But strangely, I also feel very cold.
"Come on, now. Relax. Surrender your mind."
I am ready to let myself be lost in their embrace.
Everything around me seems to darken. I feel numb, but light. I feel...
free.
"If you run away from reality, then you will lose
them forever."
I open my eyes, just a moment before loosing all
sensations in my body. A little girl is floating in the darkness that now
surrounds me. She stares at me. She looks like a younger version of Rei,
but not quite. Her hair is brown and her eyes are blue, dark blue. Still,
she seems... familiar. That warm smile...
"Those are only shadows. Images created in your
mind by EVA to keep you here. Illusions that EVA weaves to trap people.
People like me. They are not those you love. Can't you tell?"
I look at Rei and Asuka. And I see. Their eyes are
cold. As are their bodies.
"These are... illusions."
Rei and Asuka disappear. I can now hear a heart
beating. Warm. I feel warm now.
"Do not let yourself be tempted by EVA."
A scent.
A very familiar scent. Rei? Asuka? Misato? No. Someone
else...
"Mother!"
She's close, so close...
"Mother!!! I'm coming Mother!"
"No, you mustn't. That's not your destiny. You must
go back. To protect them. To give them your love."
"But I'll hurt them..."
"It doesn't matter. They need you. As you need them."
A voice. I hear a faint voice. A familiar voice.
But not it's not Mother's... Someone... almost as important...
"Shinji! Give back my Shinji! Give him back..."
Mi... Misato...?
"You must go back. They need you. Protect them well.
I will help if I can..."
Mother?
"Go now."
I woke up with a start. This wasn't a dream. I was
sure of it. Somehow, this had happened. While I had been in EVA. It had
been real.
Mother. Was she... was she... inside... EVA? This
feeling of warmth I had always felt, each time I synchronized with EVA,
was it... her? Was this why Unit-01 kept protecting me?
But... how did this happen? Mother was supposed
to be... dead. How could she be... in EVA?
This didn't make sense. Yet... in a way... I knew
it was true.
So many questions. And the only one who had the
answers wouldn't probably give them to me...
"I... I won't let you down... Mother. I'll keep
them safe..."
I would finish this, I would fight all the remaining
Angels, then I would seek the truth. Until then... I would keep all that
I knew only to myself.
"Thank you... Mother."
I was finishing drying my hair when I heard the door
of the apartment open. Then I saw a blur of red, black and purple and next
thing I knew, I was squeezed into a powerful hug.
"Shinji! Here you are! I was so worried..."
I tried to say something, but the fact that my face was
embedded into Misato's ample bosom didn't make such an action possible.
I know some people would have been envious if they had seen this scene,
but quite frankly, I would rather have been able to breathe...
"Shinji..."
I squirmed to escape. Only after a few seconds did
Misato realize exactly what she was doing and let me go. Once I had filled
my lungs with fresh air, I looked at her. She wasn't crying, but she seemed
on the verge to. She gave me a warm smile, then she took a more serious
expression. That wasn't good...
"Don't you ever dare leave the infirmary again without
my authorization, young man!"
Facing that side of Misato, I suddenly felt really,
really small... I looked down at the floor and mumbled an apology.
"Go... gomen..."
"It's okay Shinji..."
As I raised my head to look at her again, her warm
smile was back.
"You just had us worried. Until I saw Touji, I thought
that you had ran away..."
"I'll never run away again, Misato. I... I've now found
a reason to pilot."
Misato sighed in relief. I guess this took some weight
off her shoulders.
"That's good, Shinji. Now, get ready, you need to
come to NERV. Ritsuko wants to run a few tests on you, just to make sure
there are no side-effects from what happened. You know what happened, don't
you?"
"Touji told me."
"You don't remember anything?"
I thought about those flashbacks I've been having
recently...
"I... I... No. I don't remember..."
I hated lying to her. But I couldn't tell her about
that. What had happened was so weird. And I didn't want the Commander to
know... that I knew.
"I see..."
Misato clearly wasn't buying what I just told her,
but she didn't insist on asking questions. I was grateful. However, I would
have to be more careful with Dr. Akagi.
"Can... can I at least eat breakfast. Rei said...
well... she prepared breakfast..."
Misato smiled.
"I guess a few more minutes wont hurt."
I think the girls were more pleased to see me back
than I had imagined. When I went back to Rei's... no... their apartment,
a huge breakfast was waiting for me. On one side of the table, I could
see traditional Japanese cuisine: miso soup, fish, rice balls... The other
side of the table hosted western style meals: omelets, sausages, bacon...
In the middle lay a plate of toasts with different kind of jam. Behind
the table, both girls waited, each of them wearing aprons, expectation
in their eyes.
Didn't they say that they wouldn't fight for me
anymore?
As I sat at the table, I was faced with a cruel
dilemma. Which food should I taste first. I already knew that Rei's food
was excellent, and I could guess that the Japanese meals were her doing.
I could recognize her miso soup simply from the smell. Asuka's cooking
however... She never really bothered to cook back when she lived with me
and Misato. I didn't know what to expect. But the worst part of the dilemma
was that I was afraid to hurt one of the girls by tasting the other girl's
food first. Well, no real choice. I had to start with something...
"Rei, I already know that the meals you cook are
always excellent. You don't mind if start with Asuka's cooking, do you?"
Rei blushed slightly at the compliment.
"No... not at all.."
So I picked up a fork and took a piece of the omelet.
I was more used to chopsticks, but I still managed to get a big bite out
of it. It was rather spicy, but otherwise, quite good.
"That's very good Asuka," I complimented. It was
now her turn to blush. "You never told us you could cook so well."
"Well, I couldn't really. But I took the time to
teach myself. I like Rei's cooking, but I'm not a vegetarian like her.
I need some meat from time to time! And I was tired of Japanese food!"
"I see."
I had to admit that I was a bit disappointed. After
all, Rei had learned to cook to please me. I let out a small sigh. I was
stupid. It was rather dumb, not to mention selfish, to expect them to only
do things to please me. They had their own lives after all...
Maybe it was my turn to try and do something for
them...
"What day is it, anyway?" I asked between taking
sips of Rei's soup and bites from Asuka's omelet, the soup helping to wash
down the spices.
"Friday."
"So both of you are free tomorrow, right?"
Both girls nodded and gave me quizzical looks.
"Then I can take both of you out tomorrow?"
Asuka's eyes lit up.
"Where?! Where?!"
"Er... Any place you girls want to go."
The girls looked at each other... and grinned. It
was such a strange sight it was almost scary. Suddenly, I expected the
worst.
"What happened between Rei and Asuka?" I asked, while
Misato was driving us to NERV. She seemed slightly perturbed by this question,
as she slowed down.
"Well... they've become friends..."
"I saw that. And that's what they told me. But...
I have the impression something isn't right here. I mean... they were practically
enemies. I just... can't believe things have changed... so much."
"You've got to understand how much they care about
you, Shinji. When I told them that you had been... absorbed... into EVA...
they didn't take it well. Especially since we had no idea at the time if
we could get you out or not. It's been hard... for everyone."
Misato's expression slightly darkened. I knew that
she was talking about herself as well.
"I... I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault..."
She took her eyes off the road an instant to smile
at me. Pedestrians leapt for safety.
"Rei quickly reverted to her old self," explained
Misato. "It became hard to get more than a 'yes' or 'no' out of her mouth.
I know that her friend Hotaru was worried about her. Even before she got
interested in you, Rei had showed some spark of life from time to time.
But when she learned that you may not come back... she just seemed completely
drained of all life. I was worried about her myself."
Was it because she had thought I wouldn't come back?
If I ever chose Asuka... would she be like that again?
"Asuka became much more aggressive than usual. She
didn't want to believe in the possibility that you might be 'dead' and
kept ranting about how you were a jerk, killing that Angel then running
off so that she couldn't beat you to a pulp."
I couldn't help but smile at that, thinking at what
had happened this morning. She had, indeed, beat me up.
"I think both of them felt guilty that they had
failed to stop that Angel, therefore protect you. They were getting dangerously
depressed. One night, I think we were out of food. We... neglected to buy
some. I was... well... drunk... so I told Asuka to go to Rei's to borrow
something to eat. I didn't see Asuka until the next day."
Misato made a long pause. I started to worry.
"I found them in the morning on the floor of Rei's apartment, in
each others arms. Their clothes were all messed up and they were covered
in bruises and some blood. From what they were willing to tell me later,
they had an argument over Rei wearing one of your shirts. The argument
deteriorated as they started to blame each other about what had
happened, how badly they treated you and how they had been incompetent
to protect you. But when I saw them in the infirmary, after they woke
up... they seemed... changed... like they were... friends. My guess is that they
had solved their differences during that fight. I can't be sure, they
don't want to talk about it. When I think back at the first time I saw
them hugging each other... it was a rather... disturbing sight."
I nodded, having felt the same way myself all morning.
"And so, Asuka moved in with Rei?"
"After a few days. It seemed like the best way for
their friendship to live through their competition over you."
"I see..."
So they had fought over me. No wonder they didn't
want to tell me.
"You're lucky Shinji. They both love you very much."
"I know Misato-san."
I smiled again. Yes, life was complicated, but it
felt good to know that someone cared about me.
"We're here," announced Misato, as she parked her
car into it's designated place. The prospect of having to go through Dr.
Akagi's tests was not a pleasant one, but I was still smiling when we joined
her.
As I had expected, Dr. Akagi's tests were very boring
and very tiring. She took I don't know how many fluid and other kind of
samples, then had me go through dozens of different machines, before finally
giving me a plug suit and shoving me into an entry plug for synch and harmonics
testing. The results? If we didn't consider my synch ratio being lower
by one point, everything was all normal. So, I had been bored to death
just for nothing. I chuckled at the thought. Asuka was usually the one
who would complain about that.
Once I was freed from all of the doctor's tests,
I came back to the apartment to realize that my trials were far from over.
I sighed in desperation as I looked at the battlefield Misato called home.
Images of Rei's perfectly cleaned apartment came to mind. I sighed again.
In resignation, I started to pick up empty beer cans. School would be over
in less then two hours. It was enough time to at least give the place a
better look.
My projections happened to be right, as I managed
to roughly clean everything up in an hour and a half. Tired, I retired
to my room. I was about to let myself slump on my bed, when I realized
something was wrong. This place was clean. Really clean. No dust. You could
smell it in the air. A look around confirmed that everything that I owned
seemed to be here, except maybe the shirt Rei apparently had permanently
borrowed. I'd have to ask her about that. I was curious to know why she
had kept one of my shirts. Was it in order to somehow feel me close to
her?
In a corner of the room, I noticed my cello. It
wasn't in the right place, so I picked it up to move it, but changed my
mind and exited my room with it in hand and sat down on a chair in the
kitchen. The last time I had played, it had been with a depressed mind.
I felt happy now. I wanted to see if the feeling of playing it would be
different. It did. The melody was nicer, more joyful. I seemed to be playing
better than usual. I closed my eyes and lost myself in playing the instrument.
I only opened my eyes when I heard the door's apartment
open. Rei walked in, smiling, followed by an Asuka most clearly in a foul
mood. She kept mumbling to herself and I could sometimes pick up a few
German curses. Apparently, it had not been a good school day for her.
"Are we interrupting you?" asked Rei.
I realized that I had stopped playing.
"I... I was just practicing a bit... I can stop..."
"No. Go on."
I looked at Rei. She just smiled. Then I looked
at Asuka. She gave me a "I don't care" look. So, I resumed my playing,
pulling the bow across the strings of my cello, the rich, deep chords rumbling
throughout the small apartment. I regretted not having practiced more,
listening to the occasional sour note that snuck past despite my best intentions.
It wasn't often I had an audience, and I really wanted to play well for
them.
Rei sat on her knees, watching me play from the
living room. Her expression was the same as it always was, but the interest
in her red eyes was genuine. I started to wonder if she'd actually ever
sat down and listened to music before. I mean, just listened to it. I was
sure she'd heard music in her life, but she showed such interest now that
I was beginning to think that she might not have realized what it was for
before now.
Her eyes watched the movements of my hands on the
strings with rap concentration. She seemed enthralled with the variety
of notes that a single pass of the bow could entail. A moment later her
eyes rose to look into mine, and she smiled. It seemed like a smile of
thanks for this new experience. I smiled back.
Glancing slightly beyond the blue-haired girl, I
looked at the other figure present. Unlike Rei, who was sitting straight
and proper, Asuka had sprawled herself across as much floor space as possible.
Arms and legs thrown outwards from her body, she lay on her back and looked
up at the ceiling, the very image of relaxed energy.
I had expected Asuka to grow tired of my playing
and tell me to stop that noise, but she didn't. She just stayed there,
lying on the floor. I snuck glances at her throughout my presentation
and noticed that her features seemed to slowly relax and shift to a small
smile of contentment.
Seeing this made the smile on my own face grow larger,
but I quickly ducked my head. Better make sure that she didn't see my grin
and somehow guess the 'music soothes the savage beast' line that kept dancing
through my head. I wasn't interested in again feeling the fury of her fists.
I played like this for probably fifteen minutes.
On the floor, Asuka seemed to be slowly falling asleep. A bit closer to
me, Rei had closed her eyes, but the smile on her face showed that she
was still enjoying my music. This peaceful atmosphere was soon broken by
the arrival of Misato.
"Hi guys!"
Then, Misato froze at this scene of peace and calmness
that we were displaying. This was not something you could usually see in
the Katsuragi household.
"Thank you," whispered Rei, before getting up and
heading for the kitchen where she started to make some tea.
Asuka regained her senses and ran toward the telephone,
leaving me with the Major.
"Well, I see that you guys are all here, so we can
now have our big dinner party!" said Misato, all smiles.
"Party?" I asked, a bit suspicious of her intentions.
"Don't worry! Just the four of us. And I won't get
drunk, I promise!"
Katsuragi Misato? Promising not to get drunk? Now,
that was something...
"The food will be delivered in a few minutes!" announced
Asuka as she came back to the living room.
"Take out?" I asked, surprised. We rarely ate take
out. Especially since Rei and I usually took care of all the cooking. And
now that Asuka seemed to know how to cook, it seemed even more odd.
"Anta baka? It's a dinner party! You don't expect
us to cook, do you?"
I guess her reasoning made sense.
True to Asuka's words, the food soon arrived and
we took places around the low table in the living room. Misato was facing
me, while I had Rei and Asuka at my sides.
"Feels strange. I had almost forgotten the taste
of tea..."
It was strange indeed to see Misato drinking tea
instead of beer or coffee.
"You should stop drinking alcohol. It is damaging
to your health."
"Yeah, I know Rei... maybe I will..."
Misato took another long sip of tea, before speaking
again, a wide smile on her face.
"Shinji... Asuka... Rei... you guys are like the
children I never had... and probably never will. I... I'm glad we're finally
all together again. There are only three Angels left now. I truly hope
that we can have a similar dinner once they are defeated. This is my wish."
"Come on, Misato! You're still young! I'm sure Kaji
would be delighted to give you one or two babies of your own..." said Asuka,
a wide grin almost splitting her face in two.
Usually, Misato was the one who would tease us.
But now, it was her turn to blush like a tomato.
"What?! It's... it's not like that..."
"Where were you last night?"
Misato face was suddenly as pale as Rei's.
"Er... Well... Who... who would want to have children
of his anyway?!"
"If it wasn't for Shin-chan, maybe I wouldn't mind."
Everyone at that table, with the exception of Asuka,
were suddenly speechless.
"But I'd rather have one from Shin-chan..."
I gulped. Rei glared at Asuka. I didn't think she
liked the way this discussion was going. I know I sure didn't...
"I wonder what it would look like? Maybe a cute
little girl with my hair and his dark blue eyes..." Asuka had an almost
dreamy expression on her face. It was really scary. "Hey, Rei-chan? If
you had a kid with Shin-chan here, what do you think it would look like?"
asked Asuka with a grin, now back to her usual self.
Rei's reaction probably wasn't what Asuka expected
it to be. Her chopsticks fell on the table. Her expression changed from
a calm one to one of utter sadness. Tears rolled freely from her cheeks
and fell in her plate.
"Rei?"
As if the mention of her name had pulled her out
of a daze, she got up and rushed out of the apartment. We stood there,
lost and confused over what just happened.
"What's with her? I... I wasn't serious. I'm not
even interested in having children. All I want is to pilot EVA..."
"I don't know. I'll... I'll go after her. Excuse
me."
That look on her face... I had to know what was
wrong. I think that Asuka tried to come along, but Misato told her to stay.
I found Rei in her room, her face buried in her pillow,
crying like I had never seen her cry. I approached her in silence, not
knowing what to do, or what to say.
"Rei..."
I put a hand on her shoulder, then moved it to her
head, where I caressed her soft unruly blue hair.
"What's wrong Rei?""
She turned her head a bit and looked at me. I felt
as if my heart would break.
"Rei..."
"I... I... I..."
The words just kept dying in her mouth. Again she
started to cry. Not knowing what else to do, I took her in my arms. I felt
her grip my shirt tightly and she cried hard against my shoulder, until
she cried herself asleep.
The next morning, Rei apparently felt better. She
came to Misato's and asked us to forgive her outburst. When we asked what
had happened, she simply said that she didn't want to explain. We didn't
push the matter further, but from the look on Misato's face, I could tell
that she didn't want to give up yet. I wasn't sure if she was worried as
our guardian, or as our commanding officer. Maybe both.
After breakfast, the girls enlightened me as to
their plans for the day. At first, Asuka seemed a bit uneasy, I guessed
she felt guilty for whatever had happened the night before, but the prospect
of the day's activities quickly made her forget all about that incident.
Their plans were really quite simple. It wasn't
really a surprise, with Tokyo-3 getting more and more deserted, there wasn't
much to do here. First they wanted to go to the mall for shopping...
"The mall?"
"Yes! We really need to buy you some new clothes!"
"Buy me some clothes? What's wrong with my clothes?"
"You always wear the same clothes," answered Rei
flatly.
"You have no style at all! Just those damn school
shirts and some occasional T-shirts!"
"But I don't need new clothes!"
"Did Rei need new clothes?" asked Asuka, pointing
at Rei who today was wearing a blue dress with long black leather boots,
most likely picked up by Misato.
I didn't know what to say. Rei did look cute. So
I just shut up and let myself be dragged along.
The rest of the day had been planned as simply as
well. We would carry back our packages to the apartment and have lunch
here, then go back and spend whatever money we would have left at the mall
again, then come back to the apartment, then I would treat them to dinner
and finally we would go watch a movie. And if we weren't too tired, Asuka
wanted to try some discotheque she had heard about before it would be closed
down. Rei and I shared worried looks. I didn't really know how to dance
and she seemed to be in the same situation. We both sighed as our redhead
companion lead us toward the mall.
I sighed as the girls finally left me alone one moment
to enter into a lingerie shop. "No perverts allowed" was the warning Asuka
gave me. Frankly, I had to admit, this was the last place I wanted to follow
them in. If I did, I was sure that they would take an immense pleasure
into torturing me by asking me to judge what would look the best. They
had already teased me enough when they had tried the swimsuits... It had
been pleasant to look at, but I found myself blushing too often for my
liking.
I sighed again. Dealing with one was difficult already.
Dealing with both of them at the same time was exhausting...
I was seeking some place to crash down when suddenly,
something caught my eye. I'm not sure yet why. Maybe part of me longed
for a definitive end to this situation. One thing was sure, whatever it
was, something prompted me to look closer at the window of that small jewelry
store; more precisely at the engagement ring that was displayed there.
It was rather simple. A gold ring mounted by a single diamond. But still,
I felt attracted to it.
Minutes later, I carried it in one of my pockets.
However, I still had to choose who I was going to give it to...
[To be continued...]
Next time:
The One I Love Is...
Chapter 8 - Broken Hearts
Omake
Shinji relaxed into the bath, ducking his head under the water. After a bit, he came back up, albeit reluctantly. He lazily rested his head against the back of the tub and fell asleep.
"Do you want to become one with me?" A naked Touji asked as he leaned forward.
Needless to say, Shinji freaked out and snapped awake, but not in that order.
Holding his head in his hands, Shinji promised never to read Rei's collection of Yaoi manga ever again.
(My thanks to Godsend777 for this little omake)
Click here to reach the Author's notes