A Solace In The Silence

Part Two

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by Grace

A/N: Hi... Enjoy the mush. I hope you like mush. This is pretty mushy and maybe a little predictable (or maybe not, I dunno) but oh well. Also, a few things: I've been informed that my German translation of Peaceful Rest was wrong, and, um, I'm sorry. I got that off an online translator. (Damn them!) In addition, to the person who said Mr. Crouch was turned into a bone: I know that. I kind of forgot to put it into the story, but for these purposes, let's just say the Ministry felt the need to give him a proper grave and all because, well, he was all political and involved and... um... stuff. Yeah. Er, well, I guess that's it. Your reviews (especially the nice ones) are REALLY appreciated, guys, thank you so much! :) Um... enjoy, I guess.

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I was drenched after my little excursion, but I didn't really care. I made my way back up to my room, shut the door behind me, and leaned against it. The clock by my bed read 7:14. I had spent an entire night without sleep, and I was exhausted, but it didn't matter to me I wasn't concerned about myself, I was living outside of myself, I was going through the motions of my life.

I unzipped my suitcase; I hadn't bothered to unpack the previous night. I laid my clothes out on the bed and finally chose a gray shirt and a black skirt: subdued colors to reflect my mood. After pulled them on, I grabbed my makeup case and sat down in front of the huge mirror in the bathroom. I mechanically applied blush, eye shadow, mascara, and lip gloss, but not lipstick, because I just don't like lipstick. And when I was done, I looked at myself in the mirror... and very nearly threw up.

I didn't look like myself. I didn't feel like myself. So far, I'd gotten advice from my friends, teachers, parents, and even a few people that I didn't know who all told me that this was a stage that would pass. Personally, I wouldn't have cared if it didn't. There didn't seem to be any reason to go on. Such a bright light in my life had gone out... and it had been extinguished by a force that would go on to destroy so many more. There was nothing to keep me going, not one single, solitary thing.

At this point, my mother knocked on my door and told me to get up. I faked the noises of someone unwillingly rising from a very deep sleep, and told her I was coming. She replied that she and my father would be waiting for me in the Enchanted Garden's parlor for breakfast. Fifteen minutes later, when my hair had dried completely, I joined them. An hour later, we were in the middle of a shopping trip for the robes I would wear at the dinners – a separate one for each night. Of course, my parents were intent on spoiling me out of my grief, and insisted on buying horrifying amounts of expensive jewelry. It was very nice, and I pretended as best I could to be deliriously happy, but I wasn't. I don't think they knew that though.

For lunch, we went to a fancy French restaurant, where I had some kind of chicken. Then my parents and I returned to the hotel, and I went down to the pool with a book. I sat in the same lawn chair for three hours and never turned a page.

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I walked in the house in the middle of breakfast. Mum gave me a concerned look and offered me sausage, Dad chirped a distracted, "Morning, Percy," my way, Ron nodded in greeting, Fred and George chimed, "Hey, Perce," and Ginny regarded me with a suspicious look. I swear, that girl knows too much about me.

To be honest, I was much too disturbed to do much else but incline my head very slightly and leave the room. I'm sure strange looks followed me, but I really didn't care at the moment. The thing that troubled me was not the absence of Mr. Crouch from this earth; in some way, I had come to terms with that in the past hour. What troubled me was Cho Chang. I didn't know why, but it was something about the look she had given me. It was completely lifeless, like she had just given up, which haunted me because I saw that in myself.

I holed myself up in my room and starting working on a report the Ministry had assigned me, some paperwork regarding the upcoming security conferences. I had been invited, of course, as well as Dad and the rest of the family; they weren't all planning on attending, however. Because Ron didn't like big dinners, Fred and George were likely to blow up something, and Ginny and Mum staunchly maintained that they didn't have nearly enough dress robes, we had come to a compromise. The first six dinners of the week would be attended by only myself and Dad; as we were both expected to bring our family to mingle, we decided that they ought to come at least once, and they agreed to come on the last and most important night.

Looking around at my room, it suddenly seemed way too small, like the walls were closing in on me. I felt suffocated. I couldn't write. I had to get out. I knew of a shady little spot on a nearby hill, under this fantastic old maple tree. I love that tree. I could sit there for hours, just watching the birds and thinking. I hardly needed to consider it before Apparating right to the very spot.

Ginny found me after a time. I'm not sure how long it was, it could have been a few hours or fifteen minutes. Time is all relative when you're under that tree, even for a punctual control freak like myself. All I know is, she found me. I think she has Percy-seeking radar.

She was silent as she sat by me; with Ginny, it's different than my other siblings. I always feel the need to talk to them, and I end up making a great prat out of myself. Or maybe they just enjoy those cauldron bottom conversations. Yeah, that must be it... that's why they avoid me all the time. Yep. Uh-huh.

I'm trying to fool myself again. It never works.

She spoke after a few minutes. "Uh... So what'd you do this morning?"

"Oh, um, nothing."

"You mean, nothing you want to talk about?"

I nodded. Ginny's intuitiveness frightens me sometimes.

A few more minutes of silence passed, during which I observed a sparrow scouring the ground for a worm. Finally, it reached it's slimy goal and flew off to feed its flock. Birds have such a simple way of life. They don't need power or money or fame, like humans do.

I guess something, some mysterious, impenetrable force, had been pressing on me for awhile or something, but I really did want to talk about it. What exactly I wanted to talk about, I don't know. That happens to me a lot – I can't find the words to express what I'm feeling, and say something stupid instead. Ginny's different though.

"It's just that... I don't know. Something weird happened," I commented stupidly. She didn't feign understanding, just waited for me to complete the thought.

"Do you know a Cho Chang?"

The question hung in the air for a moment, and she then she looked at me, surprised. "Yeah... She was Cedric Diggory's girlfriend. You know, Cedric Diggory..."

Was the one who died. "Yeah, I know. Wait, she was his most treasured possession or something, wasn't she?" I vaguely remembered her. I'd been concerned about Ron that day, and I really didn't take in as much as maybe I should have.

"Yeah."

We sat in the quiet again, and even though I'm sure Ginny was dying to ask why I wanted to know about Cho Chang, but she didn't. Ginny really is an amazing girl. Harry's an idiot not to notice, I think.

The stillness of the trees and the world around us was a blessing. I love the quiet. It lets me think. Talking is highly overrated.

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The rest of the weekend was a blur. I ate, shopped, and slept only during the daytime. At night, I stayed awake and thought, or wrote, or read. My parents were having a wonderful time, and thought I was too.

On Monday, my father left for the first day of International Security Conferences at the Ministry. My mother and I spent the day by the poolside, stopping only at noon to order room service. I had some really delicious-looking pasta, but I didn't taste a thing.

At five o'clock, I dressed for the dinner. My mother did as well; she outfitted herself in lilac satin dress robes with intricately embroidered flowers. Her hair was held back in an complicated-looking kind of twist. My mother really is beautiful.

I didn't really care what I wore to this stupid thing, but to please my parents, I pulled on light blue, v-neck robes and a silver necklace. I left my hair down and unornamented, but my mother didn't like that and did something with it. I'm not sure what. I wasn't feeling especially observant.

Father came to the hotel straight from the conferences, which gave him about a half an hour to put on some nicer dress robes. Then he complimented both me and my mother, and called us a cab. Before I knew it, we were in front of Ministry headquarters.

Let me tell you, as apathetic as I was toward the whole thing, it was really a sight to see. The building is huge and granite; stone gargoyles, which looked way too lifelike for my taste, sit out front. There's a long set of very wide, carpeted stairs, and some beautiful red flowers bloom year-round in the front to complete the image.

And the inside, oh Lord. The carpet is a deep, rich burgundy; there are gold trimmings everywhere. Fairy lights were strung up all over, making the place look polished and enchanting. The perfect setting for a mass gathering of monotonous social introductions, I thought.

Dinner was fine, I guess. I ended up seated between Father and a fleshy, red-faced man who kept calling for more clams and wine. He had an unpleasant scent of burning leaves and charcoal. However, the food itself was quite good, even for my listless standards. I listened politely to the table talk of politics and hunting weather and Quidditch, nodding my head occasionally so that I wouldn't fall asleep on my plate. I was dreading the after dinner part. It came all too soon.

I followed my parents as the crowd dispersed into the ballroom, which was pretty much all white marble. Of course, then they went off to go talk to some important people from the Department of Misuse of Magic, or something like that, and I found myself in a far corner observing the scene. I helped myself to some elderberry wine.

I had lost track of time after awhile, just watching the different hues of robes and hair and skin tone swirl together, like a disorganized rainbow. I guess I zoned out.

At any rate, I soon sensed a presence behind me and turned to see... Percy Weasley. He smiled weakly at me. I was caught off guard, and it took me a second to return a polite grin.

"Hello," he said.

"Er...hi."

"Are you Wong Li Chang's daughter, then?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." He stood beside me a for a few more minutes, and finally gave me a shrewd, searching look. I hate it when people look at me like that. It makes me nervous. I pretended not to notice, anyway, and said something to make him stop.

"So... I just realized, after I came home, where I've seen you before. You were a Triwizard judge once, weren't you?"

"Um... yeah. I was, um, working under Mr. Crouch."

"Oh." Then I realized that I'd heard that name mentioned by father, something at the dinner table a few nights ago... "Oh. Wasn't he....um...?"

"Yes," said Percy Weasley quietly. Oh, why was he standing there? I barely knew him, anyway, why couldn't he just go try to impress his boss or something?

"I probably should go now," he said, as though reading my mind. "But I must confess, I really hate mingling. I'm awful at it. I can't just talk to people, like that."

Well, I guess there was some sense in that. I said nothing.

"You think I'm crazy?" he said after a moment.

I shook my head slowly, staring at the dancers as they began a waltz. "No. No, I don't. I really know what you mean."

He looked really surprised, and seemed to be considering something. After a moment, "Would you like to dance?"

Oh, great. Wonderful. A gangling nineteen-year-old redhead that I met in a graveyard was now asking me to dance two weeks after my boyfriend was murdered by Lord Voldemort.

I gave him a polite smile, left my wine glass on a nearby table, and accepted. He led me out on the floor, and for a moment all I could think of or see was Cedric; Cedric leading me on the floor, Cedric's eyes giving me that, that look that he had... But I soon forgot that, I was concentrating so hard on trying not to bump into anyone on the crowded dance floor.

Percy was a decent dancer, to be sure. Well, I wouldn't put him up to disco, but he was okay at waltzes. He dances differently than Cedric; with Cedric it had always been so natural. Percy held onto me very carefully, as though I were a piece of good china he thought he'd break, and yet very tightly, as though he couldn't let go. It was strange, yes, but actually a nice sensation in my world of indifference.

The music was slow, mournful, a little depressing and reassuring in its steady beat all at the same time. We didn't talk; we didn't need to. Besides, the room was loud enough anyway.

I swear that song lasted forever. It was one of those moments that sort of suspends itself in time and burns itself in your memory, for no reason that's apparent to you at its happening. I guess it's because that was the first time I'd forgotten Cedric in months. Not to say I forgot him because I was swept off my feet by Percy, but because I had to figure how not to step on anyone's feet.

The song ended after a few minutes, and Percy asked me if I wanted to go take a walk and get some air. I nodded, grateful he didn't try to make me dance again, and followed him out the door.

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I don't know what possessed me. Why was I talking to some poor fifteen-year-old I didn't even know? I met Cho Chang in a graveyard, we said maybe two sentences to each other, she gave me a weird look, and now I was dancing with her at corporate parties when I should be mixing with my superiors! All right, nevermind I wasn't any good at talking to my superiors and generally always ended up fetching drinks for some important head of department, it was what I should've been doing. But oh no, I had to go stalk some poor girl who obviously wanted to be, and should've been, left alone.

If that wasn't enough, I took her on a walk. A walk! What was I planning on doing, I'd like to know? Making out with her in the bushes a few weeks after her boyfriend bought the farm? Smooth move, Perce.

OK, actually, though I didn't know myself very well at the moment (I always lose my perspective in crowds), I can attest to the honor of my intentions. Cho looked rather stifled and pale, and, well, I was a little worried about her. Besides, the immense about of bodies stuffed in the room was making it a little hard to breathe.

Walking outside was a kind of relief, really. The air was brisk, the night was beautiful, the moon full... ugh. A full moon couldn't be a good sign. I believe in the power of a full moon.

Cho seemed to, too. She kept looking at the sky mournfully, like she expected Cedric to come flying down out of the black hole. (He didn't.) I stayed completely quiet, because that's just the way I am. The stillness of the night was almost eerie.

In our circles around the building, we came across a bench, and I asked Cho if she'd like to sit down. She did, and we sat, looking anywhere but at each other. I was reminded strongly of the early days with Penny, when we had been friends and I'd had the most horrible crush on her. Only I didn't have a crush on Cho. Not that she wasn't pretty or nice or anything, but honestly, even looking back on it now, I can tell you that I really, really, really didn't. How could I have a crush on someone I just met? In a graveyard? Who was four years younger than myself?

After awhile, the tranquility started to bug me. "Sickle for your thoughts?" I said, turning to Cho. From the look on her face, she had a lot of thoughts.

She gave me a weird look then. I didn't understand it until much later, when I knew Cho better and I understood what had been going on in her life up to the moment I uttered those four words. So, at the time, I thought it was a really weird look. Then she answered me so softly that I could barely hear the words.

"You don't really want to know, Percy, but since you asked... I was thinking about the stars."

What? "The... um... stars?"

"Yep. I was thinking," she continued in a more sure tone, "about how I used to wish on them, and how the wish never came true. I used to get so mad, because I was always told as a child that when you wish on a star, you know, it comes true. And it didn't. Went against all the fairy tales I ever learned, not that my parents ever told me any, but I had this one uncle who always told me stories like that. 'Foolish nonsense,' my father called it. It probably was, but I didn't really learn that until my uncle died. He died the year I came to Hogwarts. I wished on a star, a falling one, no less, for him to come back. He didn't."

I stared at her.

"Um... yeah, that was probably a long, stupid topic of conversation, for which I will be heartily embarrassed tomorrow," she said, flushing a little.

"No. It wasn't."

"Yeah, right. Don't tell the clown he's not wearing too much makeup."

"No, seriously. I learned more about you as a person in those ten sentences than I've learned about all my brothers in nineteen years of living with them."

She looked a little shocked. We sat in silence for a few more minutes, then headed inside. Before I knew it, the ball was over and I was at home in bed, but I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about what she'd said, and about how I had never, in my life, ever wished on a star. Maybe it was time to start doing things like that.