A Solace In The Silence
Part Five
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by Grace
A/N: It's done! It's FINALLY done! I apologize so much for the wait, thank all of you for your incredibly wonderful and kind reviews, and meekly ask you if I could have some more? There's one more part coming, and I don't have a very clear idea of how I want to go about it. Your comments and criticism and ideas are ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS appreciated beyond belief... I love you guys! ^_^ Have fun...
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I spent the rest of the night trying to pull Cho together. When the rain started, we sat just inside the doors, with our backs to the wall. No one bothered us.
At the end of the night, we said a polite good-bye and promised to write. I went home with my family and Harry and locked myself in my room for a bit. I stared at the wall, and the scenes of the past few hours flashed before my eyes, though the whole thing was a bit blurry. The rain slammed against the window. After awhile, Ginny knocked on my door.
"Hey," she said, sitting down beside me in her nightdress.
"Hey."
"Was Cho all right?"
I sighed, and gave Ginny my honest opinion. "No, she... she really wasn't. How could she be? But, she'll get there... eventually. Harry?"
It was her turn to sigh. "I don't know. After he left, I snuck out to find him – Ron was in a state of shock. I did find him, after awhile. I tried to talk to him, but... it just didn't work. I'm willing to bet he won't talk to Ron either."
My sister is easier to talk to than anyone I've ever met. If she couldn't get Harry to open up, Ron wouldn't have much success either. Moreover, Ron's too scared of tense situations like that to exert himself much to start the conversation. Harry was just going to have to be silent, then. I felt sort of bad about this; at least Cho was trying to move on.
Ginny and I talked about trivial things for a bit, and then she left. I couldn't sleep, though. I wrote Cho a letter, sent Hermes out, laid down, tried to sleep, couldn't, went to the kitchen for some warm milk...
And found Harry down there, doing the same thing.
I was sort of surprised to see him for a minute, but then I decided I might as well make the most of the opportunity.
"Hey, Harry," I said, almost cautiously.
"What are you doing up?" Defensive. Great.
"Couldn't sleep. You?"
"Oh... yeah."
I poured my milk and sat down beside him. He spoke.
"Ginny said you were talking to Cho." A beat. "Was she okay?"
I sighed. Why did people keep asking me that? How was I supposed to know if Cho was okay or not? The way she'd sobbed into my shoulder, I really couldn't be sure.
"She's getting there. I mean, I think she's... letting it out, you know? That's the first step."
He looked a little surprised (probably wondering when I was going to start talking about cauldron bottoms) and a little wary, but he said nothing. I decided to go a little further, for his sake.
"You know, far be it from me to tell you how to live your life. God knows I've made a mess of mine, " I said, though the last part wasn't really to Harry. He stared at me, thoroughly puzzled. "But if I have any right to say anything to you, Harry, as your best friend's older brother, it would be that maybe you should take a leaf out of Cho's book."
The green eyes narrowed. "You're right Percy, you really have no right to tell me how to live my life."
"Fine. Point taken. I was just thinking, you know... I've always been the kind to bottle things up, Harry. Do you remember where I was when Ginny was taken into the Chamber of Secrets?"
"Um... you were... in the dormitory?"
"Exactly. I wasn't coping very well, let's just say. Do you know what I did when I broke up with Penny?"
"Didn't know you had," he said disinterestedly.
"Moped. Wouldn't talk to anyone for months, until Ginny finally got through to me. And then I got it out, and I could breathe again. Do you know what the point of this conversation is?"
"No." I could tell he didn't really care, but I didn't care that he didn't, so we were on level ground.
"That I've been there. Maybe my circumstances were different, and a whole lot less tragic or life-scarring, but the point is that I get what's going on here."
Harry shrugged. I suspected he was trying not to blow up at me. Obviously, it was time to leave.
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I remember going back to the hotel. I remember being vaguely glad that we wouldn't have to spend one more godforsaken night there. I remember collapsing on my bed and staring at the ceiling. I remember getting a letter from Percy, although I still have no idea how his owl knew where to find me.
And other than that, I remember nothing of that night.
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It rained all night. I know this because I was up until the very early hours of the next day. I guess that if I hadn't been a bit young, I would've considered it a mid-life crisis.
Meeting Cho had been a strange experience. This past week had felt like... I don't know, like a nightmare... or a dream. It occurred to me that even as she was a little broken in her grief, she was still the most impetuous, fun, thoughtful person I could have ever hoped to meet at a stifling business ordeal. And it occurred to me that maybe it was only because I had given her a chance to talk to me – unlike my brothers.
And then it happened that I realized something. It flashed across my brain quickly... but it left things to be considered. It was a realization that had been a long time in coming.
I was living my life... wrong. Wrongly. Whatever.
My family barely recognized my existence. I didn't have any friends. The sole pursuit of my being was my ambition. It was what I did because I didn't have anything else.
I came to the conclusion, based on the last week and a number of nameless feelings that had been brewing inside me for a long time without my comprehending it, that that was what needed to change. I needed to... well... get a life.
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I was so glad to be home. You can't possibly imagine it. My experiences at the Ministry's stupid party had only served to heighten my awareness of a need for normalcy. My sense of security had been ravaged. The only comfort I had had, in the past month, at least, was meeting Percy. I found him refreshing and relieving, even if he was quite possibly the polar opposite of Cedric. The one thing they shared was that both of them would listen to me, which was something I needed more than anything during that time.
He and I sent each other letters over the next couple of weeks; his were comforting without meaning to be. Mine were full of memories and misplaced grief, full of the past tense. I was living in the past tense. Percy was like a lifeline from the present, and he was a blessing in his own right, too. If he was going to listen, then I was going to have to talk.