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Spoilers: The Phantom Menace and there is a mention of what happens in Jedi Academy books 5 and 6, but no real spoilers. This diary entry is a sequel to Obi-Wan's Diary: A Sense of Darkness.
Dedicated to all my previous readers who
requested more, especially Burning_Tyger and Theed who wanted me to write
a sequel entry to Obi-Wan's Diary: A Sense of Darkness. I'd already had
the idea of writing a sequel to it, but I really liked hearing that others
felt the same way.
Obi-Wan's Diary: My Greatest Failure
by Bria
Friday, February 9, 2001
I have failed once again. Amidala is dead. Somehow though, this is my worst failure of all.
First there was Qui-Gon. I let the Sith Lord Darth Maul separate us, and I let Qui-Gon face that monster himself. He wasn't alone though. At least Qui-Gon had the Force. My Master was far from defenseless, but he was still caught unaware, in a moment where I should've been with him. As a result, I watched as my friend and Master was slain.
Then there was Anakin. I was arrogant, I can see that now. I never paid attention to how far Anakin was slipping. I told myself it just a faze, akin to when I rebelled against Qui-Gon's teachings because I thought I had found truth on Melida-Daan. I know now that I was wrong about Anakin.
But losing Amidala? I should've protected her, made sure what she was safe. I should have seen to it that Anakin wouldn't have been able to find her. It truly is my greatest failure of all. I saw this moment, for crying out loud. Why didn't I do something during Anakin and Amidala wedding? I saw it, every single detail. Anakin, excuse me, Darth Vader standing over Amidala fallen form. I told myself then that the future was always in motion, and what I saw didn't necessarily mean anything. But the feeling remained for quite a while after the ceremony. Why didn't I trust my gut instincts? I had forseen everything that had taken place, and yet I did nothing. I should've kept my eye on Anakin. And I should've made sure Amidala was truly safe. Instead I hid on Tatooine.
I'm not sure if I will ever forgive my self for this. I've thought myself to be a Jedi for a long time now. Now however, I wonder if I'm really worthy of the title. I should have been more alert, more conscious of what was going on around me. Maybe if I had been, none of this would have taken place.
Yet, I cannot change the past. I only can look to the future. I will correct my mistakes. Luke is still an infant, but one day, I will train him. I refuse to fail that kid. He truly is our only hope now.
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Love it? Hate it? This is my third
"Obi-Wan's Diary" entry. Think I should continue? I have a couple
more in mind. Please review in the box below and let me know what
you think! Flames will be cheerfully ignored, because I refuse to
stoop to that level. Remember, the ability to flame doesn't make you intelligent.
;)