Angst Crusaders
Ouch Time
"So, will someone explain to me why the heck we are breaking into our greatest rivals House, with a stolen lightsaber, in the middle of the night?" Larania whined. She was claustrophobic, and being underground was giving her the willies.
RenegadeLegacy had opened up the ancient, moldered vault that they had found, and they were creeping down the tunnel they had found. Naomi Sisko was carrying the lantern, because she was the one with the matches, in the front. Libra was right beside her, along with RL and Larania bringing up the rear. RL had the lightsaber she had taken from the Head of the Intergalactic Writers Council lit, and the eerie green glow it emitted was almost brighter than the lamplight.
"We are trying to find out what Biz is up too," said RenegadeLegacy in an overly patient voice. She was also a little nervous, and Larania wasn't helping any.
"Oh, okay."
It was then that the tunnel they were following opened up into a huge cavern. It was so big that the combined light of the lightsaber and the lantern didn't even touch the walls.
"Whoa," said Libra, her voice reverberating throughout the cave. "Echo!" she yelled. Libra was immediately shushed.
Larania now had her shovel up like it was a weapon, looking around warily.
"Does anyone else smell something funny?" she asked, sniffing.
The rest of the girls took deep breaths, and gagged.
"I smell a rat," Libra declared.
Everyone else was coughing and hacking at the smell, so they didn't answer.
Shining the lantern over in one of the far sides of the cave, Naomi saw a fleeting shadow.
"What, (cough, gag,) was that?" she yelled, and started to run over.
"Don't know," wheezed Larania. She had been closer, and had gotten there faster.
"No tracks, anyway, but that would be hard here," she told them, looking at the ground.
"When did you learn to read tracks?" asked RenegadeLegacy, as she raced up from behind.
"My fourth year. You'll have it next year. 'Sides, it would be kind of obvious in here, anyway."
"Whoa," everyone heard Naomi say. She was facing another wall of the giant cavern, and she had seen something they hadn't.
They turned, and saw…
It was a computer. The biggest that they had ever seen, and Naomi was headed straight for it.
"Don't!" yelled Libra shrilly. "It could use sunspots reflected off swamp gas that was refracted through a magic prism to evaporate you!"
Larania and RenegadeLegacy turned to look at her.
(Sweat drop)
"Well, it could happen!"
Naomi hadn't heard. She was still walking to it like she was in a daze, and she reached out for it. Waving her hand over a pad, lights sprang suddenly from the terminal, and several other lights appeared as well, from many different sources.
Weaving her hands in and out of the light, several beautiful sounds could be heard. Naomi smiled and started to sing, "Jig-a-lee-puff, jig-a-lee-ee-puff,"
Behind her, RL, Libra and Larania started to nod off.
Looking around and noticing what was happening, Naomi stopped.
"How'd I do that?" she exclaimed, and stepped away. Promptly, the other authors woke up.
"Do (yawn) what?" asked Libra, her eyes still drooping.
Naomi tried to sing, but she wasn't able to.
"What is that thing?"
There was a soft voice that came from the lights, which formed into a giant, floating head.
"Six thousand years ago, a morphological being known as Ivan Ooze ruled the world with a rein of unparalleled terror-"
"Oh, no," said Larania. "This person was a Power Rangers fan!"
"Actually, I'm not, I was simply waking up from a strange dream," said the giant floating head.
All the girls tried to do a credible imitation of a landed fish.
"There is one out there, who would unleash the greatest evil that the 'Net has ever known. I do not know who that one is, but she has drained the Omnipotent Fan Fiction powers from all of you," it said.
"NOOO!" they screamed.
"It was Biz!" screamed Libra, stomping her foot. "I know it was!"
"She was not alone," continued the floating head, which they didn't even have a name for.
"Scott," hissed Larania, her eyes narrowing to slits, and her hands whirling the shovel around.
"She is draining all over your powers into a plot hole, one that threatens to engulf all of fandom," said the head.
"Who are you?" asked Naomi, still the calm, rational one.
"I am the spirit of all fan fiction. The voice that inspires creation, free thinking, and joy of writing, I am-"
"You're Bob, the Universal Janitor," said a voice from behind them.
They whirled around, to find Scott, Biz's toady, standing there, smiling mockingly at them.
"When I tell Biz, and Headmaster Xing that you broke into Mwhahaha house, Libra won't be the only person expelled! BWHAHAHA!"
"Hey, that's the name of our house!" shouted RenegadeLegacy, and she ran at him, brandishing her shovel. Larania ran up behind her as Scott ducked under her swing, and Larania got his rear when he was bent over.
"Ouch!" he yelled, as he slammed into RL, and Larania tripped, sending them into a dog pile.
"Quickly!" said Bob, the Universal Janitor, "Take these!" and there was a small box at Libra's feet. Picking it up, she could see that it held four small pens.
Suddenly, using his Omnipotent Fan Fiction Powers, he threw off his attackers, and they went sprawling.
"NO!" boomed the deep, soft voice of Bob the Universal Janitor. "You will not have them. Run, girls, run, and use the power that I have given you!"
Suddenly a force field surrounds Scott, but they could tell it would be a matter of moments before he broke free.
Running, the girls tried to get to safety, while they still could.