A/N: Okay, after about three months spent without any inspiration, I decided to write something that is not disgusting, but it's still about real life. You know sometimes you don't know how are you going to act in some situations until you live through them. Well, I never thought that life can be so hard, and every minute of living spent just in thinking about best way how to die. Of course, I will never do something like that-I am too big chicken indeed. Anywayz, this is story about Draco and his terrible and miserable life. Please read and review.
Panta rei*… how does it go:
'Everything passes'. Well maybe that is
true, if you look from some people's point of view. But it's not. Scars can't
just go away. They stay carved in your
heart forever. If you thought that you
could heal them you were wrong. But if
you learn how to live a nice way, maybe they will become too small for you to
feel them.
It is really a big damage because some people need
so much time to realize this. Some
people like Lucius indeed couldn't understand this, and they still can't. Maybe one day? But then they will be burning in eternal flames of the hell.
He couldn't understand his son. He couldn't see what's wrong with him. Draco knew very well how fucked this life
can be just because of his father. And
now he suffers.
It's
not what you see, it's not what you feel, the envy towards him, the greed you
sense
But it is inside you, you can change the way things
go **
Draco entered cabinet of his father, making lots of
effort not to make even a little bit of noise. Lucius was mad at him really much. He was idly going over yesterday's issue of The Daily Prophet, quietly
discussing events with himself. Draco
reached leather chair across from his father.
-"Shame on you, Draco Malfoy. Only thing you do whole day is having
fun. The only thing I get from you when
you go to that Hogwarts are orders of suspensions." – Lucius started chiding on
Draco when he realized where he is. With loud snap, he hit the table with the newspaper. His gray eyes were burning as he was looking
at his son. – "Three times by now you were about to get kicked out of the
Hogwarts. I don't really blame them. You are nothing! The only reason you live here with me, and you are my heir, is
because you are my son. Damn it! If only Christoph was still alive…"
Lucius lost his voice at once, and started staring at brown walls of his cabinet. He paled, and dismissed Draco. Draco left his father to be alone in his room, gripped by melancholy and nostalgia.
Stupid Christoph… Like he was anything special. Draco
thought as he was passing down the long and dark halls of the Malfoy
Mansion. It's like he has any right
to do this to me now… I can't get peace from him, even six years after he
died.
Suddenly he bumped into his mother-Narcissa was
going towards kitchen to check if lunch was ready. Draco suddenly gained his attitude that he lost the moment he
entered his father' cabinet.
-"Watch where you're going…" – Draco snapped,
passing her. Narcissa sighed, as a
shiny tear traveled down her face. And
that is supposed to be my son? She
asked herself, forgetting why she was out of her chambers.
-"I HATE YOU!!!" – Draco yelled at portrait of a
young man, in his early twenties. He
had white hair as snow, and silver eyes, with strange glitter in them.
-"See father," – Draco made a theatrical pause and
drew a deep breath – "Even after he died he's mocking me." Draco said to
himself, in voice full of scorn. He
looked again at his silvery eyes. It was
just a picture, but they seemed so real that they were laughing at you.
-"You can think what ever you want Christoph, but I am
the one that's alive now, and when father dies this will all be mine. Just mine. It was very nice that you used to be my older brother - I was nine when
you died, and you were just twenty one – but you were such an asshole to
me. Well not just to me, you were bad
almost to everyone. I'm happy you
died. Father always hated me because he
saw his exact replica in me – and he always adored you because he saw replica
of his grandfather in you. My
grandfather, Matthias meant really much to my father."
When Draco reached his room, with intention to spend
his whole day in reading books, message was waiting for him. His father ordered for him to come straight
to see him. Draco did so. It wasn't the smartest thing right now to
disobey Lucius – he was in grumpy mood and he already pissed him off.
-"How long does it take you to get to the main hall
when I want to see you?" – Lucius asked in tone full of derision and
neurasthenia.
-"I am sorry father, but you know how big this house
it…"
-"And you know how I don't care at all" – Lucius cut
his son.
-"I am sorry father" – Draco said slowly, bending
his head down, and looking at maroon tile floor under.
-"You don't need your lame 'sorry' excuse
anymore. It doesn't work. See this shovel" – Lucius pointed with one
of his fingers onto shovel that was intended for purposes of cleaning the snow
– "you can start right now with cleaning the driveway."
Draco's eyes gave terrified expression, as his
father was waiting for him to start.
-"But the driveway…." – Draco was so shocked that he
couldn't finish what he was trying to say.
-"Is there something wrong with the drive way?" –
Lucius asked giving effort not to show any feelings.
-"I'll start right now…" – Draco said quietly for
himself, going over to the closet, and opening it. He got his shoes on, and his jacket. Before he got outside, he looked through the window at the
driveway. The only problem with it was
that it was about mile long. He exited
the house quietly. He wouldn't dare to
slam the door. Who knows what
punishment Lucius could think of now?
-"Lucius please, come and eat" – Narcissa said in
her mild voice. He was standing beside
a huge window, looking at poor Draco cleaning the driveway. It wasn't easy job indeed. His right hand was under his chin.
-"Lucius…" – Narcissa said again, because Lucius
didn't seem to hear her. –"The lunch is ready." – She said, but he still didn't
look like he heard what she said.
-"I'll do what ever I want, when ever I want" –
Lucius said silently, five minutes after. Narcissa, who was eating, just shuddered her shoulders.
Another five minutes after that Lucius finally sat
to eat. He was pouring wine in his
glass when he said: -"That little brat has to learn some respect."
-"Don't you think you are too hard on him sometimes,
Lucius dear" – Narcissa said in real mothering voice. –"He is just a fifteen-year-old boy. He just came to his home for Christmas holydays, and you are
making him paw the snow off the driveway. Don't you think it's too much?"
-"Narcissa, am I telling you what to do?" – Lucius
snapped, dropping the vine bottle on the table, and giving sharp look to his wife.
-"Yes" – she was determined.
-"Of course, if I'm telling you what to do, why are
you than telling me what to do?" – His eyes were getting increasingly dangerous
every moment.
-"Yes, but…"
-"Listen, he is my son. Not yours. His behavior
is humiliating for the Malfoy family. He was suspended from Hogwarts about twenty times by now. They were threatening him three times to
kick him out of that school. Not to
mention everything else…" – Lucius stopped so he could take a breath. He didn't have heart to finish, but he just
took the vine bottle with him, and went outside.
It took Draco about three hours to finish his
chore. When he was done, he was totally
exhausted and hungry. His pale face was
red now, and his pants were all wet. He
entered the house, when Narcissa flied towards him, holding tray of food.
-"How are you my son?" – She asked, patting his
face. Draco gave a loud sigh, and threw
shovel on the floor. It made loud
noise. Really loud.
-"I'm fine…
go away" – Draco was barely able to say those words.
-"See, if you didn't smoke, this wouldn't be so hard
for you" – Lucius said sarcastically, descending down the stairs, and
lightening a cigarette. –"Smoke?" – He
offered one to his son.
Draco was about to take it, but Narcissa hit Lucius
on the arm he was offering Draco a cigarette, and said: -"Lucius how could
you? You know that Draco would never
smoke?"
Draco made a how-do-you-know-that face, as Lucius
gave him sneer over his mother.
-"What ever you say, wife" – Lucius said –"you can
rest now, Draco." – He said, going over the closet and taking a long, black
cloak. He swung it around himself, putting
it on. The door opened itself, and he
exited, apparating in the deep of the night.
-"Eat, I know you are really hungry now" – Narcissa
started pushing food into Draco's mouth.
-"…and I promise I won't do anything stupid during
the time I spend at Hogwarts. I know, I
can be bad sometimes, but it's not my fault. What would you say if I were a goody-good? Malfoys are not supposed to be good. They have to be mean, and make fun of other people who are under
them." – Draco was rehearsing what he is going to say in front of the door of
his father's cabinet. He drew deep
breath, and was about to touch the door knob when his father's voice distracted
him.
-"I'm here, Draco" – he said. Draco turned around, seeing his father
leaning on the wall. He was there all
the time, listening to his son. –"You
know Draco, if someone can make me laugh, it's you than."
-"I probably looked silly to you" – Draco said in
cowering voice. –"And I know I won't get it…"
-"Draco it's not that I don't want to buy you the
new model of Ascendix 3000***, but you just didn't
deserve it" – Lucius moved closer to his son, frowning.
-"But I swear I will be good. I won't be beating up Weasley no more, I won't
be writing papers with 'Loser' on it, and sticking it on Longbottom's back, or
I won't be giving McGonagall hard time anymore. And I swear, I'm going to be the best student in the class. Please…" – Draco started whining.
-"Draco, it's not the matter in that. I don't care if you do all that stuff to
those people. But Draco" – he stopped –
"you disappointed me."
-"Why? Because I'm not like Christoph? Because I'm like you? Because in
me, you see yourself. You see all
things you hate yourself for and other people hate you for are in me, and that's
why you keep giving me hard time. You
were never a good father to me, father." – Draco snarled at his
father. Lucius heard nothing of what
Draco said, just 'Because I'm not like Christoph?'.
Draco went away, leaving him.
Yes son, that's why I hate you so much. I see myself in you. When I look at you, it's like I'm looking at
the mirror that makes me look thirty years younger. I see my clone. I see all
the things I hate about myself, and things that other people hate about me in
you. And son, if you knew how much I
don't want people to hate you the way they hate me? Fine, they would hate Christoph also; he wasn't a nice person
either. He was arrogant, he was
selfish, he was a traitor ever to me, but he still had heart. He betrayed me because he knew how to feel
love. Something neither you nor I will
ever be able to feel. The feeling that
runs through your veins, and warms your whole body, making you happy. You will never be happy son. And all that because you are me. If I could only change you?
-"Lucius what are you doing there at twelve o'clock at night?" – Narcissa was passing the halls, when she spotted her husband standing, and thinking.
-"That's none of your business" – he said, pushing
her, so he could pass through.
He went over Draco's room, waking him up, and
ordering him to go and do some of the other terrible chores. Draco had no other way than to do as he was
told.
And all the time, Lucius was looking at his son,
outside, working hard, with his hand under his chin. He just stood there beside the window.
Draco got back to Hogwarts. He was himself again. Well again may not be the right
word. He was himself all the time, but
he was just unable to show his terrible side to his father. One day, during the breakfast, he received heavy
package, carried by fifteen owls. Everyone knew it was a new broom. Ascendix 3000 was resting in his arms, while everyone was staring at
him. He walked outside the hall,
passing the Gryffindor table, and smirking broadly over the table to
Potter. Harry was still using his
Firebolt. Draco knew that Firebolt was
still far better broom, but that didn't help beside all the glamour of just released
Ascendix 3000.
When he got to Slytherin dormitory, and ripped the
paper that was covering the broom, and took the broom in his hands to examine
it. He also found a note from his
father that said:
I just want to say that I'm getting this to you
not because you deserved it, but so you could show off in front of other
people.
Lucius
At first he ripped the note, wanting not to have something like that. Trying to be different. Not to listen to what his father says. But there are genes, and we can do nothing about them. Draco took his broom with him to his class of flying, getting ready to show off in front of Potter.
*
- Latin for 'Everything passes'
**
- From poem by Mary Rogers, British poet
***
- Acsendix 3000, broom