-Phoenixcadet
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Selphie stared at Zell in shock, tears running down her face. "....Stop it, Zell......stop saying that........"
Zell sat on the bed, still curled up in a ball. He watched Selphie. He knew that he was breaking her heart. Good. If he broke her heart, she would have to hate him. If she would not hate him on her own, he would make her.
"I don't hate you, Zell," she sobbed, placing her hands over her heart. "I can't hate you......"
"You do, Selphie," he answered softly. "You do."
"No, I don't!!!!" she screamed at him. It wasn't true. She didn't hate him. She *couldn't* hate him.
"Yes, you do, Selphie. You hate me. You hate me, otherwise why are you crying?" Zell asked her calmly. He was making her hate him. He was breaking her heart. If his heart hadn't already been shattered, it would have broken his heart to see Selphie this way. The ever-laughing, happy Selphie Tilmitt, driven to tears over the truth. It would have broken his heart to see her like that. If he still had one to break.
"I'm crying because of what you're saying!! You're asking me to hate you when the feeling isn't there inside me!! I can't create the feeling, Zell!! I couldn't hate you if I wanted to right now!"
"You will, Selphie. If you don't hate me now, you will."
Selphie sobbed louder, as Irvine went to her side. He cast Zell an angry glance.
"That's *enough*, Zell," he said sharply, wrapping his arms around Selphie.
"You have to hate me now, Irvine. Look what I'm doing to Selphie. I'm breaking her heart. You have to hate me," Zell said, looking at the far wall again. Selphie broke free of Irvine's arms and stood up.
"Stop saying that!!!! We don't hate you!!!" she cried and ran out the door into the hall.
Irvine stood next to the chair, looking at the door as it shut itself. He was torn between going after Selphie and staying with Zell.
"Ignorance is bliss, isn't it, Irvine?" Zell whispered.
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Squall watched as Selphie ran down the hallway and into Seifer as he came down the hall with Raijin and Fujin. She ran past them and into another small room, identical to Zell's, threw herself on the bed and cried.
Squall watched as Seifer followed her into the room. Raijin was about to follow, but Fujin kicked him in the leg, spawning another howl from Raijin.
"STAY OUT," she said sharply, pulling him back out of the room.
Inside the closed room.....
Seifer walked over to the bed and sat down, watching her cry. He didn't know what to say. Yet, he had followed her in there. He thought a moment, and finally spoke to her.
"Zell musta been sayin' some pretty powerful stuff to make *you* cry. What'd he say t'you?" he asked. He didn't know how to handle these situations. He wasn't the softhearted type. He kept on making excuses to himself to go and get Squall or Rinoa, but he couldn't bring himself to go to the door and call for them.
"Go away, Seifer!!" she yelled and sobbed more, hugging the pillow.
Outside......
"Let us by, Fujin," Squall said, staring at Fujin as she blocked the door.
"SEIFER HANDLE."
"Squall, give him a chance," Rinoa said, tugging on his arm. "He can be comforting when he wants to be."
Squall sighed. Maybe she was right. Maybe he could handle it. He didn't need anything else on his mind at the moment. He was relieved to let someone else handle it.
"Alright...."Squall said, trying to hide the relief in his voice.
Within minutes Seifer and Selphie came out of the room, the tears on Selphie's face trying to dry up.
Squall took her by the shoulders. "What happened, Selphie? What'd he say to you?"
She explained what Zell had been saying and doing for the past 10 minutes that she was with him. She left out the part about the D-District Prison. Rinoa was shocked.
"He said all that to you??" Rinoa whispered. "He was telling you to hate him?"
"Telling??!" Selphie exclaimed. "He was begging for me to say that I hated him! And Irvine, too. He was saying 'do I disgust you now, Selphie?' and 'How about you, Irvine? Do you hate me now that you know what I am? What I've done? How selfish I've been?'. I remember his words as clear as day, Rinoa....."
"I never knew Zell could be like that,"Seifer said, looking at the floor, shaking his head.
Squall whipped around to look at him angrily. He spoke in a hushed tone. "Is that all you have to say, Seifer?! He's been like this for days!! If you don't have anything better to say, leave!!"
Seifer looked up, arching an eyebrow. "Are you trying to start a fight with me? You'll lose. I've been practicing a lot since I left Garden. I don't want to fight you now, Squall. Maybe later, after I talk to Zell."
Squall was infuriated. "You're not setting foot in that room, Seifer Almasy," Squall declared, stepping in front of him.
"*You're* gonna stop me?" Seifer said, towering over him. He was only a few inches bigger than Squall, but he liked to use those inches to his advantage when possible. "You really wanna fight while Zell's in the next room, be my guest. You can fight someone else, though. I won't have any part of it."
Squall's anger was boiling to no end. Seifer was making him out to be the bad guy and he didn't like it. Rinoa grabbed his arm.
"Squall," she said, "don't. Not now." She looked up at him. She hadn't ever seen him angry like this before. Not *this* angry.
He exhaled. "Alright......Fine...." He shrugged off her grip on his arm and looked up at Seifer. "You can talk to him......but--"
Seifer cut him off. "I know the do's an' don't's, puberty boy. I know what to say an' what not to."
"Seifer, I need to talk to you a minute," Rinoa said, opening the door to the room Selphie had been in. She motioned for Seifer to come in and he did. The door shut. Squall looked at Selphie.
"I'm going to see about Zell, Selphie.......Are you okay?" he asked her.
She sniffled. "Yeah, I'm okay.......He's starting to scare me, Squall. I can't handle it anymore......."
"We can't give up on him, Selphie. We can't let this consume him. We have to break him out of it," Squall said taking her by the shoulders. "He didn't know what he was saying."
Selphie looked up at him fearfully. "Yes, he did, Squall," she said quietly. "He knew what he was saying. He knew that he was breaking my heart......He wants me to hate him because he thinks what happened to Trabia is his fault. He said 'your friends are dead, Selphie!!!! How can you not hate me??!!'. That broke my heart, Squall. I can't hate him, though......I can't......"
"I couldn't hate him, either, Selphie, no matter what he told me. He just needs help.....He needs it so bad, I don't know what to do........"
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Seifer watched Rinoa as she looked up at him. He finally went over and sat on the bed and watched her more.
"Seifer," she said,"I don't know how to say this, but....."
"Just say it. Whatever it is, just say it and be done. That's what works for me," Seifer said, the usual smirk on his face springing back to life.
"I.....don't want you talking to Squall for right now, okay....?"
"Why not?"
"You saw him out in the hallway, Seifer. I've never seen him that angry....." Rinoa said quietly as she went and sat on the bed next to him.
"He got hisself worked up over nothing," Seifer said, leaning back on the pillow.
"I know it was nothing to get upset about, what you said, and you know that, too, but Squall......."
"He just gets his knickers in a twist too easy, is all, Rinoa. Why do you like him so much?"
"I'm not here to talk about that, Seifer. Squall's just......he's got so much on his mind right now, you wouldn't believe. He's had a hard three days, Seifer. Last night was the only sleep he's gotten in the past two nights and he's planning on staying with Zell in the infirmary tonight, too. With his responsibilities to Garden as the commander of SeeD, and Zell down here in the infirmary......He's just got so much on his mind right now, Seifer......I'd appreciate it if you would just steer clear of him for a while," Rinoa said, watching him stare back at her. "And Irvine, too. Squall doesn't care that you're here just as long as you don't cause any trouble. Irvine does. He doesn't trust you, he doesn't like you in any way, shape, form, or fashion."
"You think I'm worried about cowboy?" Seifer scoffed, putting his hands behind his head.
"I didn't say that, Seifer. I just said to stay away from both of them for right now. And after what Zell said to Irvine and Selphie, Irvine is going to be even more bitter toward you if you say anything. I'm just trying to warn you. They don't want a fight, not while Zell's like this, and I don't either, but.......if you say anything smart or make a comment that they don't like......."
"So what you're sayin' is that you don't want me to be myself, is that it?" Seifer asked
"Yes! No!" Rinoa faultered. "I don't know........I'm just worried about Squall and Irvine.....They're both worried about Zell to no end, but we're getting nowhere with him......You don't understand, Seifer.....He's been like this for the past three days, counting today....."
"And I was a part of making him that way," Seifer confessed. "Callin' him 'chickenwuss' all those times finally got to him, huh?"
"It wasn't just that, Seifer.....We've found out things about Zell we never even dreamed......things that.....we would have never even thought that he......could be feeling......He's just opened up to us so much, it's scary......"
"You know the saying, Rinoa: ignorance is bliss."
"Isn't it, Seifer? Ignorance *is* sweet bliss sometimes, isn't it? I don't know what Irvine and Selphie would've given not to hear Zell telling them to hate him......Probably anything.......But, if we don't listen to him, if we stay in ignorance, Seifer, this is a game nobody is going to win. If we stay in ignorance, we all lose. We lose Zell, he loses his life. We all lose,"Rinoa said sadly.
"I know what you're talking about, Rinoa."
"I'm just asking you to stay away from Squall and Irvine for a while. For my sake if not for theirs," she said to him. He sat up and got off the bed.
"Okay.....I'll try not to hurt their feelings,"he said sarcastically. Rinoa slapped him in the arm.
"I mean it, Seifer!! Just be careful what you say. Please?"
"Okay, okay.....I'll be careful."
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Zell sat in the bed staring at the wall. He didn't move. Irvine sat in the chair watching him. How could he say those things to them? He never knew anyone could ask to be hated. It was just.....not natural.
"I'm sorry, Irvine.......I know I broke her heart......I'm sorry....."he whispered.
Irvine put his hand on Zell's back. "It's okay, man......you just....needed to let everything out.....Selphie'll be fine."
Zell's blue eyes looked up at him, questioning. "Why doesn't she hate me......? I killed her friends, why doesn't she hate me.....? I told her the truth, why doesn't she hate me?"he whispered, the last time filled with overflowing emotion. He could only repeat that to himself over and over, as if repetition would make it true.
"She can't hate you, Zell.....And I don't hate you either. You're my friend, you're Selphie's friend, you're a friend to all of us and you always have been. None of us can hate you for something we don't believe is your fault. We can't and we never will. Like Selphie said, the feeling isn't there," Irvine said, sitting down on the bed. "It will never be there."
Zell didn't respond. He could only stare a hole in the wall, even when Seifer Almasy stepped into the room. Irvine stood up in protest, blocking Seifer's view of Zell.
"What're you doin' in here?"
"Squall said I could talk to ch--Zell. He said I could come in," Seifer said. He wasn't about to leave. And as he had promised Rinoa, he would watch what he said to both Irvine and Squall. He didn't know what was going on inside their heads and he didn't want to find out.
"He can stay....." Zell said quietly. Irvine turned to look at him.
"Are you sure? Are you sure you wanna--"
"I said he can stay, Irvine. What more do you want me to say?"
Seifer looked at Irvine and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Irvine looked at him angrily and, reluctantly, left.
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Irvine stormed out into the hallway to be greeted by Rinoa.
"Where's Squall?!" he demanded.
"Why, what's going on?" Rinoa asked.
"Seifer's in there with Zell," he said, pointing at the closed door behind him. "He said Squall let him talk to him. I don't believe it."
"Squall did say Seifer could go in, Irvine," Selphie said from behind Rinoa. "I don't really like it, either, but, what're we gonna do?"
"I don't like him, Selphie. I don't want him in there talking to Zell! He'll only make it worse and you know it as well as I do!"he declared, pacing back and forth.
"Look, Irvine, Squall is in the cafeteria getting us all something to eat with Quistis. You can talk to him when he gets back," Rinoa said. "And don't worry about Seifer. He promised me he'd be careful around Zell. He was a friend of mine, remember, Irvine?"
"He promised you??!!" he exploded. "You actually trust him? Rinoa, it was only a few months ago that he wanted all of us dead!!!!"
"I know that, Irvine and keep your voice down," Rinoa said. She pulled him away from the door and down the hallway. Selphie followed.
"He'll be okay, Irvine. Trust *me* if you don't trust Seifer. He'll do as I ask him to do because he used to be a friend of mine. I don't know if you could say that he still is, because I really don't know. But I do know from the look that was in his eyes, he was sincere when he told Squall that he would be careful. I know him better than you think I do."
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"You look like you've hit rock-bottom, Zell."
"I've been at rock-bottom, Seifer, for years. No one took any time to notice, is all. I see why, though. I'm worthless."
Seifer sat in the chair by the bed watching Zell. It had become an observation chair in the past few days. Next to the chair was the cot Squall had had put in the room. It hadn't been made from the night before; the pillow and blankets lied in the floor in a heap. Seifer leaned back in the chair.
"Worthless? Nah, that's not it. Hmmmmm.....You're not worthless, you're something else....." Seifer said, looking up at the ceiling, pondering. "Heckuva fighter, but that's not what I'm looking for, either......"
"How about stupid? Or clumsy? Or loudmouthed?" Zell said, looking at him.
"Nope, they're not it, either......It starts with a 'p', that I know.....Ah! I found it!! Pessimistic!!!! You're a pessimist! You're looking at everything that's wrong with you instead of what's good about you."
"And that would be? What's good about me, Seifer? You tell me."
"Me tell you? Can't do that, I'm afraid. You have to find what's good about you, not me. I'm not gonna pretend that I have all the answers, cause I sure as hell don't. I'm just telling you that you can't have everyone telling you what's good about you. You have to hunt for it yourself. You have to hunt for it, and when you find it, you have to seize it and *hang on for dear life*."
"I don't have anything to hang onto, Seifer."
"You haven't looked." Seifer would have told him that he didn't see anything that Zell had to hold onto, either, but he promised Rinoa he would be careful what he said.
"I don't have to. You saw what I did in Timber. I killed most of the students in Trabia Garden because of me and my big mouth. It was just me. It was my fault. Do you want to know why I'm so eager to fight you all the time?"
Seifer didn't say anything. Zell was trying to get to him like he had gotten to Selphie. That wasn't going to happen.
"Remember in the Training Center two years ago, when I was 15 and you were 16? Remember what happened?"
Seifer didn't even have to think back. He remembered that day well. Zell had made him angry and he had nearly killed Zell with his gunblade. If it hadn't been for Squall interfering, he would have killed Zell easily. Zell had been in the infirmary for days recovering. Seifer had gotten expelled for a year from all Garden activities. Including SeeD entrance exams. He had hated Zell for that.
"I used you, Seifer," Zell said softly, looking at the wall. Seifer jumped. (He what...?) he thought to himself, his eyes widening. (He used me.....?? What did he--)
"What do you mean, Zell?"Seifer asked him. 'I used you, Seifer.' The words kept repeating themselves in his mind. Used him? How?
"We were in the Training Center, Seifer. You had your gunblade. You had had a bad day with the GF test in class and you were mad. I saw you and I saw opportunity. Remember? I taunted you on purpose. I made you mad on purpose. I remembered you had said that you would kill me before, and I knew you would if I got you mad enough. You had the weapon. No one was around to see us. So I picked at you. And taunted. And teased. Until finally, you broke down. When you broke down, I went down. Do you remember how easily you defeated me, Seifer?"
(A bludgeoning tool,) Seifer thought. Zell had used him as a bludgeoning tool. He had been the hammer and Zell the hand that held it. Yet, he had been the nail as well. Zell had used him. He had been angry at Zell that day, but if he had known that he would be used as a tool, would he have still attacked him? He didn't know. Probably not.
"You....you used me?"
"Surprised, Seifer? I know you are. I used you. You've always hated me, that I know. Do you hate me more now? Now that you know that you've been used by me?"
Seifer was stunned beyond comprehension. Mentally, he shook himself hard. (You're letting him get to you, Seifer.....) Zell wasn't going to get to him. He wasn't.
"Don't know what to say, do you? You can't hide anything from me, you know that, don't you? I can tell by the way you're looking at me now. You're stunned beyond words. You hate me because I used you. Selphie hates me for killing her friends. Irvine hates me for making Selphie cry. You can't hide from me. I've been studying people for too long. I've been sitting in the corner watching the world pass me by for all too long. While you and the others ignored me, letting me sit in the corner, I learned to read people. I watched you and Squall mostly. I've learned to read both of you like books. I've learned to tell when both of you are angry, when you're sad, when you're happy.......How does it feel to know that you can be read by me, Seifer?"
"You're trying to get to me and it's not working, Zell. Just stop it," Seifer stated, crossing his arms.
"If it's not working and I'm not getting to you, Seifer, why are you so eager for me to stop? If it's not working, why are your eyes telling me different?"
Seifer stood up. It was working. But he wasn't going to let it get out of hand. He walked toward the door.
"Leaving so soon? I thought it wasn't working, Seifer. I am getting to you and you know it."
Seifer stepped out of the room and shut the door.
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That's the end of chapter 7. Stay tuned for Chapter 8. As I said before, something's about to happen.....
-Phoenixcadet