-Phoenixcadet
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Squall entered the infirmary along with Quistis, carrying three brown paper bags a piece. They each set them on the small table in the hallway. Squall watched Seifer come out of Zell's room.
"Here's food," Quistis said flatly,"fight over it."
Selphie, Rinoa, Seifer, Raijin, and Fujin all rushed over to the table, arguing over who got what. Irvine, on the other hand, walked over to Squall.
"I wanna talk to you. Alone. *Now*."
Squall followed him into the room down the hall that Selphie had been in, and shut the door.
"I got one question for you: *what* are you *thinking*??! You let Seifer go in to talk to Zell? Are you mental?" he asked.
"No, I'm not crazy and I didn't like the idea, either, *but* Rinoa said to trust him and he said that he would be careful what he said. I practically exploded out in the hallway. He didn't want to fight and I didn't either, not while Zell's.....the way he is right now," Squall said to him, sitting down on the bed.
"You know as well as I do that he'll only make it worse, Squall. I don't like him being here--"
"*You* don't like him being here?! You think *I* do?? I'd be happy as a lark if he'd leave and not come back!! But the fact is, is that he *is* here, and he's not leaving without a fight, a fight *I* will not condone, so we are just going to have to make the best of it!!"
Irvine grit his teeth. He knew Squall was right. He didn't want to have a fight in the middle of the infirmary, which was most likely where any kind of fight between Squall and Seifer was bound to happen. It didn't look like Seifer wanted to fight, either, but.....
Irvine sighed and adjusted his hat. He wiped his face with his hand. "Okay. Okay, I'll try to make the best of it. But, I still don't like it, Squall. I don't like playing around with someone's life. And that's what we're doing by letting Seifer talk to Zell. We're gambling with his life and I don't like it."
Squall put a hand on his shoulder. "I know. I don't like it, either. Were you in there when Seifer walked in to talk to him?"
"Yeah. Zell told me to let him stay. Just like that, he told me to let him stay. I don't wanna leave him alone with Seifer. Not after what he told me and Selphie."
"Is there something Selphie didn't tell me? What all did he tell you?"
"He....told us that, during the mission to defeat Ultimecia, he didn't fight hard on purpose. He...said that he was hoping that Seifer or Edea would kill him......And when you saved him in the D-District Prison?"
Squall remembered that. The guard had had the gun in Zell's face, about to pull the trigger. He had had to practically fly to stop the guard from killing him.
"He was angry that you saved him, Squall." Squall's brow furrowed, confused. "What...? Angry?"
"He wanted to die, remember? He said he was so angry at you he could've screamed. I don't know what else we can do for him......"
"I don't know, either, but we can't forsake him, Irvine. We can't turn him over to this. If we do, we'll lose him forever and we won't get him back. I won't let that happen and you know I won't,"Squall said.
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Nida entered the infirmary just as Squall and Irvine exited the room they were in.
"I'm glad I caught you, Squall. We need to talk," she said, looking around. She inhaled deeply. "All of us." She opened once again the door to the room that had seemingly become a sanctuary of sorts for talking and stepped inside. She motioned for them all to come in. Everyone came in, including Seifer, Raijin, and Fujin.
"I've been talking to Xu.......You all know what's been happening with Zell better than anyone else. He's not getting any better," Nida said, closing her eyes and shaking her head.
"He hasn't had time to get any better, Nida," Squall said to her, crossing his arms. He didn't like where this conversation was going. Not one bit. She looked up.
"Like I said, I've been talking to Xu and......we think that if he doesn't get any better soon.....he should be put in a hospital."
For the first time ever, Squall and Seifer spoke in agreement and in unison.
"*Absolutely not*," they both said and looked at each other.
"We can't do that!!" Selphie said. Irvine stood next to her, arching an eyebrow.
"A hospital? *With* strangers?"Irvine said skeptically. He immediately dismissed the thought and expressed it with a wave of his hand. "Not an option."
"INEFFECTIVE. DETRIMENTAL TO RECOVERY."
"Fujin's right, ya know!! It'll only hurt him!!" Raijin said but stopped when Fujin glanced at him. She nodded her head sharply and Raijin let out a sigh of relief.
"We're *not* putting him in a hospital with strangers," Squall said defiantly, looking down at her harshly. "*I* won't have it and neither will the rest of us. I will lie down in front of the vehicle that tries to take him, Nida. You know I will."
"And I'll be lyin' next to him," Seifer said, stepping up. Squall looked at him and he returned the glance. "What? I'm just sayin' that I know what's right and what ain't. Sendin' Zell to a hospital to be with strangers instead of here with family isn't right. I'm not the heartless, sadistic creature you all think I am. It'll only do him harm," he said, then directing his gaze to Nida. "Would you want your family to send you away to be with strangers when you needed family the most, Nida?"
"I have to agree with Seifer, Nida," Rinoa said. "We can't send him away. You said it yourself. We know what's been going on with Zell better than anyone. We've had more contact with him than you have."
"That's just Xu talking, isn't it, Nida? You don't want to send Zell away, do you? What do *you* want?" Irvine said, kneeling in front of her.
"I told you. I talked to Xu about it and we think--"
"He didn't *ask* what *Xu* thinks," Seifer said. "He asked 'what do *you* think?'"
"I.....I don't want to send him away, either.....but...."
"*But* nothing," Squall said harshly. "He's not going to a hospital to be with strangers and that's it. We're not going to forsake him, I told Irvine that just a few minutes ago in this very room. It's not going to happen as long as I'm the commander of SeeD."
"Squall," Nida said, standing up. "Headmaster Cid puts Dr. Kadowaki in charge when he's not here to handle things. And since Dr. Kadowaki is gone, Xu is in charge of Garden. You may be the commander of SeeD, but.....Xu outranks you as far as authority goes. She's your subordinate in the ranks of SeeD, but right now, she's in charge. I don't want to send Zell away, either and you know I don't, but if Xu has her way....."
"She won't have her way, Nida," Seifer said.
"*I'll* go get Headmaster Cid's opinion on it. And I already know what *that'll* be," Squall said, making his way toward the door.
"I'm going, too," Selphie said, following him. "*I* have to be the pilot."
"Right behind you, Sefie," Irvine said, ducking between Raijin and Fujin to follow her.
Squall turned around. "We can't *all* go. Someone has to stay here with Zell. And besides, I'm not going now: it's the middle of the night. Everybody just needs to go to bed and I'll choose who goes with me in the morning. But Selphie, you have to go. I can't fly the Ragnarok yet. Everybody just go to bed and be here by at least 8:00 if you don't wanna get left behind."
Moans of displeasure filled the hallway and the small room. Squall held up his hand and the moaning stopped. "You heard me. Everybody go to bed and be here by 8:00 in the morning."
They all filed out of the room and said their goodnights as they all disappeared out the door. All but Rinoa, Seifer, and Fujin. Raijin had decided that the sooner that he could get away from Fujin and her temper, the better off his shins would be.
"Rinoa, you too. I'm staying here tonight. I told you that earlier, remember?"
"Squall--"
He gave her a stern look.
"Ohhhhh.....alright. Meanie.....," she said, walking down the hallway and out the door.
Squall then looked at Seifer and Fujin. He sighed deeply. He wasn't going to get them to leave easily.
"There's only one cot, Seifer and the chair is bloody murder."
"You think *I* was plannin' on stayin' here?" Seifer said and then thought for a moment. "Maybe you were right.....but not in there," he said pointing to Zell's room. "Don't really feel like talking to him again right now."
Squall looked at him skeptically. "Why? What'd he say to you? More importantly, what'd *you* say to him?"
"That's between me and Zell, thank you. And no, I didn't say anything you wouldn't like, if that's what you're worried about, puberty boy."
Squall's hazel eyes narrowed. Seifer turned to look at Fujin. "Go find yourself a place to sleep, Fujin," he said, jerking his head toward the small room down the hall. "I'll find my own."
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The next morning everyone was in the infirmary by 8:00 as they had been told to be. They all stood in the hallway in a bundle, except for Seifer and Fujin. They stood against the wall.
No one had said anything to Zell about where they were going or why. Especially about being sent away to be in a hospital. No one dared mention a word of that.
"Okay," Squall said, "Selphie, you're coming with me. You have to fly the Ragnarok. Irvine and Rinoa.....I guess you can come, too. Quistis you stay here with Seifer, Raijin, Fujin and Nida and hold the fort until we get back."
Quistis saluted. "Yes, sir." Squall returned the salute.
"I told you before you don't have to salute me, Quistis. That was an order."
"Sorry, Squall. It's just hard to get used to the idea of you being commander."
He sighed and turned his attention to Selphie, Irvine, and Rinoa. "C'mon, let's go and get back."
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"Is everybody ready?" Selphie asked over the intercom as she put her hand on the starter key. Irvine and Rinoa were down in the barracks, both of them trying to get some sleep. They obviously hadn't slept well.
"Yes, Selphie, everyone's ready," Squall said with an ounce of annoyment in his voice. He wanted to make this trip and get it over with. He knew what Headmaster Cid was going to say. The trip would've been unnecessary had he been able to get in touch with him in any other way. He leaned his head back and rested his eyes. He hadn't slept any at all the night before. It wasn't that Zell had had any nightmares, he just couldn't sleep. Although his body had felt like a cinder block, he couldn't manage to fall asleep. His mind hadn't let him. He felt a hand touch his shoulder.
"Are you okay, Squall...?" Selphie asked. He didn't open his eyes.
"Yeah....." he sighed. "I'm okay, Selphie......Just tired. It's been a hard three days. For all of us. God, it feels like it's been an eternity......"
"I know," Selphie said, bringing the engine to life. Squall felt the ship clear the ground and then they were steadily climbing upward into the sky, through the roof of gray clouds.
"I think you and Irvine know that better than anyone else, right now, Selphie...."
"I don't know....You were the one who saw Zell try to.....kill himself the other night, Squall....I think you've had a harder three days than anyone," Selphie replied, returning her attention to the control panel. The autopilot had malfunctioned on Selphie's way back from Trabia. She had had to fly the rest of the way in herself. It had been hard flying against the storm that had been heading north toward Trabia, but she had made it on her own. She could have flown around it, but Irvine's letter had said for her to come home as quick as she could. So she had flown straight through it. Irvine would have killed her for flying through the storm, had she told him that that was what she had done to get home so quickly. But, she hadn't and it no longer mattered. What was done was done.
The clouds below them were pink and white in the morning sun. They flew above them. In the distance to their left, the sun had placed a pink and orange hue over the clouds as it rose higher into the sky. Below the clouds, all one could see was an ugly gray ceiling. She was glad that they had the Ragnarok to fly in. If they hadn't she would not have been able to see this. Selphie had never seen a more beautiful sight in her life. But she couldn't concentrate on it for long. Her mind kept drifting back to Zell. How she wished he could have seen it. It might have put a smile on his face.
She hated the sad look on his face everytime she went into that dismal room. She had come to hate that room. But, she would rather have him in that room than in a hospital with strangers taking care of him. It would look like they were giving up on him and that wasn't the truth. That was the further from the truth than anything in the world. They only wanted the old Zell back. The one who played tricks on Quistis and ate hot dogs until he could burst. The one who was always smiling about something. That's who they wanted back.
Putting him in a hospital with strangers wasn't going to help and they all knew it. She knew Squall was adamant about putting him in a hospital and with good reason. They would not take Zell away from them without a fight. Selphie and her nunchaku would make sure of that. And if that didn't work, she would, along with Squall and Seifer, lie down in front of the vehicle that tried to take him.
She glanced over at Squall, who sat in the co-pilot's seat. He was asleep.
(Good,) she thought. (He deserves it.)
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Selphie dipped the nose of the Ragnarok to fly down through the cloud floor that was breaking apart beneath them. Down below, she saw Edea's house. After flying two and a half hours, she was glad to see it.
(Finally,) she thought. She brought the Ragnarok down to the ground to land. The landing gear spread out and they landed easily on the surface of the Centra continent. So easily, in fact, that it hadn't woken Squall, who still sat asleep in the chair next to her. She put her hand on his shoulder and shook him.
"Squall," she said, "we're here." He woke with a start and looked at her. "C'mon," she said. "Let's go see Matron and Headmaster Cid."
Squall lifted himself out of the chair and stretched his back long and hard. He then realized he hadn't eaten breakfast. He ran his fingers through his hair and followed Selphie to the lift. It carried them down and they entered the hangar of the massive ship. Rinoa and Irvine were coming out of the barracks, both of them looking as haggard as one could look at 10:30 in the morning.
"Good morning," Rinoa said. "Again."
"How long we been flyin', Sefie?" Irvine asked, stretching his back, yawning.
"About two and a half hours," she replied.
"Two and a half hours???" he whispered. "Two and a half hours....." He began to whimper. "That's all the sleep I get.....It's not fair....."he said, turning around walking back toward the barracks. Selphie reached up slapped him in the back of the head, knocking the hat into the floor.
"Shut up and be a man!!"
Irvine picked up his hat as she walked toward the exit. "Yes, mother."
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The orphanage had seen better days. But, it was looking better than the last time they had been there. The columns on the front porch had been fixed and the roof was also being fixed. Squall, Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine walked up the steps and knocked on the door.
"I'm coming," came a female voice from inside.
The door came open and there in her black dress, stood Edea. She was looking well, as was the interior of the house.
"Come in! Cid will be overjoyed to see you all here," Edea said, opening the door wider, motioning for them to come inside.
"That's who we came to see, Matron," Squall said as he entered the house. The others followed him into the bedroom to the left. Headmaster Cid sat on the bed reading a rather large brown book.
"Cid, look who's come to visit us all the way out here in Centra," Edea said laughing, sitting down on the bed. He looked up from his book and put it on the bedside table.
"Well, well. It's about time you came and paid me a visit. Heaven knows I pay you enough Gil. Is this a pleasure visit or am I right, and this is a business visit?"
Squall shuffled his feet. "Yes....It's a business visit of sorts, Headmaster. We're sorry not to have come sooner, but....."
"Yes, yes. Dispense with the formalities, Squall. You may talk to me just as you talk to anyone else. But, if you choose not to, that's your decision. Continue."
Squall proceeded to explain the events of the past few days.
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"Oh, dear me......Zell? Not Zell Dincht, surely....." Edea said sadly, shaking her head.
"Suicide and Zell Dincht.......I never thought I'd see the day when that word and that name could have anything in common.....This is what you came to see me about, Squall?" Cid asked, the expression on his face somber, making him look years older than he was.
"Yes and no.....You put Xu in charge of Garden, right?" Irvine asked. Cid looked at him, the sunlight that slipped through the blinds bouncing off his light brown hair.
"Xu is in charge only when Dr. Kadowaki is absent. Why?"
"Xu says that if Zell doesn't get any better soon.....that she's going to have him put in a hospital," Irvine said, then directing his attention to Edea. "We can't let that happen, Matron,"he said urgently.
"We want him to stay with us, Headmaster,"Selphie said. "We don't want him to be put in a hospital with strangers! We want him to be able to stay with us so we can take care of him and help him get better!"
"He's better off with us, his family, than in a building with strangers. It....it would look like we were giving up on him.....if we sent him away....."Rinoa said, placing her hand over her heart. "I wouldn't want anyone to do that to me if I was in that condition, when I needed family the most......"
"I understand what you all are feeling,"Cid said, standing up. "Yes, it is true that what Zell needs right now the most is you all. He needs his family's support. A person, in a condition like this, without family, *cannot* survive. He needs the support and love only you, his family, can give. The Dincht's in Balamb are his family as well, but he expects them to try to help. To him, it's just their job. Something they have to do. You have no obligation to help him and yet you do anyway, without thought of reward. That is telling him, whether he lets you know it or not, that you care."
Edea walked over and put a hand on Squall's shoulder. "Right now, Zell is in a state that can be called 'the tunnel'. He is in the dark and he can only see one light at the end of that darkness. He can only see one solution. You have to give him a light other than the one at the end of the tunnel. You have to give him another option. You have to guide him back. Like a lighthouse guides a ship back to land or prevents it from crashing against the rocks. Like the lighthouse, you have choices. You can either guide him back to safety or let him stay lost. Those are your only options. Only one of those will bring him back to you alive. You *must* know and understand this for you to help him."
"She's right,"Cid said quietly. "You have to be the ones to bring him back out of the darkness he's fallen into."
"We understand that, Headmaster. We're trying and as much as I hate to agree with Xu, she's right. He's not getting any better,"Squall admitted. It was true. He wasn't getting any better that they could tell. He wasn't talking about anything but wanting to be hated and dying. Squall hated that he wasn't getting any better. It frustrated him to no end. He was frustrated with Zell for not seeing that they did care and also, with himself for not trying hard enough to make him see it. There had to have been something that he hadn't done that needed to be done in order for Zell to get better. He hated himself for not finding it yet.
"I know you're frustrated, Squall. I can see it in your eyes,"Edea said, smiling at him. "But, you *must* bear this with him. He will get better. You and the others must only give him time. Time, commitment, and, of course, the care he needs. A nurturing environment can remedy even the most horrid of pasts,"she said and went to look out the window. Squall watched her, listening to everything she had to say to them.
"He is very selfish right now, you know that, don't you?"she said softly. "He can only see the pain he is in and the only thing he cares about is getting rid of it. By any means necessary. It's difficult for him to see or imagine anything else. And, as I said, he can only see one solution."
"We know....but...nothing we're doing is helping, Matron...."Irvine said. Selphie stepped up in front of him.
"If anything, he only seems to be getting worse,"Selphie said. She recalled the events of the night before and they brought back tears. "After what he was telling Irvine and me last night, Matron, he can only be getting worse....." She choked the last words as she fought to regain control of herself. Irvine pulled her close, but she pushed him away. "I'm okay......I just don't know how he could say those.....horrible things to us....."
"And Seifer's back,"Rinoa said quietly to Cid.
"Seifer.....{sigh}....That boy..."Edea said sadly, closing her eyes. "What's he doing back? Not itching for a fight, I hope. One would think he's learned his lesson......"
"No. He came back after he found out about Zell. I'm not sure why,"Squall admitted. "He said that he doesn't want to fight, but that he would if we tried to make him leave......I don't want a conflict in Garden right now, if I can help it. There's just so much going on....."
"I know, Squall. I made you the commander of SeeD because I knew you could handle it. I have faith in you,"Cid said.
Squall crossed his arms and bowed his head. "Well, I'd appreciate it if you would have a little *less* faith in me. I can only take care of so much, Headmaster."
"I'm glad you think you can be blunt with me, Squall. That is understandable. But, you are at an advantage as SeeD commander, Squall, you realize that, don't you? If you were not, you would not have the control over this situation that Zell is in, now. You would not be able to stay with him during the nights and visit whenever you pleased. Not that *I* would do anything to stop you, but you would not have control of the Ragnarok to come and get my permission. And in that, you have the advantage of being her superior."
Squall hated to admit that the old man was indeed right. This was the only time he had been grateful for his position as SeeD commander. He sighed. "You're right, Headmaster....."
"Now, I will write a letter to Xu telling her that Zell is to remain *at* Garden and if she disobeys my instructions, she will be punished severely. And he is to remain there until *you*,"he said, pointing at Squall,"say otherwise. Which I doubt will *ever* happen."
Cid was doing it again. Dumping even more responsibility on him. He said he understood, but how could he? He had had practice at being a leader. Squall was only seventeen years old. He could not make these decisions alone.
"I won't be the only one making that decision, Headmaster. If anyone does present the idea, which I don't believe will happen anytime soon, it won't be me alone making that decision. It will be everyone's decision."
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That's Chapter 8. Stay tuned for the next chapter.
Phoenixcadet