Phoenixcadet
************************************************************************************************ The four of them reentered Garden through the parking lot entrance. Irvine, Selphie, and Rinoa followed Squall back down the giant hall. Squall's head whipped to the left as he heard the sound of a battle coming from the infirmary. There was trouble.
He ran down the hall, the others in hot pursuit as Squall strained his neck trying to see what was going on. There, in front of the infirmary, was Seifer, gunblade in hand, and Xu. She was accompanied by two boys in SeeD uniforms. Seifer, however, was not without aide of his own. Standing behind him was Nida, Quistis, Raijin and Fujin, all with weapons out and pointed at Xu.
That was all Squall needed to see. He drew his gunblade as he came to a halt right behind Xu. "What in blazes is going on??!!" he yelled. Xu turned around and looked at him. She was about to speak when Seifer cut her off.
"I'll tell you what's going on!! Lil' miss 'I'm gonna have *my* way' decided to go ahead and try to take him outta here before you got back, is what's goin' on!"
"And *we* decided she wasn't gonna do it," Nida declared, stomping her foot on the ground.
"DIRECTIVE REMAINS UNACCOMPLISHED."
Squall looked at the SeeDs standing next to Xu. "What were you two told? What did Xu tell you you were to do?" Xu stepped in front of the boys before they could answer.
"I told them that-"
"I wasn't talking to you, Xu," Squall said through gritted teeth, turning his attention back to the boys behind her. He moved Xu aside. The two boys were almost as tall as he was. He had seen them around before, but had never talked to them. At the sight of their commander, they snapped to attention.
"We were told, sir, that there was a student down here in the infirmary that was potentially dangerous to the rest of the inhabitants of Balamb Garden, sir," the boy on the left said and swallowed. "T'that's what we were told, sir. Are we in trouble...?"
"No. You just followed orders based on the information you were given," he said and gave Xu an angry glance. "No matter how *untrue* that information was. I've seen you hanging around Zell Dincht. Friends of his?"
The boys looked at each other. "Yessir," the one on the right replied shakily, a look of concern crossing his face. "What does that have to do with.....?"
"That's who you were about to take out of here. I'm sure if you were informed that that was who you were supposed to be removing from Garden, you wouldn't have followed orders, would you've?"
"No sir! We didn't know it was Zell! Xu didn't tell us. We were only supposed to get her into the infirmary and then return to what we were doing before she came and got us."
"That's what I want you to do now. Go back to what you were doing and don't neither of you breathe a word about Zell's being in the infirmary, do you understand me?" Squall said sternly. "And from now on, you do *not* follow *any* order until it is cleared with me, is that understood? You didn't know, so I'll let it slide this time. Next time, you're in trouble."
The two answered in unison. "Yes sir!"
"Good. Now go back to where you were. Hurry up."
The boys ran down the hall into the training center. Squall turned to Xu angrily.
"*That's* what you told them??! That there was a student that was potentially dangerous to the rest of Garden?! I'm going back to Headmaster Cid tomorrow to see about getting you relieved of your command for deliberately giving false information"
Selphie shoved Squall aside and slapped her hand across Xu's face as hard as she could, raking her fingernails down her flesh. "*How* dare you....?!! He is anything *but* dangerous right now, don't you understand??" she said harshly, putting her hands on her hips.
Xu turned her face back around, blood dripping from the small gashes down to her uniform. "You *will* pay for that, Selphie Tilmitt."
Selphie yanked free her Strange Vision from it's holster on her back. "Do you want to try to live up to that statement?"
Xu pulled out her sais from her belt. "Very much."
Irvine grabbed Selphie and threw her over his shoulder. "C'mon, Selphie. You two can fight later." He carried her down the hall, past the others and into the infirmary, as Selphie yelled curses back at Xu.
"What did you think you were doing, Xu?" Rinoa asked. "Did you think we weren't going to find out??! God, Xu, you knew before you even did it that Squall would fight you over this!!"
"He is a danger to the rest of Garden, Rinoa. And you are not of this Garden, therefore it is *none* of your concern," Xu said sharply.
"None of my concern?! Zell is my friend, as well as all who are in this hall now! It is every bit of my concern! If there is anyone who doesn't need to be concerned with this matter, it's you!!!"
Squall pushed a fuming Rinoa Heartilly behind him as he pulled a light blue document scroll from his belt. "Take this and get out of here. If you come back to this infirmary, I won't hold them back, do you understand me?" Squall said, pointing over to Seifer and the others. "Selphie looked like she was about to kill you a minute ago. It would do you good to stay away from this place for a while, Xu." Squall was in no mood to play games. He wanted her gone from the infirmary.
She snatched the scroll from his hand. It was a light blue scroll case, with blue wax on the capped end. On the cap, embedded in the wax, was the seal of Balamb Garden. Cid had put it there so she would have no doubt as to who sent the letter. She peeled away the wax and removed the cap. She let the rolled letter slide out into her hand. She unrolled it.
'Xu, This is concerning Zell Dincht and your trying to remove him from Garden. As you probably now know, Squall, Rinoa, Irvine, Selphie and Quistis are all adamant against putting him into a hospital. I share this feeling with them. He needs the support of his family now, at this point in his life, more than he will ever need it. He is alone, desperate and, most importantly, frightened. You must not deny him the comfort of family. I believe wholeheartedly that that is the key to his survival. Therefore, he is to remain within Garden until Squall says otherwise. Which I am sure will not be anytime soon. As of now, you have absolutely no control whatsoever over this situation concerning Zell Dincht. You will not see him, you will not speak to him, you will have no contact of any kind with him, is that understood? I will speak with you when I return in one month. If you do not do as I say, you will be severely punished.
In my own hand,
Headmaster Cid Kramer and also Headmistress Edea Kramer of Balamb Garden'
Xu looked at Squall angrily. "Fine. Do whatever you want with him. I don't *want* anything else to do with him."
"Don't come back, Xu," Squall said to her as she turned to walk away. "Don't come back to this infirmary until Zell isn't in here anymore. I'll kill you."
"You had better learn to stop making empty threats, Squall Leonhart, before they catch up with you."
Rinoa pulled on his arm. "Don't let her get to you, Squall," she whispered. "C'mon. Let's go see Zell."
Squall sighed heavily as he watched Xu walk down the hall back toward the elevator.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Inside the infirmary......
"What on earth got into you out there, Selphie?" Irvine exclaimed. "I've never seen you that angry!"
"She got what she deserved," Selphie said to him, crossing her arms. She had never hit anyone with her hand before; she had always used her nunchaku. Slapping Xu had proved to be more satisfying than using her nunchaku ever would have. Xu had had no right to do what she did.
Selphie stuck her hand up under the running water in the sink to wash off the blood that had been picked up. "That actually felt good, Irvine."
Irvine knew Selphie couldn't be the same person under the situation at hand. He had known it even before he had sent the letter to Trabia. He turned his attention to the hallway as Squall and the others entered the infirmary.
"Nida," Squall said to her, "you heard me out in the main hall. Xu is not to be here in this infirmary as long as Zell's here. *No* exceptions."
"Yessir," she said, snapping to attention.
Selphie came out into the hallway and walked into Zell's room. Irvine followed her out into the hall, but went to where Squall stood.
"What got into Selphie out there, Irvine?"
"I don't know. She's just not the same person under the circumstances, I guess," Irvine said, shrugging his shoulders. "*I* sure haven't ever seen her do anything like that."
"I would have done it if Selphie hadn't beaten me to it," Rinoa said from behind Squall.
"B**** got what she needed," Seifer said, walking past them. He was followed by Raijin and Fujin, as always, into the snack room. Selphie poked her head out the door of Zell's room. They all looked at her.
"Squall...? He's asking for you......" Selphie said uneasily as she stepped out the door. Squall walked through the open door and into the small room, once again. He pushed the door shut behind him. Zell lied on the bed facing away from the door, sunlight barely peeking through the blinds. The lights were always dim in the room. He said they hurt his eyes if they were on completely. He lied curled up with his knees to his chest as tightly as he could get them, his eyes shut.
"Zell.....?" Squall said, walking to the other side of the bed so he could see his face. He placed a hand on Zell's shoulder as he sat down on the bed next to him. "You alright.....?"
His eyes didn't open. "Promise me something, Squall," he whispered. "Please....."
"What do you want me to promise you.....? You know I can't promise you anything, Zell. Tell me," Squall whispered in return. He didn't know what Zell wanted from him and he was scared to find out. He was afraid it might be something he couldn't give.
"Promise me......that.....when I die.....no one will cry," he whispered.
"Zell.......don't talk like that. You're not going to die yet. I won't let it happen," Squall said softly.
"Please promise me that, Squall......promise me you or anyone else won't cry when I die......I don't want anyone to feel bad for me......" Zell's blue eyes opened to look up at Squall, pleading. "Please," he whispered again, more urgently.
Squall looked down into his eyes. He was so afraid. He could see it in Zell's eyes; he was scared beyond anything he could imagine. "I don't know if I can make that promise....."
"You have to, Squall...You have to promise me that....."
Squall swallowed. He knew he couldn't make that promise. "I...I'll try, Zell. I'll try. I can't promise you no one will cry but I'll try to keep my promise. Try's the best I can to, man...."
"Just try if that's all you can do, Squall....thanks."
"What are you scared of, Zell?" Squal whispered, getting up and sitting down in the chair by the bed. He moved the chair as close to the bed as he could get it. "What are you so afraid of....? I see it in your eyes everytime I look at you; you're scared."
Zell looked at him and his bottom lip trembled ever so slightly that one had to look for it to notice. He shut his eyes and a tear rolled down onto the pillow.
"What's wrong....? What are you scared of....?" Squall asked, placing his hand back on Zell's shoulder. His eyes opened and looked at Squall. "What is it...?"
".....myself....." he whispered shakily. "I'm scared of myself...."
"What do you mean....? Why are you scared of yourself?"
Zell stared past Squall and at the wall that was beyond him. "Three quarters of the time, I'm happy with my life, I'm ready for anything.....The other quarter is this....I hate myself, I wish I was dead, I don't want to live anymore.....I'm scared that that last quarter is winning, Squall.....I'm afraid I'm gonna end up hurting myself or someone else....."
"We're trying to help you, Zell, you know we are. That's why I stay here in the infirmary with you as much as *I* can, so I can make sure you don't hurt yourself, so I can make sure you get any help you need. I don't wanna see you get killed," Squall said, getting out of the chair and sitting down on the bed next to him again. "I don't wanna see any of my friends get hurt."
"I....I know you're trying to help me.....a'and I love you guys with all my heart an' soul for it....but," He closed his eyes. ".....I don't know if it's working," he sobbed, more tears landing on the pillow.
Squall watched as he began to cry. He was scared of himself. Deep down, Squall realized, he was scared of himself as well. He was afraid that he would have something worthwhile lying right in front of him and not realize it. Like Rinoa. Because of his attitude, he had almost lost Rinoa before he had even had her. But, he knew that that was nothing like what Zell was feeling. Zell was afraid of himself for another reason entirely.
As far as Squall could tell, what Zell was feeling was like being split in two. One part wanted one thing, and the other part wanted something else. And, like Zell had said, the other, smaller part was winning. One part of him wanted to live and be happy; the other wanted him to die. Zell was afraid of that other part. He was afraid the latter was winning.
Zell lied in the bed, breathing irregularly. He gasped for breath with each sob. "I don't wanna die......I'm so scared, Squall, I don't wanna die.......*I don't wanna die*......"
Squall choked back tears at this. He felt so sad for him. He felt helpless. This, he realized, must have been what Selphie and Irvine were going through. Now he understood. Zell continued to sob quietly, hugging his knees as he shut his eyes tighter.
"Please, don't let me die, Squall......please....." he whispered.
"We're not gonna let anything happen to you, Zell," Squall managed. He was on the verge of tears himself. He couldn't cry, though. He had to stay strong. If Zell thought that he had lost hope, he would lose his.
Squall was far from losing hope.
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Chapter 10's next, folks. Sorry this one was so short.
Phoenixcadet