He got up off the cot and stretched his back. The cot was a lot better than the chair, but it still wasn't a bed. He stretched his neck to the side and it popped. He shook his head, trying to wake up. He looked at the clock. (6:30.......God, it's too early.....) he thought. (Might as well get up anyway.....)
He walked out into the hallway, leaving Zell's door cracked open. There was nothing for him to do except wait for the others to come.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Selphie, Rinoa and Irvine entered the infirmary around 7:15. Squall leaned against the wall, watching them approach. Irvine tipped his hat. "You up already?"
"Are you kidding, Irvine? I've been up since 6:30," Squall said. "And what about you? You love your sleep as much as you love your women."
Irvine pulled Selphie close to him. "I wouldn't go that far with it. We just went to eat breakfast in the cafeteria. Why don't you go get something? I know you gotta be hungry."
"Yeah, Squall. Go get something to eat. We'll stay here and watch Zell," Selphie said. She looked over at the door to Zell's room. "How is he.....?" she asked quietly.
Squall sighed. He couldn't count the number of times he had been asked that question in the past few days. "The same. He didn't have any nightmares last night, though. That's one thing I'm happy about."
"And the other thing?" Irvine asked.
"He looks so much better than when I first brought him here. The bruises are almost completely gone and the cuts are almost healed."
"There's nothing wrong with his body, Squall. If only cure spells could cure sickness of the mind......," Rinoa, shaking his head. "No matter how much he heals on the outside, it won't matter unless he's healed in his heart."
"Go get something to eat, Squall. We'll stay here," Selphie said, nodding her head toward the door.
"Alright.....I'll be back soon," Squall said, walking toward the door. Rinoa followed.
"Wait for me!!"
Selphie and Irvine watched them leave and they turned to walk into Zell's room.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Are you hungry, Zell?" Selphie asked him. It was 8:00 in the morning and Zell had just woken up. He lied in the bed and stared down at the sheets.
Squall and Rinoa had gone to Balamb to see the Dincht's and tell them how Zell was doing. They had said that they would be back in about an hour and a half. Seifer, Raijin and Fujin were in the training center doing what they did best. And Quistis? No one knew where Quistis was.
"No," he answered.
"Zell....Please don't start the not eating thing again.....You have to eat something...." Selphie pleaded.
"I didn't say I didn't want anything, Selphie," he said back to her, shutting his eyes. "I said I'm not hungry. I'm not trying to starve myself again."
Selphie let out a sigh of relief. "You scared me for a second.....I thought--"
"I know, Selphie."
"Zell.......what...what happened...after Amber died?"
Zell looked up at her.
"If you don't wanna talk about it....that's okay," Selphie said, realizing she had asked the wrong question.
"No, that's alright....I need to talk about it, I guess....." Zell said, his hand fidgeting with the pillowcase. He closed his eyes. "....I stopped talking."
Selphie cocked her head to the side slightly, not understanding. "...What...what do you mean?"
"I mean what I said. I stopped talking. After Amber died, the next family I was in had a rule: children were to be seen and not heard. Literally. You made noise, you got smacked. I learned that the hard way. After a while, I didn't say anything even when my foster parents weren't around. I was scared I was gonna say something wrong. If I got hurt, I was scared to even cry," Zell said quietly. "At school, I didn't talk and the teachers got worried. So they interviewed my foster parents and asked if....they were abusing me. Of course, they said 'no'. They took me home and whipped me like I hadn't ever been whipped before. They told me to talk at school, that that was their rule, not the rule there. I was confused. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to do. I'd been taught one thing and then told to do another."
"Zell.....how could they do that.....? I can't imagine....anyone doing anything like that....It....it's not human...."
"I know. That's what social services said. They took me away from them. But, even then I still didn't talk. They told me I could, that I could talk if I wanted, but I'd been hit so many times, I didn't believe them. I got put in another family after that. The only reason they adopted me was for the money they got every month to take care of me."
"That's so cruel....."
Zell gripped the pillowcase. "No.....they weren't cruel.....they just........didn't love me.....Then even they ended up having to take me back to the orphanage.....I don't know why.....I don't know whether or not they just didn't want me anymore or.....I don't know...." Zell said, and looked up at Selphie. "I know it's hard for you to listen to this....."
"No, it's okay," Selphie answered. "I wanna know why you feel the way you do."
"And why I am the way I am....?"
"Yes...I want to know why...."
".......I guess the GFs made me forget about everything that happened before the Dincht's adopted me......They raised me from when I was about 9 years old.....my grandpa gave me a GF of my own and taught me how to junction for the first time.....I kept Deimos junctioned to me most of the time....I guess that's why I couldn't remember anything about before the Dincht's adopted me......But in Timber, when I said that we were from Garden, when everyone started yelling at me.....everything flooded back to me in....in just a tidal wave.....It felt like I'd been riding a bicycle and just got hit by a car......I remembered I wasn't supposed to talk...."
"That's why you didn't talk on the train, isn't it...?" Selphie asked, leaning forward in the chair. Zell nodded.
"I always knew there was a reason I wasn't supposed to talk......"
"What they did to you was wrong, Zell. Nobody's going to hit you for talking anymore."
"I know that, Selphie. I know that now. But, I didn't know that on the train....That's why I didn't talk to Squall when he came up to me when I was by the window. I was afraid to talk to him. I was afraid he was mad at me, that he'd hit me like my other parents had if I talked...."
Selphie got up and sat on the bed, looking down at him. "You were afraid of Squall....?" He nodded. "You know Squall wouldn't--"
"I *know*, Selphie.....But I didn't know that on the train......I was scared. Everything had just come back to me, I was scared, I didn't know what to think.....Part of me was scared to death, the other part knew I was among friends," Zell said, his hand still fidgeting with the pillowcase. He kept his eyes closed. "I didn't know.....You don't have to say anything......"
And she didn't.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
The day passed by as normal as it could under the circumstances and before anyone knew so much time had passed, it was night again. It was nearly 9:00 and all had returned to the infirmary. They all stood in the hallway, talking amongst themselves about the next day. Most of them didn't know what they were going to do. Others, like Squall and Rinoa, knew what they were going to do. They were going to stay in the infirmary.
They had recieved a letter from Dr. Kadowaki stating that she would be gone longer than expected. She inquired about how Zell was doing and was he getting better. Squall had written a letter in response. He didn't know quite what to say to her. Zell was acting like he was getting better, but Squall didn't know for sure.
Quistis came through the door and entered the hallway. She walked to where Squall stood by the door to Zell's room. She touched his shoulder.
"Squall.....?"
He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Hmm? What is it, Quistis?"
"I was talking to Xu.....She wants to talk to us. All of us."
"I don't want to talk to her, Quistis. You know--"
"I know, Squall. I didn't like what she tried to do today, either, but....She just wants to talk. It couldn't hurt, could it?" Quistis asked him. Squall closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk to Xu. But, Quistis was right. It couldn't do any harm.
........could it...?
"Alright.....I don't guess it could hurt......she said everyone?"
Quistis nodded. "But, someone needs to stay here with Zell....."
"Selphie'll do it. I don't think she needs to talk to Xu right now. Not after what happened earlier," Squall said.
"I think Selphie's just under a lot of stress with Zell being here and Trabia being rebuilt.....She's just not herself, I guess," Quistis said quietly. Selphie stood just a few feet away on the other side of the hall with Irvine.
"I'll go on ahead and go up to the bridge. You get everybody up there except Selphie. Tell her she's to stay here."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
They all stepped into the elevator. Irvine pressed the button for the third floor and there was a mechanical whir as they ascended to the third floor. The elevator was hardly big enough for the six of them. Rinoa and Squall had gone on ahead. There was a ding as the elevator came to a halt. They all stepped out into the small room that came before the bridge. Squall stood next to Rinoa, talking to Xu. Xu noticed that the others had arrived.
"I'm glad all of you are here. I.....wanted to tell you all that I'm sorry for the way I behaved this morning. I hope you can forgive me...."
"Why did you do it?" Irvine asked her bluntly, stepping up in front of Quistis and Nida.
"I...I was afraid of Zell, I guess....He's a danger to everyone here and I thought that if I could get him the help he needs, he wouldn't be a danger anymore....."
"Xu, Zell is not a danger to anyone here. He wouldn't hurt any of us for anything in the world," Quistis said.
"Under normal circumstances, I know that to be very true. He would give his life for anyone in this room *under normal circumstances*. But this is far from normal. He only cares for himself right now. When I was trying to put him in a hospital, I was only trying to keep what happened to a friend of mine from happening to any of you," Xu stated.
"And what would that be...?" Squall asked her, leaning against the wall.
"A friend of mine had known that a friend of hers was suicidal. One night she went over to her house when she was alone," Xu said, looking at the floor, crossing her arms. ".....She never came out of that house alive. Her friend killed her, and then herself after she realized what she had done. I live with that every day. If her friend had only gotten the treatment that she needed, *my* friend would still be alive."
"Are you saying that Zell would kill us...?" Rinoa asked her skeptically. "He wouldn't--"
"You're thinking about normal circumstances, Rinoa. This is *not* normal by any means," Xu said and turned her attention to Squall. "Do you take your gunblade with you to the infirmary when you stay with Zell at night, Squall? Do you keep it where you could reach it, should you need it?"
"No, I don't. I don't have any reason to keep it close to me in the infirmary," Squall said, shaking his head.
"There's a potentially fatal mistake. What if Zell suddenly decides that it's *your* fault he is the way he is? What do you think he would do? With his temper, what do you think he would do? Do any of you truly think you have a chance without your weapons?" Xu asked looking around at all the faces in the room.
"Xu, Zell told me last night he didn't want to die--"
"And how much did you believe him, Squall? How much did you honestly believe him?" Xu asked him. "What none of you understand is, Zell's mind can change just like *that*," she said, snapping her fingers. "I know. I've been there. I've seen it happen. His mind right now is a tangle of emotions that he doesn't understand and doesn't want to. He doesn't know what he wants or what he needs. His mind can change in less than a second."
Silence filled the room.
________________________________________________________________________________________________ Selphie sat on the bed next to Zell. She hoped the others would be back soon. She didn't like staying with Zell by herself. He scared her with all his talk about death.
"I'm sorry about the other day, Selphie......" Zell said quietly, hugging his knees. "I'm sorry I made you cry."
"That's okay. I forgive you. Just as long as you know that I don't hate you."
"I know.....But, that doesn't mean that I understand why you don't, though....."
"Zell, we all love you.....none of us could truly hate you for anything....Your parents love you just like-"
Zell's head snapped up to look at her. "How do you know that?" he asked her warily. "Have you talked to them?"
"N'no...." she stammered. Selphie was a terrible liar and she knew it.
"You talked to them, didn't you, Selphie?" he asked her harshly. "They know, don't they? You told them, I know you did, I can see it in your eyes." He sat up in the bed and looked at her.
"Zell, it-it was an accident....w'we didn't mean--"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
"He could easily kill any one of us in this room if we were without our weapons. All you realize that, don't you? Without your weapons, you're just another teenager. Not Zell. Where you're weak, he's strong. If he were to fight any of you hand-to-hand, he would win," Xu said to all of them. "I have no doubt about that. I suggest that if you all continue staying with him at night, you watch over him in pairs."
"We'd better get back. It's almost 9:30," Squall said, looking at the clock on the wall. He sighed. "We'll take your advice, Xu. From now on we watch in pairs."
"I hope you don't think so bad of me now," Xu said to them.
"We understand now what you were trying to do," Rinoa said to her. "We just wish you would have told us and then there wouldn't have been such a fuss."
"I know. I wasn't thinking clearly...." Xu replied. "Go on, all of you. Get back to Zell. He needs you."
Xu didn't know it then, but truer words were never spoken.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
They all reentered the infirmary and walked down the hall, with Squall and Irvine in the lead, followed by Rinoa and Quistis. Seifer, Raijin, and Fujin kept to the back of the group, as always. Irvine came to a halt as he saw that the door to Zell's room stood wide open. Squall stepped inside the room.
Zell was not there. And where was Selphie....?
Squall looked around the room quickly. "Selphie?? Zell...?!" he called loudly. Then he saw her. Selphie's hand lie sticking out from behind the other side of the bed. Squall gasped lightly as he rounded the bed.
Selphie lied sprawled on the floor, unconscious. Irvine shoved Squall out of his way as he knelt down and picked her up. He held her in his arms and shook her.
"Selphie...??" he called to her. She moaned slightly and opened her eyes.
"Irvine...?"
"Did Zell do this to you?" Squall asked her softly.
She nodded. "I let it slip that we had talked to his parents, Irvine....." she said, sitting up on the floor. "I think I'm okay. My jaw'll be sore for a week....." she said, rubbing her chin.
"Selphie, where is Zell now? Do you know?" Squall asked her urgently. She shook her head.
"We have to go look for him. Irvine, you stay here with Selphie," Squall said and turned to the others who stood in the doorway. "Quistis, you and Nida take the Quad. Raijin, Fujin, the training center. Seifer, you're with me. I'm going to the ballroom. Nida, find someone to search the library and then go with Quistis."
"I wanna help look for Zell, Squall," Selphie said, standing up. Squall looked at her.
"You sure you're up for it? If so, we need someone to search the dorms. You and Irvine can have that job," Squall said and looked at Irvine. "That alright with you?"
Irvine stood up next to Selphie and nodded. "That's fine with me. We'll search the dorms." He looked around at everyone standing still. "Let's get a move on!!! We won't find him sitting here on our butts!!"
Squall turned around and watched as the ones behind him left for their positions. Irvine and Selphie ran past him and down the hall, following the others out of the infirmary. That left Seifer.
"Let's go if we're goin'," he said smartly, leaning on the door frame.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Irvine and Selphie ran down the hallway of the dorms to Zell's room, hoping to find him there. They rounded a corner and Zell's door stood open, swaying slightly back and forth. He had just been there. Or worse, he was still there. They entered the dark room, looking around.
"Zell...?" Selphie called. She half hoped that he wasn't there, so she didn't have to see him again. True, she did hope that he was found, just not by her. She didn't know what to say to him if she did find him.
"Hey, look," Irvine said, pointing to a small box that lie open on the floor. He knelt down and picked it up. "Selphie, I just remembered.....we never finished checking the back of his closet..." he said, picking up the box and turning it over, letting the contents spill to the floor. Irvine moved so the light from the doorway hit the objects that had come from the box. Irvine knew the deadly objects all to well.
Bullets.
Lying a few feet from him, by the bedside table, Irvine saw a red pill. He picked it up and held it to the light.
"What is that?" Selphie asked him, kneeling down to look at it.
"It's kind of like a sleeping pill, I think. I remember them from a health class I took in Galbadia Garden. They make you tired."
Selphie's eyes widened. "You don't think that Zell.....?"
"I don't know, Selphie. But if he did, he took a lot of them. See...?" Irvine said, noticing a small black case that looked like a medicine bottle lying in the floor by the bedside table.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Seifer and Squall walked across the ballroom floor, looking around warily. In the darkness shrouding the ballroom, there were a million places Zell could hide and not be discovered. He was good at hiding and being quiet. He could hide behind any of the marble columns that gave the room a frightening quality on a night such as this.
Squall suddenly realized something.
It was cold.
He immediately looked across the room to his left at the door that lead to the terrace. It stood open, allowing the frigid air from the Alcauld Plains to flood the room. "Seifer," he whispered and pointed to the door. Seifer nodded and they ran quietly as they could over to the door.
Squall heard a click before he went through the door. It was the unmistakeable sound of a cocking revolver. Squall opened the door wide to see Zell leaning on the railing of the terrace, the revolver's barrel aimed loosely at his right temple.
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.............Chapter 11's next. Stay tuned.
Phoenixcadet