Phoenixcadet
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"Zell.....put the gun down," Squall said softly, approaching his friend slowly. Zell backed away from him, holding the barrel shakily to his temple. He held onto the railing, holding himself up. His legs were trembling from the pills. He could hardly hold himself up.
"G'get away from me!!" he yelled, pressing the weapon firmly to his temple, tears streaming down his cheeks. He wiped his eyes, sobbing.
"Please put the gun down, Zell," Squall said to him. He had to stay calm and speak softly, choosing his words carefully. (I gotta get that gun from him somehow......God, how did he even get one....?)
"I'is Selphie okay...? I'I didn't mean to hurt her, Squall.....I'm sorry....." he cried, wiping his eyes again. "I didn't mean to......"
"Selphie's alright, Zell. You didn't hurt her. She's fine," Squall said, taking a small step forward. Zell took the gun from his head and pointed it at Squall.
"Get *away* from me!!"
"Zell, just put the gun down and we'll talk......*just* you and me, okay....?"
"I don't wanna talk anymore...." he sobbed, putting the gun back to his head. "I always end up hurting somebody when I talk....You promised they wouldn't find out, Squall, you promised....."
"I *know* I promised, Zell.....You don't know how sorry I am....It was an accident, Zell, I'm sorry...."
"I *trusted* you...." Zell whispered in return. The tears kept coming and Zell kept wiping them away. "I trusted you......"
"I know....I'm sorry, Zell....Just please put the gun down, I wanna help you," Squall said softly. "I wanna help you so much, it's eating a hole in me....Remember last night...? You told me you didn't wanna die, remember....? Do you remember telling me that...?"
Zell swallowed hard. His cheeks were wet, despite his attempts to keep them dry. He sobbed, still wiping his eyes furiously.
"It's okay...." Squall told him. "It's okay to cry when you're hurting inside. It's good to cry, sometimes."
Seifer stood back by the door, letting Squall handle the negotiations. He had helped Squall find him. He was just backup in case something happened. He only returned to Garden to try and redeem himself for what he had done in the past. He had seen Zell's self-destructiveness as an opportunity to redeem himself. If he could save Zell, he would be forgiven for what he had done against Garden. He only wanted forgiveness and this was the best way to get it.
"Put the gun down, Zell, *please*," Squall pleaded. "I don't wanna see you get hurt, please..."
"I can't...." Zell sobbed. "I need it, Squall, I have to have it....."
"No, you don't, Zell. The gun can't make anything go away, like you think it can. It only makes things worse. You're hurting *me* *here*, right now, do you know that?" Squall said, putting his hand over his heart. "Put it down, for my sake, if you won't for your own."
"It all goes back to you, doesn't it....?" Zell asked him. "You don't want me to die because it'll make you feel guilty. You don't want to feel any guilt because you don't like feeling guilty for anything.....You know you'll feel guilty if I die, so you don't want me to, is that it...? Guilt's a foreign thing to you, isn't it....?"
"That's not it, Zell.....That's far from it and you know it. I *know* you've hurting inside, I *know* you've been through hell and back, I just wanna help you. But, I can't help you until you put the gun down," Squall said, the cold wind from the plains flowing through his jacket. If Zell didn't kill himself, he would catch pneumonia if he stayed outside much longer.
"....Y'you're lying....You don't wanna help me....You're just....just...." Zell began to sob uncontrollably, hanging onto the railing tightly. His knees tried to buckle, but he caught himself before he could hit the floor of the terrace. As Zell's face turned away, the gun taken away from his head, Squall saw an opportunity to seize it from him. He bolted forward and grabbed for the revolver. Zell held onto it tightly and they each fought for control of it.
A gunshot pierced the quiet of the night air.
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Elsewhere in Garden, a minute before....
"NOT THERE," Fujin said. All had assembled in the main hallway in front of the directory, each finding nothing.
Irvine held up the small black bottle. "We found this in his room, along with some bullets. They were in the floor in a box. And this," he said, holding up the red pill he and Selphie had discovered.
Quistis took the pill from his hand and examined it. "It's a depressant. Like alcohol, it slows down your reflexes and your body functions, like heartbeat, and breathing."
"This bottle had one left in it," Irvine said to her. "This bottle could hold at least twenty of those."
"Squall and Seifer are still gone," Rinoa said. She had volunteered to search the library and she too had found nothing. "Do you think they found him?"
As if by cue, they all heard a distant gunshot echo through the hall. Quistis covered her mouth.
"Oh, no......"
Nida started running toward the elevator, waving for them to follow. "C'mon!!!!!"
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Seifer's eyes widened as he watched Zell collapse forward, Squall wrapping his arms around him and pulling him down to the floor. Squall pulled him close as he felt a wetness spread on his shirt. He looked down at Zell. He had been shot through the center of his midsection, blood overflowing onto Squall's shirt. His shirt was already black with blood around the bottom. He placed his hand over the wound and pressed down.
"Curaga," he choked. A green light surrounded Zell and the bleeding came to an end as it had before in the training center. But, Squall knew there was no chance of him making it back to the infirmary with him this time. The wound was too severe and cure spells could only stop the bleeding. He could only prolong the inevitable.
Zell looked up at him, the moonlight reflecting off his blue eyes and the tears on his cheeks. "I'm sorry......."
"Shhhhh, don't be sorry...." Squall whispered. "It's gonna be okay," he lied. He knew it wasn't going to be okay. He wasn't going to see Zell at breakfast in the morning. Or the cocky grin he always sported when he won a game of Triple Triad. Or in class, griping because he got an F on a test. He wasn't going to ever see him come in from the training center out of breath again. Or do backflips when he got promoted up a rank.
He wasn't going to see any of those things because he had made a choice. He could have waited and kept trying to talk him into putting the gun down. But he hadn't. He had made the choice to try and take it from him. If only he hadn't......
"I'm the one that should be sorry, Zell.....I tried to take the gun from you, I'm sorry......" he said as he choked back tears that were welling up inside of him. "I'I could've waited, but I didn't......God, I'm so sorry......." Squall said, turning his face away.
"Don't worry...about it....Passion....always....rules reason....," Zell breathed.
He was dying.
"Under my bed....in...Balamb....somethin's there....for all of...you....Tell my parents....it's not their fault.....an' that I said it's....not your fault....Tell them.....I said not to be mad at....you....." Squall looked back down at him as he said this. "I'I wish...I could've...been s'strong...l'like you......are...." Squall shook his head.
".....Like me.....hmph...." A tear rolled down his cheek and landed on Zell's shirt. "I'm not very strong right now, am I...? Don't say you wish to be like me.....You don't know how weak I *am*....."
"Take...care of Rinoa, Squall.....You...deserve each other...Promise me that much...."
"I promise....."
"....Good....'cause if you...don't, I'll just have ta...come back an'....haunt you....." he chuckled and the expression was quickly overturned by pain. He winced. He swallowed hard, as if there was something in his throat. He shuddered. ".......so cold...." he whispered.
Squall picked him up completely and stood up with him, Zell's head lain on his shoulder. If Zell was going to die, he was going to die where it was warm. He carried him through the wooden door and into the dark ballroom. Seifer had disappeared. He took him to the center of the great room, under the skylight, and knelt down, holding him up.
His eyes were closed and he wasn't moving. Panicking, Squall shook him. "Zell...?!"
His eyes opened slightly and looked up at who was holding him. "...Still....here..." he half whispered. His words were coming with more effort behind them now. "You've....always been my....brother, Squall....Even when you....ignored me....an' said 'whatever'....you were....always my brother."
Squall turned his face away, another tear flowing down his cheek. "I wasn't a brother to you......And if I was, I wasn't a decent one....I never treated you like a brother.....you should've just blown me off like I was doing to you all the time....*God*, I was so naive....."
Zell looked past him and up through the skylight. Squall looked down at him.
"The stars....are so pretty.....I...never....looked at 'em....before....really....."
Squall looked up at the sky. "They are, aren't they.....?" He looked back down at Zell. His eyes stared past Squall and still up at the sky.
"God.....how many....are there......?"
"I don't know," Squall answered, still looking down at his friend. His breathing had slowed down. His chest was barely rising. Squall picked up Zell's hand in his blood-covered glove. The black leather he wore didn't do a good job of hiding blood that night.
"Just....hafta.....count 'em, then....huh....?"
Squall looked down at him sadly, tears now coming as they wished. "Zell....hold on a little longer, please......" Zell ignored him, gazing up at the stars.
"One.....t...two.....th..ree........fou...r.....fi.....ve..........si.........x........."
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Now, before everyone starts going "You killed Zell, you b****, DIE!!!!" **bangs 'enter' key on keyboard** SEND!!! Before everyone starts going nuts, wait for the next chapter and everything will be explained fully on why I let Zell die, what was under his bed, and what 'passion rules reason' means. I promise everything will be explained in the next chapter. I still don't even know if I'm going to leave it like this or not.....
Phoenixcadet